LikeCharlotte Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I wanted to update a little and let everyone here at LS know that I am feeling like myself again. I haven't learned anything from this experience and that makes me a little sad but I've come out on the other side finally. I can say that I have no regrets, anger or sadness anymore very confidently. I wasn't sure if I would cycle again for awhile but I haven't and I feel finished. I think for a long time I was looking to get something from all of it because I have never before had a relationship end without learning something or coming to what I felt was its logical conclusion. I can say that I really did love him and I am happy to find that I am capable of that. I worked very hard to achieve that within myself. I will never say that "it just wasn't right" or that it wasn't going to work out. I don't believe that because I never got the chance to find out. I will say that now I will never know and I was a good girlfriend that did everything she could do and more. He was lucky to have me and he walked away too soon. That is my resolution. I don't have to hate him, I don't blame myself and I don't need to pretend that some sort of fate or impossible circumstance was involved. Nothing has changed about this resolution since the day it ended. I also think that most of what I was feeling was because the ex doesn't want to know me any more in any real sense. I was very hurt by that because I didn't get to know him with the expectation of romantic relationship. I liked him and it was hard to accept that he didn't find value in me as a person unless I was giving him that particular kind of attention. It's possible that there is some other reason but I just don't care anymore. I feel I deserved to know why we wouldn't really be friends but he is just not capable of being straightforward with me. Again, his loss really. As for me from here forward: I'm looking for a new jobI'm looking for a new man (I have an interesting prospect finally)I'm deciding where to continue my educationI'm enjoying this summer as much as possibleI'm going to visit LondonI'm going to continue working toward my life's goalsI've lost 15lbs and I'm feeling greatI'm staying at LS because I simply love it here! My only advice to anyone still trying to get through it is to grieve honestly and thoroughly and prepare yourself for something and someone new. You will find someone and that person deserves a strong complete partner who knows what they want and how to communicate it as much as you do. This is for all of you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuUhZxkr194 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBy4QXAAil8 :bunny:
justine4 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 WAY TO GO!!!!! Sounds like you're moving forward with the speed of a rocket LC! You'll give a lot of people on here hope, and I wish you the very best. Glad to hear you're still going to stay around LS, you talk a lot of sense in your posts...
kizik Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I think for a long time I was looking to get something from all of it because I have never before had a relationship end without learning something or coming to what I felt was its logical conclusion. I will never say that "it just wasn't right" or that it wasn't going to work out. I don't believe that because I never got the chance to find out. I will say that now I will never know and I was a good girlfriend that did everything she could do and more. He was lucky to have me and he walked away too soon. That is my resolution. I don't have to hate him, I don't blame myself and I don't need to pretend that some sort of fate or impossible circumstance was involved. I think a lot of times it doesn't make sense. And there is no conclusion. And we know we did our best, yet it didn't matter. You've described those sentiments very well here, LC. Took the words right out of my...fingers. I don't have to hate him, I don't blame myself and I don't need to pretend that some sort of fate or impossible circumstance was involved. I love these lines. Bitterness is not necessary, nor is self-hatred. And destiny, well, it's for the birds. You've very much summed up a feeling of forgiveness, let-it-be, roll with the punches. I think this is a great thread/post, and I'm very glad you are so on top of your life. Things are only looking up!!!
Nemo Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I wanted to update a little and let everyone here at LS know that I am feeling like myself again. That's great, but I only know what you were like before you were yourself. And now that you're yourself again, how can I be sure that I will like it? Can you be yourself on a trial basis, until we can all agree that it's not going to ruin all the fun we've been having with the person you used to be?
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 That's great, but I only know what you were like before you were yourself. And now that you're yourself again, how can I be sure that I will like it? Can you be yourself on a trial basis, until we can all agree that it's not going to ruin all the fun we've been having with the person you used to be?Sure! Two week trial basis - and if it doesn't work out I won't return until I am the picture of unrequited melancholy again. "'I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir,' said Alice, 'because I'm not myself you see.'" - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
mollers Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I will never say that "it just wasn't right" or that it wasn't going to work out. I don't believe that because I never got the chance to find out. I will say that now I will never know and I was a good girlfriend that did everything she could do and more. He was lucky to have me and he walked away too soon. That is my resolution. You could be talking about me here. This is the way I am dealing with it too. I didn't deserve for it to end the way it did but I have to. I too have: Booked a holidayPut my house up for saleJoined a gymand that is just to start me off. Onwards and upwards!
motive2002 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 You've come a long way, Charlotte. I hope I can meet you there soon. The photos, well they set me back a little. I shouldn't have looked at them. She was so happy to be with me in the beginning. Utter joy. I guess she did love me at one point. I did all I could do. No closure. Blindsided with her change of heart. I'll get there... hopefully.
foxh1234 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Way to go LC, I hope to be where you are someday. You are an inspiration.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 It's me, right? heh thought this might help you Y:laugh:
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 I'll get there... hopefully. Way to go LC, I hope to be where you are someday. You are an inspiration. Both of you are well on the way. Keep moving in this direction and before you know it some great woman will make you forget her completely!
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Justine, Mollers, and Kiz- Thank you for the kind words! :bunny: I hope I've truly helped. Onwards and upwards, indeed!
stlnsmile Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Well lets see as for me Just had a great beach vacation Got my varsity letter Made honor roll Aced my exams Made a ton of new friends and have plans every day this week Met a great guy, were talking Working out at the gym (but still haven't lost any weight darn it) I'm a size 5 or 7 so not large, but not where I want to be for me as a dancer. I am going to be on T.V. with my dance company I was invited into the dance company line Taking tons more dance classes this summer Applying to college....whew I get tired just thinking about it all:)
justaman99 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Same: Reconnect with old friends Doing things I would not normally do Spending time and money on myself: New clothes Just cleaned out my entire place, dumped a whole bunch of clutter, organized a ton of stuff. Got some new furniture Planning a trip to a nice island in the Caribbean Writing a lot - Might be a book Dating just to date Excelling in my career Playing guitar Just plain having fun All these are things I should have been able to do before and during my relationship with my ex. I don't know why this all happened now but it's great.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Does anyone else have healing success they would like to share? stlnsmile and justaman99 made me smile.
Nemo Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Oh, that brings a tear to my eye. I have read so many heartwarming stories here on LS. Healing stories, that just make you feel so lucky to be alive. I particularly like the ones where the guy has his first erection after being dumped. Such a poignant moment, a real turning-point in the mending of one's heart. I can only wonder how one would feel when all of a sudden it hits them that there is life after their ex, that their dreams of lifelong bondage can still be realised, and - at that precise moment - they gaze down at the throbbing tent in their pants. Truly profound.
stlnsmile Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I wanted to update a little and let everyone here at LS know that I am feeling like myself again. I haven't learned anything from this experience and that makes me a little sad but I've come out on the other side finally. I can say that I have no regrets, anger or sadness anymore very confidently. I wasn't sure if I would cycle again for awhile but I haven't and I feel finished. I think for a long time I was looking to get something from all of it because I have never before had a relationship end without learning something or coming to what I felt was its logical conclusion. I can say that I really did love him and I am happy to find that I am capable of that. I worked very hard to achieve that within myself. I will never say that "it just wasn't right" or that it wasn't going to work out. I don't believe that because I never got the chance to find out. I will say that now I will never know and I was a good girlfriend that did everything she could do and more. He was lucky to have me and he walked away too soon. Okay Charlott, this helped me soooo much, I think part of what has eaten me up all this time is guilt. Maybe I should have done more. But you know when I read this, I realy did realize, you know, I did all I could do, all that I knew how to do at the time, and there was nothing more I could do. I tried to get him back and talk to him, and I really really did every thing I could, and he was the one who walked away too soon. You know what that freed me in a new way. I mean I am/have moved on, but something still plequed me. It was quilt. About my parents, about me, in the relationship, but like you said, I know I was a good girlfriend, and I know I did everything that I could. I just want to say, thanks Charlott......I feel sooo much better.
stlnsmile Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Oh, that brings a tear to my eye. I have read so many heartwarming stories here on LS. Healing stories, that just make you feel so lucky to be alive. I particularly like the ones where the guy has his first erection after being dumped. Such a poignant moment, a real turning-point in the mending of one's heart. I can only wonder how one would feel when all of a sudden it hits them that there is life after their ex, that their dreams of lifelong bondage can still be realised, and - at that precise moment - they gaze down at the throbbing tent in their pants. Truly profound. Dork:cool:
CailinPig Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Charlotte, can I ask some maths questions??!! Like, how long were you two together? And how long has it been since you broke up? Cos I'm looking for a way outta my situation too. was with him almost three years. have been broken up for three months.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Oh, that brings a tear to my eye. I have read so many heartwarming stories here on LS. Healing stories, that just make you feel so lucky to be alive. I particularly like the ones where the guy has his first erection after being dumped. Such a poignant moment, a real turning-point in the mending of one's heart. I can only wonder how one would feel when all of a sudden it hits them that there is life after their ex, that their dreams of lifelong bondage can still be realized, and - at that precise moment - they gaze down at the throbbing tent in their pants. Truly profound.There was a moment of clarity for me when I realized that I could orgasm without crying again. So, yeah I can see that.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Charlotte, can I ask some maths questions??!! Like, how long were you two together? And how long has it been since you broke up? Cos I'm looking for a way outta my situation too. was with him almost three years. have been broken up for three months. I can give you 2 answers. First, this last relationship was serious for only 5 months or so and it's been about 2 months since we broke up. I was really invested and very heartbroken but we never achieved true intimacy because he bailed in the negotiation phase. Second, my previous relationship was over 5 years and very close to marriage when we split. I was really over it in about 3-4 months. I believe the difference is that the longer relationship was never very emotional. We did everything possible to save it but in the end he wouldn't seek therapy for depression thinking it would pass and I was worn out from waiting. We were very close and became friends very quickly.
Nemo Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 My only advice to anyone still trying to get through it is to grieve honestly and thoroughly and prepare yourself for something and someone new. You will find someone and that person deserves a strong complete orgasm without crying again. Good, honest post.
motive2002 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I had the profound tent moment Nemo was talking about. It was like a runaway dog that finally came home again. I thought I was broke. Now I feel quite fine
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 that their dreams of lifelong bondage can still be realised Now, that really does sound like me. How did you know Nemo?
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 Okay Charlott, this helped me soooo much, I think part of what has eaten me up all this time is guilt. Maybe I should have done more. But you know when I read this, I realy did realize, you know, I did all I could do, all that I knew how to do at the time, and there was nothing more I could do. I tried to get him back and talk to him, and I really really did every thing I could, and he was the one who walked away too soon. You know what that freed me in a new way. I mean I am/have moved on, but something still plequed me. It was quilt. About my parents, about me, in the relationship, but like you said, I know I was a good girlfriend, and I know I did everything that I could. I just want to say, thanks Charlott......I feel sooo much better.stlmnsmile, never feel guilty for doing the best you can. If you learned something use it in the future because you can't use it in the past.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 Salutations hey Y... giving this thread a bump or just saying hello? Y's quote response: I have decided that I do need a therapist. It can't hurt.
Recommended Posts