Emotional women: How long does it take them to calm down?

[DunnoWhat]

Anybody have the answer?

 

I went on a date last friday and it went great. We really liked each other and she hugged me tightly for about 10 seconds as we were going away as well as held my hand briefly after the hug. She mentioned about meeting up again and I said I'd like to. Since then however nothing!??

 

I didn't text or call her saturday and texted her sunday morning to let her know I was looking forward to hearing about her weekend but have heard nothing back since. She's basically ignoring me now. Whats the best course of action?

 

I have seemed to upset her so wondering how long it takes to calm down and if she likes me will she contact me again?

 

Thanks

[Tomcat33]

Sorry but what does "emotional women and calming down" have to do with what you described about your date!?!?!

[BrooklynBridge]

Sorry but what does "emotional women and calming down" have to do with what you described about your date!?!?!

 

Seriously! You to need to be a man!! Show some confidence and CALL her. She said she wants to hang out again, you need to reach out and call her, pursue her, that's what women like, not lame passive text messages....

[DunnoWhat]

Seriously! You to need to be a man!! Show some confidence and CALL her. She said she wants to hang out again, you need to reach out and call her, pursue her, that's what women like, not lame passive text messages....

I tried to yesterday but she wouldn't answer the phone! Then I sent a text message after that.

 

I don't understand what wrong with her??

[Kamille]

You're making a lot of assumptions here. There is no way you can infer that you've upset her. In fact, I'm willing to bet you haven't. By the way, most women are not emotional dynamos waiting to go off on you. We have our own lives and most of us prefer not to waste energy getting upset at a guy after just one date.

 

Like Tomcat said: what is it exactly that makes you think she is being emotional?

 

Like Brooklyn Bridge said: next time you have a great date, wait a few days and then call her. And, I would add, ask her out for a second date.

 

I'm starting to think your fear of rejection (the one making you try to keep it cool and not show too much interests) is what is getting you so many disappearing acts.

 

In case you missed it, the dominant dating ideology out there is called "he's just not that into you". In a jist: it's advice telling women to only invest themselves in relationships with men who show through their actions that they are into them. Meaning: if you're interested in more, don't be afraid to show it. Texting doesn't count as showing interests, especially when it's mild random texting that isn't about setting up a future meeting.

 

Cross over Dunnotwhat: give calling the next few girls you go out with a chance. It doesn't immunize you against getting rejected, but I think it will improve your second-date stats.

[Kamille]

I tried to yesterday but she wouldn't answer the phone! Then I sent a text message after that.

 

I don't understand what wrong with her??

 

She's not that into you.

[DunnoWhat]

Sorry but what does "emotional women and calming down" have to do with what you described about your date!?!?!

Because I'm wondering if she'll call back at all or is it over.

[DunnoWhat]

You're making a lot of assumptions here. There is no way you can infer that you've upset her. In fact, I'm willing to bet you haven't. By the way, most women are not emotional dynamos waiting to go off on you. We have our own lives and most of us prefer not to waste energy getting upset at a guy after just one date.

 

Like Tomcat said: what is it exactly that makes you think she is being emotional?

 

Like Brooklyn Bridge said: next time you have a great date, wait a few days and then call her. And, I would add, ask her out for a second date.

 

I'm starting to think your fear of rejection (the one making you try to keep it cool and not show too much interests) is what is getting you so many disappearing acts.

 

In case you missed it, the dominant dating ideology out there is called "he's just not that into you". In a jist: it's advice telling women to only invest themselves in relationships with men who show through their actions that they are into them. Meaning: if you're interested in more, don't be afraid to show it. Texting doesn't count as showing interests, especially when it's mild random texting that isn't about setting up a future meeting.

 

Cross over Dunnotwhat: give calling the next few girls you go out with a chance. It doesn't immunize you against getting rejected, but I think it will improve your second-date stats.

She said she'd like to meet again and I said I'd like to meet again. This was before we last saw each other. She was also smiling and laughing and even started touching me randomly so she was into me.

 

I can only guess she's upset over something

[Kamille]

She said she'd like to meet again and I said I'd like to meet again. This was before we last saw each other. She was also smiling and laughing and even started touching me randomly so she was into me.

 

I can only guess she's upset over something

 

 

Or perhaps her phone is out, or perhaps she's waiting to reply, or perhaps she met someone else, or perhaps she was hospitalized.

 

My point is, you have no way of knowing why she didn't reply to your text, so don't assume she's upset. That is just putting yourself in a weird spot where you might actually act weird if you see her again.

 

Situations like this? Always best to just let it go without trying to force an interpretation. Nothing went wrong here. You went on a date, you texted, she didn't reply. It happens, in fact, it happens all the time in the history of this website.

 

I still would recommand you be a bit more foward about setting up second dates. In your case I would say: step one, whatever the mode of contact, if you want a second date, ask for a second date upon second contact. A request for a date is easier to respond too then mere chitchat. Step two: keep trying calling, and when you call, don't hesitate to leave a vocal phone message. It shows confidence and there is just something more personal about it then a text.

[t_veron]

Leave it alone. You've made more than enough attempts to reach her. I don't know her but in general it should be no pressure so you should only make one call or one text and wait for her to reply at her own pace. if she doesn't reply then you wait 1 or 2 weeks and make another call or text. If that doesn't get you anything then wait a month to make another one. Any more than that will make you seem desperate and she'll run for the hills if she's not into you. Taking it SLOW gives you a 50/50 chance she may develop feelings for you assuming there was attraction to begin with.

 

SSSSSLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW..................

[daphne]

Do slow down for your own good. Let her contact you at this point. You've done enough. I have a guy that has called half a dozen times then texted in the past 24 hours that I'm not interested in. Don't be that guy. You've contacted her twice. Let her show some interest or not. If she doesn't, I wouldn't overanalyze it and just chalk it up to lack of interest.

[DunnoWhat]

Or perhaps her phone is out, or perhaps she's waiting to reply, or perhaps she met someone else, or perhaps she was hospitalized.

 

My point is, you have no way of knowing why she didn't reply to your text, so don't assume she's upset. That is just putting yourself in a weird spot where you might actually act weird if you see her again.

 

Situations like this? Always best to just let it go without trying to force an interpretation. Nothing went wrong here. You went on a date, you texted, she didn't reply. It happens, in fact, it happens all the time in the history of this website.

 

I still would recommand you be a bit more foward about setting up second dates. In your case I would say: step one, whatever the mode of contact, if you want a second date, ask for a second date upon second contact. A request for a date is easier to respond too then mere chitchat. Step two: keep trying calling, and when you call, don't hesitate to leave a vocal phone message. It shows confidence and there is just something more personal about it then a text.

 

Nope she deleted her profile from the website we met on. Thats when I realised something was up.

 

Can't believe it because the date went so well and we even talked about meeting up again.

 

I will call them the next day in future but isn't that being a bit desperate? I'm being told to call more often on the one hand and on the other I'm being told I called too much!

 

Leave it alone. You've made more than enough attempts to reach her. I don't know her but in general it should be no pressure so you should only make one call or one text and wait for her to reply at her own pace. if she doesn't reply then you wait 1 or 2 weeks and make another call or text. If that doesn't get you anything then wait a month to make another one. Any more than that will make you seem desperate and she'll run for the hills if she's not into you. Taking it SLOW gives you a 50/50 chance she may develop feelings for you assuming there was attraction to begin with.

 

SSSSSLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW................. .

Yeah on the last text I sent I said I'd wait a week to contact her again. There was attraction there so maybe it'll give her somethig to think about.

 

The thing I don't get is why do women ignore somebody like this?

 

Why do women cut off all contact? Is it a sort of test or something? Whats going on in their head? My original point in the thread was to ask this. When women get emotional how long does it last for? There must be some good reason for the no contact.

[nicki]

Hmmm, if she deleted her profile on the dating website you met on, then I'd make a guess that she met someone else or a ghost boyfriend from her past reappeared.

 

Unless you were way out of line on the date and she feared for her life, she wouldn't delete her profile to get away from you...and we know that didn't happen. In fact, she gave you a green light to proceed, and you know the date went well. She disappeared. No wonder you are confused.

 

Your question about how long women get "emotional" for is a good one, but I don't think it pertains to this situation. If you two had been dating a while and she was upset, then the question would seem more valid.

 

I think you are assuming that she is invested in you and upset with you for some reason. I understand your assumption if you two were actively dating, but not at this stage...I think her lack of a response is a lack of interest for whatever reason.

 

Don't take it personally. It more than likely has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her own situation.

 

Next time, don't tell a woman that you will wait a week to contact her. Simply do it if that's what you want to do.

 

In this case, though, it's probably best to move on. Maybe she will contact you. If she does, then ask her what was going on, that you thought you two were cool. Don't ignore it.

 

If she doesn't call, then no sweat. Assume the best. It's her and her situation. Nothing to do with you.

[daphne]

The thing I don't get is why do women ignore somebody like this?

 

Why do women cut off all contact? Is it a sort of test or something? Whats going on in their head? My original point in the thread was to ask this. When women get emotional how long does it last for? There must be some good reason for the no contact.

 

It's not a test. It's because we're not interested and we're cowards. Guys are known to do the same thing but it's usually at a stage where it can be much more painful.

 

Btw, I don't get why you think she's emotional. Caught up in the moment of flirting perhaps. But guys do this a lot too.

[whichwayisup]

Maybe she met someone else, or had been doing alot of dating...Or maybe she just changed her mind and decided that she didn't want to date you. Either way, her silence is telling you something so please, leave her be. If you keep calling her, she's going to keep ignoring you until the get the hint.

 

Doesn't make sense seeing as she did show signs of interest, but now it's obvious she isn't.

 

Hang in there, try not to be too upset over this. You'll find someone else better suited for you.

[Kamille]

Oh so this is the same girl you already posted about?

 

Dunnowhat, your taking this way too personnally. Didn't you say she eventually sent you an e-mail? Or am I mixing up two of your dating experiences? Or did both your last dates delete their profiles?

 

I will call them the next day in future but isn't that being a bit desperate? I'm being told to call more often on the one hand and on the other I'm being told I called too much!

 

You don't need to call the next day. You can wait a couple of days. What I am suggesting you do is call, once, to ask the next girl you are interested in, with definite plans to ask her out. And, also, if you really want to put all chance on your side, make the plans for in 3 days. So call, if the next girl doesn't answer, leave a message saying: "Hi Next Girl, this is Dunno. I had a really good time on our date last (day of date). I was calling to see if you'd be interested in (going to see xyz movie/going out to dinner at specific restaurant/ going hiking) this (specific day). Call me at (phone number) to let me know if you can make it." Hang up.

 

Then wait for a reply. If you get no reply - you take it as a no. Ball would be in Next Girl's court.

 

If you are reposting about the same girl, then it sounds to me like you are the one who invested emotionnally too fast. The first few dates are a getting to know you kind of thing. I'm wondering why you are finding it so hard to get over one girl who just didn't show much interests. Are you new to the dating scene?

 

 

 

 

Why do women cut off all contact? Is it a sort of test or something? Whats going on in their head? My original point in the thread was to ask this. When women get emotional how long does it last for? There must be some good reason for the no contact.

 

Nope, not a test. Maybe this girl didn't get emotional as much as rationnally decide that you two weren't a match for reasons that only she is aware of.

[DunnoWhat]

Thanks for all the replies!

Hmmm, if she deleted her profile on the dating website you met on, then I'd make a guess that she met someone else or a ghost boyfriend from her past reappeared.

 

Unless you were way out of line on the date and she feared for her life, she wouldn't delete her profile to get away from you...and we know that didn't happen. In fact, she gave you a green light to proceed, and you know the date went well. She disappeared. No wonder you are confused.

 

Your question about how long women get "emotional" for is a good one, but I don't think it pertains to this situation. If you two had been dating a while and she was upset, then the question would seem more valid.

 

I think you are assuming that she is invested in you and upset with you for some reason. I understand your assumption if you two were actively dating, but not at this stage...I think her lack of a response is a lack of interest for whatever reason.

 

Don't take it personally. It more than likely has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her own situation.

 

Next time, don't tell a woman that you will wait a week to contact her. Simply do it if that's what you want to do.

 

In this case, though, it's probably best to move on. Maybe she will contact you. If she does, then ask her what was going on, that you thought you two were cool. Don't ignore it.

 

If she doesn't call, then no sweat. Assume the best. It's her and her situation. Nothing to do with you.

 

I was thinking she got upset because I didn't make contact with her the day after. She went to a concert so it's either that or she met somebody at the concert.

 

There is another piece of information I let out. She's 4 years older then me. She said that wasn't a problem though and it didn't seem to bother her. Another thing I remembered her saying before we met was that she's afraid of relationships! She wasn't even going to come on the date.

 

She also mentioned that after her last date although she thought the man was nice she didn't fancy him but they are email friends now and she says he sends her funny emails etc.. so why won't she talk to me is what I'm flummoxed about.

[DunnoWhat]

Oh so this is the same girl you already posted about?

 

Dunnowhat, your taking this way too personnally. Didn't you say she eventually sent you an e-mail? Or am I mixing up two of your dating experiences? Or did both your last dates delete their profiles?

No this is actually a different date!! I thought the last one was bad although that date fizzled out near the end as I said but there was real attraction on this date.

 

I know, 2 women deletes there profiles on me in the space of 2 weeks. I can pick them can't I!

[DunnoWhat]

Maybe she met someone else, or had been doing alot of dating...Or maybe she just changed her mind and decided that she didn't want to date you. Either way, her silence is telling you something so please, leave her be. If you keep calling her, she's going to keep ignoring you until the get the hint.

 

Doesn't make sense seeing as she did show signs of interest, but now it's obvious she isn't.

 

Hang in there, try not to be too upset over this. You'll find someone else better suited for you.

Even you women are confused by this one!! lol.

 

Nope, not a test. Maybe this girl didn't get emotional as much as rationnally decide that you two weren't a match for reasons that only she is aware of.

Maybe the age is what I'm thinking now..

 

I'm not going to think too much about it. I'll contact her in a week or 2 and see if she replies and if she doesn't then fine her loss.

[Kamille]

My experience of on-line dating is that it can be perticularly brutal. Do you have any other means of meeting potential dates? Like asking your friends if they have single friends in their networks? Joining groups where you share common interests?

 

Plus, the information you added about the second girl makes it sound like she truly isn't ready for a relationship; like she is only dipping her toes in the dating pool. I should know, that's kind of how I feel right now, and I just joined a dating site.

 

I would say it's something going on in her life. Perhaps she isn't over her ex or something. I would take everything at face value: she had a good time on your date but isn't ready for a relationship.

 

And as to the other guy she is e-mailing: why would you want to friend-zone yourself?

 

I would leave this one in the "mystery" file and leave it alone. Who knows, she might pop up again in awhile. Keep dating. I know the dating gurus say dating is a numbers game.

[Kamille]

I'm not going to think too much about it. I'll contact her in a week or 2 and see if she replies and if she doesn't then fine her loss.

 

I'm not sure I understand why you would contact her? Why not just set up another date with another potential interest?

[DunnoWhat]

I'm not sure I understand why you would contact her? Why not just set up another date with another potential interest?

I suppose I'm hoping theres a good reason. Maybe I wont bother anymore. I'll see how I feel next week.

[daphne]

I wouldn't contact her again. Chalk it up to the fact that we all have a right to change our minds. We all can get caught up in the moment, then realize that when we add it up, it may not be what we really want and we don't want to waste someone's time. Be grateful that she's not wasting any more of yours.

[whichwayisup]

I'll contact her in a week or 2 and see if she replies and if she doesn't then fine her loss.

 

Don't bother. Just forget about her, she's not worth any thought or energy. She's an idiot.

[DunnoWhat]

She just contacted me!! 2:11 AM!!

 

She said she left her phone in her friends car this day last week and only got it back now! She said she's sorry I thought she's avoiding me as she would never do that, she said she hasn't been online this week and didn't delete her profile and she's very confused about that and she said she's telling the truth that she only just got her phone tonight..

 

I don't believe her for a number of reasons because she would have gotten her phone back and she would have been online too even just to say she had not got her phone. Also her profile been deleted in itself is a bit of a giveaway!!

 

 

So my theory was correct from what I see! I didn't contact her saturday she wasn't happy about that, thought I wasn't interested, got emotional and has just calmed down after I stopped contact a few days ago..

 

I'll text her tomorrow and give her another chance and just go along with her story. I think I know what happened so really it doesn't matter now. I'll see how interested she is too and see if she's just texting to make herself feel better.