iwish Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 It's six days since we last texted. Six days of ups and downs. We left it on a bad note, her accusing me of some messed up things and me seeing her having dinner with another guy. Six days is my record, it's the longest i've been NC for. I've never made it this far before and it's not getting easier!! We split up originally a long time ago, i chased and got her back and then she dumped me again. I've always been the one initiating the Contact, always seeing if she's ready to see me, to talk or whatever. And she's always been the one to say no, or maybe or in time.. Now i am tempted to contact her again!, i am tempted to write her an email, or a text or damn it even a phone call. Just to get my fix, just to clear my name of the things she accused me of and of course to see her. I begin writing the email and i start with my defence in saying that what she said i did was absolute rubbish, just complete an utter paranoia on her part. Then i get angry, why the hell should i have to deny these things?! If someone thinks that low of me, then they don't deserve me, right?! But then they shouldn't think these things as i didn't do them. Damn.. It's my birthday in two days and rather than concentrate on the fact that i'm going to Spain to a massive village party. I'm too busy wondering if she'll even call me or at least text me 'happy birthday'. How messed up is that! I don't know, i'm fed up whining, i'm fed up thinking about her. I'm fed up missing her. She's made it clear time and time again, that she simply doesn't want me. If she did we wouldn't be here right now. I tried so hard to make her happy, i tried so so hard and i end up with her thinking bad stuff about me. Stuff that isn't true. It's infuriating!! But the anger fades and at the end of the day, i miss her. It's that simple. I miss the good times, i miss believing that she really cared. I miss her so much. Please let me get over this!! I'll end up nuts.
pickingupthepieces Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 It does get easier.... just not RIGHT away, it takes alot of work... TOO much if you ask me!! I think in situations like these the progress is SO slow taht we barely notice it... until we (me) slip up for a minute and realize how well we were actually doing! I PROMISE you it does get better!! I know how it can consume your whole life if you let it! Thats why we have a place like this to come... because honestly my friends are great BUT they just don't get it! I'm exhausted with myself!... I am so sick of being this suck... and whinning all the time too! I actually get MAD at myself for it! It is just part of the whole process... the whole "woe is me" maybe?!? i am personally sick of it and just don't want to care! First of all Spain..??? I AM SO jealous.. yes it does suck that you are worried her contacting you.. but it seems like birthdays always make exs wonder... regardless of who'e birthday it is there's or your's. I had JUST broke NC when his birthday came around and thought he had moved on with his life so I did not contact him... It took me everything I had in me! Because I cave ALOT... stupid heart! I honestly think he expected me to call.. I was very expressive about my feelings... affectionate, flowers, cards, little notes. So I think it was even harder because I was that way for so long ( I did MAKE him a belated birthday message like two weeks later when I saw him..). I think you will do fine.. TRY and stay as busy as possible!! I dealt with the day by letting everyone I knew I needed to keep busy and sadly tried to sleep most of the day.... YOU will be fine **hugs** Happy EARLY Birthday!!!
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