claycald Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 well it has been literally 1 year since me and my ex broke up. it was pretty sudden when it all went down. she broke up with me to make it clear. i had set up to go out with her that night. everything seemed to be fine. i called her before i showed up at her house when she answered she sounded highly upset but wouldnt say what was wrong, only "i will tell u later". when i got to her house she stormed out to the car not speaking. i again ask what is wrong. again all she says "i will tell u later". so i didnt ask again. when i tried to give her a kiss on the cheek she just pushed me away. as the night went on we went to dinner, she made me let her pay which is highly odd. she is the type of girl to get scared real easily during movies and would always cuddle on to me when she saw something "Scary" lol. but that night when she got scared (of pirates of the carribean 3) she didnt lean in to me. when i tried to consule her she just scolded me and told me to leave her alone. i noticed how she kept staring at me with pain in her eyes holdin her stomach as if she was going to throw up. i looked at her and mouthed if she was okay she just looked away. ok so i thought she was just feeling sick to her stomach so i said i would take her home. but then when we got in the car i felt the strong sense of what she was going to do next. the only thing i could think of at the time to say was "I love you" as i said that i saw her break down crying hard. i had never seen her cry once in our 2 year relationship. her reasons kept changing on why she was leaving. she first said we are not right for each other. then she said she is leaving for college in a year that it would be easier to break up now then it would be then. then she was back to the not being right for each other. then she went off to she had been talking to her parents about it and they are right. then she said i was to old for her (i was 19 and she was turning 17 in a few weeks). then it was back to school again then back to not being right for each other. when we got in front of her house i look at her not crying but with extreme hurt, she looks at me crying very very hard and reaches out and gives me the biggest and longest hug i had ever gotten from her. while she hugged me she literally begged me to stay her friend that she really does like me. i said i would try to do that and i will always love her. but for about two months prior to this i had been pressuring her into letting me go to college with her. she had been talking about going to philadelphia (we live in san antonio tx) or new york or somewhere else far far away. i had been trying to get her to stay here or somewhere in texas so we could try to make things work. she would not let me go with her and she would not stay close. but as time went on i came to the decision that she should go where every she wants and i would try everything i could to keep her with a long distance relationship. i failed to tell her that. i was going to but never came to saying it. for about 3 months after she left i tried and tried and tried to make things work but she wouldnt come back. then her friends got involved telling me to leave her the hell alone she doesnt want anything to do with me and she was playing me all along. which were all complete lies. i have appologized to her about how i acted with her and told her my intentions before she decieded to leave and i did tell her her friends did everything they could to keep me away from her for 8 months. but she said it doesnt change anything but said thanks for telling her now. after awhile i started believing them and cut things off from her for 8 months. i had been praying to god wiether or not i should get in contact with her or not and for him to send a sign. i got the sign the next day. she has a rare last name and the car in front of us when we showed up at our hotel at the beach had her last name on it. so i took that as the sign to write her. ever since then we have been speaking. its been two months now and everything is fine. we are friends but i want more than that. she knows i still love her by how i speak to her and she still speaks to me. she wants to talk to me on the phone, see me in person, go do something with me when she turns 18 but at that time she will be out of the country. but i found out she has a new boyfriend and has been with him since november. when i saw her at her graduation the other night her face lit up so bright when she saw me and gave me a hug. but then ran off to find her friends to tell them good bye. im just so lost and confused. i know she is the one for me. i know that maybe i feel like that because she is the first girl i ever feel in love with, the first girl i ever dated, the only girl i have been with and the first girl i kissed and i am her first also. i just cant see her with anyone else but me and i cant see myself with anyone but her. i have tried so hard to get over her but i cant. i have tried dating again and that didnt go well. idk what to do. i feel like i should hold on to try and make her see i have changed since then and hope she deciedes to come back. but all of that seems so far from now. im totally and completly lost and devestated
stlnsmile Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I was all with you, shaking my head up and down sayiing, uh huh, uh huh, I understand how you feel, because the situation with my ex was very very similar. I was with you on the whole confused about going away to University thing, and the whole not being sure it could work while at University thing....I was with you...the exact same things my ex told me...I don't know if it will work while I'm at Uni, my family, bla bla bla...we were exactly in the same shoes. I know...believe me I know. But...here's my question for you...if she was so concerned about leaving you behind, and felt it would not work because she would be leaving you and LDR probably will not work...uhmmm...then why the new relationship with someone else in the same town where you live? I mean, wouldn't there be a problem with LDR with him too? Or is the relationship she is in now at her University?
Author claycald Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 they are both still in highschool (they graduated a few days ago). yeah that is what i thought. makes no sense. i guess all of the pressure i was doing on to her and then instead of speaking to me about it she went to her parents who do not like me. ive admitted guilt in it all and she didnt say anything about that.
stlnsmile Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Well...you see, thats where the lies come in when someone is breaking it off with you. My ex did the same thing and was with a new girl a very short time later. What they don't want to say to you, because more than likely they don't want to hurt you, is that you are not what they want. They want to try someone else. The sad thing is they cover it up with all this other stuff because they are trying to be nice. But in the end, it actually just confuses you more. My ex blamed his parents, used their advice instead of mine, the whole nine yards. Went to them instead of me, and they didn't like me either. Bottom line, is if our ex's wanted to be with us, they would. And honestly, I personally think the whole University thing is a bunch of bull. I have seen people our age over and over again decide they want to stay close to their SO, so they don't go to the far away University and stay closer and make plans WITH the person, not with out them. But this is an age and maturity issue. Most people our age want to have fun, and thats exactly what they intend to do. And they don't care who they hurt to do it. University comes into play along with other relationships, sexual partners, and partying. Sorry to say, but this one is better to let go of. She is seeking fun, and she is not ready to settle down any time soon. Not even with the new guy, even though she probably thinks she is...time will tell...but I have a feeling she will party some more later on and hurt him too. Runners always run is what I say.
Author claycald Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 that aint the girl she is... she is a very down to earth, a devout catholic, a bookworm and graduated summa cum laude from her highschool and doesnt have many friends. in fact the friends she does have are liars and forced me to stay away from her for months with lies. she is mainly to herself, all shelled up. but... there is something that sticks out from that night... i dont remember exactly what she said but it was either "u want to get married and have kids but i dont" or "i want to get married and have kids but not with you". i think it was the last one but i cant be sure. earlier today i was reading through OLDDDDD myspace messages from a year ago and came across one i sent to her friend talking about it all. it was a conversation i had with my ex. Me- but u said u loved me. Michelle- well cuz u like made me. Me- no i didnt *in a very sad voice* Michelle- well u always made that voice when i didnt Me- so u never meant it? Michelle- i did at first but then i just dont know Me- u said ur parents convenced u Michelle- no i convenced myself cuz i was afraid of hurting you and you putting a guilt trip on me okay to clear it up... she was NOT allowed to tell me she loved me in front of her family. i questioned it once then a second time i was going to complain about it but mid sentence i changed my mind to avoid an arguement. but that is all it was with the "making" her tell me she loves me.
stlnsmile Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 that aint the girl she is... she is a very down to earth, a devout catholic, a bookworm and graduated summa cum laude from her highschool and doesnt have many friends. in fact the friends she does have are liars and forced me to stay away from her for months with lies. she is mainly to herself, all shelled up. but... there is something that sticks out from that night... i dont remember exactly what she said but it was either "u want to get married and have kids but i dont" or "i want to get married and have kids but not with you". i think it was the last one but i cant be sure. earlier today i was reading through OLDDDDD myspace messages from a year ago and came across one i sent to her friend talking about it all. it was a conversation i had with my ex. Me- but u said u loved me. Michelle- well cuz u like made me. Me- no i didnt *in a very sad voice* Michelle- well u always made that voice when i didnt Me- so u never meant it? Michelle- i did at first but then i just dont know Me- u said ur parents convenced u Michelle- no i convenced myself cuz i was afraid of hurting you and you putting a guilt trip on me okay to clear it up... she was NOT allowed to tell me she loved me in front of her family. i questioned it once then a second time i was going to complain about it but mid sentence i changed my mind to avoid an arguement. but that is all it was with the "making" her tell me she loves me. I think your misunderstanding me, I wasn't trying to say she was a party girl, I think what I was trying to say is that people our age want different expiriences. They don't want to settle down, yet. My ex wasn't in love with me either. He said the exact same thing "I was at first, but now I don't know." and later on "I'll only talk to you if you don't make me feel quilty". I think they just want different life expiriences. I think they aren't ready to settle down with one person. My ex, I didn't think he was that way either. He was the most stead fast person I knew(Christian/Athlete), he loved me to bits (or so I thought) he was the best boyfriend in the whole world, called me his princess or flower, did everything for me, bought me presents all the time...everything you can imadgine. You are in the same boat as I am. I think people can act for a long time when they don't know what to do. I also think that in my case, he already had this other person in mind at least. Someone sparked his interest big time. It sucks for us, but people who love you don't leave and you need to remember that.
stlnsmile Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Can I ask you, were your ex's parents super controlling. Were they over involved? It sort of sounded like it "She wasn't allowed to say she loved me in front of her family." I was just thinking because my ex's parents were like that, they told him for example when he went off to college he "wouldn't be allowed to see me any other time other than breaks" meaning a college man could not decide when he wanted to see his own girlfriend????? In my case I think his parents were telling him the whole time "this is a high school relationship" ya know, its not supposed to last, don't make decisions about your life for this girl, yada yada yada. I think he bought into that, the pressure from his family. In fact, I know he did. I think when someone is raised so strictly, they seriously do not know how to make decisions for themselves, because they never ever have. They trust their parents more than they trust themselves. So thats why I was talking about maturity. If the parents don't like you, then its 10 times worse. If they feel you are not good enough, then of course they are not going to support anything about the relationship. If anything, they will do everything to sabotage it. Like wisper in her ear like a little bird and say "you know these things never work out" or whatever. Give them doubts. Then they get scared. Its pretty awefull I think! You have been apart from your ex for a year, me 6 months...I don't really think they are comming back. And if they do, I have a feeling it will be after many years, when they have grown up enough to see they can choose who they want and make their own decisions and are not under there parents so much and not so affraid they will miss out on the "College expirience", oh thats one my exs parents used all the time. They wanted him to have the "full college expirience", they made him feel that by staying with me he was going to miss out on everything. Bullsh**! But those types of parents, thats the kind of stuff they say. I am just amused that our situations seem so similar!
stlnsmile Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I just wanted to say, two more similarities, my ex applied at a college in FL. very far from where we live, and he did not have to. When I tried to get him to stay a little closer, and I don't mean in the same state, but maybe not 1000 miles away maybe only a few hundred miles away, he would not talk...I mean he would not talk to me about it. And when I talked about children the last time he said "Thats a long long way off, we don't need to talk about it." Now this was the same guy who told me over and over again he wanted to have 8 children with me? I was always like, no 1 or 2. He was the one who said he wanted to marry me as soon as he turned 18. I was the one who said no, we needed to wait until after college. So it wasn't like the coversation was just something I came up with or pressured him into having or even a conversation I wanted to have. I'm not ready for kids at all. Doesn't it suck to have your whole life planned out with someone and have them abandon everything that ever was? God it still hurts.
Author claycald Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 yes, her parents were overly involved. as bad as this sounds i was 17 1/2 when i met her and she was turning 15 in a few weeks. freaked me the hell out when i found out... but we were not allowed to see each other at all that summer after we met. then when school restarted we were not allowed to date. also we were not allowed to say i love you or kiss each other. the way her parents enforced that was her brother who hated me went to school with us and his friends would tell them they saw us kissing in the hallway (nothing hot and heavy). i remember one time after me and her were allowed to start dating i was sitting with her dad at a football game (she was in the marching band, i had graduated) we were talking but then he told me "shh hold on i want to record this". after the game her mom came up (she was working concessions) and gave me a hug. i noticed her looking at dad like "what?" i looked at him and oh my god he was staring at her so ugly. but last night i was reading through old myspace messages from a year ago and came across something from her bestfriend. the night me and my ex broke up i had her friend call her to see what the hell. the friend told me my ex said she still loves/likes me. that she was using both words. i vividly remember that night my ex saying "i have been talking to my parents about it, it took alot of convencing but they are right" but she know says she convenced herself so she wouldnt hurt me and so that i wouldnt put a guilt trip on her. she was probably talking about the college thing.
stlnsmile Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I guess its just as hard for you as it is for me, this being both of our first loves, first everythings. Its hard to let go of. I'm not sure I ever will 100%, but I do hope that I will. But this is what I try to remember, someone who wants to be with you is. I've seen friends of mine sneak out of their houses etc..just to be with some guy they were in love with. If those feelings were there for our ex's then they would be willing to jump mountains to be with us just like we are for them. Obviously other things are more important to them. I will never know 100% why my ex stopped loving me. It doesn't make any sense. But if he loved me, he would be here. He would try. Instead he has picked a different life path with out me in it. That was his choice, to live a life that did not include me. And I just want to say, from a female perspective, your girlfriend is not being held back by some magical force, her friends, her family, if she really wanted you, she would simply call and say so. Girls can manage that much. As can guys I assume. I used to tell myself he was staying away because his parents hated me, or because he was too prideful to call. Thats not the case. He hasn't called because he doesn't want to speak to me. I don't like accepting this, believe me, I don't want to, I want to make every excuse in the book for why he did this. I never ever wanted to let go of him. I never would have believed he wanted to let go of me, ever. I know it sounds like I am being hard, and I'm not, really I'm not, its just sometimes you have to face the truth. People who love you stay, they try to work it out, they do what they have to do. If it was a small bout of confusion, our ex's have had more than enough time to work it out. If it was parental pressure, they have been with out us long enough to get the courage to stand up for us if that is what they wanted. Its sad to say, but I think they dont want US. I don't want to say it, but it is true. And here is the thing, lets say your ex miraculously walked back into your life next week, would you want her to be able to lie to you? To say...Nooo, I always loved you, I was just confused? Then wouldn't it happen again? Wouldn't she be able to do the same thing to you all over again? I understand the need, the desire to make any excuse to hold on in our hearts, we loved them and want to believe somewhere, somehow, they loved us too. But if we never face the fact that they made a choice to live a life with out us, that we were in some way dispensable and replacable to them, how could we ever hope to have a healthy relationship in the future if they ever did come back, by living a lie with them all over again? I don't want that. If it ever happened again, he would have to be a completely different person, one that could not sacrifice me. What I do know, is that neither you nor I are replacable and we certainly are not dispendable. We are not trash, and I highly doubt there is another you walking around on the planet, so I assume you are not replacable. Please please, go find someone who can see that. Any girl would be lucky to have a guy who can love the way you do. Any girl would be lucky to have a guy who is so nice and caring and sweet and has such a great heart. Let me tell you as a good girl, good guys are really really hard to find. Most of them now have the bros befo hoes mentality, and they aren't nice, they are players. I have been played already by two guys just since my ex left. Believe me, nice guys are a hot commodity. Please go find a sweet girl who actually cares about other people more than herself. Please go find a nice girl who will care about you for who you are and how good you are. I can tell you, and I am a good looking girl, if a really nice guy came up and asked me out right now, and even if he was not the hottest thing and looked pretty good, I would go out with him, not because I am desperate, I'm not, I get asked out by jerks all the time:lmao:but because I really want a nice guy in my life, one who will not use me.
Author claycald Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 i understand what you are saying. i just dont know though. rereading all of those messages has got me thinking she choose to let me go even though she was in love with me. like one of the things i read said she left cuz she didnt want to hurt me or me guilt trip her. then she was hysterically crying and was crying for days. but that night she left she told her friend she loves me. almost a month after we broke up i went to her house and she was still wearing the ring and necklace i had bought for her. she said she convencied herself to leave me. you cant convence yourself to stop loving someone can you? and atleast she wants me to be around her right? she wants me around her and doesnt want to let go of me completly. i feel like if i hadnt gone NC she would still be here. my friend who has been here for me through it all agrees on that too. my half sister and her husband had broken up for a year then got back together and now have 2 kids together. and my friend from middle school was with a girl for 2 years they then broke up for 3 years got back together and are now married. so just because you are broken up for a year, two years, 3 years etc doesnt mean it has to be broken for good. idk... i feel like i should stick around, try to be with someone else and if she ever she deciedes to come back then fine. i know that isnt fair to the other girl but whatelse can i do? i do not believe you can conveince yourself not to love someone anymore
stlnsmile Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 i understand what you are saying. i just dont know though. rereading all of those messages has got me thinking she choose to let me go even though she was in love with me. like one of the things i read said she left cuz she didnt want to hurt me or me guilt trip her. then she was hysterically crying and was crying for days. but that night she left she told her friend she loves me. almost a month after we broke up i went to her house and she was still wearing the ring and necklace i had bought for her. she said she convencied herself to leave me. you cant convence yourself to stop loving someone can you? and atleast she wants me to be around her right? she wants me around her and doesnt want to let go of me completly. i feel like if i hadnt gone NC she would still be here. my friend who has been here for me through it all agrees on that too. my half sister and her husband had broken up for a year then got back together and now have 2 kids together. and my friend from middle school was with a girl for 2 years they then broke up for 3 years got back together and are now married. so just because you are broken up for a year, two years, 3 years etc doesnt mean it has to be broken for good. idk... i feel like i should stick around, try to be with someone else and if she ever she deciedes to come back then fine. i know that isnt fair to the other girl but whatelse can i do? i do not believe you can conveince yourself not to love someone anymore I guess it depends. I mean I think given enough parental pressure, yeah, anyone could cave after a long time of it. More so because they are tired of dealing with it. They also could really really care about you, but now know if they want to spend a life time with you and need to go and see what else is out there. I don't think you can convince yourself to not love someone, I think either you do or you don't. I don't think the heart gives you a whole lot of choices on that, I mean could you convince yourself to not love her, look how hard that is even now when you really want to. I don't think I would handle it that way, I mean when I love someone I love them, thats it, I don't need to see what else is out there, I feel grateful for what I have. I know of people in the same situation where they got back together after long periods of time, but I would say those instances are rare. Look at these boards, look on second chances, how many of those people actually got there ex's back after 6 months. I don't think I've seen one yet. That does not mean its impossible, maybe just improbable. I don't know about the whole being around her thing, to me it feels like she gets to have you as a security blanket while she does whatever she wants? She knows you are always there, so she feels free to do as she pleases. I'm not saying cut ties with her, if you want to stay in her life while she is with someone else and can handle that, then go for it. I personally don't think I could do that right now. 6 months from now, who knows. I would love to think someday I could be my ex's friend, but right now I still care way too much to be his friend. Im not saying this is all black and white. Maybe if you have contact with her, someday you can at least find out the truth. Maybe you could be friends. I don't know. What is she saying to you now that you talk? Is she just keeping things very general? What she's up to etc....
stlnsmile Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 You don't talk a lot about the weeks leading up to the break up, what was happening? Was she getting distant, were there any signs now that you look back. Were you distancing yourself. Did you do anything wrong? Besides pressuring her about college. How much pressure were you putting on her about college? Were you fighting a lot?
Author claycald Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 we have been speaking about life, the future, the breakup. in her first letter to me she told me why she never called me (she broke her phone and lost my number), told me where she is going to college, talked to me about school. at the end of the letter she goes into the breakup. "i hope this means we can be friends then. I have been so guilt ridden over it all." then in emails we talk about the same stuff. we always end up talking about the past. about why i went NC with her. but she did say i should give myself a chance with someone else because that is how it happens, by chance. we had started speaking on the phone but she decieded that it wasnt such a good idea (remember she is the one who said she wanted to speak on the phone). and at first she wasnt comfortable to see me but then later agreed to see me. and her parents do hate me... i ran into them at a fast food restaurant a month ago. her dad saw me and just walked away when my ex showed up they didnt bother to tell her i was there. then when i saw her at her graduation both of her parents were pissed because they think im "after her" again. it will probably be awhile before we speak again she might have left the country to Belize for a missionary trip. idk when she is coming back, she didnt tell me.
stlnsmile Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I'm female and I can tell you, she's let go. Completely. No female in their right mind would tell any man they want to remotely be with to "give themselves a chance to meet someone (else)." I wouldn't tell my ex or any other guy I was vaguely interested in to "go meet someone else." Seriously man...you are better off forgetting this one and going NC again. Thats my opinion. Others on this board might not agree, and I hope someone else will respond to you as well. I think you will always care about her as your first, I think thats normal. But that does not mean you can not choose to move on, knowing that she chose a path with out you in it, and you have to respect her choice. You don't have to stop caring for her, but you can care for others as well. And believe me, you can connect with someone else on a deep level. You will always have a certain love, respect, fondness for your first love, no doubt, but at the same time, she obviously sees very clearly a future with out you in it. I heard once "dont settle for the one you can live with, settle for the one you can't live with out" but that goes both ways, not just on your end, but on the end of the person who loves you. I don't want to be with anyone who thinks I am dispendable, I really really don't. That is not a love that is strong enough for me. I want someone who really really loves me, in fact, adores me would be better:) I mean think about it, if she stayed with you, and really didn't love you, but stayed out of guilt? Would you want that for her, for her to stay because she pittied you? I mean if you love her so much, want for her happiness as much as you want for your own. If you love her, want her to be happy, and never ask her to be with you if she doesn't love you, because that is a miserable exsistance for anyone. You would not stay with someone you did not love. Even if that means you loose, so be it, let he have her happiness, and you go and try to find some for yourself. You have to let go of her. I think keeping in contact with her is a bad idea, but if you talk to her once a month just to make sure she is alive and have no ideas what so ever of her return, then maybe. But it sounds like you are not going to be able to do that. And talking to her is going to delay your ability to actually move on and let go. You will always hope.
Author claycald Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 well i did not see the previous post you put asking about the weeks prior to break up. i look at it and i dont see anything else to have made her do that. there was absolutley no signs of it. her friend who she had spent the weekend with a few days before even told me she seemed to be happy with me. she had invited me to go meet her whole entire extended family on easter (parents said no)... she has a huge family too her dad has 12 brothers and sisters, that doesnt count spouses and children or anyone else. i find that contradictory to what happened next. we had gone to six flags and while we were there she had said something about marriage. i was telling her if she got married to someone 21 or older and she was 19 he could buy her alcohol. (i phrased it as someone other than me being her husband) she responded. dont say he because thats not you. so she did see me as husband material. she had also told me i should take summer classes because she will be busy with her internship for school. and had been talking about doing things with me later that summer. so idk what happened. im not going to go NC with her. she knows i still love her yet she still speaks to me. and there is a reason why i wrote her back and there is a reason why she is speaking to me. so i will not go NC with her
Author claycald Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 and she has chosen the path of me being in it... not as her boyfriend but as a friend. so atleast she has choosen for me to be in her life. and since im back in her life and we are speaking to each other she might look at her current boyfriend differently. you never know and i rather not keep questioning myself later in life and say what could have happened if i hadnt stopped speaking to her again.
Author claycald Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 gosh damn this is confusing... yall arnt the only one's i speak to about this... i speak to my close friends about it also who know me and her really well. they all tell me to just be her friend and to keep my heart out of it. im leaning in towards that. i mean i dont expect to get her back... i would give anything to have her back but i dont see that happening anytime soon... i cant help but blame myself for everything that has happened with us.... im not keeping myself available for her either. i have and do flirt with my coworkers continuasly. hell i flirted at work tonight. before we started speaking again i had been bipolar. one minute i was fine and happy the next minute i literally wanting to kill myself. not like i ever acted on that except for those two times but im not going there (i didnt end up in the hospital or anything so calm down, i cut myself). but since we have been speaking again for some reason i havent been going through such an emotional rollercoaster. i have my moments but they are not as often. for some reason also i have a feeling that everything will be okay. im feeling it right now and i havent had this feeling so strong in months. i know it sounds crazy but i know it is true it has never failed me before... i dont want to go all in to that though because it will fill this page. i have to follow this sense. this sense is not coming from my heart either. i have to wiegh my options and sticking around outwiegh going no contact again. i forgive her for all she has put me through so im going to stick around... i would still like to hear more opinions though... try to be nice about it too please
stlnsmile Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Clay, I'm not trying to tell you one way or the other what to do. I mean we all have our own opinions. You have to do what you feel is right for you. And most of all, what you can handle. I want you to take care of your heart most of all. If the contact is what you want, and can handle, and can stand to do, while she is still with someone else, then do it. I am not going to tell you you CAN'T be her friend. I am just saying that taking care of your heart right now is really important. You have been devistated by this break up...and if she never comes back? You are a person who deserves the be whole again on some level. I was giving my impression, but we all have to do what our hearts lead us to do. I feel that my situation being somewhat similar and our ages being somewhat similar help my perspective a bit, but I was never saying dont be her friend. If it is going to hurt you though...you need to be careful. None of us deserve a life of heart ripping, soul sucking pain. I will leave it to the other LS'rs to help out now, because you definately need others perspectives on this. But I support you and understand no matter what you decide.
Author claycald Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 thank you for ur help stlnsmile. it is really appreciated
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