cookiecat Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 i can't believe it... four days from today, it will be a year since my bf and i broke up. and i still feel as though we were together just yesterday. i have had moments of feeling like i was getting past it... i've dated other guys and even thought i was falling in love with one of them. but it all turned out to be rebounds. i have moments where i feel like i'm getting over it, and then all the old feelings come flooding back. is this normal? after a year? i'm so terrified of this lasting for years on end. i truly can't imagine myself not having romantic feelings for this person. i'm so innately attracted to him. we were together for four years. i've had other long term relationships before him, but have always felt relieved after they were over. i've never had one work me over as hard as this one has.
pickingupthepieces Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I know what you mean..... I would like to know that too! I have had my moments of clarity, where I thought I was REALLY getting over it! I dated other people, thought I feel in love. All I ended up doing was falling in love with the idea of being in love. Its almost been a year for me to! I feel like I am this crazy person, I feel like I am over all of the anger etc... I still just love him! So weird.... It was never like this before. I always felt like our relationship was different then any other I have been in. I just figured by now I would NOT love him. I mean I am focusing on me moved on with my lilfe in so many ways, I just still can't shake it. Maybe its because I have had recent contact.. I dunno. I just don't think I will ever not have these feelings for him either. Its hard I have come to the point where I think I just have to accept that I will always love him and hope that I can love someone else differently?! (If that makes any sense). I don't know I'm in the same boat...not mush help I suppose
Author cookiecat Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 no, it does help! thank you for replying i am just so tired of feeling this way. it's just a bit complicated.... see i'm really really good friends with his sister. in fact we may even go in business together. he hasn't spoken to her in months because of our friendship, but we have been friends for a long time now. so it's not really fair of him to be that way. it's not as though i am the one who dumped him, or as though i am contacting him. i let him be, except for when he comes around to talk to me. however, after he started dating this mutual friend of ours, i told him to never speak to me again. so hopefully he will respect that. of course i wish he'd come back saying how much misses me and how sorry he is for everything. but feh. what an insane wish. i'm just so tired of feeling this way. it's literally drained me. i have so much going on in my life too, and so much more that could be going on, if i wasn't so exhausted.
mollers Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 It is probably much more difficult for you because you have his sister in your life and because he chose to date a mutual friend (an almost impossible thing to deal with I'm sure); there will be constant reminders. I take it his sister doesn't keep you updated on what is happening with him if they are not speaking? I am only 5 weeks down the line from my break up but am dealing with it ok (most of the time!) but I think that is because I am having no contact with him or anyone who knows him. Break ups and the related grief really are exhausting as you say. You must look after number one and concentrate on you. Maybe you need to spend more time on your own rather than trying relationships - maybe you tried too soon? I am sure it will get easier and easier (not much consolation now I know) but keep doing what you are doing and look after yourself.
Author cookiecat Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 yeah, i am definitely staying faaaaaaaaaaaaar away from relationships myself. i tried a few of them, but they ended in disastor. well maybe that's being dramatic, but they definitely were not good ideas because i am just not emotionally available myself yet. fortunately, i am not updated on his life, although i am updated enough via friends. actually his sister was a bit tipsy one day and leaked that another sister of theirs visited him and mentioned that he was not yet over it. logically, i did not need to hear this. emotionally, i did not need to hear it either, haha. it did that thing where i had a spike of hope for a second before i remembered, 'oh yeah, aaand he's in a relationship with someone now... ugh'. it also doesn't help that out of all the guys i have seriously been with, i felt the strongest for him. and was with him the longest. i am still so attracted to him on every level. ugh
mollers Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 yeah, i am definitely staying faaaaaaaaaaaaar away from relationships myself. i tried a few of them, but they ended in disastor. well maybe that's being dramatic, but they definitely were not good ideas because i am just not emotionally available myself yet. fortunately, i am not updated on his life, although i am updated enough via friends. actually his sister was a bit tipsy one day and leaked that another sister of theirs visited him and mentioned that he was not yet over it. logically, i did not need to hear this. emotionally, i did not need to hear it either, haha. it did that thing where i had a spike of hope for a second before i remembered, 'oh yeah, aaand he's in a relationship with someone now... ugh'. it also doesn't help that out of all the guys i have seriously been with, i felt the strongest for him. and was with him the longest. i am still so attracted to him on every level. ugh Yep, if I am honest, my ex was the person I have ever fallen the strongest for and I honestly thought we'd be together till the end. He however decided our relationship was not worth fighting for, and so I keep myself going by telling myself that he saw me as disposable, and I cannot waste the rest of my life pining for someone who did not think I was worth it. If he loved me, he would be with me. I played my part and he didn't. I feel I can hold my head up high, whereas I have lost a lot of my respect for him, much as I still love him. This makes me feel strong. Think about your relationship. If you feel like I do, and you think you did all you could, but in the end he still chose to let you go, then you can retain your pride and know that you are a worthy person and that you will find someone who deserves you and vice versa. I am sure you are moving on but it is happening slowly so you can't really feel it fully yet.
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