Lishy Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I found this and thought I would share it as it is priceless and so true!! Thought i'd take a moment to share my views on 'breaks' when your man says 'i think we should take a break', 99.9% of the time its end game. you see, what he has created a lose lose scenario for you. its a scenario that gives him ALL the power in the relationship moving forward. its lose lose because either you say 'i understand. ill wait for you', in which case its pretty clear who needs who more. or you say 'no i dont want a break' and once again its pretty clear who needs who more. calling for a break is an all or nothing move - its a POWER move. the fact that it is often wrapped up in this neat little package of 'im just confused and need some time to figure things out' type of melodrama is all part of the ruse. all you have to do is change the paradigm to understand the nature of 'a break'. can you imagine your employer coming up to your desk one day and saying 'Listen, can we talk? I think we need to take a break. So we'd like to lay you off for a while. i mean, we still want you to work for us, but just for the time being we think it would be best that we let you go while we figure out what to do with the business. we'll call ok?" would you respond to that with: "Oh for sure. i understand. take your time and give me a call when you are ready." Hell no! You'd say "What the hell? you gotta be joking me? f*ck you guys, i don't want to come back and work here. i'm going to go find a better job somewhere else!" and even if you didn't say anything to them and accepted the situation, you'd still get your resume out there and get another job! You'd be insane to want to go back to a company that could toss you aside out of the blue - even if they say they are only temporarily tossing you aside. actually, its easier to understand it in business. sometimes company's do temporary lay offs to clean up the books and then rehire folks a quarter later. but in a relationship? theres just about no excuse for such a tactic. none. the only excuses that potentially might warrant a break would... - a death in his family that messed him up psychologically - if you've been abusing him verbally / physically - if he caught you cheating see, theres no reason to call a 'break', becuase you can take a break without calling it a break. you can tell your gf / bf, 'Sally, i just need to spend this weekend alone. i'm just really run down and need to recharge my batteries." the ONLY reason to actually use the words "I think we need a break" is to literally CUT the ties that bind - to END the relationship. any woman prepared to take that risk with a guy she likes is an idiot. and 99.99999% of women would NEVER take that chance with a guy they were head over heels for. when you hear "i think we need a break." you need to translate those in your head into what they really mean.... "It's been great, but its over. I'm leaving you. I don't want a future with you. I'm going to start screwing / dating other girls. the only reason i'm saying lets take a break, instead of lets break up, is that you're such in love with me and so weak that i know i can basically spit in your face and you'll take me back if i want. and until i know that i can do better than you, i want to keep you as an option in the future." to which your response should be - TO LAUGH MY F*CKING *SS OFF and show him the door.
CailinPig Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Hmmm, not necessarily!!! I was in a relationship in which both me and my ex boyfriend took one or two breaks. In reality, all it meant was a small break from contact just to clear your head a little. that's all it was!!
Trialbyfire Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 They forgot to include the part about how a break makes it easier on the person exiting the relationship, since they don't have to handle the drama from a real break up and have an opportunity to wean themselves off the person they're dumping. This is why consistency is so important from a man. If he's inconsistent, he's most definitely not all in. Apply this to my first paragraph and you will see how the end game of a relationship rolls out. Plenty of back and forth.
sultry33 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 when i said i needed a break for me i was creating space so i could end relationship.. different for everyone though.. sometimes the "break" made me realise id miss them but mostly no it was a get out clause.. now im older wiser maybe i think id be more honest an just say.. its over regardless of consequense and there feelings.. i just thought it was letting them down gently
Lippy2 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I myself have not done this. I believe that sometimes people do need to clear there heads but I don't think you need a LONG break to do that. I am more talking a couple of days or a couple of weeks depending on the circumstance of course. I am wondering as I wrote in my post if my ex is doing this because I really don't understand. It's very confusing and hurts badly. I think people should just be honest as hard as it may be. It's better for everyone in the long run. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t153655/
critter909 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I agree, be honest. Saying it's a break sets all the fantacies in motion and gives the other person false hope. And if you are truly ready to leave anyway you will put them through the pain twice, instead of just breaking it off once.
marlena Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Yes, most times it is a foreshadowing of an impending break up. If someone were to tel lme this, I would brace myself for the end. People who are committed to a relationship stay and work things out together. They don't ask for a break or space or whatever one calls it. Nine times out of ten it is a pretext... a way out.
Trialbyfire Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Would you only brace yourself marlena? Get proactive. Throw up the proverbial middle finger and walk away.
critter909 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Does anyone feel like their problems could have been worked out if the other person would only have told you about them? It seems like they tell you all these things when they leave that they couldn't take anymore, didn't want to deal with anymore, or were making them unhappy, and that's why they are leaving. And it seems unfair because they could have told you these things first and said they are thinking about leaving, given a chance to work things out. That's why I think breaks can work sometimes, it gives you a chance to finally hear what the problems are and really talk (if the other person is up for it). And then if you get back together it's with a lot more information and a better understanding of how you are effecting each other. I had a break with mine and I thought it was a real eye opener.
marlena Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Would you only brace yourself marlena? Get proactive. Throw up the proverbial middle finger and walk away. Middle finger it is, TBF!!! Not to worry. Who needs someone that flaky and immature?
marlena Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 And then if you get back together it's with a lot more information and a better understanding of how you are effecting each other. This improved understanding and ability to communicate effectively should be worked on while the relationship is still in progress and thriving. My experience as far as getting back together with an ex after a break up has been that if it didn't work out the first time, it most likely won't work out the second time round. People who really care to be together do not break up. They work problems out as they appear. This back and forth thing is an indication that the relationship isn't a viable one.
Trialbyfire Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 People who really care to be together do not break up. They work problems out as they appear. This back and forth thing is an indication that the relationship isn't a viable one. I couldn't agree with you more on this!!!!!!
justaman99 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 People who really care to be together do not break up. They work problems out as they appear. This back and forth thing is an indication that the relationship isn't a viable one. I agree but I also know that there is a level of maturity necessary as well. You can care about someone and want to work out problems in a relationship or situation but you just don't know how. The ability to communicate in either yourself of your partner hasn't matured enough yet. It takes experience to deal with conflict in a relationship and having never had an opportunity to learn one does what they only know, which is leave. This happened to me and I know that I will not be a runner or break up with someone I care about just because it's the only thing I know. I know now that if you really do care and they as well that you have to learn to talk! Don't let fear take control and do what is somewhat of a reflex which is run, then regret.
gfto Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 when your man says 'i think we should take a break', 99.9% of the time its end game. Same as when a woman says it.
johnnienaked Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 This thread is GOLD, and so true. It's pretty GD ridiculous, and Ive pulled it off myself. Its almost a test to see what the other person will say. ha i remember one gf I pulled it on, she obviously needed me more than i needed her and she agreed completely, even though I knew she didn't want one. It almost made me instantly lose even more respect for her. If anyone tries to pull this on me iin the future, I will see it for exactly what it is and just like the above poster said, lmao and show them the door.
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