jonnybananas Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 well i posted here a few months ago with a problem....since then i met a wonderful young lady whcih made me forget about the issues i had at the time. but now i have another problem. last time people were very helpful and i hope i can get some more feedback this time around. i met a girl through a mutual friend and we instantly clicked. we were head over heels from day one. we had wonderful chemistry and couldnt go 10 minutes with hearing from one another. this is odd for me because i am 24 and have never had that sort of closeness in a relationship before. since we both had just gotten out of serious relationships we deemed ourselves not ready for anything big yet. that was fine and we continued to date and talk/text constantly. she would tell me she has never met anyone so perfect and she didnt know there were guys out there that could make her so happy. i eventually learned that her previous boyfriends were total creeps who treated her very poorly. we had a discussion about where we were going because i let her know that u was ready for something serious because she totally knocked me off my feet. She said she felt bad because she wasnt ready yet and thought she was hurting me. its just weird because we were like bf/gf just without the title. well that was saturday morning. she sent me 1 text that night and i texted her to see what was wrong sunday morning and she insisted that everything was perfectly fine and i had nothing to worry about. well that was the last we spoke. i told her to text me whenever she was free to chat at 10 am and around 8 pm i texted her telling her that i missed hearing from her. got no response....still havent heard from her. she always gets up early and sends me sweet little messages for me to wake up to and she hasnt done that since saturday morning. i know its only been a few days but since we met we talk constantly throughout the day. i used over 4,000 text messages this month almost all on her. so to go 2 1/2 days without hearing from her def means something is up. i keep thinking maybe she thought i was too clingy or needy but we discussed thing like that before and she came out and said that she felt like she was the clingy one, not me. she loved the attention and how often we talked because nobody could make her smile the way i did.... but now she is gone. not texts in the morning, no phone calls....then last night i logged onto facebook and saw that i was tagged in 3 pictures she had posted in her album from her birthday party. she tagged me in a few of them and one of her kissing me on the cheek. i found that really odd. like twisting the knife a bit. any advice? im afriad to call because i reached out sunday night and got no response back and i feel as if ill end up being that guy who just couldnt take a hint and leave the girl alone. and some answers to why would be great to hear from her too.
jadedone Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Sounds like you were no more than a rebound guy. She was really into you at first , but realized she didn't want to get in too deep. She's afraid to be hurt again. It doesn't matter how nice or good you are, she's probably not ready to even try to trust anyone. Just give her space.
Author jonnybananas Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 i guess i could have been just a rebound guy. maybe im in denial but i dont think thats the case. ive been on both sides of a rebound before and this was much different. she let me into every aspect of her life and i did the same. we had each others backs and we were simply there for one another. i dont think a simple rebound would get that deep. maybe im wrong and like i said maybe im biased because i miss her so much. should i go ahead with no contact? should i call or maybe a simple text? i reached out sunday night and got nothing back so im assuming she knows i wanted to talk to her about what might be going on and she has chosen not to reply. i just dont see how someone can go from head over heels about someone the way she was with me to absolutley nothing....especially in 2 or 3 days.
jadedone Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 She was probably keeping up appearances those last days. It's the getting in close that scared her off. SHe probably did have some real feelings for you and that is what made her shutdown. I"m going through almost the exact same thing. My ex is confused/lost and scared of being hurt. She's doing anything to keep busy to avoid thinking about me and take care of soem personal issues. Just give her space Like I'm trying to do. You can try a casual hello in a few weeks, but I wouldn't even think of trying to talk about getting back together.
Author jonnybananas Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 so my chances are probably a big fat zero. even over time? im not sure but those are my feelings. love and emotions are some strange things. its a shame how bad timing could really screw up such a good thing. all i want is for her to be happy, and if it that means not being with me then i can deal with that. ill be sad and probably depressed but id rather deal with those feelings than make her go through pain. ive never fallen for a girl so hard before and it figures that this sort of thing ends up being the downfall of something that had such great potential.
JustPassingThru Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Dude. Let her breathe, give her some space, let her come to you.
Author jonnybananas Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 thanks "justpassingthru". that is pretty much my plan for the time being. i dont really have an other options. but as a typical dumpee im afraid that No Contact will lead to us just never speaking again.
Author jonnybananas Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 well that looks like my plan for now. lets just hope she isnt gone for good. thanks for all the responses. i appreciate the helping hand through such a crappy situation.
Author jonnybananas Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 i almost caved tonight. i just wanted to text her and ask for an explanation. i held my ground though and didnt do it. its hard when you miss someone so much. but im sure if youre on here you already know that. i just hope i get something out of this NC thing. either get her to realize that she misses me terribly or it may just get me to move beyond her. i guess only time will tell.
Meaplus3 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 i almost caved tonight. i just wanted to text her and ask for an explanation. i held my ground though and didnt do it. its hard when you miss someone so much. but im sure if youre on here you already know that. i just hope i get something out of this NC thing. either get her to realize that she misses me terribly or it may just get me to move beyond her. i guess only time will tell. Time will tell. No sense beating yourself up over what you don't know.. been there done that.. not worth it. Hey.. just hang in there. Try and re direct your thinkng if you can, it helps. AP:)
vivrantflo Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 we had a discussion about where we were going because i let her know that u was ready for something serious because she totally knocked me off my feet. She said she felt bad because she wasnt ready yet and thought she was hurting me. its just weird because we were like bf/gf just without the title. Don't call or text for an explanation, cause she already gave it to you.. She's not ready, so she's backing off so you don't get any more attached than you already are. Trust me, I think in time, she'll be yours.. but u HAVE to walk on eggshells for now. She likes you, but, she's not ready. And although you may not understand why she's not ready... it is what it is... Back off, and let her figure things out. Once she's had some space to herself, she can decide where she's going with you. Who knows, her ex may be still trying to get her back, and she's dealing with that. Just give her space... she's not going to forget about you.. you made the last move. She'll be in touch soon, but when she's ready.
Surfer Girl Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Anticipating the worst... Questions about when to go out again, whether he will make a move on me... etc etc... I had a lunch date not to long ago... The best thing he ever said to me... "Would you mind if I checked up on you now and again.".. I did not feel the pressure and it just made me like him that much more....
Template Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 i almost caved tonight. i just wanted to text her and ask for an explanation. i held my ground though and didnt do it. its hard when you miss someone so much. but im sure if youre on here you already know that. i just hope i get something out of this NC thing. either get her to realize that she misses me terribly or it may just get me to move beyond her. i guess only time will tell. Oh man, the last thing you want to do at this point. You'll come off as clingy, desperate, and maybe even a stalker. Sorry to hear that's it's turning out the way it is, but it does sound like she's scared and confused. Give her time, and give her space. If you were meant to be together, she will realize it in time. In the meantime for you however, I strongly recommend the NC route, and live your life. As you experienced from your last breakup, there are OTHER people out there. You might just find one ready for your love that's just as wonderful or better than this one.
Author jonnybananas Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 hey vivrantflo that was probably the most insightful thing anyone in here or my friends have told me so far. that put things in perspective and made me not feel like crap anymore lol. eveyone else....you guys have been so helpful. it means a lot to get a flat out response from someone who has done these kinda things in the past and arent simply biased the way some friends might be. i appreciate this help so much
Author jonnybananas Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 well she texted me yesterday. She apologized for flaking out and told me she missed me. She asked if things could be ok with us. I told her iwasnt sure what she meant by ok. She asked if it was ok for her to call me later on. I said sure. She never called. I later fpund out my phone was acting up and iwasnt getting texts from my friends until hours after they sent them. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and called her this morning. She didn't answer. She didn't callback. That was 5 hours ago. I saw her online 30 mins after I called so I know she wasn't busy all day. Now what do I do? Any advice? I feel like she won't contact me now that she tried once and ended up not following through.
Meaplus3 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 well she texted me yesterday. She apologized for flaking out and told me she missed me. She asked if things could be ok with us. I told her iwasnt sure what she meant by ok. She asked if it was ok for her to call me later on. I said sure. She never called. I later fpund out my phone was acting up and iwasnt getting texts from my friends until hours after they sent them. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and called her this morning. She didn't answer. She didn't callback. That was 5 hours ago. I saw her online 30 mins after I called so I know she wasn't busy all day. Now what do I do? Any advice? I feel like she won't contact me now that she tried once and ended up not following through. Jonny, Something sounds fishy here! I would simply not contact her again. If she does contact you.. then you need to ask her what is up. AP:)
vivrantflo Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Any advice? I feel like she won't contact me now that she tried once and ended up not following through. Dont contact her. Just stick to the plan. Whatever her feelings are now, or going to be that way for a while.. whether she really wants you or not. She WILL contact you when she's ready to contact you. She can phone you, or unfortunately use the IM service you're on. If she doesn't call you back because she didn't get you the first time, it means she's not into you.. but you don't know that yet. Give her space.. dont initiate conversation by phone or any other means, and let her figure out her issues. In time, you'll know where you stand.
Author jonnybananas Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 the more I think about it the more I think she never called. I could have missed it but I doubt it. I think she just got scared and freaked out again. In my head and in my heart I know she still has feeling for me. She has been treated so poorly in the past that she is just afraid of getting in too deep, then being stuck with some jerk. But you live and you learn. Maybe through me or somebody else she will realize what a true loving relationship is about.
vizzolts Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 dude what state do you live in? It sounds like we practically dated the same girl. DEFINITELY the same type.
Author jonnybananas Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 hey im from pennsylvania. You? Still no contact from her. Im missing her like crazy and i feel like her texts on wednesday might have been the final contact between us. We dated for a month and now have been apart for a week. Its not like we were together for 6 months or a year.
fetish Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Yeah, i say stand your ground and don't contact. Let her miss you for a while. Because right now she either sounds like she doesn't know what she wants or is playing games with you. I'm going through a break up right now after 5 years. Right now i'm doing NC because its the best thing for me. Time to step up and be the man. You should read my story in another thread. I know it hurts bad. And sometimes when you think you're doing better, the pain comes back stronger almost like the death of a loved one. My advice is to be strong and know things will get better. Love blinds us and makes us forget there are other fish in the sea. As for me, right now, i could use this as an opportunity to move on to someone else, but i'm just not quite ready. Oh and if you're interested in reading my story here it is. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t155329/
Author jonnybananas Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 this is getting frustrating. i had a big test yesterday and i spent the weekend trying to get her out of my head and on my way into the test i got a text from her saying "good luck". way to throw me off my game before i even step onto the field. i of course texted her back pretty much just saying thanks and that i wasnt expecting to hear from her again.....then she was right back to ignoring me. i know i know....move on, she is messed up, get away, no contact.....but sometimes its just not that easy.
shanny Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I hate to say this but I think she is totally up to something. If she were simply confused or scared she would talk to you. My guess is that there is someone else in the picture. What would she be doing with all her time if there was not? Hopefully I am wrong. People do inexplicable things sometimes. I've been there. You can't beat yourself up though trying to figure someone out because you never will. You can sit around and try to come up with reasons or situations that caused this but unless she's gonna come clean, you will never know. If she does decide to come back I would make her tell you what happened... you have the right to know what made her ignore you. Good luck.
Author jonnybananas Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 there could be someone else but i doubt it. she works over 40 hours per week plus she plays mom to her younger siblings. driving them around, babysitting, little league, practices....so she has plenty to keep occupied. i just think she got scared from how fast she fell. im sure most people would assume im wrong and i dont really blame them but i think she still holds a torch for me. i think she just doesnt want to be tied down after she has had a few relationships go sour....very sour (beatings, rehab, etc). i just dont get how she could contact me every few days out of the blue and then go right back in ignore mode. if she wanted someone else or wanted nothing to do with me why not just leave?
Recommended Posts