mopar crazy Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I don't think you know what everyone's answer will be and your comment is very condescending, to say the least. Why even post the questions if your mind is made up? You can't even say you have an open mind when your post so clearly points to the truth. How can a woman do this to another woman? Honestly, it happens everyday. Women are very catty to one another, or haven't you noticed? I think sometimes it's a competition thing and sometimes it's a situation where one person is at a low point in their life and they fall for someone who's married. Or they're in a close proximity to the MP and they end up falling in love and have the opportunity. In my case, I didn't know he was married for over a year. And when I found out, I thought it would end eventually and I wasn't doing anything differently than I had before, just that I knew the truth about it. But I felt horrible about it. It wasn't anything I had aspired to. I loved him and I wanted to be with him, as my own. But when you are an adult, and you are in this type of R, it's not so easy to just say goodbye when you are both invested. That's why people risk so much when they continue in A's. It's not addiction, it's a choice. A very hard choice. Especially when you know (or for all the nay-sayers out there) or are told how bad it is at home. And sometimes it is true, and those are the ones who eventually leave. But I became tired of being the OW, and I broke it off. Because I wanted to know that I had bowed out and let them try and make it work. That's not how it turned out. And as for your last question, of course I would care if someone was sleeping with my S/O. In fact in my 1st M, my XH was with someone else. But you know what, I didn't hate the OP, I hated what my XH had done to me. They're still together to this day, and they love our kids, so life has a way of working out. I to this day don't consider myself a BS like those on this forum. I'm just GEL. And this is the reason why I would rather hang out w/ a group of men chatting up about race cars, farming, etc than hanging out w/ a bunch of catty women. Women can be such backstabbing bitches.
luvmy2ns Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 And this is the reason why I would rather hang out w/ a group of men chatting up about race cars, farming, etc than hanging out w/ a bunch of catty women. Women can be such backstabbing bitches. SOME women, and probably mostly the ones who think all women are catty.
mopar crazy Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 SOME women, and probably mostly the ones who think all women are catty. Oh, I am not saying all women are catty. Just put it this way. If my someone is having a party and the women are in the kitchen talking and the guys are out in the garage I would rather be sitting w/ the guys. Women are always talking about who did this, or who did that. Just all gossip. Men are a lot more fun to be around.
luvmy2ns Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Oh, I am not saying all women are catty. Just put it this way. If my someone is having a party and the women are in the kitchen talking and the guys are out in the garage I would rather be sitting w/ the guys. Women are always talking about who did this, or who did that. Just all gossip. Men are a lot more fun to be around. I enjoy chatting with guys too, and you're right in that some women are ALL about nosing into others' business. I also know lots of guys who are WAY more gossipy than any woman I know! lol
mopar crazy Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I enjoy chatting with guys too, and you're right in that some women are ALL about nosing into others' business. I also know lots of guys who are WAY more gossipy than any woman I know! lol But the gossip men talk about are just plain hilarious. Guys are just fun. I can have a good laugh w/ a group of female friends but guys are just hilarious. I do have to say though my ex coworker was one of the funniest women I have ever had the privilege of knowing. She was hilarious.
nadiaj2727 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 SOME women, and probably mostly the ones who think all women are catty. Now the point goes to you luvmy2ns. I can't believe "women are catty" was just used as an excuse for sleeping with another woman's husband. Whatever.
OWoman Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 My point is, how can a woman do this to another woman? OK here's the bit I don't get - why should I feel some special affinity to some other random women I've never met, just because she and I both have XX chromosomes? I don't feel any special affinity to people who happen to be the same race as me, or who happen to speak the same language I do, or who happen to live in the same place, so why should her gender make the remotest difference as to whether I single her out for special treatment one way or the other? If it was, say, a gay guy's partner I hit on (who happens to be bi, or bi curious, or occasionally indulging in crossplatform experiences) would you see it as the same level of betrayal, there being a man and not a woman on the receiving end?
GreenEyedLady Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 OK here's the bit I don't get - why should I feel some special affinity to some other random women I've never met, just because she and I both have XX chromosomes? I don't think it's any use to actually try and answer. People's minds are made up and when you do give an honest answer, they grab onto one piece of it and fail to grasp the post as a whole. Limited comprehension, perhaps? But I see exactly what you're saying Owoman. I think that the concept is do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but they don't get the part where sometimes the "self" wins over the "other." Such is life.
luvmy2ns Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I think that the concept is do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but they don't get the part where sometimes the "self" wins over the "other." Such is life. That's where the word "selfish" comes from.
luvmy2ns Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 OK here's the bit I don't get - why should I feel some special affinity to some other random women I've never met, just because she and I both have XX chromosomes? I don't feel any special affinity to people who happen to be the same race as me, or who happen to speak the same language I do, or who happen to live in the same place, so why should her gender make the remotest difference as to whether I single her out for special treatment one way or the other? If it was, say, a gay guy's partner I hit on (who happens to be bi, or bi curious, or occasionally indulging in crossplatform experiences) would you see it as the same level of betrayal, there being a man and not a woman on the receiving end? Of course it's wrong to stick your nose into someone else's relationship, be it a man or a woman. It would be hypocritical to believe otherwise.
pelicanpreacher Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 OK here's the bit I don't get - why should I feel some special affinity to some other random women I've never met, just because she and I both have XX chromosomes? I don't feel any special affinity to people who happen to be the same race as me, or who happen to speak the same language I do, or who happen to live in the same place, so why should her gender make the remotest difference as to whether I single her out for special treatment one way or the other? If it was, say, a gay guy's partner I hit on (who happens to be bi, or bi curious, or occasionally indulging in crossplatform experiences) would you see it as the same level of betrayal, there being a man and not a woman on the receiving end? This may be a bit of an extreme extrapolation on the subject but... If you witnessed an act of random violence would you feel compelled to render aid to the victim even though you had no affinity toward them? Conversely, if you were the victim of random violence wouldn't you at least hope that someone would come to your aid even if they didn't have any affinity toward you?
Lookingforward Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Bingo! But you can't expect someone who quotes "do unto others, as you would have them do unto you" and they get out of that "I still come first!" to understand that true love is never SELFish. Limited comprehension perhaps? pot, kettle, black. True love IS selfish - you can't truly love another unless you first love yourself and love is caring as MUCH about the other person as you do about yourself
GreenEyedLady Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 True love IS selfish - you can't truly love another unless you first love yourself and love is caring as MUCH about the other person as you do about yourself Interesting that through the course of the thread it has become abundantly clear that not enough people here get laid... And you know who I'm talking about...
pelicanpreacher Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Thank you for replying. I wonder what the best way to clue her would be - she has no email address, I do not know her home phone number, she lives in a different town and I am not sure it would be wise to involve a third person. Do you think the latter could be a good idea? Any way that doesn't leave a paper trail back to you would be and advisable way to notify her. Involving a third party can be dicey if that individual's loyalties are in question. I guess I very well might - I just hope he is not the typical MM - he does not sound like he is, but I guess it does not really mean anything until I see some facts. Out of curiosity, how long does it take in the US to divorce? In my country it takes a minimum of three years since separation papers are signed, so it is quite long a process. I think that the next time I see him (we are going to spend a few days together in a couple of weeks) we will have some serious talk to do. I am also very curious to find out whether he will tell his W clearly that he is seeing another person. The other time we spent three days together he didn't provide her with any information apart from where he was going and when, and she didn't ask anything. Here in the US the wait time(s) for divorcing can vary widely depending on where you live. Your situation is tough because of the legal delay imposed on a divorce action. It seems your country values marriages a bit more than ours thus making it difficult to expedite the legal consumation of a relationship like yours. So, the real question comes down to is "are you willing to put your life on hold and wait for this man for 3 years before you get any real evidence that a divorce is even in the making"? Remember, couples can reconcile during seperation so joining him during this time period exposes you to a large risk of uncertainty. Your situation is like a Black Jack hand showing a ten and a deuce. Do you take a risk a hit or do you stay pat?!
pelicanpreacher Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 True love IS selfish - you can't truly love another unless you first love yourself and love is caring as MUCH about the other person as you do about yourself I have to beg to differ here... I believe loving yourself is not a selfish act for it only accords oneself the rights and dignity endowed to all humanity by our creator(if you belive in God) which grants us equal status to one another. True love freely given to another is the selfless expression of openess and sharing without the expectation of a "tit-for-tat" demand in reciprocity for its cherishment. Yes, you must love yourself before you can love others but it cannot be a selfish act in any way shape or form for that changes its connotation 180 degrees. Not "flaming" here...JMO!
OWoman Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 This may be a bit of an extreme extrapolation on the subject but... If you witnessed an act of random violence would you feel compelled to render aid to the victim even though you had no affinity toward them? Conversely, if you were the victim of random violence wouldn't you at least hope that someone would come to your aid even if they didn't have any affinity toward you? I've been cautioned by the police for doing exactly that. We're told under no conditions to get involved - they'd rather sweep up one body than several. The official line is - call the cops. Protect yourself and DO NOT GET INVOLVED. As for what I'd hope - I've lived through enough acts of random violence in my life neither to hope for, nor expect, assistance. I'm quite capable of defending myself against unarmed or knife attacks, and if attacked with a gun I'd rather go down cleanly - while fighting - that pee in my pants worrying what might happen. So I'm not sure if your extreme extrapolation sheds any light or not. And if you think an EMA is "violent", you're obviously into far kinkier sex than I am
OWoman Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 True love IS selfish - you can't truly love another unless you first love yourself and love is caring as MUCH about the other person as you do about yourself Depends if you prefer to believe your nursery school teacher, or mental health professionals. The latter will agree with you, LF, whereas the former will tell you you need to be selfless and giving. The kind of thing most of us psychologically healthy people would label "doormat".
Lookingforward Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Depends if you prefer to believe your nursery school teacher, or mental health professionals. The latter will agree with you, LF, whereas the former will tell you you need to be selfless and giving. The kind of thing most of us psychologically healthy people would label "doormat". well I must add a disclaimer to my post - unless it's your love for your child - THAT love transcends all others, including self love. I would die for my kids in a heartbeat.........
Got it Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 well I must add a disclaimer to my post - unless it's your love for your child - THAT love transcends all others, including self love. I would die for my kids in a heartbeat......... I still think self love is heavily involved even with children. It isn't in your childrens best interest if you didn't love yourself first as you are their best means of survival. The healthier, happier, more "survivable" you are, the better your offspring have of growing up to adulthood.
mopar crazy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Interesting that through the course of the thread it has become abundantly clear that not enough people here get laid... And you know who I'm talking about... Well, you certaintly aren't talking about me;)
Lookingforward Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I have to beg to differ here... I believe loving yourself is not a selfish act for it only accords oneself the rights and dignity endowed to all humanity by our creator(if you belive in God) which grants us equal status to one another. True love freely given to another is the selfless expression of openess and sharing without the expectation of a "tit-for-tat" demand in reciprocity for its cherishment. Yes, you must love yourself before you can love others but it cannot be a selfish act in any way shape or form for that changes its connotation 180 degrees. Not "flaming" here...JMO! no, you're dealing in the semantics game and I'm not playing
luvmy2ns Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 True love IS selfish - you can't truly love another unless you first love yourself and love is caring as MUCH about the other person as you do about yourself But most people cannot love themselves if they look in the mirror and know they are looking at a selfish person. You can love yourself and still be kind to and have empathy for and show common courtesy to others. In fact, I'm sure most would find it easier to love themselves if they had those qualities. Except for a truly selfish person, of course.
Lookingforward Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 But most people cannot love themselves if they look in the mirror and know they are looking at a selfish person. You can love yourself and still be kind to and have empathy for and show common courtesy to others. In fact, I'm sure most would find it easier to love themselves if they had those qualities. Except for a truly selfish person, of course. Maybe it's just your idea of what selfish means that's the problem.
luvmy2ns Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Maybe it's just your idea of what selfish means that's the problem. Actually, it's a pretty simple concept - for most people.
twice_shy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Actually, it's a pretty simple concept - for most people. exactly. I concur.
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