rachel90 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 hi everyone, im in a long distance relationship. i live in england and he lives in florida, we've been together for 4 years. i have plans to move out there once i have finished university and he says he wants to marry me and wants me to move. our relationship has always been a bit up and down but lately its been good. we talk every day and we both love each other very much. thats not what im doubting here. i recently found out that he has facebook. he has had it for 2 years and kept it hidden from me. his status was set to single and there were lots of girls that i had never heard about writing messages on his wall. one even said she loves him and when i asked him about it he said it meant nothing and that was just what she was like and explained that she did that with everyone. however there was this one girl that i just instantly disliked just from reading the messages she had sent him. she was very flirty and from the messages he sent back he was too, and did nothing to discourage her. he told me she was an old friend from middle school and that she got back in touch because she was moving to the same neighbourhood. anyway they hung out a few times and my bf has even told me that one of his friends said that him and this girl make a good couple. i feel so hurt by the fact that he lied to me and deceived me. he said he did it to protect me so that i wouldnt worry about these girls. but its just given me more reason to be suspicious. im supposed to see him in 76 days and i just dont know if i can do it. some days i just feel so hurt that i get so angry and we end up fighting. i know he feels bad and has since deactivated his facebook account, but this girl is worrying me. i think it was also because i think i got to see another side to him and this whole other world of his that i didnt know about, i feel so left out and hurt. any help or advice would be greatly appreciated thank you
lonelyindistance Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 hi rachel90, I am not an expert, but why would he list himself as single? has he changed it since you talked to him about his facebook but before he deactivated it? and, why would he tell you that his friend said that he and someone else would make a good couple? were you having a fight? that's not a very nice thing to say to someone you're with unless you want to cause doubt and suspicion? or maybe he just wants to "reiterate" what a good catch he is? i think you're right to feel hurt. i would talk to him about it... but i dont know your relationship works. also, will you be seeing him for the first time? do you think seeing him might make it better between the two of you if not only temporarily? I know that when i get to see my gf, it's as if our problems just melt away...at least half the time we're together. we have our ups and downs. also, how long will you be seeing him for? are you visiting or is he? lonely
Catherina Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 "For the love of social networking sites is the root of all evil..." I swear, I HATE social networking sites! Okay, so I have a myspace, but I only use it to post dumb comments on my friends' pages. I have never met anyone from myspace, have never sought out anyone else to meet them, and whenever guys I don't know send me msgs, no matter how hot they look, I instantly hit DELETE! I am really sorry you are experiencing this. I am going to be honest and say I have had VERY bad experiences in the past with immature guys lying to me about things that happened on myspace and facebook. THANK GOD my LDR guy is a serious, ambitious 31-year-old who thinks social networking sites are RIDICULOUS and immature. Thank God for that! Though I do get embarrassed sometimes about my myspace account! Anyways, since he was hiding it from you, that would raise a serious red flag for me. Also, having his status listed as single wouldn't matter...IF he wasn't hiding it from you! That is, however, good that he deactivated the account. I think it's hard because like you said, you feel left out, and guess what? In an LDR, you ARE left out of so many aspects of your significant other's life! It is such a terrible feeling, but all I can suggest is TRY to be cool about it. I agree with lonelyindistance that the bad feelings you have will probably melt away the next time you see your man. It's probably also difficult because you are actually 'seeing' the girls he hangs out with. In my LDR, I couldn't expect my man to ignore women, so I chose to trust him and that was that. But it was always more difficult to see photos of him with girls, etc...nothing bad was going on, but it's difficult to see these girls having a great time hanging out with my guy, and I'm not there. Sigh. It is inevitable that people on both ends are going to meet members of the opposite sex. Let me tell you, it is really difficult! For some reason, there are a couple of other women who LOVE my man and try to pursue him - he even had one girl who would leave these stupid presents at his doorstep! There was nothing I could do - I was 4,500 miles away - and it made me so mad. But rather than fly off the handle, since HE is the one who wants us to be together and is moving here, I chose to be cool and trust him. It is one of the hardest things to do, but some people can endure the difficulty. If I were you, though, I'd make sure he doesn't start another 'secret' facebook account. My boyfriend and I have had some rough times in the past, but we were always honest with one another. He told me some things that really pissed me off, but he was telling the truth. And that is why I trust him. If your man is lying to you, that's a major problem.
Author rachel90 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 he told me that a friend created the account for him and he never got around to changing it. although it does only take 2 seconds so im unsure as to whether or not to believe him. when i asked him about it, he then got rid of his relationship status so didnt change it to "in a relationship" but it didnt say single anymore. no this wont be the first time im seeing him. ive known him all my life but we've only dated for 4 years. i do agree with you that most of our problems go and all the fighting stops when we're actually together. but this is first time ive had trust issues with him and that is the main thing in any relationship right? i just feel very confused. thank you for your advice and help though.
lonelyindistance Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 hi rachel90, i agree that trust is the most important thing in a relationship. and it seems that his actions have cast some doubt. i guess it's something to keep in mind. maybe see where things go but keep this incidence in the back of your mind and if things happen similar to this you'll see a pattern? l
lily8656 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 So...a friend made him the account. From your original post, it sounds like he sends messages or posts on walls or whatever they call it on facebook (I have proudly never had one!). So...if he has "gotten around" to writing to other people and to read his messages, why hasn't he "gotten around" to changing his status? I would think if he was into it enough to send messages he would take the time to update his profile. Is everything else on the profile updated and correct EXCEPT the status, or is everything left unpersonalized? I think that would tell you a lot right there...
Nevermind Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 he told me that a friend created the account for him and he never got around to changing it. although it does only take 2 seconds so im unsure as to whether or not to believe him. when i asked him about it, he then got rid of his relationship status so didnt change it to "in a relationship" but it didnt say single anymore. If he has people write messages on his board, it means he is writing messages as well. Nearly nobody I know of has a facebook created by friends. Does he have a picture? Why would a friend go through so much trouble for a social networking site? It's unbelieveable. The word "love" is never funny if you are in a relationship with somebody. Had he wanted to prove to you that nothing is the matter, he could at least have changed his status to relationship. The reason he won't? Because he is using it for girls. Maybe it's just an ego-feed, maybe it's more. It's definately something you need to talk about. he said he did it to protect me so that i wouldnt worry about these girls. This is complete and utter BS.
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