CailinPig Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I'm 23, was dumped three months ago after a 2 and a half yr relationship. I was doing a Masters course in college which was only 6 hours a week. Then I took up a job in the department that was 6 hours every week and also I taught private lessons for 6 hours every week. (i don't know why 6 was the magic number!) Now, college is over, my job is finished and so are the private lessons. I now literally have every second of every day to myself. I used to go over to his house almost every evening and cuddle up to him while watching a dvd. And I used to be with him every day and we'd go for lunch and things like that. All my friends left college a year ahead of me so they're all working fulltime jobs. I'm starting another course in September so I can't get a permanent job for the summer. I've tried looking for any crap job but there doesn't seem to be anything on the horizon yet. Amidst all this nothingness is my broken heart. I miss my ex unbelievably. I wanna spend everyday with him still. But he says we can't be friends cos he still has feelings for me but he's with a new girl. He's the only person outta my group of friends who is free. Everyone else is busy. I'm finding the boredom is killing me and making me slightly depressed too. I don't know what to do. Is anyone else finding this? I'm always to tempted to text him to meet up even though I know the answer will be either a no, or he simply won't reply.
northstar1 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I'm 23, was dumped three months ago after a 2 and a half yr relationship. I was doing a Masters course in college which was only 6 hours a week. Then I took up a job in the department that was 6 hours every week and also I taught private lessons for 6 hours every week. (i don't know why 6 was the magic number!) Now, college is over, my job is finished and so are the private lessons. I now literally have every second of every day to myself. I used to go over to his house almost every evening and cuddle up to him while watching a dvd. And I used to be with him every day and we'd go for lunch and things like that. All my friends left college a year ahead of me so they're all working fulltime jobs. I'm starting another course in September so I can't get a permanent job for the summer. I've tried looking for any crap job but there doesn't seem to be anything on the horizon yet. Amidst all this nothingness is my broken heart. I miss my ex unbelievably. I wanna spend everyday with him still. But he says we can't be friends cos he still has feelings for me but he's with a new girl. He's the only person outta my group of friends who is free. Everyone else is busy. I'm finding the boredom is killing me and making me slightly depressed too. I don't know what to do. Is anyone else finding this? I'm always to tempted to text him to meet up even though I know the answer will be either a no, or he simply won't reply. Defintely. Long stretches of being alone do make me lonely and sad. I am trying to keep as busy as possible - exercising is a big one. Not only do you get in better shape, but working out is a great stress release - the rush of endorphins when you do cardio or weights always makes you feel a bit better. What about picking up a hobby or joining a club? Any interests? Maybe taking a photography class or art class? Yoga? Maybe a writing workshop if you enjoy writing? What about joining a sports and social club? If it's a nice day out (not sure where you are), grab a new book, find a park or cafe and spend a few hours doing that.
Author CailinPig Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Yeah, I'm in Ireland, there are no cafe's to sit at with a book really. See, I don't wanna be on my own, I like company so that wouldn't appeal to me. As for clubs and that, they all tend to follow the academic schedule ie: from September to June. I dunno. I really dunno.
foxh1234 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I am keeping really busy, I play golf almost everyday, play guitar, I'm watching alot of movies at night and getting out with friends when I can. Just find a few things you love to do and jump right into them. I also started reading again, I had not read a book cover to cover in the last 8 years with the ex. We always seemed to be too busy. I have lots of time now and I have read 6 books in the last 6 weeks. Having free time and alone time is a blessing in some ways. I always had to be "on" all the time with my ex. Now I can have down time and sit around and relax if I want to. It is a matter of changing perspective I think. I love her and miss her dearly but my life will go on and I might as well start to enjoy it again.
northstar1 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I am keeping really busy, I play golf almost everyday, play guitar, I'm watching alot of movies at night and getting out with friends when I can. Just find a few things you love to do and jump right into them. I also started reading again, I had not read a book cover to cover in the last 8 years with the ex. We always seemed to be too busy. I have lots of time now and I have read 6 books in the last 6 weeks. Having free time and alone time is a blessing in some ways. I always had to be "on" all the time with my ex. Now I can have down time and sit around and relax if I want to. It is a matter of changing perspective I think. I love her and miss her dearly but my life will go on and I might as well start to enjoy it again. Great point fox. You just have to gain perspective that you can use the time to find "you" and do things you want to do. It's just hard when you are also fighting the feelings of loneliness.
MsCrazy Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Samehere! I am so so so bored! I work full-time but after work I'm bored. On the weekends I try to go out as much as possible or I watch movies. I need to get back to the gym, but I sometimes feel too sad and I have no motivation. I also thought about getting a 2nd job so I don't drive myself crazy. I hate being alone.
foxh1234 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Great point fox. You just have to gain perspective that you can use the time to find "you" and do things you want to do. It's just hard when you are also fighting the feelings of loneliness. None of this is easy for any of us, that's for sure. Being able to come on here and hear other peoples experiences has helped me alot. What I have been trying to do is accept that being without her is final. She is not coming back so I might as well get happy and keep busy. Loneliness is tough and I still feel lonely at times. This might sound funny but when I feel down and wish my ex was here with me, I think about how we argued sometimes and how I wished she would disappear so I could have some peace and quiet, lol. Well I got my wish, lol. We will all be happy again and find someone else, all of us will, I really believe that. We just have to move forward and get happy with ourselves and the right person will fall right into our lap.
northstar1 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 None of this is easy for any of us, that's for sure. Being able to come on here and hear other peoples experiences has helped me alot. What I have been trying to do is accept that being without her is final. She is not coming back so I might as well get happy and keep busy. Loneliness is tough and I still feel lonely at times. This might sound funny but when I feel down and wish my ex was here with me, I think about how we argued sometimes and how I wished she would disappear so I could have some peace and quiet, lol. Well I got my wish, lol. We will all be happy again and find someone else, all of us will, I really believe that. We just have to move forward and get happy with ourselves and the right person will fall right into our lap. I agree. You just have to eventually get to that frame of mind where do realize there WILL be someone new that you will be involved with who will give you those same special feelings. That there isn't just 'one' person. I know right now, it's hard, because you are still mentally focused on the ex and little things bring back feelings of poignancy, whether it be pictures, or old emails, etc. But I can think back to an ex that broke up with me about 5 years ago. At the time, I was devastated, depressed for a long time - figured that I'd never meet anyone like her, have those same feelings. And lo and behold, in the past five years, I have. Eventually we will all heal.
4givrnt4gtr Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 None of this is easy for any of us, that's for sure. Being able to come on here and hear other peoples experiences has helped me alot. What I have been trying to do is accept that being without her is final. She is not coming back so I might as well get happy and keep busy. Loneliness is tough and I still feel lonely at times. This might sound funny but when I feel down and wish my ex was here with me, I think about how we argued sometimes and how I wished she would disappear so I could have some peace and quiet, lol. Well I got my wish, lol. We will all be happy again and find someone else, all of us will, I really believe that. We just have to move forward and get happy with ourselves and the right person will fall right into our lap. Fox its a blessing to have found your reply to this thread today. Last night it finally sunk in that i have to let my ex go for good and the dread of "what am i going to do now" hit me like a ton of bricks . Its a horrible feeling that i tried to avoid by keeping a light of hope. But reading your response help me feel much better an the advice given here sounds awesome. Its tough to want to go out though...I hear you OP. But i guess all you can do is push yourself and know that you wont want to but you HAVE to. Do whatever it takes to keep busy. I find that at work its hard to concentrate but i force myself to focus in the most menial tasks....it makes the day go by faster and my unhappy thoughts to stop...
kizik Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I've written four songs since we broke up.. an amazing amount, considering I averaged one every couple months before. Been going to class, reading (a book about Mt. Everest and corruption-- yeah!), lifting weights, posting on LS of course , playing open mics, and working my sh*tty part-time job. I too have had the realization that it's over, she aint coming back, and too much time has elapsed NC for things to EVER be the same again. It's very sad, but the finality of it is somehow reassuring. I asked a girl out to an open mic, she was lukewarm, and I'm like "Cool! If you don't wanna hang, I aint gonna chase you." MsCrazy said, "I hate being alone." I understand this, but that feeling is at the core of your problems. If we could all enjoy and crave being alone, would we feel so sad? I don't think so. I yearn for the day when I do not desire another's company to make me feel whole. Embrace your solitude. You'll miss it when you're hooked up with some talker Like fox said.
critter909 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I am trying to come to terms with an end to a 10 year relationship. I am in the second week now and the actually physical and mental anguish seem to be passing but it's true, I can't seem to find enough to do. Many things remind me of him, or being there with him in the past, AAAH. I have to say though, exercising or just doing anything that makes me physically tired helps noticeably, it also helps me sleep. Hand in there!
v33 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I am taking advantage of the fact that I don't have to answer to anyone anymore or be available for her if she needed me. I can get up and make all the noise I want, or stay in bed as late as I like. I don't have to make sure she gets up for work when hungover....but anyways.... I have been going to the gym, running occasionally, accepting any invitations to go out that I get (even if I don't really feel like it), going for walks, listening to music and ebooks, learning a programming language and studying for an IT certification. I had school on Saturdays which just ended so I am going to find something specific and enjoyable to do during that time slot. It's hard to get motivated sometime when you are down, but you just have to do it. It's easier once you get out the door.
Nevermind Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 University has been quite stressful lately, I started a therapy (for other issues) and talk to people more. I also plan to make a part of the camino the santiago this summer during break, so this keeps my mind occupied. I took up going to the gym again, and try to eat healthy. Loveshack helps as well. I am feeling much better.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I did a whole lot of nothing for a very long time. I'm still catching up. I'm still not sleeping properly and I have tons of stuff I neglected. I'm conquering it all with vengeance and that is keeping me occupied. I spent a week hiding in my bed behind a pile of tissues. I spent another week or two frantically trying to finish a huge project and graduate. It took all the energy I had just to get out of bed. Then I was an unmotivated zombie for another 2 or 3 weeks. I still managed to finish school and lose 15lbs. I have no idea how I did that. I must have been on autopilot with my big goals because my place looks like a hurricane hit and I can't find anything. I am normally very organized and clean. I'm happy to be feeling better but how did I make such a mess? Getting things back in order is going to occupy me for at least 2 more weeks.
Author CailinPig Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 You're all right!! oday I went to see a free councillor (I'll take anythin that's free!!) who is on my campus but I found it hard to open up. I tend to act real happy around them!! Ah well it was grand! Then I took part in a psychology research experiment for a final year student (hmmmm, I wonder did she pick up on my break up depression!! haha!) and this evenin im gonna play handball with a friend ( i dont know if anyone here knows what sport that is. It's an ancient irish sport, people still play it here in ireland). Oh, and also, I wiled away my evening yesterday having sex with my ex, nooooooooooooooooo!!! I just feel like laughin at my life, its too crazy right now!! I think we should all just laugh at the ridiculous situations we're in right now. F**kin hell!! I'm better than this!! Anyway, that's some stuff that I did to keep myself occupied!
mollers Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Oh, and also, I wiled away my evening yesterday having sex with my ex, nooooooooooooooooo!!! I! What? With this ex or with another ex?! Or were you joking?!
Author CailinPig Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 Dammit, I thought no one would pick up on that little comment! Thanx Mollers!!! Yup with my current ex. You may all kill me now!! Shoot your disapproving glances this way!!!
mollers Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Dammit, I thought no one would pick up on that little comment! Thanx Mollers!!! Yup with my current ex. You may all kill me now!! Shoot your disapproving glances this way!!! Depends if it is a good thing or a bad thing? Is there hope for your relationship? If so then no harm done! Depends on how/why it happened. Are you regretting it?
Author CailinPig Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 well it don't rest easy on my mind. i hate to even say this, but he has had a new gf for the last three months and he's cheated on her with me. all it's doing is making me realsie the kinda lad he is. I don't necessarily think he's a monster, I just think he's really confused and he shouldn't be in any relationship right now. But I don't regret it from my own point of view right now because I think it opened my eyes up to him.
mollers Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 well it don't rest easy on my mind. i hate to even say this, but he has had a new gf for the last three months and he's cheated on her with me. all it's doing is making me realsie the kinda lad he is. I don't necessarily think he's a monster, I just think he's really confused and he shouldn't be in any relationship right now. But I don't regret it from my own point of view right now because I think it opened my eyes up to him. Well if it has opened up your eyes to him then that is progress in a roundabout way? Don't let him use you though, tell yourself you deserve better.
Author CailinPig Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 Yeah I know, but I think we're both using each other for different reasons. He needs to sort his own head out. And he needs to realise he's responsible for his own actions. Thanx Mollers!
mollers Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Yeah I know, but I think we're both using each other for different reasons. He needs to sort his own head out. And he needs to realise he's responsible for his own actions. Thanx Mollers! That's true, he is responsible for his own actions, as long as he doesn't hurt you in the process. Stay happy.X
sunshinegirl Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 That's true, he is responsible for his own actions, as long as he doesn't hurt you in the process. Stay happy.X What about hurting his current girlfriend? I'm very disturbed by the lack of concern mollers and OP are showing for the hurt he's causing HER by cheating. OP is complicit in causing that hurt. Having been cheated on, I have no sympathy for the cheaters or the people they cheat with.
Author CailinPig Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 It's CP, not OP, I'm assumin you're talkin bout me! I did not tempt this man, I'm only responsible for myself. He was the instigator. I'm not gonna go into details but believe me, he was the instigator. That said, I am single. This man is my ex. His new girlfriend is someone I have no respect for, I do not like her, I never liked her. She got involved with a man who still had feelings for his ex and then systematically, tried to erase me from his life even though that's not what he wanted. We all have our part to play in a cheating incident, but as far as I'm concerned, there's only one person to BLAME and that's the person who's cheating on their partner. You're also forgetting I was extremely hurt by this whole break up and even went to a councillor this mornin to see if I was depressed. my ex, meanwhile, is absolutely fine, and has no reason to sleep with me apart from sexual reasons. I miss him and I want him. that is different. I completely understand your reasoning though, sunshinegirl, believe me. BUT I strongly believe that every person is only responsible for him/herself.
Author CailinPig Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 His new girlfriend was a friend of his and knew me and him. She kissed him FIVE DAYS after we broke up from a 2 and a half year relationship and then they started going out together. She also didn't want me at his birthday party only SIX days after we broke up. I have no time or respect for her, because she showed me neither.
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