shadowplay Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I tried to break up with him last night, but my resolve turned to mush as the night wore on. When I told him I wanted to break up, he kept saying he loved me so much and couldn't bear the thought of losing me. I felt terrible. I really didn't expect that reaction from him. How do you break up with someone when they're holding you in their arms, telling you how much they love you....and you feel exactly the same way?
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I tried to break up with him last night, but my resolve turned to mush as the night wore on. When I told him I wanted to break up, he kept saying he loved me so much and couldn't bear the thought of losing me. I felt terrible. I really didn't expect that reaction from him. How do you break up with someone when they're holding you in their arms, telling you how much they love you....and you feel exactly the same way? It's simple. But, Do you want to dump him? Or are you just doing it because other people tell you to?
Author shadowplay Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 It's simple. But, Do you want to dump him? Or are you just doing it because other people tell you to? It's partly because other people are telling me to, but also because I feel like it might be best for emotional well-being. I love him a great deal, but I worry that our relationship is distracting me from other aspects of my life or causing extra stress.
whichwayisup Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Do you live with him? If not, just don't let him come over anymore, ignore his calls and write him a letter explaining ALL your reasons why you're ending it..But most of all, put down in your letter that you are breaking up with him because it is best for YOU! The relationship IS unhealthy and you two are TOXIC for eachother. This has nothing to do with love, it has to do with HOW you two interact with one another and also that he is and hasn't been a supportive, loving or caring boyfriend MOST of the time - It's always on HIS terms and when/if he feels like it. Blah blah blah, ofcourse he is going to tell you he loves you and can't live without you. He is going to pull out all the stops to try to manipulate you NOT to walk away from him. Don't break up with him because people here are telling you to. Do it for YOU and you only. If you aren't quite ready yet, just try your best to not spend as much time with him, focus more on you and your own life. Start detaching more from him and excluding him from your life.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 It's partly because other people are telling me to, but also because I feel like it might be best for emotional well-being. I love him a great deal, but I worry that our relationship is distracting me from other aspects of my life or causing extra stress. If you really wish to dump him, then do it in a space where you can physically leave. Then don't allow him to contact you, or you contact him for a month or two. You can't allow him to talk. Just dump him and walk. However, your reasons are not solid... lot's of maybes and mights. I don't think you really want to do this right now. The guy is kind of crap, but he provides you something you need. If you left him... I think you would just go running to someone worse.
whichwayisup Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I'm not sure you've reached your ENOUGH IS ENOUGH boiling point yet and that's why you're having a real hard time ending it with him. Ofcourse no breakup is easy, but if you really want to end it, you won't let his reaction change your mind about breaking it off with him. The bottomline here is, once again, you two are NOT a good match and the relationship is doing damage to you.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Haven't you written this exact same thread about breaking up with this exact same guy about six times already?
vedderbetter Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Haven't you written this exact same thread about breaking up with this exact same guy about six times already? Word. That's exactly what I was thinking. Breaking up 101 - You: While we have had some fun times, this relationship has run its course for me and it's time that I move on. Him: But I love you baby! You: That's nice. This realtionship has run its course for me and it's time that I move on. Him: But I can't live without you, I'll die if you don't love me You: That's nice. This relationship has its course for me and it's time that I move on. Him: *Insert dramatic nonsense here* You: I don't have anything else to discuss with you. This relationship has run its course for me.... Lather, rinse and repeat. Do not take any phone calls, no email, nothing, nada, zip. But, I seriously doubt you're going to break up this guy. I'm beinging to suspect he could beat the crap out of you, then kill your dog while burning down your house and you'd be back on here: "But he said he was sorry and he looooves me soooo much". You have to let go of the drama.
Nevermind Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Shadow: This is something to consider: you need to focus on yourself now, find out what you really want, who you really are etc. You're planning to move to another city, so you should have those things figured out before, so you can start afresh. if he does love you, he will let you go. If you're meant to be, or if your love is strong, you will get together again AFTER you've figured those things out. Have a break, don't have a break-up. If he is not able to do that, then you know he will never be there for you. That he only stays because it serves his own selfish needs. Then you can walk without a bad feeling.
Gawdess Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 See, what I think might happen is he will eventually find someone else, and will break up with you with no hesitation. He is keeping you around now for the sex.
Author shadowplay Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Shadow: This is something to consider: you need to focus on yourself now, find out what you really want, who you really are etc. You're planning to move to another city, so you should have those things figured out before, so you can start afresh. if he does love you, he will let you go. If you're meant to be, or if your love is strong, you will get together again AFTER you've figured those things out. Have a break, don't have a break-up. If he is not able to do that, then you know he will never be there for you. That he only stays because it serves his own selfish needs. Then you can walk without a bad feeling. That sounds like a reasonable course of action. I'm more comfortable with the idea of a break. Unfortunately we're moving to the same city and attending the same school come Fall. It will be nearly impossible to avoid him. Advice?
Author shadowplay Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 It's funny because my life has improved by leaps and bounds in other aspects, but the relationship one is like stuck in a rut. I can't seem to find the same confidence in that part of my life that I have in others. Why is that?
whichwayisup Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Because you have alot of control over other things in your life, but in your relationship your bf seems to hold all of the cards and have control. That is why you're miserable alot of the time - You get no real say in anything, there's no compromising - It's HIS way or he throws a shi.t fit.
Gawdess Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 The bottomline here is, once again, you two are NOT a good match and the relationship is doing damage to you. Eh, you're not really qualified to determine that.
sweetbutcheeky Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 That sounds like a reasonable course of action. I'm more comfortable with the idea of a break. Unfortunately we're moving to the same city and attending the same school come Fall. It will be nearly impossible to avoid him. Advice? I'm unless your taking the same classes and living together then I'm sure it's a big school and a big city where you won't be bumping into each other. If the relationship is unhealthy, you can't be yourself, he controls you and you can't live you life the way it should be then leave. No buts, just cut it off. I haven't read your past threads but in your gut you know if it's the right thing. He can say whatever he wants to make you to stay, doesn't mean it's good for you or he means it.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Shadow, almost all your posts concerns your bf and how miserable at times you become when you're with him. Relationships has its ups and downs, but if yours has reached a level where it's just deep bottom, then it's best to let go. Everyone struggles to live, especially when they're drowning. Currently you're suffocating, whether from being with, or without him, but think about the long term of things. If being with him now is suffocating you, then let go, and learn to breathe on your own for a while.
BlueEyedGirl Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 How many times can a person post a variation to the same thread....
whichwayisup Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Eh, you're not really qualified to determine that. Go read all shadow's threads, then come back and tell me that their relationship is healthy and good for her. They are a toxic match! I may not be really qualified to determine that, but from what shadow has told us about her life with her boyfriend, I know I'm NOT alone in my opinion that they aren't good together as a couple.
whichwayisup Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 See, what I think might happen is he will eventually find someone else, and will break up with you with no hesitation. He is keeping you around now for the sex. And this is a good, healthy relationship for shadow? How can you tell me that I'm not qualified to tell her she and this guy are mismatched, yet basically you can tell her this guy is only using her for sex and will dump her for someone else? So, why can't she end it herself? Why wait until HE dumps her? This IS doing damage to her self esteem and self confidence, the sooner she gets out, the better off she will be in the long run.
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