kikiD Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 So my ex called the other night and left me a voicemail. Thank God both me and my husband were sleeping when he called and I didn't get the message until hubby was at work the next morning. Anyway, here's some history.. When I was dating Jake, now my husband, he would occasionally get the random call from a female who he had previously dated, hooked up with, whatever. For the most part it didn't bother me too much as I realize you cannot control other people's actions. As we got more serious though, and became engaged, I found it inappropriate and asked him to tell them to stop. I do understand this is an uncomfortable position to put him in as I do not wish to hurt people or make them feel bad. But he did comply with one situation where a girl constantly sent him text messages. Those did stop. I, myself, had only experienced ONE incident of the same from a guy a dated only once or twice and I put a quick end to it. Now, however, this has happened and it might just drive Jake NUTS to know about it. This newest incident is from an ex who I was completely in love with and had a difficult time getting over. Personally, I would want to know if this happened with Jake. If his ex fiance called him in the middle of the night I would want to know. Of course, my reaction to this would be much different as I believe I would handle it much calmer and be more rational about it. Now Jake, he will likely get angry to hear that my ex fiance did this. He is a relatively jealous man, and tries to keep that in check, but has a hard time with my past. Here are the options I'm contemplating: 1) Call ex back and tell him I'm married and don't want to hear from him again. Jake would never have to know about this. Okay, this is a conversation I don't really want to have, but I would probably want Jake to do this if it were reversed - except I would want to know about it, obviously! 2) Leave it be and hope he does not call again. If that would be the case, Jake would, again, never have to know. 3) Leave it be and then ex DOES call again at a time when I'm with Jake, or if Jake answers.... THIS could get ugly. And then I may have to reveal that it was not the first time and Jake would be angry with me. I just don't know what to do. HELP! I feel this is such a dillemma because I've been in the opposite shoes and had expectations that I'm not sure I can conform to. I'd love some feedback!
Lookingforward Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 So my ex called the other night and left me a voicemail. Thank God both me and my husband were sleeping when he called and I didn't get the message until hubby was at work the next morning. Anyway, here's some history.. When I was dating Jake, now my husband, he would occasionally get the random call from a female who he had previously dated, hooked up with, whatever. For the most part it didn't bother me too much as I realize you cannot control other people's actions. As we got more serious though, and became engaged, I found it inappropriate and asked him to tell them to stop. I do understand this is an uncomfortable position to put him in as I do not wish to hurt people or make them feel bad. But he did comply with one situation where a girl constantly sent him text messages. Those did stop. I, myself, had only experienced ONE incident of the same from a guy a dated only once or twice and I put a quick end to it. Now, however, this has happened and it might just drive Jake NUTS to know about it. This newest incident is from an ex who I was completely in love with and had a difficult time getting over. Personally, I would want to know if this happened with Jake. If his ex fiance called him in the middle of the night I would want to know. Of course, my reaction to this would be much different as I believe I would handle it much calmer and be more rational about it. Now Jake, he will likely get angry to hear that my ex fiance did this. He is a relatively jealous man, and tries to keep that in check, but has a hard time with my past. Here are the options I'm contemplating: 1) Call ex back and tell him I'm married and don't want to hear from him again. Jake would never have to know about this. Okay, this is a conversation I don't really want to have, but I would probably want Jake to do this if it were reversed - except I would want to know about it, obviously! 2) Leave it be and hope he does not call again. If that would be the case, Jake would, again, never have to know. 3) Leave it be and then ex DOES call again at a time when I'm with Jake, or if Jake answers.... THIS could get ugly. And then I may have to reveal that it was not the first time and Jake would be angry with me. I just don't know what to do. HELP! I feel this is such a dillemma because I've been in the opposite shoes and had expectations that I'm not sure I can conform to. I'd love some feedback! I would tell your H and ask him what he thinks you should do about it.
tinke Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 call the ex and inform him of your marriage, etc. I don't see this as disrespectful to your husband. keep it brief. Then IF the calls should persist, let your H know what took place.
2sunny Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 i'd just text the ex and allow him to understand that you want no further contact with him. no need to even hear his voice - which would be a trigger for me if i still had feelings - as you say you do.
Author kikiD Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 I told my husband about it. After reading the first reply from Lookingforward, I realized, my husband is my best friend and it's his feelings I'm trying to accomodate so I guess it makes sense to ask him what he would like me to do. He handled it very well. I saw his face turn a little red, but he stayed calm and told me he'd prefer if I ignored the call. He didn't want me to ever talk to him again. What a relief that was and I was so proud of both of us for handling it like we did. But... I went back to the office after that conversation and the ex called me there! Well, we had a small chat and I told him I got married. HE was the one who made the comment that he would respect that and not call again. Of course, at the end of the conversation, he did encourage me to call him if we (I believe he meant my husband and I) wanted to hang out and get a couple of beers some time. YEAH RIGHT! I wish I hadn't talked to him because, just as 2sunny said, hearing his voice and talking with him has stirred up a lot of emotion. While making love with my husband last night, guess who popped in my mind? This is bad, very, very bad.
Lookingforward Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I told my husband about it. After reading the first reply from Lookingforward, I realized, my husband is my best friend and it's his feelings I'm trying to accomodate so I guess it makes sense to ask him what he would like me to do. He handled it very well. I saw his face turn a little red, but he stayed calm and told me he'd prefer if I ignored the call. He didn't want me to ever talk to him again. What a relief that was and I was so proud of both of us for handling it like we did. But... I went back to the office after that conversation and the ex called me there! Well, we had a small chat and I told him I got married. HE was the one who made the comment that he would respect that and not call again. Of course, at the end of the conversation, he did encourage me to call him if we (I believe he meant my husband and I) wanted to hang out and get a couple of beers some time. YEAH RIGHT! I wish I hadn't talked to him because, just as 2sunny said, hearing his voice and talking with him has stirred up a lot of emotion. While making love with my husband last night, guess who popped in my mind? This is bad, very, very bad. Just put it and him out of your head and concentrate on your H & marriage. You did the right thing giving your H the respect to ask him what you should do imo
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