Byren Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Hey there! I've been hovering over these fourms for a little while now and the advice that I see people giving is encouraging, so I thought I'd throw my problem in to the mix, if someone is willing to offer their advice of course... Ok, so I was dating this girl for 3 months, it was good but she called it off because she's going to uni in September and doesn't want things to get "too heavy" before she goes, which I can understand. Later, after some probing, I found out that she actually just wants to be "free" while she's there...which is also cool I guess, but a little less comforting. So after the break-up I initiated no contact, or a freeze out - whatever you want to call it. This was mildly successful, but hard, especially since we used to speak over MSN every day. It was like leaving out one of your major daily routines. Occasionally I'd slip and send her a drunken text but after about 3 weeks and good advice from friends I'd pretty much gotten over her. Now it's about a month and a half after the break-up and over the past 2 weeks she's been texting me with stuff like "I'm sorry I was such a twat, I wish I had handled things better! I hope you don't resent me...xx" so I replied to this one basically saying that I don't resent her, but I think we should have at least given us a proper shot. The most recent text was an invite for some drinks, but I'm back home from uni for a few weeks and so I had to decline. Also, I blocked her on MSN (just makes me feel worse talking to her) so she started talking to me over facebook chat instead =\ Basically my point is...2 weeks ago I was over her, and now I'm getting all this stuff and i'm just not sure any more. She says she just wants to stay friends, but I have a habit of over-analysing things and keep thinking she wants more...does she? Even if she does, I'm not sure if I actually would want to get back with her or not...I think I do, but that could just be the hormones talking. Any advice?
vivrantflo Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 She has established that she wants to be friends.. meaning, she's not interested in anything else. If you have more than friend feelings for her, I would advise to cut contact for now. Keep it cut until you have detached from her, then maybe you can offer a friendship to her if you're up for it. But being friends with someone you've been with, and still have feelings for, never amounts to anything good. What if she mentions that she's going on a date with another guy?? and she would, cause lots of women are clueless when it comes to things they say, and how they can affect an ex. You don't need that. If you want her back, let her know this.. explain why it hurts to communicate..and then go NC. Things will take it's course from there.
jmargel Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 She says she just wants to stay friends She means this, but she will drag you through the mud for her own egostatistical purposes. She likes the challenge, the power, the control. I can GUARANTEE you that if you moved on and found a real woman, this girl would try to keep herself around. It's not because she wants to be with you, only because god forbid you would want someone other than her. She's immature, her actions show it. Stay away from this chick unless you want to be on a roller coaster ride that ends with you being hurt by her. Let her know that you no longer want to have contact with her. Time to find a real woman.
Author Byren Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 Thanks for the advice guys, I think it might of been what I needed to hear. I could see how she could be immature (she's 18, I'm 21) but generally she's really mature for her age and very forward - she'll just speak to me whenever she gets that feeling to and not second guess herself, which may be why she's trying to talk to me. She might not even know how I feel and be oblivious to my emotions. I see now that I should probably let her know, even if it's just so that she stops playing with me, weather she means to or not. I have this text message all loaded up and ready to go, either now or when she next contacts me...I'm thinking the latter would make more sense. If you guys wouldn't mind, could you check it over and let me know if you think it's a good idea or not? Ok, here goes... This sounds pathetic after so long, but u won't get off my mind. I know u don't feel the same, so I think I'm going to need radio silence from u for a while.xx lol, sucks that a text can only be like 160 characters or I'd say a little more...perhaps an email or facebook message is needed in it's place. Oui? Non? Should I even bother, even if she does try to contact me again? any advice is welcome!
Author Byren Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 Ok, so after not being to sleep the other night I decided to write out a facebook message to help, and god, as soon as it was sent I slept like a baby...though in the morning I was just really anxious about what she'd say, if anything. A short term fix i guess. I basically told her that I'm not trying to convince her to get back together with me, i just needed to get some sh*t off my chest and proceeded to do so. I let her know that I was over her for a while, but since she started to contact me again she's back on my mind. I also let her know that maybe we could be "just friends" one day, but for now I just need to get to the same page she's obviously on before we do. I suggested some NC for a while so i can do this. That's it in a nut shell. I'm both glad I sent it and a little worried that she still hasn't replied...I know I really shouldn't be, and I know that she won't get back with me, but I guess I'm just a little anxious to see what she thinks.
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