shipwrecked Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I've been going out with my ex girlfriend for 4 years. It was somewhat of a rollercoaster relationship since I've been extremely depressed and miserable, which caused me to break up with her 2 times before. She would do anything for me, but the one thing she lacked was intimacy. She blamed it on stress, and various other reasons, and sometimes she just wouldn't know why. I was also the only man she's been with. The night before we broke up (2 1/2 months ago), I tried to initiate sex, and to my dismay she said "No, tomorrow, I'm tired." I responded, "that's it I can't take this anymore." That was that and we didn't talk to each other the entire night. The following day, I was cold, wouldn't speak for 2 hours. She packed her things, and then I told her, "we tried, but the relationship is not going to work." She agreed and told me to "find a slut," and that she never felt that I loved her as much as she loved me. I broke the relationship out of anger and frustration. I did not mean for it to end. I shot myself in the foot because now she doesn't want me back. I've been trying for 2 1/2 months to get her back. She never initiates contact and at first wouldn't even answer my calls. She says she's bitter and resentful and is positive that we were not meant for each other, and are not soul mates. She also told me that she believed this a month before we broke up and that's why it's easy for her to move on. She says she is now happy; she'd rather be single and happy w/ friends and family then be in a draining relationship. Considering this from a woman's point of view, how can she have loved me so much and in a month's time not love me anymore, and feel that we were not meant to be? She never contacts me to see how I'm doing, and the brief time that I did talk to her she says she's fine, she's over it. Is this possible or is she trying to hurt me? Also, last week I sent her an apology letter and some roses and she responded with a short e mail saying that she is satisfied with her decision and nothing will change her mind. She concluded the letter with no love preceding her name (you can get the entire email at "Finding it impossible to move on" post). From a woman's perspective, was the letter/flowers thing a good idea, or did it just rehash the negative? Maybe it was not on a level that a woman could respect? Too little, too late? What can I do to show that I do appreciate and love her?
justaman99 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Sorry I'm a guy and I even know that your efforts are fruitless. You lost this one.
mark982 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 sorry, guy here also. she's tired of the crap. weather your fault or hers.count yourself lucky, she didn't fulfill tour needs.move on.
PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 For now you really need to back off. From what you said, you dumped her three times for no good reason? Is it any wonder she feels like you never really cared enough about her? You have made a gesture, you've apologised and asked for another chance. The ball is in her court now, and the best thing you can do is to leave her alone. She'll come back if she wants to, but I suspect the damage may already have been done. I know it hurts, but she's been very clear. Work on you and your issues, and if you meet again, you can show her you've changed. That is the only thing that may get her to reconsider. At the moment, you're right, I would assume it is too little too late, she's only hearing white noise.
zicke Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Women who have reached their limit with a man very rarely go back. In fact, I have yet to see it in my own life. Both friends and myself. Once a man pushes a woman away enough times, she stays away. The love and affection is just gone one day. And usually nothing brings it back. It would be in your best interest to move on and lean from this.
Meaplus3 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I've been going out with my ex girlfriend for 4 years. It was somewhat of a rollercoaster relationship since I've been extremely depressed and miserable, which caused me to break up with her 2 times before. She would do anything for me, but the one thing she lacked was intimacy. She blamed it on stress, and various other reasons, and sometimes she just wouldn't know why. I was also the only man she's been with. The night before we broke up (2 1/2 months ago), I tried to initiate sex, and to my dismay she said "No, tomorrow, I'm tired." I responded, "that's it I can't take this anymore." That was that and we didn't talk to each other the entire night. The following day, I was cold, wouldn't speak for 2 hours. She packed her things, and then I told her, "we tried, but the relationship is not going to work." She agreed and told me to "find a slut," and that she never felt that I loved her as much as she loved me. I broke the relationship out of anger and frustration. I did not mean for it to end. I shot myself in the foot because now she doesn't want me back. I've been trying for 2 1/2 months to get her back. She never initiates contact and at first wouldn't even answer my calls. She says she's bitter and resentful and is positive that we were not meant for each other, and are not soul mates. She also told me that she believed this a month before we broke up and that's why it's easy for her to move on. She says she is now happy; she'd rather be single and happy w/ friends and family then be in a draining relationship. Considering this from a woman's point of view, how can she have loved me so much and in a month's time not love me anymore, and feel that we were not meant to be? She never contacts me to see how I'm doing, and the brief time that I did talk to her she says she's fine, she's over it. Is this possible or is she trying to hurt me? Also, last week I sent her an apology letter and some roses and she responded with a short e mail saying that she is satisfied with her decision and nothing will change her mind. She concluded the letter with no love preceding her name (you can get the entire email at "Finding it impossible to move on" post). From a woman's perspective, was the letter/flowers thing a good idea, or did it just rehash the negative? Maybe it was not on a level that a woman could respect? Too little, too late? What can I do to show that I do appreciate and love her? It sounds to me like she has checked out of the R, and with that beign the case, the flowers (while very thoughtful) probably did not mean a thing to her. I think your best move here would be to back off. I know it may not be easy, however it will save you much heartache in the long run. Best wishes. AP:)
stlnsmile Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Im sorry to say, but once a woman reaches the breaking point, and it takes a lot to do that, but once they get there, they don't go back. They are done for good. I wish I could tell you other wise, but it is true. And the more you act like you want her right now, the more you will make her decide you are clingy, needy and unhealthy and that she definately wants no part of it. Leave her alone.
critter909 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I agree with the other women, she really sounds like she is done. If she really loved you in the past she was immensly hurt by the past break ups and then became a little less sensitive each time. That's why it's probably easier for her this time to walk away.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Thank You. Anyone else have a response? I agree I've made some mistakes, but I feel so helpless. Never felt this kind of pain before. How can you get someone to realize you can be the perfect match, you've changed, and you can make them happy. After all we all learn from our mistakes. Where's unconditional love when you need it?
quankanne Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 How can you get someone to realize you can be the perfect match, you've changed, and you can make them happy? that's your take on things, but obviously HER experience is way different, and she DOESN'T want to take a chance on you again because she realizes you're wrong for her. time to let go, because the interest is very one-sided, and trying to win her over is only going to irritate her more when she's already moved on. There is nothing you can do to make her happy at this point. except understand there's nothing left and you need to respect her desire to be left alone. not trying to be harsh here, but point out that you're still dreaming when she's grounded in reality about this relationship.
Meaplus3 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Thank You. Anyone else have a response? I agree I've made some mistakes, but I feel so helpless. Never felt this kind of pain before. How can you get someone to realize you can be the perfect match, you've changed, and you can make them happy. After all we all learn from our mistakes. Where's unconditional love when you need it? You really can't just make someone check back into an R if they have already checked out. The best thing for you to do is accept that.. and realize that there will be someone else with time. I realize you feel helpless right now however with time that shall pass. Keep your chin up. AP:)
serendip Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 After all we all learn from our mistakes. Where's unconditional love when you need it? You made the same mistake 3 times...obviously you didn't learn from it. Where was your unconditional love when she didn't feel like having sex with you b/c she was tired? Look dude, you lost this one...it's time for you to come to terms with it. You've been asking the same questions on LS hoping for a different answer or some magical formula to get back together with her. There is none...she has to want you back...and from everything you said. She doesn't want you back...she's happier being single and dating other guys...then being in a relationship with you. I hope you can come to terms with this...so you can start to heal faster. Best of luck.
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