Author Gunny376 Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 *drops and does 100, for major faux pas, then begs for forgiveness* Marine...Sir! Corproral Cimarellia! Is that you! Told ya to drop and give me fifty, dropped and drew a big 50, and gave them back to me! Your good people Trial!
Trialbyfire Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Corproral Cimarellia! Is that you! Told ya to drop and give me fifty, dropped and drew a big 50, and gave them back to me! Your good people Trial! Corporal Hard-ass, LS Corp, 1st Division...Sir! You're good people too Gunny. You're going to make a kick-arse Grandfather. Mark my words.
Author Gunny376 Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 I just wanted people to know, they're pulling those supply clerks, those admin clerks, those disbursing clerks off those desks and putting guns in there hands and putting them on the front lines. Every Marine is an infratryman!
tinktronik Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Thanks tinktronik. I tried e-mail, but apprantely my DD doesn't know how to type, and my DS doesn't either, and only the DD is into e-mailing stuff that others have forwarded to her about JHC and Angles. My DD got a tatto, not just a tatto, but what is termed a "porn-star" tatto. (On the lower back-side, above the buttocks) I HATE tattos, especially that kind ~ but I never said a thing about it, and never will. Its her Life. When she showed it to me, I just said, "Nice artwork, whose the artist that did it?" I personally don't care for tattos, let alone on women ~ but "Hey! Who am I to judge? If that's your thing! Go for it!" Just not for me! I'm not trying to judge them and they're choices, (although I will come down hard on certain choices, drugs, gambling, porn, alcohol) and I'm not about giving un-solicitated advice, (although I've got a lot of life experience and could save them a lot of grief if they would just listen) Thanks for your post ~ it helped a lot! My Dad whom is a former Marine also got a little "funny" when I had purple hair.It happens. Sometimes you just sit through the awkward phone calls, and later your kids will talk to you about the real nitty gritty. Good Luck Gunny , I know you'll figure out how to do this.
Confused9 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Gunny, just do whatever it takes. If she doesn't respond to email, send her a card, a letter, call her up...do anything. Same with your son. Don't give up...you and I both know you will never forgive yourself if you do...
TrustInYourself Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 True love can not be denied. Give it some time, at the very least, your kids will know you are there, with love in your heart.
Author Gunny376 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Thanks for all the support and replys! I've worked long and hard to get my Life straighted out and on the right course since my divorce. Went through the "re-bound and transisitionary" relationship thing ~ what a freaking mess that was. (Relationships! Easy to get into, difficult to maintain, and sometimes even harder to get out of!) I would hope that in sharing this with all of you, that some of you can appreciate some of the long term reprecussions of divorce. Divorce ain't no joke, (I'm linscesed to say "ain't" because I'm from the South ) I made my mind up that I wasn't going to be sitting around the old folks home talking about my second, third and fourth ex-wives Getting their names all mixed up. I wish I could hear from C-Lion and Lakeside, along with LadyJane on this subject. Mz Pixie, Perry,and ILMW, along wtih TTL's ~ and of course Melevator and others! Just want to get back to being normal. Lakeside knows what I mean ~ having being a Vietnam Vet. Or as close to normal as I can be.
Missy27 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I wish Ladyjayne was on this one ~ she'd knock yer into shape At the end of the day Gunny ~ what is "normal" anyway ~ as far as I can see ~ you're about as "normal" as your goning to get ~ Why would you want to re-intergrate into civillian "la la" land to that extent anyway? ~ if I were you ~ I wouldn't want to mingle on an intimate level with the likes of us queer folk ~ I think you are who you are ~ and I think you're probably being a little bit too self critical at the moment ~ who's to say you've not adjusted extremely well to the "outside world" ~ Your children? ~ I dont know ~ it's a tough one ~ Can you be a bit more specific as to WHY you feel that you're relationship with your kids is so strained ~ I understand the military aspect of it ~ I really do ~ I've had first hand experience with it myself ~ but Why haven't your kids been to your house more than 3 times in 13 years? ~ Is it possible that you could offer to look after your GS for a day ~ to get time to bond with him and then have something to talk to your DD about at the end of the day? Could you get your DS & DD together ~ alone with you ~ and go on a camping trip for the weekend or SOMETHING like that ~ ~ some alone time with them so that YOU can let them know how YOU feel and vice versa ~ I dont know ~ I'm probably just throwing up useless ideas ~ but just trying to get a better feel of your situation. (P.s ~ I'm also licensed to say "aint" because I'm from the UK and I speak like a farmer !!)
Kasan Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Your children? ~ I dont know ~ it's a tough one ~ Can you be a bit more specific as to WHY you feel that you're relationship with your kids is so strained I wonder about this too. If your daughter is showing you her tatoo and laying your grandson in your arms then there is a relationship. It sounds to me that there is a foundation that you can build upon. What kind of relationship are your looking for with your kids? How often do you see and talk to them now?
ilmw Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 (P.s ~ I'm also licensed to say "aint" because I'm from the UK and I speak like a farmer !!) Don't tell me you soundlike Worzel Gummitch
Author Gunny376 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 My Mother left with me with my Dad who left me with my parternial GP's when I was six. Although I wasn't an only child, I was raised as one, literally on a long dirt road back up in the pine thickets of Alabama with only two dogs as childhood companions. My GF use to have to drive me to meet the school bus. That combined with twenty years in the Marines made me very adapt toward the solitary and spartian life. I'm not one that's un-comforatable with being single and alone. In the one rare e-mails I did receive from the DD, she expressed that she wish we were closer. And they she and the DS could and should have made more of attempt at working on our relationship. My adpating to civilian life has been a real personal struggle ~ and I mean BIG TIME! Its damn hard going from being a Hero to being a Zero. That's had a lot to do with it. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, anger,...................... I went from being profiecient and competent, responsible, in charge, of a lot of people and millions of dollars woth of equipement to ~ nothing. I went through the whole "Rambo~Born In The USA~Shawshank Redemtion" range of emotions. They're going thorugh their teens, and starting their lives has had something to do with it. But if I had to put my one finger on it, it would be that I should have gone to North Carolina, moved into the barracks, and came down and spent as much time as I could with my children as often as I could my last four years in the Marine Corps. That's where I screwed up.
Missy27 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Don't tell me you soundlike Worzel Gummitch EXACTLY ~ !! :laugh: ~ albeit a bit softer and a tad more womanly !! ~ I'm not joking either ~ I hate it ~ but I cant shake it ~
Kasan Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 In the one rare e-mails I did receive from the DD, she expressed that she wish we were closer. And they she and the DS could and should have made more of attempt at working on our relationship. Gunny--here it is--call your daughter and tell her you want to work on a closer relationship. She has opened the door for you! I'm really surprised at you! I don't know you, but from your writings you don't sound like a coulda, shoulda, type of man. Your pattern seems to be to arm yourself with books and attack your problems. What is different now? Sorry to say--you don't come off as a "zero" to me, and gotta tell you, it's hard to read when you write this stuff. It's not the image of Gunny that I have in my mind. Look, you can fix this disconnect with your kids--it's never too late. I would make this my mission and top priority in life. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Missy27 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 My Mother left with me with my Dad who left me with my parternial GP's when I was six. Although I wasn't an only child, I was raised as one, literally on a long dirt road back up in the pine thickets of Alabama with only two dogs as childhood companions. My GF use to have to drive me to meet the school bus. That combined with twenty years in the Marines made me very adapt toward the solitary and spartian life. I'm not one that's un-comforatable with being single and alone In the one rare e-mails I did receive from the DD, she expressed that she wish we were closer. And they she and the DS could and should have made more of attempt at working on our relationship. My adpating to civilian life has been a real personal struggle ~ and I mean BIG TIME! Its damn hard going from being a Hero to being a Zero. That's had a lot to do with it. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, anger,...................... I went from being profiecient and competent, responsible, in charge, of a lot of people and millions of dollars woth of equipement to ~ nothing. I went through the whole "Rambo~Born In The USA~Shawshank Redemtion" range of emotions. They're going thorugh their teens, and starting their lives has had something to do with it. But if I had to put my one finger on it, it would be that I should have gone to North Carolina, moved into the barracks, and came down and spent as much time as I could with my children as often as I could my last four years in the Marine Corps. That's where I screwed up. There you see it ? Your DD has expressed the desire to become closer to you and has ACCEPTED her part in the fact that your relationship hasn't been perfect. We all screw up Gunny ~ it's a fact of life ~ you feel like you screwed up by not spending enough time with them when you were in the last 4 years of the corps. Maybe you screwed up ~ maybe it wouldn't have made a difference ~ but we all make mistakes ~ and your DD ~ now having a child of her own ~ is going to realise that being a parent isn't easy ~ and she's going to screw up with your GS a few times ~ I'm sure ~ because ALL parents screw up now and then ~ You cant change the past ~ Its what you do from NOW on that matters ~ you're DD's going to have to overcome her parental obstacles ~ now being a mother to your GS ~ having a child changes a woman ~ in more ways that one could imagine ~ In my opinion ~ now is the PERFECT time to beging to rebuild your relationship with your children ~ now that you've all got another little life in the mix ~ I think your DD's feeling it ~ aswell as you ~ now that you've got a GS ~ Its time to put the past behind you all and work on becoming a real family again ~ it's not going to be easy ~ nothing is ~ but it's got to be worth a try no??
twice_shy Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 The Corps demanded so much of me, mentailly,emotionallhy, spirtually, physically I had nothing left to give to anyone else! There! I've said it! Don't beat yourself up over it. Thats what it takes in today's world to survive. People are busy, work is important. Maybe all the women that complain about their husbands always working need to marry a stock boy at the local grocery store who doesn't have to bring any work home with him. Or better yet, marry someone unemployed. But I'm guessing that wouldn't fly either huh? What are us guys suppose to do? Ditch our careers out of fear of cheating women? Ditch them so that our children aren't well provided for?
Author Gunny376 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Gunny--here it is--call your daughter and tell her you want to work on a closer relationship. She has opened the door for you! I'm really surprised at you! I don't know you, but from your writings you don't sound like a coulda, shoulda, type of man. Your pattern seems to be to arm yourself with books and attack your problems. What is different now? Sorry to say--you don't come off as a "zero" to me, and gotta tell you, it's hard to read when you write this stuff. It's not the image of Gunny that I have in my mind. Look, you can fix this disconnect with your kids--it's never too late. I would make this my mission and top priority in life. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You're right of course. And, this is going to become a top priorty getting my life where I want and need it to be. The situation just evolved over the course of time, until its come down to where its at. It was hard coming out of the Corps back into civilain life ~ and it took me awhile to acclimate myself to the new and different "standards" In fact I just got back from having been called in on the carpet by my boss because I was "rude and disrespectful" to a foreman at work last night (I hung the phone up in his ear while he was still talking because he PMO! ) It wasn't so much I didn't know how to go about dealing with the situation, I know its going to be a slow and awkward process. I really just wanted ideas and feedback on the situation. Especially from a woman's point of view ~ and from other Fathers. I also in starting this thread, wanted others going through divorce to know how important it is to make it a priorty to maintain the macro and micro of thier relationships with others especially their children. I certainly don't view myself as a zero ~ but where I choose to live ~ twenty years in the Marine Corps ~ even a college degree doesn't mean a whole lot. Its all about who you know ~ and all the more who your related to or married into. We all can look back with 20/20 visoion and see with perfect clairity what we could and should have done ~ especially as parents. But, I can honestly say and go to grave knowing that I did the best with what I had and knew at the time. I can honestly say I gave and will continue to give my all and 110% +! That's just me, and who I am. Again Thanks for the comments, and again I wanted this thread to be not just about me and mine, but so others could learn and grow from my experiences ~ especially those going through the "Big D" with small children!
Author Gunny376 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Don't beat yourself up over it. Thats what it takes in today's world to survive. People are busy, work is important. Maybe all the women that complain about their husbands always working need to marry a stock boy at the local grocery store who doesn't have to bring any work home with him. Or better yet, marry someone unemployed. But I'm guessing that wouldn't fly either huh? What are us guys suppose to do? Ditch our careers out of fear of cheating women? Ditch them so that our children aren't well provided for? I've got a co-worker, 38, second marriage, God fearing- church family man, Mason, five children (his three girls ~ her girl and boy), working essentially three full time jobs and anything else to make a dime, going thorugh yet another custody hearing with the XW. You can just see the stress mounted upon stress on top of stress in his eyes and upon his face!
tinktronik Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I've got a co-worker, 38, second marriage, God fearing- church family man, Mason, five children (his three girls ~ her girl and boy), working essentially three full time jobs and anything else to make a dime, going thorugh yet another custody hearing with the XW. You can just see the stress mounted upon stress on top of stress in his eyes and upon his face! I don't know that this only occurs with men . I think it is a product of divorce and child custody. I get the same from my ex. He always needs MORE money or more clothes or more toys , something for the kids. Sometimes there just is not anymore, and there also has to be enough for them when they are with me as well. In order to even make time for the kids to HAVE a mom , I have to cut back on work when they are here, and that means less stuff not more.
Author Gunny376 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 No its not just men, there are plenty of Mom's out there who are going through this as well, didn't mean to imply otherwise. What is more there are more than just a handful of parents, (both men and women) who are working two or more jobs, who have full custody and responsibility for their children, who hasn't seen a dime in support ~ nor the X for that matter in years! A lot of time the other parent forgets that you've got to provide beds, furniture, toys, games, etc for when the children when they're with youon My X actually suggested that my children when they were younger could come stay the Summer with me in the SNCO barracks (think motel room) on base.
Kasan Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 You're right of course. And, this is going to become a top priorty getting my life where I want and need it to be. The situation just evolved over the course of time, until its come down to where its at. It was hard coming out of the Corps back into civilain life ~ and it took me awhile to acclimate myself to the new and different "standards" My father had the same problem--he wasn't a marine but served 20 years in the Air Force. In fact I just got back from having been called in on the carpet by my boss because I was "rude and disrespectful" to a foreman at work last night (I hung the phone up in his ear while he was still talking because he PMO! ) Sorry to hear that--my father experienced the same thing, couldn't tolerate laziness, and incompetence. His last job was working for the state. He disliked the governor, and the governor disliked him. He retired at 50. It wasn't so much I didn't know how to go about dealing with the situation, I know its going to be a slow and awkward process. I really just wanted ideas and feedback on the situation. Especially from a woman's point of view ~ and from other Fathers. My father was a SOB--happy to report that the years have softened him and probably me and the damage to our relationship has been repaired. Wasn't easy on my end--but forgiveness is a gift that I chose to give to myself. I also in starting this thread, wanted others going through divorce to know how important it is to make it a priorty to maintain the macro and micro of thier relationships with others especially their children. You are absolutely right of course! It's all about the kids! I think most people when they divorce have the best intentions on keeping the family unit as intact as they can, but housing, jobs, and other significant others muddy things up. I certainly don't view myself as a zero ~ but where I choose to live ~ twenty years in the Marine Corps ~ even a college degree doesn't mean a whole lot. Its all about who you know ~ and all the more who your related to or married into. We all can look back with 20/20 visoion and see with perfect clairity what we could and should have done ~ especially as parents. But, I can honestly say and go to grave knowing that I did the best with what I had and knew at the time. I can honestly say I gave and will continue to give my all and 110% +! Children can also look back and come to the realization that their parents like themselves, are flawed, but really did try and do the best they could with the knowledge that they had. That's just me, and who I am. Again Thanks for the comments, and again I wanted this thread to be not just about me and mine, but so others could learn and grow from my experiences ~ especially those going through the "Big D" with small children! I'm pretty sure knowing the type of man you are from your writings that everything will end up just fine and if it doesn't, it won't be from a lack of effort on your end. Be well!
Ladyjane14 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 I wish I could hear from C-Lion and Lakeside, along with LadyJane on this subject.... Hmmm... I knew my ears must be burning for some reason. Sorry to be so late. It's been months since I last checked in... crazy busy lately and all that. You know, I've been dealing with my own extended family issues recently, the same issues I had mentioned to you a few months ago. I can tell you this.... there's a greater perspective to be had when you're looking at the BIG PICTURE. The petty stuff just drifts away, and you're left with what's really important. I'm sure you know what I mean, having lost your friend, Bill, not that long ago. Folks just can't get along together ALL the time. Humans are just too egocentric for the most part. We're all caught up in our own little soap operas and petty differences to take daily stock of what's REALLY meaningful in our lives. But... and here's the miracle of it all... when the chips are down, when our backs are to the wall, when REAL life inconveniently interrupts... we somehow manage to find our focus and remember our love of family. This is much ado about nothing, hon. If you'll check your memory, I bet you can think of dozens of youngsters who distanced themselves from their parents during their twenties. Heck, I was one like that myself, just too busy setting my own course to remember that the folks back home were missing me, and too full of myself to put the small grievances of the past behind me at the time. Kids grow up, whether they're from broken homes or intact ones, and after they're secure in who they are as independent adults, after they've made a few mistakes of their own, they're ready to see Mom and Dad as just plain people, subject to imperfections and human frailty like we all are. From the gist of what you've written, already your girl is starting to find her way back. Your boy will too. Give him some time, you'll see. For now, just keep calling them on the phone once or twice a week just to "jaw" and catch up, invite 'em for Sunday supper or to meet for a cup of coffee in town. Ask them for help when you've got some kind of project to do, offer some help when they have one... and let time do it's work. You know kiddo, you could've been SuperDad all this time, and they STILL might have drifted while they're finding their own way. Don't beat yourself up about it. All any man can do is the best he can do, right? Oh... and lay off the sauce Bubba. You'll end up maudlin. "There's a tear in my beer 'cause I'm cryin' for you Dear" :lmao:
Author Gunny376 Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Hmmm... I knew my ears must be burning for some reason. Sorry to be so late. It's been months since I last checked in... crazy busy lately and all that. You know, I've been dealing with my own extended family issues recently, the same issues I had mentioned to you a few months ago. I can tell you this.... there's a greater perspective to be had when you're looking at the BIG PICTURE. The petty stuff just drifts away, and you're left with what's really important. I'm sure you know what I mean, having lost your friend, Bill, not that long ago. Folks just can't get along together ALL the time. Humans are just too egocentric for the most part. We're all caught up in our own little soap operas and petty differences to take daily stock of what's REALLY meaningful in our lives. But... and here's the miracle of it all... when the chips are down, when our backs are to the wall, when REAL life inconveniently interrupts... we somehow manage to find our focus and remember our love of family. This is much ado about nothing, hon. If you'll check your memory, I bet you can think of dozens of youngsters who distanced themselves from their parents during their twenties. Heck, I was one like that myself, just too busy setting my own course to remember that the folks back home were missing me, and too full of myself to put the small grievances of the past behind me at the time. Kids grow up, whether they're from broken homes or intact ones, and after they're secure in who they are as independent adults, after they've made a few mistakes of their own, they're ready to see Mom and Dad as just plain people, subject to imperfections and human frailty like we all are. From the gist of what you've written, already your girl is starting to find her way back. Your boy will too. Give him some time, you'll see. For now, just keep calling them on the phone once or twice a week just to "jaw" and catch up, invite 'em for Sunday supper or to meet for a cup of coffee in town. Ask them for help when you've got some kind of project to do, offer some help when they have one... and let time do it's work. You know kiddo, you could've been SuperDad all this time, and they STILL might have drifted while they're finding their own way. Don't beat yourself up about it. All any man can do is the best he can do, right? Oh... and lay off the sauce Bubba. You'll end up maudlin. "There's a tear in my beer 'cause I'm cryin' for you Dear" :lmao: Always good to hear from you LJ, and your post is dead own. I just had to muddle it through mb deluxe brain housing group, and your words only validate the conclusions I came to. To add to what you've posted. Be persistent and consistent. Be loving, supporting, and validating No meddling nor giving un-solictited advice Allow them to make their own decision and mistakes, (even it means biting knuckles) Side note, my favorite Obama quote thus far to date: "We live in tbe greatest nation in the history of the World, want you join me in helping to change it!"
Author Gunny376 Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 By Marshall Tucker Band (PS MTB has been touring for over thirty years, they incorporate jazz, blues, souther rock, and country into their music and always put on a really good show. If you ever have a chance to go see them ~ GO!) More along the lines of Well I'm sittin' down in San Anton' Waiting on an eight o'clock train My woman left me here last night Things ain't been quite the same I gotta get back to Dallas And tie up a few loose ends I'm gonna work a week make a hundred dollars Aw and hit the road again So I don't want you to think That you're the first one To leave me out here on my own Cause this ain't gonna be the first time This ol' cowboy spent the night alone Now honey I've been a fool but a bigger fool I can't remember when I've been Just to open up my heart And let you walk right in Now there's one thing in this life Ain't hard for me to do That's as soon as I kiss the lips of another woman I'm gonna forget all about you So I don't want you to think That you're the first one To leave me out here on my own No this ain't gonna be the first time This ol' cowboy spent the night alone (Solo) If you wrote all the woman's names down I know And let me pick one out I don't think there'd be one in the whole bunch Aw I'd give a hoot about So I don't want you to think That you're the first one To leave this ol' boy out here on his own Cause this ain't gonna be the first time This ol' cowboy spent the night alone No this ain't gonna be the first time This ol' cowboy spent the night alone
Mz. Pixie Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I had a whole damn post and I lost it!!!! Gunz- I think just saying you're sorry you weren't around more would go a long way. I would do anything to hear that from my dad. Sorry that he wasn't around. Sorry that he wasn't supportive. Sorry that he left me at the hands of my crazy mom and stepdad. He had to make ammends in AA for the things that he did. I asked him if he made ammends to everyone and he said yes. He's NEVER said he's sorry for the things he did to me. I'd like to scream that in his face. True stories. My dad is a genius at fixing stuff. We just paid mega bucks for a new ac unit. He could have offered to install it for us to save some cash but do you think he offered?? So I echo what LJ said about helping them with projects. His feelings are that when he comes to my house he's on vacation. Last year on my birthday my MIL took me shopping and bought me three pairs of boots. NICE. I told my dad and my stepmom about it. My dad was selling boots and shoes at the local flea market (not that they need the money). I asked him if he had cowboy boots in my size as I wanted some to line dance with my hubby. He said yes that he did. Then he said "But if you want them I'm going to charge you for them" My own father wouldn't give me a pair of boots that he would sell for $16.00!! $!16.00!!! I'm not saying that he has to do things for me financially but it was my birthday and he could have given me a stinking pair of boots. When I was told I had PTSD his biggest concern is did I gain any weight and the fact that I didn't need to take medication because of the history of addiction in our family. I echo alot of what LJ says. You make the calls. You pursue the relationship. Eventually it will feel natural and I believe they will respond. Help with GS and with projects or whatever they need. My dad comes to get my kids every summer for two weeks- but that is the only time he sees them. Yet, he's retired and could come anytime he wanted to. Both of them are. When he comes to get them sometimes he will pick them up at my ex's house and not even come to mine! And I have to go back and pick them up (6hours) or he won't come get them at all!!! Everyone wants to know that their daddy loves them. I'm sure you've told them this but it's not too late to be better involved in their lives. Oh, and I did post to you I think on like page 1.
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