pandagirl Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I'm am at peace with how things ended with my ex. We dated a short time (one month, about 8 date), it was fun and great, but he didn't see a LTR developing, so he broke it off and we agreed to be friends. We left it as I would contact him when I was ready, except he emailed me a few days after he ended things. I didn't respond, because I thought we both needed time to break communication habits, etc. I called him on Sunday night, about a week after his email and left a short vm. I excepted to hear from him in about a week or so. To my surprise, he called me 10 hours later, on his way out from work. I found this and his prior email strange since he was previously SO LAZY about returning my phone calls and emails. We mentioned we should hang out, and he jumped on it and said "this week?" And I said, "well...maybe more like next week or the week after." He was being very boyfriend-y about certain things and ended the convo with: "I'm really glad you called me." I know we said we would be friends, and I would like that, but he's more eager than ever to spend time with me/talk to me than when we were dating. I'd like to believe that this is all innocent, but some of my friends think 1) he is regretting his decision 2) wants to hook up or 3) trying to create drama (he likes drama, part of the reason he broke it off is because he didn't feel "passion"). I wouldn't think anything of it, but it's so different from how he acted towards me when we WERE dating. You can tell me if I'm over-analyzing. I just don't like the feeling of someone having ulterior motives with me.
Crestfallen_KH Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Well, it could be a variety of reasons. It could be that he really wants to be friends and just misses hanging out with you. It could be that he wants a second chance (though by his actions and words, this seems doubtful) or it could be that he wants to continue a sexual relationship with you and he now thinks you want to as well. None of us can truly know. But by hanging out with him, you'll certainly figure it out. Let us know, would you?
Author pandagirl Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 I'd LIKE to think he just wants to be friends! I know he adores me as a person. I'll let you guys know what happens when I see him. Not looking forward to the sexual tension though...I can be weak! It would be a bad, bad idea to get involved that way.
Crestfallen_KH Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Well, we're only going to be able to guess, just as your friends have. None of us can know for sure, but just do what is right and true for you and you'll be fine. I really hope his motives are altruistic, I really do.
Author pandagirl Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Thanks He's ultimately a good guy, so I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'll be sure to look extra good when I see him though. I have no hard feelings towards him but it's always nice to look super hot and make the guy think: "Damn, why did I break up with her???"
Trialbyfire Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 pandagirl, you're setting yourself up as an FWB. If you're comfortable with that, go for it. IMO, what I see is a woman trying to reel in a guy who's not going to commit.
Meaplus3 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I'm am at peace with how things ended with my ex. We dated a short time (one month, about 8 date), it was fun and great, but he didn't see a LTR developing, so he broke it off and we agreed to be friends. We left it as I would contact him when I was ready, except he emailed me a few days after he ended things. I didn't respond, because I thought we both needed time to break communication habits, etc. I called him on Sunday night, about a week after his email and left a short vm. I excepted to hear from him in about a week or so. To my surprise, he called me 10 hours later, on his way out from work. I found this and his prior email strange since he was previously SO LAZY about returning my phone calls and emails. We mentioned we should hang out, and he jumped on it and said "this week?" And I said, "well...maybe more like next week or the week after." He was being very boyfriend-y about certain things and ended the convo with: "I'm really glad you called me." I know we said we would be friends, and I would like that, but he's more eager than ever to spend time with me/talk to me than when we were dating. I'd like to believe that this is all innocent, but some of my friends think 1) he is regretting his decision 2) wants to hook up or 3) trying to create drama (he likes drama, part of the reason he broke it off is because he didn't feel "passion"). I wouldn't think anything of it, but it's so different from how he acted towards me when we WERE dating. You can tell me if I'm over-analyzing. I just don't like the feeling of someone having ulterior motives with me. Panda, From what you posted I gather that He's just trying to get a reaction from you. Your at peace with this so let it be sweetie. AP:)
Art_Critic Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 It's all about the power of the fuzzy... Wicked.. PG.. he wants sex.. clearly you should be able to see that.. You gave him a taste and it is too late to go back.. You can't be friends with someone who is sniffing around your crotch thinking about getting in your panties.. Friends don't do that and clearly he is doing that..
Author pandagirl Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Man, am I really that naive!? I like to think of myself as quite a cynical person, actually, but I don't generally view people as having untrue intentions. Like, it doesn't make sense to me why people would try to be something other than sincere and honest. Whatever happens it'll be fine. I don't want to date him again and I don't want to be FWB. Just friends or nothing.
flosslight Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I have no clue about your ex's real intentions but I have a some what similar situation. My ex-fiancé and I are trying to be friends. He was really bad about contacting me during the relationship in the first year. I was a bit stupid for staying with him but oh well. Now that we are friends, he is contacting me more than he did back then. It surprises me with how often. We had some honest conversations about it. We do not want to date and while the sexual attraction is there, we do not want to be FWB either. I know I dated my ex longer, but open conversations help a lot. I would recommend just asking. I feel almost that now that my ex does not have to contact me or I do not expect it, he feels free to do it more often. Maybe it is like that in your case, but I am curious about your ex's intentions.
Star Gazer Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 pandagirl, you're setting yourself up as an FWB. If you're comfortable with that, go for it. IMO, what I see is a woman trying to reel in a guy who's not going to commit. Agreed, 10000%. I'd also add that his actions ARE sincere...because they're transparent. You started the process of setting yourself up as a FWB when you decided to have sex with him moments after he broke up with you. The first time you sleep with the guy is AFTER the relationship is effectively over. I completely understand why he thinks he can get away with this and why he would believe that you truly understood what he really meant by wanting to be "friends" (*wink wink*).
Author pandagirl Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 OK, I'm going to go with the majority of advice on this thread. I'll see how he acts towards me the next time I see him and if I smell something fishy, I will be straight up with him and tell him that I'm not interested in FWB. However, he is a VERY handsome and good looking guy, so I don't see why he can't just go find some other girl. And all my life I thought guys just liked me for my personality. ha.
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