Just friends now :(

[Hipgal23]

Okay so the guy ive been seeing for 4 months now is still not ready to become exclusive with me. Thats okay, we had the exclusive talk and I choose to stick around. I thought things were going very well. He has helped me with a number of things and been really good to me. I care about this man very much. Our children have spent plenty of time together and we have formed a bonding relationship. He has even said so.

 

So I did a bad thing. Something I said i wouldnt do and havent untill now. He told me he was going out of town for a week last Monday. He has been real antsy around his telephone and when he told me a chord was struck and i had this gut feeling it wasnt true. So Friday night when i went with him to pick up his children he was fumbling around looking for his phone. He just had to have it with him. Well needless to say when He went upstairs to get his kids I found it. I opened it up and read a few text messages, clarifying that my feelings and gut thought were true. I was really upset ( even though we arent Exclusive ). When i got to his house my emotions were all screwed up and I took my things my daughter and left. He didnt know what to do. Nor did I give him any explanation.

 

When I spoke with him later I asked him if he was going out of town to visit another woman. He told me no. Yet the text messages that i read proved something else. Talk about your double standards huh? I was wrong for snooping but I thought we had the understanding of being honest with one another. Now hes lied to me. Oratleast Im pretty sure of it. He dosent have to tell me though right? Because we arent exclusive?

 

Well to make a long story short When I spoke with him on the phone today I basically told him that I was no longer going to be intimate with him nor was I going to continue becoming close with his children For mine and my daughters sake. I told him if he didnt want to be exclusive with me then we could just be friends. I said that Id come see him every now and then and we could hang every now and then. Past that nada. I made it clear to him that I wanted to be exclusive and I cared about him enough to give him time to decide and think about what he wanted out of this relationship. I just pray Im doing the right thing. I really really have strong feelings for him. He has also told me that he has really strong feelings for me and that Im the best thing thats happened to him.SO whats the problem? He is also divorced and I do understand that he wants to be sure of what he's doing, But in my opinion if he dosent know by now will he ever know if he wants to be exclusive with me? Am I taking the right steps or is it a lost cause? Do you think if I continue to be his friend and dont give into his needs he will truly see what he could have? Or am I just fooling myself? Im not asking him to marry me theres no ring envolved here, but i would think he would say okay, im cool with what we've got. Why allow our children to get close and ourselves with one another if he dosent want to be exclusive? But then again he has every right to see other women. The sad thing is if shes out of town, why dosent he see what he has right here at home? Maybe its looks? Im not ugly, Im a very attractive woman? But i know men are visual creatures. This all just really sucks. Any tips on how to keep him coming back for more? I know its special, why dosent he? Or does he? Maybe hes just scared? I dont know. I have so many thoughts racing through my head right now and im very confused. I just dont wanna loose a good thing and he said he dosent either! Why all the complication? PLEASE HELP I would appriciate some good advice:D

[bigbuck]

Take a break...Make no contact with him for about a week and see if he contacts you. Then you know if your time is worth it. Hopefully you read the messages clearly. My ex did that to me...I didnt care about her going through my phone but she basically told me I was going to cheat on her with this girl I was texting. Well...the girl I was texting was my cousin....

[Template]

Personally, I'm a fan that action speaks louder than words. A person can say all the right things, but do the actions correspond with the words. You should never ever settle. If you want an exclusive relationship, I think you did the right thing to tell him so. If he doesn't, for who knows what reasons, then you should be more than prepared to move on with your life. Right now it sounds like you want to compromise, and there's nothing wrong with it; if it makes you happy. You don't sound very happy. Just take the experience as a learning exercise, and if it doesn't work out, imagine the emotional investment you would have made later on in the future for a loss.

[Hipgal23]

Well, yesterday was a frustrating day for me. All day long him and I were on the phone back and forth. I am so confused to what he wants. He says he went out of town and that he left his phone in town because he knew it would work. RED FLAG here. That makes me feel like he's really not going anywhere and somebodys coming here to visit. Maybe he wants to keep me away from his house. It seems like he was thinking of ways to keep me away from his house while he's gone. So I tested the waters and told him i wanted to borrow a certain movie from him and to just leave it outside Id come by and get it. He fought me tooth and nail! Says all this and that about how he wants to be with me, but when I start assuming things he cause him to take a step back. So Actually as bad as it sound I was thinking about going to his house and scoping the scene. Just to ease my mind. The last relationship I was in was awful and I was always having to do crazy stuff like that. And I know i dont need to start it now. But if hes gone I believe that will be my start on the road of trust. Is this a dumb idea? Or did he really mean what he said when he told me he wants to be exclusive. Somethings just not adding up here. Could it be that he wants to finish things up before he makes the plunge with me? Ohh i dont know. Any comments?