justliketv Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 me and my ex go to the same uni and every few weeks we'll end up on the same night out with mutual friends. we were friends and housemates (both in relationships with other people) then seeing each other for a while then ended things cos we wanted different things.(i wanted more of a relationship and he just wanted to see how things go..not ready for a relationship etc) i miss him like crazy and it really confuses me cos when we're out he really flirts and makes an effort with me. like..buying me a drink, dancing together, chatting for ages. i was sat with him the other night with our legs touching and there was all this crazy sexual chemistry when i got home he text me saying 'you get home safe?' etc and we text a little bit. i got all my hopes up..that maybe he wants me and then he stopped replying to our text convo and we haven't spoke since. other then when i see him out the only time i'll hear from him is that he'll sometimes text me asking if i'm going out that night. i've text him a few times in a weak moment asking him how he is, but not for ages. i'm glad we're not being off with each other but i don't get why he's so nice to me when we see each other it's really strange. he's different to me than our other friends. it's really hard cos it gets my hopes up and then i come crashing down again, realising that it's not going to happen i've thought maybe he's just looking for someone to hook up with on nights out..but he's never tried anything. i'm sat here now and i really want to text him, but i know i can't i need closure! *sigh* just needed a rant:( xx
GodofNietzsche Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 It seems like this situation is hurting you way too much. It seems like you keeping holding onto the hope that something will happen, get excited when you think it might happen (when you hang out), and then come crashing down when it doesn't. And if I remember (correctly) what you have written, this pattern has repeated itself many times over. Ultimately, it seems like you may only get worse if this continues. I can't tell you how you should act, but it may be best to let go of the hope that things will work out in the future. Someone once told me that emotions are like investments. Would you continually invest money into a business/project where you continually lose money? It's the same with emotions. If you are emotionally investing yourself in something, and you are getting very little/nothing out of it (or feeling worse), you need to cut your losses. As far as the closure aspect, I remember reading one post that stated: closure comes from within (when you are mentally determined to move on). You could confront him directly, but the answers may make you feel worse. From my experience, it is sometimes better to let sleeping dogs lie. Wow, it's so much easier to give this kind of advice than to take it!
Trialbyfire Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Someone once told me that emotions are like investments. Would you continually invest money into a business/project where you continually lose money? It's the same with emotions. If you are emotionally investing yourself in something, and you are getting very little/nothing out of it (or feeling worse), you need to cut your losses. So true. Step down from the cycle. When he starts to flirt, don't return it. Avoid all contact, if you're able to. It sounds like he enjoys the game of ego-stroke, rather than the reality of a relationship.
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