tinalooks808 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Ok I need some advice some tough love advice so please dont sugar coat it for me! Sept 20th 2006 I went to FL to visit some fam. My sister introduced me to this guy who is her husbands best friend. We ended up doing the long distance thing for about 6 months.. my dealership in ny closed down and i was still finishing up school for my associates in criminal justice this guy offered me an opportunity to move to fl and try it out ... if i liked it i could stay if i didnt i could go .. needless to say i moved... After driving 1200 miles from ny to fl .. i took a nap.. when i woke up he got a phone call and there was a womans voice on the other line he stepped outside for some privacy ... this action set the alert on high for me ... so the next day i looked through his phone ,.. i saw a text from his ex saying "you look delicious" this was in reference to a picture that he sent to me also... i didnt confront him on this for months and when i moved down there i didnt know they were still friends ... After a few months i told him that this didnt make me comfy and he stopped for a while but then continued to go back and talk to her and he knew that this upset me so when i asked him about it he would either tell me they were just friends and nothing was happening or he would tell me they havent spoken when they really did ... after one year and three months of this i got fed up and while he was in orlando taking care of his shop i packed all my stuff up wrote him a dear john letter and drove back to ny.. i moved back to ny because i felt like i couldnt communicate with this man and i felt like i had been disrespected on so many different levels .. when he read the letter and realized why i left he called my house and told my father it was a big misunderstanding and that he couldnt let me go over something so dumb.. also not sure if the move is a right thing because there is more growth opportunity professional wise here in ny then there is in fl but down there i would have an opportunity to experience a different kind of lifestyle as a mom and enjoy my time with my child ....but then i would be dependent on his income and im not 100% sure im comfy with that .... im supposed to go down this coming week to try things out but i have a possible job opportunity here in ny im so confused and need an unbiased oppinion its been a month and i have been back in ny ... and im debating weather i should go back because now he is changing for the better after having realized why what he did was such a mistake .. I love him alot .. and he has done everything in his power to find me work there down in florida ... but im not sure if it a wise move to drop everything and go back down for another shot... HELP!
TMichaels Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 tinalooks808, If I were you, I'd sit tight. If what he told your dad is true: "That it all was a dumb misunderstanding," then THIS GUY should be the one getting off his b&tt and coming to see you. If he doesn't come to see you, then he really isn't worth your time nor your trouble. Don't let him further mess up your life by forgoing the job interview/opportunities that have come up in New York. You have a lot better support system there with family close by, and since you are a lone parent, a stable home life is important, not only to you, but your child. Personally, if I were in your shoes, even if he did make the grand gesture to come and see you to straighten things out, he'd have to have a really good explanation for his behavior and the "relationship" with his ex. I think your gut was telling you something didn't add up. Don't discount that warning. Going with your gut instead of your heart almost always saves you from more heartache and pain. Best, TMichaels
Author tinalooks808 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 thanks for the quick reply ... we dont have a child .. i dont have a child but i know that if i go back we will end up getting married and will start a family within the next year or so... he has found me 4 possible jobs there .. he cant come here to ny and stay with me because of the crazy work scheds (he owns 2 barber shops) and i live with my parents at the moment so they wont let him stay over..
TMichaels Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Sorry I misunderstood, tinalooks808. When you wrote: also not sure if the move is a right thing because there is more growth opportunity professional wise here in ny then there is in fl but down there i would have an opportunity to experience a different kind of lifestyle as a mom and enjoy my time with my child ....but then i would be dependent on his income and im not 100% sure im comfy with that .... it sounded to me like you had a child already. Regardless, my advice still stands. This guy messed up. He needs to do the running and groveling at this point. Not you. And, you're right to wonder how you'd feel about being 100% dependent on him -- income or otherwise. Given his behvior, I don't think you're ready for a commitment and neither is he. You don't say how old you are and how old this guy is, but I am guessing you're not that old. You have plenty of time to find "Mr. Right" and settle down and start a family. Be careful you're not settling for "Mr. Right Now." Best, TMichaels
Author tinalooks808 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Yea I needed to hear that thank you .. your very right i need to make sure he is mr. right and not mr. right now ... he is 28 and im 24 so there is plenty of time ... i needed to hear that as well thank you for the patience and timely response .. Needed to get an objective opinion because all i have been getting are the words of other misguided women ... and lost women leading lost women is like the blind leading the blind ... thanks so much again!!!!!
TMichaels Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 You're welcome, tinalooks808. Hope everything goes well for you. Stop back and post if you feel the need. That's what this forum is for... All the best, TMichaels
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