Stockalone Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Here's another thought for ya. You meet some gal who puts on the "good girl" persona. When asked about numbers, she tells you what you want to hear. She plays the game well. You get sucked in and play the game with her. She finally consents to sleeping with you. Wow! She's a "real lady" AND great in the sack! After some time, you commit to each other. Guilty as charged. But I found out the truth shortly after that. Now, that gal you passed up because she occasionally has a ONS because she's single and has a healthy sex drive? She was the best fit for you all around, but YOU passed her up because of some stupid preconceived notion about "that kind of woman." I disagree. The lying woman wasn't the right fit, but that doesn't make that woman the right fit. Stupid, stupid men who behave that way. And every single one of you deserves the "good woman" you eventually find yourselves saddled with. I don't mind if I have to be single for the rest of my life because most women don't like my views. They can easily find another man that would be a much better fit for them. I can live with those odds. But I don't see why I deserve to get lied to? For being honest about my preferences? That is not very nice.
luvmy2ns Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I disagree. The lying woman wasn't the right fit, but that doesn't make that woman the right fit. But because of your shortsightedness, you would never know would you?
Author Tomcat33 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 My theory is the following. They are proud of what they have accomplished. They got a woman to give them sex. That means they won and now they can look for the next prey to hunt down. Some men are taught (or at least encouraged) to believe that "scoring" as many women as possible is one of the things a man should accomplish. In thay way of thinking, the women decide who gets to have sex with them. So if a man is able to have sex with many women, he is "the man". If the woman gives it up too early and makes it too easy for the man, they are not gf/marriage material. That doesn't make the man easy, because he is the successful hunter that "scored" the woman. The man is not to blame in this, because the woman holds all the power (by deciding who she has sex with). In fact, the man now has managed to take away that power from the woman by sleeping with her and has proven himself. As I said, that is just a theory about the male chauvinists. Maybe I am completely wrong. I think we are finally making some headway here, I can TOTALLY see this theory and it is a very interesting take on things which I DARE say would ALMOST make sense. Ok I know that if we stuck around here long enough debating topic that something would come out of this other than it's a "double standard". YEAH but WHY that double standard is what I was getting at? So thanks Stockalone!! so men feel that women have all the power sexually and so in gaining control in that situation a man does not feel like he is being a slut for sleeping around he is just being a "conqueror"? so if that is the case then women who give it up easily should not be considered stlutty they should be considered good hearted and generous, why lose respect in them? They make men work very little for what they must win so this should be rewarded rather than spat on...no?
luvmy2ns Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 But I don't see why I deserve to get lied to? For being honest about my preferences? That is not very nice. But, you see, the sexually confident gal who, while not necessarily sleeping around each and every weekend, most likely won't lie to you about it. It's the ones who are trying to "land" a guy who are playing games, and those are the ones you're gonna get with your mindset.
Stockalone Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 But because of your shortsightedness, you would never know would you? You call it shortsightedness, I call it a logical assessment of who might be a good fit for me. And yes, I have never given those women a chance, but I don't regret that. Let me explain why. To use your example: We have a woman that enjoys the occasional ONS and isn't opposed to casual sex. On the other side is me. A guy that believes that people should only have sex in a commited, loving relationship. Casula sex, to me, means to separate love and sex. That is a concept that I don't understand. I am not going so far as to say it repels me, but I certainly can't consider someone who believes in it as a partner. Now, even if we were able to find some common ground to base the relationship on, that opposing view of love and sex would always be a unsurmountable obstacle. And from my experience, that different approach to love and sex usually is an indicator of other things were we are very likely to have strong opposing views that will only cause more problems.
luvmy2ns Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 You call it shortsightedness, I call it a logical assessment of who might be a good fit for me. And yes, I have never given those women a chance, but I don't regret that. Let me explain why. To use your example: We have a woman that enjoys the occasional ONS and isn't opposed to casual sex. On the other side is me. A guy that believes that people should only have sex in a commited, loving relationship. Casula sex, to me, means to separate love and sex. That is a concept that I don't understand. I am not going so far as to say it repels me, but I certainly can't consider someone who believes in it as a partner. Now, even if we were able to find some common ground to base the relationship on, that opposing view of love and sex would always be a unsurmountable obstacle. And from my experience, that different approach to love and sex usually is an indicator of other things were we are very likely to have strong opposing views that will only cause more problems. So you have ONLY ever had sex with a woman after you've made a commitment?
lino Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 What makes men think that a guy that bangs a lot of chicks at bars is what a good woman wants? When a guy sees that most women around him, and this includes all types - gf/wife worthy, good only as a piece of ass, sluts, skanks, nice girls, bad girls, whatever - go for the guys who bang a lot of chicks then he comes to this conclusion. And ok so men have higher sex drives, jerk off and problem solved. yeah right with brilliance like this you should be running for president Tomcat, you're starting to contradict yourself. It sounds like you endorse women being free-spirited sexually but then you turn around and call men and women who sleep around sluts and sleezebags. If you want to avoid the double-standard then I would think you need to decide if both men and women who sleep with a lot of people are or aren't relationship material. Totally. a woman has NO problem forming a long term relationship with a man whom she has a one night stand with IT'S the man who has the problem the other way around. not true at all. both men and women are able/not able to form relationships from one night stands. No one gender is better at it...ridiculous! Here is a thought. Men won't date women that sleep around. Women will date men who sleep around. Well said but I'd say it's most cases of both genders following this pattern & not all as there are always exceptions but they are only a minority. This is the realistic answer to the OP. Is this all a double standard? Definitely. Is it fair? Probably not. But what about women always wanting equal rights, etc but still always expecting men to pay for them, buy them things, etc? If one double standard must go so must the others or we can be accepting of how the real world is and just accept both exist. I'm happy to to buy things and pay for my girl and I accept this part of life but I also want to be able to consider which girls are gf material for me and which are simply a piece of ass without being judged as a pig by some bright spark
luvmy2ns Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I have had an occasional ONS, but I would NEVER "do" a guy I didn't have respect for. Talk about a lower life form.
GoodOnPaper Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 . . . so men feel that women have all the power sexually and so in gaining control in that situation a man does not feel like he is being a slut for sleeping around he is just being a "conqueror"? so if that is the case then women who give it up easily should not be considered slutty they should be considered good hearted and generous, why lose respect in them? They make men work very little for what they must win so this should be rewarded rather than spat on...no? Except that we naturally question the value of anything obtained or achieved very easily. I think there is a middle ground sought. Yes, we guys want to "conquer" (don't make that too difficult ) but we see the LTR potential when the "conquering" involves some degree of investment of ourselves.
Stockalone Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 So you have ONLY ever had sex with a woman after you've made a commitment? Yes. LOL, you need at least 10 characters before you can reply. So I will elaborate a bit on the yes. A part of that is due to my family background and that later on got solidified by my introvert nature (meaning I need time to open up to people). Military service also added to that. Honour. Duty. Loyalty. The whole officer and gentleman routine.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Why is it that if a man finds a woman attractive enough to sleep with her he can also talk himself out of liking her BECAUSE he has already slept with her? you see that is the problem and I am not saying you HAVE to like every woman you sleep with for a an LTR but to purposely dismiss the a woman because she sleeps with you and also tell other men to do the same seems like a perptuation of hate more than anything. Just seeing the kinds of men that responded here alone I can see the cool guys from the chavenists, well some are well know WOMAN haters around here and that particular poster answered accordingly. Since you ask. Here is my personal view on this topic. I don't date guys... if I did, I would not go for the ones that sleep around. If anyone here has it right it's TrialByFire. I work like this. When I meet a woman how she carries and presents herself is very important. If she presents herself in a way that I find attractive, then I will want to date her. If she seems sleazy, I will focus more on making her a friend. Cause sometimes first impressions are not correct. And there we have it the million dollar standard if those men can make that distinction in such a general SWEEP then where the heck does that leave them? How much lower are they for doing THEMSELVES what they say is beneath them? Catch the difference? Your just prejudiced in the opposite direction! So you can't argue that your prejudice is better than someone else's!
luvmy2ns Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Yes. LOL, you need at least 10 characters before you can reply. So I will elaborate a bit on the yes. A part of that is due to my family background and that later on got solidified by my introvert nature (meaning I need time to open up to people). Military service also added to that. Honour. Duty. Loyalty. The whole officer and gentleman routine. Well by all means you are perfectly entitled to your attitude then. But still - be careful what you wish for. I still think you're looking through rose colored glasses, and you're only going to get the gals who put on a persona.
lino Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Your just prejudiced in the opposite direction! So you can't argue that your prejudice is better than someone else's! Well said! I think the OP should buy some new running shoes
luvmy2ns Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I have had an occasional ONS, but I would NEVER "do" a guy I didn't have respect for. Talk about a lower life form. Any of you guys who are banging chicks that aren't worth dating in your mind willing to respond to this? Is there anything you can say that would make you appear a little higher on the food chain than amoeba?
Stockalone Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 so men feel that women have all the power sexually and so in gaining control in that situation a man does not feel like he is being a slut for sleeping around he is just being a "conqueror"? At least I think that is how some men think about it. You have to keep in mind that this is nothing more than my own little theory. so if that is the case then women who give it up easily should not be considered stlutty they should be considered good hearted and generous, why lose respect in them? They make men work very little for what they must win so this should be rewarded rather than spat on...no? Well, this came up once in a discussion I had. One of the guys said that if a woman is willing to f*** a complete stranger, how on earth is he going to trust her to make good choices while raising their children. Never mind that he was the stranger in that equation. While I understand that this is insane and the one has nothing to do with the other, I can't help but agree with it. Aside from the moral objections I have, I am also worried that the bad decision making (like sleeping with strangers) will translate to other parts of her life.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Any of you guys who are banging chicks that aren't worth dating in your mind willing to respond to this? Is there anything you can say that would make you appear a little higher on the food chain than amoeba? I'm not going to sleep with someone I would not consider dating! However, I note that you claim to have had a couple ONS... why did you not date those men?
Author Tomcat33 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 yeah right with brilliance like this you should be running for president why are you insulting me, because I struck a nerve? SO WHAT if I suggested jerk off, JERK OFF if you really "need" to get laid, what is so ridiculous about what I said. Give me one good reason why you MUST fck and chck a woman instead of jerking off? not true at all. both men and women are able/not able to form relationships from one night stands. No one gender is better at it...ridiculous! Clearly you haven't a clue about women, and all the women can attest to this here women CAN form a relationship from a one night stand NO PROBLEM. We don't put down men who sleep with us on a first date and would NOT write him off for that unless of course he was hung like a hamster and he was horrible in bed then of course that would change eveything why would you want a lifetime of that? Is this all a double standard? Definitely. Is it fair? Probably not. But what about women always wanting equal rights, etc but still always expecting men to pay for them, buy them things, etc? If one double standard must go so must the others or we can be accepting of how the real world is and just accept both exist. I'm happy to to buy things and pay for my girl and I accept this part of life but I also want to be able to consider which girls are gf material for me and which are simply a piece of ass without being judged as a pig by some bright spark You are COMPLETELY mixing apples and oranges you are saying that a woman wanting equal rights in terms of getting proper payment for her profession, or for being able to walk the streets and do something a man can do is akin to using a woman who gives up sex for a first date. One if fighting for equality of human rights the other is asking to accept the exploitation and abuse of human rights, HOW IS THAT EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE? I guess whe know who the chavenists are here...GEES! Your just prejudiced in the opposite direction! So you can't argue that your prejudice is better than someone else's! Excuse me but that is not being prejudiced that is disliking and NOT being accepting of people who abuse, VERY DIFFERENT THING. A prejudice is an uninformed and preconceived opinion. It's like me saying I DISPISE this woman because she has killed children, does that make me prejudice and a woman hater? NO I just dislike people who abuse others woman man child or dog.. A woman who sleeps around is not abusing anyone else but a man who says that he will never respect a woman that sleeps and urges other men to disrespect these woman by never considering them for an LTR by virtue of her actions, and then this very guy goes ahead and participates in the act of sex with as many of them as he cas IS a man who is abusive of another human being and is ALSO prejudice. Prejudice is the uninformed or uneducated feeling or opinion that is based on preconceived notions, there is NOTHING preconceived about seeing a man that hates and disrespects women who sleep with him easily and yet he welcomes the opportunity every time, that's clear as water as far as I an concerned and I urge you to learn the meaning of "prejudice" before you use it erroneously. My opinion is BOTH educated, and based on facts unlike what a chauvenist pig does when he resorts to quickly writing off a woman because she was sexually open with him on a first date or what have you....
Stockalone Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Well by all means you are perfectly entitled to your attitude then. But still - be careful what you wish for. I still think you're looking through rose colored glasses, and you're only going to get the gals who put on a persona. I understand what you mean. But if I would believe that, then I would give up and remain single. However, I am not yet willing to do that. But I have been thinking long and and hard for the last two years now about what I can expect in the future. Changing my requirements is not an option. Decisions have consequences, and maybe a life of solitude from here on out is what my decisions will lead to. I had to make decisions in the past that had more dire consequences. I will just have to wait and see what the future holds. Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.
tanbark813 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Well by all means you are perfectly entitled to your attitude then. But still - be careful what you wish for. I still think you're looking through rose colored glasses, and you're only going to get the gals who put on a persona. While I don't share Stockalone's opinion I think this is unnecessary. If a woman posted that she didn't sleep with anyone she wasn't committed to you wouldn't see anyone giving her this kind of flak.
Author Tomcat33 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 While I don't share Stockalone's opinion I think this is unnecessary. If a woman posted that she didn't sleep with anyone she wasn't committed to you wouldn't see anyone giving her this kind of flak. I don't get what you mean!?!?
Author Tomcat33 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 I don't get what you mean!?!? Never mind I just got it...sorry Tan momentary coma there...zzzzzzzzzz
tanbark813 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I don't get what you mean!?!? It's getting on a tangent but I was just saying that luvmy2ns was giving Stockalone flak for saying that he only sleeps with women he's committed to. A woman wouldn't be given a hard time for saying the same thing.
Author Tomcat33 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Well said! I think the OP should buy some new running shoes I haven't moved and have been sitting the ENTIRE time and stupidity STILL lags behind me. Go figure....
Author Tomcat33 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 It's getting on a tangent but I was just saying that luvmy2ns was giving Stockalone flak for saying that he only sleeps with women he's committed to. A woman wouldn't be given a hard time for saying the same thing. Yeah yeah I got it and totally agree with you don't understand why this guy is getting grief I admire what he is doing, but that is just me. I like a man that doesn't need to prove his macho appeal by collecting rings of praise around his penis.
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