MaxManwell Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Do I REALLY need therapy ? Or Counseling Or do I just need to calm down.
Author MaxManwell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Context please. People didn't seem to like this one very much : I just want to be good and to be in charge of people I want to be better than other people. I want to boss women around in an office I want to have more knowledge than other people. I don't like being a suboordinate to EVERYONE and I don't care much that I am asking a lot. If you are happy being everyone else's biatch thats fine by you but I am not content I want to be the best but I am FAILING. Has anyone had a similar experience ?? Has ANYONE been bad and then became good ???? I had an 18 month long prostitute addiction and apparently I have a jaded view of women.
Jokerman Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Well, therapy or a lonely island, both will do fine I guess. Therapy to get you back to normal or alone on an island automatically all your wishes come true. Dude, there is always somebody better than you. It's nothing wrong wanting to be the best, but being the best also means having the respect of a good person. The best of the best are the best because they don't compete too much, competition is time lost that could be used to advance yourself. But, you definitely need to get your attitude towards women straightend out, no matter if you were prostitute addicted - get a therapist who helps you to draw the differences to reality, then stop worrying about your past and live on, elsewise you're never gonna be good, just yet another guy not trying because he thinks it'd be too late anyway - and if so? Then trying won't do no harm anyway...
Ronni_W Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 People didn't seem to like this one very much: I had an 18 month long prostitute addiction and apparently I have a jaded view of women. More of a guess, but sounds possible that you've been taking the passive-submissive role in life. It is not "bad", just how you've been acting up to this point. The "healthy" option is to learn how to become assertive -- where you basically get to live your own life according to your own wants, needs, goals and standards but WITHOUT infringing on the rights of others to live their lives in exactly the same way. You become the best person that YOU can be, within your own values, talents, purpose, etc. -- not by comparing yourself and your accomplishments against others. You improve and enhance those areas in your life that YOU want to -- not because others are telling you to. The need/desire to "boss others and be better than" is aggressive-dominant-arrogant, and really just as dysfunctional as passive-submissive even though they are polar opposites. It is definitely not a "good" personality to try to cultivate. Most people don't like being around people who act like this. If you want to explore how you acquired a jaded view of women then, yes, therapy could be very helpful with that, as well.
Author MaxManwell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 More of a guess, but sounds possible that you've been taking the passive-submissive role in life. It is not "bad", just how you've been acting up to this point. The "healthy" option is to learn how to become assertive -- where you basically get to live your own life according to your own wants, needs, goals and standards but WITHOUT infringing on the rights of others to live their lives in exactly the same way. You become the best person that YOU can be, within your own values, talents, purpose, etc. -- not by comparing yourself and your accomplishments against others. You improve and enhance those areas in your life that YOU want to -- not because others are telling you to. The need/desire to "boss others and be better than" is aggressive-dominant-arrogant, and really just as dysfunctional as passive-submissive even though they are polar opposites. It is definitely not a "good" personality to try to cultivate. Most people don't like being around people who act like this. If you want to explore how you acquired a jaded view of women then, yes, therapy could be very helpful with that, as well. I think it is a given that a person acquires what they can within their talents. I don't want to be tricked into settling and I think comparing myself with others is the only way to know if I am doing well or need to put in more effort. What it seems like is that every step of the way someone is trying to get me to settle for something that is for their benefit. Me being comfortable with average, or below average works well for a lot of people except me. You tell people with no ability to stop comparing themselves to other and that everything is alright so long as you are happy. I don't think that I fall into that category just yet.
Author MaxManwell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Gah, luvmy2ns you don't understand Men at all do you ? My expectations of myself are meaningless without context. A woman comes as a result of being successful she is not a measure of success and nor does she create it. Love is.. undefinable and usually one sided from my point of view. Whatever it is it will not make me happy.
Author MaxManwell Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 You keep making connections that do not make sense you are saying things that have a similar meaning to this: If you are not baked bread, you are muffin toast. There is no connection. Being viewed as a man with integrity, having integrity and being a lost cause are all three very different concepts. I don't have Integrity but not for the reasons that you list.
Trialbyfire Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 You strike me as someone who's lost within themselves, not knowing who you are unless you're able to evaluate yourself against other people. You do realize that this is an exercise in futility since there will always be people better or worse than you, in all different aspects. Manmaxwell, start rebuilding your foundations but this time, start with a conceptual model of who you want to be. Everytime you get set back through the actions of others, disregard those others, if they're negative/unhealthy influences. If you decide on therapy, realize it's not a magic cure. It will be a work in progress, using coping tools that you and a good therapist create.
Trialbyfire Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 The problem is, TBF, that "who he wants to be" is someone that most would view with distaste. He may never get that, hence, "lost cause." Is he a lost cause? I'm not sure. He's obviously someone fairly bright who makes many controversial statements to draw attention. Maybe negative attention is better than little or no attention? I don't know.
Ronni_W Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 What it seems like is that every step of the way someone is trying to get me to settle for something that is for their benefit. Me being comfortable with average, or below average works well for a lot of people except me. Well, exactly! Assertive people do NOT settle for anything less than they want for themselves. They do NOT allow others to define who they are and what they stand for. The thing is that you seem to already be able to determine when it is that you are settling -- if that wasn't the case, you wouldn't be able to sense when others are trying to slot you into their idea of who/what you are; and you also wouldn't be able to know which role models to choose, against which to compare your achievements. The other side of that is that you seem to already be able to set your bar very high..and know once you've achieved it -- WITHOUT needing those others to confirm that you've done well and/or are on the right track. Maybe I am misunderstanding?
redfathom Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 To answer your question and not evaluate you: IMHP Therapy is a great thing. I think it has a bad context around it, that you have to be crazy to go to therapy. I think that you have to be the opposite of crazy to WANT to go. I think someone who is truly crazy has no control over their own actions. Since you seem to have control (or are gaining control) of your actions I think you should see a therapist. They will help you fine tune your needs and wants, and your capability to get these things while still being a good person.
Recommended Posts