Untouchable_Fire Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I just have this very soft spot for her because she is fragile as a woman. I don't wish to enable- I just have compassion for her because she has been through so much... It's a long convoluted story... I am sure if I explained it all out it would make more sense why I provide that non-judgemental ear for her. I do know it is enabling.... I just could never imagine telling her SO she is cheating when she entrusted me with the info... What would you do in this situation? I am at a loss. Not highjacking the post!! sorry! I think the situations are similar enough that I don't consider it a thread-jack. I also have a soft spot for those who are fragile. I've just learned through experience that by simply providing a shoulder we can actually wind up passively supporting poor life choices. My friend started cheating on his fiance... with the excuse that she cheated on him at the beginning of the relationship. I did the same thing your doing. I supplied that shoulder. Passive support. They were a really bad couple, and should have broken up long before the engagement. They got married anyway, and it got progressively more miserable. Eventually I told him, never talk to me about your relationship with your wife ever again... unless your fixing it. For 1.5 years we talked about nothing deeper than sports and politics. Then he filed for divorce. It was nice to get my friend back. He will regret his choices for the rest of his life. Whenever you talk about some Uber-Jerk that is evil and cheats all the time... yeah that's him now, and he knows it, and can't go back and change it. Like it or not, we are most defined by our recent past. You don't have to give up your friend, and I don't think you have the option to tell her husband. However, you have the right to not be involved. If you kindly and compassionately assert your rights, she will respect that if she is a true friend. Don't compromise your values just to be "supportive".
Recommended Posts