pr-girl Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I've been away from LS for a little while because I was trying to focus on other aspects of my life - positive things - other than my "pain." Although LS helped me a great deal, I found myself wallowing in my heartbreak. I'm back, once again, because I'm feeling hopeless. I feel as though my ex took away any small amount of hopeful feelings I had left for a healthy relationship. I feel broken now - just like he had said to me when we broke up. He was "broken." Well, now I know exactly how he feels. I feel unable to move on... I know I don't want to do what he did to a new mate, so I want to get past this asap. The only problem is, I don't know how. I find myself thinking of him and missing him and even dreaming of him. I've been out on one date since my ex and I broke up in February. I find myself not wanting to even go out with a new man. It's exhausting to me. I just don't have the desire. Does this mean something is wrong with me - or is it that I'm just not ready? It took me 3 1/2 years to date again after my ex prior to this one. I don't want to wait 3 1/2 more years. I am 32 and would like to meet someone someday, get married and have a child. When I meet men that are interested in me, I don't feel inspired to date them. I'm afraid if I maintain this way of thinking, I will wind up alone. Why can't I get past this?
kizik Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 The answer is simple: learn to love being single. Focus on your career and your interests. Hang out with friends. Make yourself more well-rounded. Have fun! The right people walk into our lives when we least expect them. We choose the wrong people when we frantically look around for someone to "complete" us. Enjoy being single. Learn to love your own company.
Author pr-girl Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 The answer is simple: learn to love being single. Focus on your career and your interests. Hang out with friends. Make yourself more well-rounded. Have fun! The right people walk into our lives when we least expect them. We choose the wrong people when we frantically look around for someone to "complete" us. Enjoy being single. Learn to love your own company. I completely understand that. BUT, my friends are all saying I'm so focused on other things and that I'm too cynical that I don't give any guy a chance. I'm not looking for anyone. I want to stay away from men and I want them to stay away from me. This isn't a healthy way of thinking, I'm sure. I was so happy being single after my breakup 4 years ago, that I stayed single for almost 4 years. My most recent ex just fell into my lap. I don't subscribe to dating sites or go to clubs looking for men - but, how do I react to them positively again?
kizik Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I want to stay away from men and I want them to stay away from me. This isn't a healthy way of thinking, I'm sure. Not really healthy, no. How can you expect to meet someone when you're almost certainly projecting anti-male vibes? I would maybe suggest some counseling. Not to imply you're f*cked up. People always thinking counseling means you're f*cked up... nope. Just that you care about yourself and want professional prospectives.
Author pr-girl Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Not really healthy, no. How can you expect to meet someone when you're almost certainly projecting anti-male vibes? I would maybe suggest some counseling. Not to imply you're f*cked up. People always thinking counseling means you're f*cked up... nope. Just that you care about yourself and want professional prospectives. I've considered that too. I'm just so darn sad. I just cry out of nowhere lately. I could be driving, typing on my computer, or even working out, and I start to cry. I try to focus on other things, but it just comes back. I don't want to be that old, bitter women that hates men and doesn't trust anyone. I'm so scared I'm going to become so set in my ways, that I drive away a really good chance at being happy with a good man. I am so scared to try again.
northstar1 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I've been away from LS for a little while because I was trying to focus on other aspects of my life - positive things - other than my "pain." Although LS helped me a great deal, I found myself wallowing in my heartbreak. I'm back, once again, because I'm feeling hopeless. I feel as though my ex took away any small amount of hopeful feelings I had left for a healthy relationship. I feel broken now - just like he had said to me when we broke up. He was "broken." Well, now I know exactly how he feels. I feel unable to move on... I know I don't want to do what he did to a new mate, so I want to get past this asap. The only problem is, I don't know how. I find myself thinking of him and missing him and even dreaming of him. I've been out on one date since my ex and I broke up in February. I find myself not wanting to even go out with a new man. It's exhausting to me. I just don't have the desire. Does this mean something is wrong with me - or is it that I'm just not ready? It took me 3 1/2 years to date again after my ex prior to this one. I don't want to wait 3 1/2 more years. I am 32 and would like to meet someone someday, get married and have a child. When I meet men that are interested in me, I don't feel inspired to date them. I'm afraid if I maintain this way of thinking, I will wind up alone. Why can't I get past this? PR girl - when you are ready to seriously date again, you'll know. There is no 'right' timeframe in which to get over someone and be mentally and emotionally ready to date someone new with a clear mind. Sounds like you've been busy with other positive things in life - and that's great. There is no pressure for you to be ready to date. It will probably happen again when are not even thinking about it - whether it be a friend of a colleague or someone you meet through friends. One day when you least expect it you'll meet someone and think "wow, this person is great" and go from there. Baby steps.........
Author pr-girl Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 PR girl - when you are ready to seriously date again, you'll know. There is no 'right' timeframe in which to get over someone and be mentally and emotionally ready to date someone new with a clear mind. Sounds like you've been busy with other positive things in life - and that's great. There is no pressure for you to be ready to date. It will probably happen again when are not even thinking about it - whether it be a friend of a colleague or someone you meet through friends. One day when you least expect it you'll meet someone and think "wow, this person is great" and go from there. Baby steps......... Thank you, Northstar. I just want to feel "open" again. Right now, I am not.
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