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Posted

Hey all! I posted this under another topic, but got worried it would get buried and I wouldn't get any responses. I apologize if it is considered a double post, or whatever you call it.

 

I am new to this site and I am SO glad I found it! It is comforting to see there are other people out there going through the struggles of a LDR, and they are making it work. I met the love of my life 5 months ago, she is from Russia and came to the US on an internship type program. She is an attorney there and is the most incredible person I have ever met. She had to go back to Russia 4 weeks ago today, so this LDR situation is very new to me and very hard. She will probably have to fulfill a 2 year residency requirement back in Russia, meaning she can't come back to the US permanently until she spends 2 years in Russia cumulatively. She can leave there and visit me here or we can meet in Europe, but that time she is gone will count off against her 2 years. I am willing to wait forever for this woman, because I have never loved someone like this, never connected like this, never felt like I was SO meant to be with someone. I was married for 15 years and I never felt this strong of a connection, on all levels, even early in my relationship with my ex, when everything seems so perfect. It is so strong and feels so right that it is almost scary. What scares me the most is that we are so far apart geographically and I don't have any experience with this LDR thing, and I am afraid of us losing our connection and I will lose her. On the other hand, you often hear that if it's meant to be it will work out. That is true to a point, but she and I also believe we have to work hard to communicate, to stay connected, to share our feelings and experiences daily. So far we are doing that very well, but it is difficult since there is a 11 hour time difference for us. We don't have a definite date when we will see each other again, but the plan is for me to travel to Russia to meet her family in July or August, so I guess I should say 60 days to be safe. 3 months apart seems SO long, but then I get on here and see people waiting much longer and it gives me hope and strength.

I apologize if I rambled, but I have a lot of loneliness and sadness and "missing her" built up and it feels good to share it with others who can understand.

 

Any advice from some of the "veterans" on here would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks for listening.

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Posted

Aw, I am sorry to hear you are so sad and feeling lonely right now. But trust me - you are definitely not alone!!! I am new to this forum as well, I don't even know why I started posting JUST NOW as I met my boyfriend so many years ago!!!

 

I can say that it IS possible for things to work out. In case you haven't read my little story (I'll be brief), I basically met my boyfriend nine years ago in Europe (he is German, I am from the USA). We were off and on - sometimes committed, sometimes just 'seeing what would happen' - for several years, until one year ago (May '07), he announced he was ready to make something happen and started to look for a job in the USA. Exactly 365 days later (I am not kidding!) he formally accepted his new job in the United States, and will be moving here in August!!! I am so excited, I am sure you can imagine!

 

SO I tell you that because trust me - this can work out. I will tell you right now that an LDR is one of the most difficult things you can endure in life. I always say this, but it takes even the most normal person and turns them into a total psycho!!! I have cried rivers of tears and felt some of the loneliest days and nights, as I am sure you can understand! It is just AWFUL being away from the one you love, especially when you simply cannot see the end in sight!!!

 

Some words of advice I have:

 

1. Always plan your next visit BEFORE you say goodbye. Set the dates, get the tickets, whatever you have to do. It always makes parting easier if you KNOW when you will meet next.

 

2. Attempt to have some form of communication daily - whether it's phone, text, email, etc...I actually rarely talk to my b/f on the phone, we actually mostly email. We are both busy, but we manage to have some form of daily communication.

 

3. If you have any sort of faith, pray for the relationship. Trust me, if God invented the universe, surely he can manage your relationship and bridge the gap between a few thousand miles! :)

 

4. Little things really matter. I was so overjoyed when my b/f would send me a little card or gift in the mail.

 

5. Figure out something you both want to pursue (a new hobby, learning a new language, etc...), then do it while you are apart from each other. Even though you're thousands of miles away, it is fun to learn something 'together', and it gives you something to talk about.

 

6. Don't ever forget to call her on holidays, birthdays, etc...

 

7. Remember to keep living your own life. OF COURSE you can think of her all the time - she is the one you love, after all! But continue to live the days that have been given to YOU to their fullest. It will help keep your mind occupied, and the time will go much faster. It was always so tempting for me to fall into the trap of sitting at home, moping on the couch b/c I missed my man. But I'm glad I've kept my life busy and fun. I am still an independent person, which is so important!

 

8. Even though an LDR will make you feel psycho sometimes, try to keep any 'crazy' or distrustful emotions you might have in check and be open and honest with your communication. There is NO ROOM for drama in an LDR. They are too difficult as it is!

 

9. And it is true that if it's meant to be, it will work out. But it is also hard work. And eventually you will have to come up with a plan of action to be together. When you both decide you truly want to be together, realize that one of you is going to have to move. It's a big sacrifice.

 

Keep posting on here. Everyone seems so friendly and helpful. And that is so exciting that you are going to meet her family in a couple months!!! Hopefully the time flies by for you and you'll be with her before you know it! :)

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