foxh1234 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Hi everyone, wow what a day yesterday. A few days ago I wrote a heartfelt goodbye email to my ex. I worked on the wording for weeks and finally sent it to her. She responded with a nice email and I thought that was it. I thought it would set me back which it did, but I also needed to say the things I said and I think she felt the same. Anyway, I saw her in a parking lot yesterday and I parked my car and walked over to her. She stepped out and we embraced like never before. She held me so tight I couldn't breath. We embraced and cried like babies while cars whizzed by us. People were staring at us but we never stopped. 10-15 minutes went by and we stopped hugging and looked at each other for a minute and I told her goodbye, she said goodbye and we turned and walked away from each other. It was sad but felt good to say goodbye in person instead of a f**cking email. I am understandably messed up today, but in all honesty, it was worth every tear and every thought. My last memory of her will be of looking in her eyes and saying goodbye. I can live with that and hopefully put it behind me. I still love her deeply even after all that happened. Wow, what a day I had.
ioncebelieved Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 At least you were able to get that release in person. I am still having to deal with my goodbye from a phone call over 375 miles away!!! I know you are feeling rough today and rightly so. In person at least you get to see the reaction of the finality of it all instead of an email or phone. Good for you on that front and bad for you because of the pain you endure. Standing right there beside you my friend!!!
Author foxh1234 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 At least you were able to get that release in person. I am still having to deal with my goodbye from a phone call over 375 miles away!!! I know you are feeling rough today and rightly so. In person at least you get to see the reaction of the finality of it all instead of an email or phone. Good for you on that front and bad for you because of the pain you endure. Standing right there beside you my friend!!! Thanks man, it was rough but good. It was the right way to end things.
iwish Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I've had many last hugs. Which led to sex, which led to just one more last hug, which led to more sex. Then after the last, last hug/sex. I saw her having dinner with another guy. I was hurt. She'd only just said goodbye to me (again) 5 days b4. I texted her, she accused me of following her (i obviously was not!) and now we're worst enemy's.. keep that goodybe as it is. Do not go back for more.. And you will want to soon. because they're like a drug that can only be cured with Cold Turkey.
Author foxh1234 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 I've had many last hugs. Which led to sex, which led to just one more last hug, which led to more sex. Then after the last, last hug/sex. I saw her having dinner with another guy. I was hurt. She'd only just said goodbye to me (again) 5 days b4. I texted her, she accused me of following her (i obviously was not!) and now we're worst enemy's.. keep that goodybe as it is. Do not go back for more.. And you will want to soon. because they're like a drug that can only be cured with Cold Turkey. Your right about her being a drug, I want to see her already. I won't, but I sure want to. It was really hard to let her go, but I have no choice, she is moving on.
iwish Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 It is hard pal, really hard. I'm going through it myself and now is the longest NC i have ever done (5 days!!).. I'm hoping it'll get easier in time.. People on here say it will anyway... So do your best not to contact, leave it nice and maybe just maybe further down the line, she will contact you.. who knows
Author foxh1234 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Dude! That's ALL I wanted from my ex! One last frickin' HUG. You are lucky man. So now you're gonna leave it at that? What if you saw her again, by chance? Hi Y, I don't know what I will do when I see her again. I really don't know at this point. I still love her so it is very hard.
Author foxh1234 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Well, I mean, you can't go hug and cry on her every time you see her. heh Your right, I hope I don't see her for awhile. If I do, I will have to keep it together and try and look normal. I have been avoiding the places where she goes and I stay away from her friends. In a few months it won't bother me as much if I do run into her. At least I hope it doesn't.
kizik Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Fox, WOW. Sounds very emotionally intense. I think this is a good thing, although it may make you feel setback for a few days. Last hugs are always important. I feel lucky to have had the last hug with my ex the day we broke up. Today is the day to say, "OK. I've got it all out of my system. Time to move on." You are right to be avoiding the places she goes and her friends. Good luck, and congratulations on really having made the last step before moving forward.
Author foxh1234 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Fox, WOW. Sounds very emotionally intense. I think this is a good thing, although it may make you feel setback for a few days. Last hugs are always important. I feel lucky to have had the last hug with my ex the day we broke up. Today is the day to say, "OK. I've got it all out of my system. Time to move on." You are right to be avoiding the places she goes and her friends. Good luck, and congratulations on really having made the last step before moving forward. Hi Kiz, I think your congrats may be premature. I feel hope creeping back into my mind and heart today. After holding her I want to see her again and talk to her. I won't contact her, but the urge is strong. I still care so f**king much for her, we were together for 8 years. I just want to clear my head and stop feeling pain. I know that I caused this bit myself by contacting her, but I felt it was the right thing to do. I have no sense of what to do these days, I change my mind with the wind. I have honestly never felt this screwed up before. Break ups and emotions, man o man, I'm sick of it all.
kizik Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 You Need to Stay Busy. Look for an open mic tonight, call friends, see your parents. I know exactly how you feel, and the only way you're going to feel better is by being social and getting out of your head!!!
Author foxh1234 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 You Need to Stay Busy. Look for an open mic tonight, call friends, see your parents. I know exactly how you feel, and the only way you're going to feel better is by being social and getting out of your head!!! Your right Kiz, It will pass, just need time.
kizik Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Time, yes. But more importantly, activity. Look, I was bummed last week, even fantasizing about suicide. Then, I went out with strangers for 3 nights in a row, got drunk, flirted. Made a lot of jokes and, maybe, an ass of myself. Had some really in-depth conversations about life and love with someone who has been there. Time healing all wounds, sure... but you have to take an active role in your recovery. It's easy to sit around the apt. and dwell. It's hard to push yourself. And growing only comes from doing hard things.
ioncebelieved Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Hi Kiz, I think your congrats may be premature. I feel hope creeping back into my mind and heart today. OH MY!!! I had that same feeling for so long and I hate it!!! That hope will take everything from you and will allow you to do things you otherwise wouldn't have done. HOPE F*****G sucks!!!
LikeCharlotte Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 fox, that might be the sweetest story I've ever read. I realize it set you back a bit but do you remember what you said about someday being able to have good memories? That will be one. As hard as it's been for you I have to say that you are lucky to have such a sweet ending. I think I got a little teary myself. I know you are nervous about the next time you see her but it's going to be ok. Something I learned when I quit smoking was that the longer you avoid doing things or going places that were the biggest triggers the harder they were to face. If you know eventually you will have to see her just get it over with as soon as you can (when you aren't falling apart) and start getting comfortable with whatever it will be like between you from here forward. I think thats called exposure. That is how they treat people with irrational fears I think. It's worked for me in lots of different scenarios. I know it's not a popular opinion but if you know you are going to be around her someday it's a suggestion. Also, NC isn't permanent in your case and you already know that (I'm in the same boat) so enjoy that you know you had such a sweet ending and there will be no anger or fear between you. As for hope... focus it on the hope for your healing, future, finding something new and an amicable relationship with her down the road. I'm still thinking about how nice that was to read. Hope you are okay!
kizik Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I had a similar teary, hugging ending as Fox, and while I'm glad it didn't end in swear words and fists, I wouldn't by any stretch of the imagination call it a "good memory." That last hug is going to haunt me for a long time.
Author foxh1234 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 fox, that might be the sweetest story I've ever read. I realize it set you back a bit but do you remember what you said about someday being able to have good memories? That will be one. As hard as it's been for you I have to say that you are lucky to have such a sweet ending. I think I got a little teary myself. I know you are nervous about the next time you see her but it's going to be ok. Something I learned when I quit smoking was that the longer you avoid doing things or going places that were the biggest triggers the harder they were to face. If you know eventually you will have to see her just get it over with as soon as you can (when you aren't falling apart) and start getting comfortable with whatever it will be like between you from here forward. I think thats called exposure. That is how they treat people with irrational fears I think. It's worked for me in lots of different scenarios. I know it's not a popular opinion but if you know you are going to be around her someday it's a suggestion. Also, NC isn't permanent in your case and you already know that (I'm in the same boat) so enjoy that you know you had such a sweet ending and there will be no anger or fear between you. As for hope... focus it on the hope for your healing, future, finding something new and an amicable relationship with her down the road. I'm still thinking about how nice that was to read. Hope you are okay! Thanks LC, I am doing OK today. Focusing on healing and my future are words of wisdom indeed. This chapter is now closed and I have a new one to write.
pickingupthepieces Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 *sigh of relief* I am so happy for you! To have an ending like that is nice to see! I know for a long time I thought I would have that cold ending... where you can't even look at eachother when you see eachother or run the other way. It should make you feel so good that if/when you run into her you or her arn't going to feel like you have to run and hide. just be careful... I thought I had my ending quite a few times now. I know it is my own fault because I listened to my heart instead of my head. Like previously mentioned it is very much like a drug, I already want another hug and I just saw him this morning! Its just so hard when you love eachother so much. I still have that hope now.... I don't know why and it makes me feel horrible!!!!!!!! I don't think you have taken any steps back. I used to obsessed with how long it would take me to heal and everytime I ever goofed up I HATED myself. Now I TRY not to beat myself up for loving him still. Now I think that even when we "think" we take a step backwards we are actually still moving ahead. I think you had alot to let out and go of... and I think you did a GREAT job of it!
Author foxh1234 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 *sigh of relief* I am so happy for you! To have an ending like that is nice to see! I know for a long time I thought I would have that cold ending... where you can't even look at eachother when you see eachother or run the other way. It should make you feel so good that if/when you run into her you or her arn't going to feel like you have to run and hide. just be careful... I thought I had my ending quite a few times now. I know it is my own fault because I listened to my heart instead of my head. Like previously mentioned it is very much like a drug, I already want another hug and I just saw him this morning! Its just so hard when you love eachother so much. I still have that hope now.... I don't know why and it makes me feel horrible!!!!!!!! I don't think you have taken any steps back. I used to obsessed with how long it would take me to heal and everytime I ever goofed up I HATED myself. Now I TRY not to beat myself up for loving him still. Now I think that even when we "think" we take a step backwards we are actually still moving ahead. I think you had alot to let out and go of... and I think you did a GREAT job of it! Thanks alot for the encouraging words. I really appreciate it.
CailinPig Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Hmmm... my 'last hug' was very very different to yours. Mine had a sexual tone actually, which is probably worse!! F**kin hell, why are people so transient in your life? How can someone love you with all their heart and then leave you? Relationships suck. I've only had one and now I'm terrified I won't ever have another (even tho I'm 23!!) Fox, when I read your first post, I just KNEW if you're anyway like me, that you'd start feelin a lot worse a few days after the hug. Everyone here is right, it's like a drug. You feel on top of the world after even, dare I say, like you're back to your old self and then WHAM, you feel like hangin yourself from the nearest tree. I wouldn't avoid or not avoid her, I'd just live my life if I were you, and try to move on.
Author foxh1234 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Hmmm... my 'last hug' was very very different to yours. Mine had a sexual tone actually, which is probably worse!! F**kin hell, why are people so transient in your life? How can someone love you with all their heart and then leave you? Relationships suck. I've only had one and now I'm terrified I won't ever have another (even tho I'm 23!!) Fox, when I read your first post, I just KNEW if you're anyway like me, that you'd start feelin a lot worse a few days after the hug. Everyone here is right, it's like a drug. You feel on top of the world after even, dare I say, like you're back to your old self and then WHAM, you feel like hangin yourself from the nearest tree. I wouldn't avoid or not avoid her, I'd just live my life if I were you, and try to move on. Sage advice CP, I intend to live my life and move on. It is all I can do really. If another person doesn't want to be with you, you cannot make them.
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