foxh1234 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I am 41 years old and I cannot remember crying more than 3 times since I was a little kid. In the last 2 months since the break up I have cried everyday. What the hell is wrong with me, I was just sitting here having breakfast and I started to tear up just thinking about her. I feel like a little wimp!! It has been long enough I should not be doing this, but I can't control it. being together for 8 years, maybe I am expecting too much. She must have really affected me more than I thought for me to cry so much. The pain from this break up is the worst pain I have ever felt. I am sure that the death of one close to me would be worse, but luckily that hasn't happened yet. I have had lots of break ups, but none did this to me. I also find that I cry watching movies more than I ever did before. That's about it, just a little speech about what a crybaby I am. Peace:
northstar1 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I am 41 years old and I cannot remember crying more than 3 times since I was a little kid. In the last 2 months since the break up I have cried everyday. What the hell is wrong with me, I was just sitting here having breakfast and I started to tear up just thinking about her. I feel like a little wimp!! It has been long enough I should not be doing this, but I can't control it. being together for 8 years, maybe I am expecting too much. She must have really affected me more than I thought for me to cry so much. The pain from this break up is the worst pain I have ever felt. I am sure that the death of one close to me would be worse, but luckily that hasn't happened yet. I have had lots of break ups, but none did this to me. I also find that I cry watching movies more than I ever did before. That's about it, just a little speech about what a crybaby I am. Peace: Fox - nothing wrong with you at all. There is no 'right' period of time to get over someone - but you will. I have been a rollercoaster of emotions the past few weeks - one minute I'm happy, the next I feel a wave of emotions rush through me - and I feel powerless to stop them. Just take one day at a time man.
mollers Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I am 41 years old and I cannot remember crying more than 3 times since I was a little kid. In the last 2 months since the break up I have cried everyday. What the hell is wrong with me, I was just sitting here having breakfast and I started to tear up just thinking about her. I feel like a little wimp!! It has been long enough I should not be doing this, but I can't control it. being together for 8 years, maybe I am expecting too much. She must have really affected me more than I thought for me to cry so much. The pain from this break up is the worst pain I have ever felt. I am sure that the death of one close to me would be worse, but luckily that hasn't happened yet. I have had lots of break ups, but none did this to me. I also find that I cry watching movies more than I ever did before. That's about it, just a little speech about what a crybaby I am. Peace: Excuse me, but you are not a crybaby! Just imagine how much worse you would feel if you bottled it all up and didn't let it out? Small things make me cry, like noticing the wonky curtain pole he put up, or coming across a little note he had once left me, but it's got to be done. I once read that people average a month for each year together to get over a break up, obviously that is a gross generalisation but if you are only 2 months down the line then I reckon you are doing well Foxh. As you mentioned, I have experienced the death of a boyfriend (not this time around, but many years ago), and as you said the pain is very bad, but also very different, as you know you will never see that person again. When we break up, we know that person is still around, and somehow that makes the grieving even harder, strange as that might sound. You are doing well. I know this from the posts you have written. Like me, you are also doubting yourself each day, but that is ok too. We probably have a long way to go but at least we are trying.
freedom8 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 You have to accept that you are at the moment in the darkest ditch and respect your outbursts and believe you will feel better. Learning to accept yourself at the weakest moment is generally the hardest but in this instance, it can only progress you in the process. Not accepting it will lead to more thoughts and in the end, you're not thinking enough about yourself. Give yourself some time to grieve. Or if you choose not to do it that way you can envision that women don't like grown men crying so man up, accept it, pick up your life again and full steam ahead. Most of the time, this is the only option when it gets too messy. Take it slowly, this cannot be rushed.
ioncebelieved Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 If you are a crybaby then I must be a Squall baby!!! What you are feeling my friend is true pain and it is hard to put a price on that!!! In a sense, losing the loved one like you have is worse than a family member (other than child, I would assume) and especially if it was the other party doing the dumping/ rejecting. It is such a personal experience when it happens and you are always left asking if things could have been handled differently. Reading your post reminds me of my long journey of ups and downs with a certain person over the last couple of years and I was just like you. I would cry at the drop of the hat. It is a pain that is unlike no other!!! Wish I had the words to help and I could always say you will be better in time, but I always HATED hearing that crap! What do you do in the meantime??? Wish I had that answer too.. Be well me friend and I am with you on your pain train.
CaliGuy Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Actually the death of loved one is not worse. At least they died loving you. When someone leaves you that hasn't died, you have to live with the fact that you've been rejected. When my mom died, it hurt a lot less than when my ex left. At least I knew my mom loved me and though she isn't here anymore, I will carry that love the rest of my life. I had peace when she died. Took me a long time to get over the ex. That is sad, but that was my experience.
northstar1 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Actually the death of loved one is not worse. At least they died loving you. When someone leaves you that hasn't died, you have to live with the fact that you've been rejected. When my mom died, it hurt a lot less than when my ex left. At least I knew my mom loved me and though she isn't here anymore, I will carry that love the rest of my life. I had peace when she died. Took me a long time to get over the ex. That is sad, but that was my experience. Great point Cali.
ioncebelieved Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Actually the death of loved one is not worse. At least they died loving you. Not sure if you misunderstood what I said. I said that losing a significant other is worse than a family member. I lost my mother as well, and even though it hurt, it was nothing compared to losing the sig other.. As you eloquently put it, It is final and they loved you. It is just so damn personal when you are rejected by someone you shared such great things with.
quankanne Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 "squall-baby" … I'll have to remember that one next time I get in one of those funky moods, sounds much better than "whiny kid"! to the OP and others: Crying is good. It might be frustrating to have to deal with, esp. if you've been taught that you're weak to cry, but believe me, it's your body's way of dealing with the stress or high emotions surrounding an event. And it provides great catharsis, much like a soothing backrub to an overwrought infant who just can't get comfortable enough to sleep. so don't ever look down on those tears – your mind and body are just dooing what they need to do to help you through this period, and soon enough, the tears will slow, then stop. Meanwhile, just let them fall as they may. It's really incredibly healthy.
Author foxh1234 Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 Thanks everyone for the great support. You people are so amazing, you make me feel 100% better. This is such a great site and I am so glad I found it. You all are making me cry again!! :lmao:
LikeCharlotte Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Thanks everyone for the great support. You people are so amazing, you make me feel 100% better. This is such a great site and I am so glad I found it. You all are making me cry again!! :lmao:No more crying! (you can do more of that later) You need to have a laugh and some fun. What makes you smile fox?
kizik Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Fox, I don't think there's anything crying, but may I posit that perhaps you are not doing enough to advance your recovery. I was way down in the dumps last week, but hung out with people, flirted, drank, talked, for three nights in a row. And that human contact helped me to see that I am great WITHOUT the ex. I suggested that open mic to you. Try to get out more. Call your friends. Do fun sh*t. You'll find yourself crying less, I guarantee it. You rock, my friend. Don't feel bad about constantly crying, but at the same time, if you get more social, you'll find those tears come less.
Author foxh1234 Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 No more crying! (you can do more of that later) You need to have a laugh and some fun. What makes you smile fox? Hi, a great comedy really makes me laugh, maybe I'll call a couple of friends and see a movie tonight. I also love to play guitar, I have to sit down and play more, I have not felt like it as much lately. Thanks LC, you are awesome!!
Author foxh1234 Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 Fox, I don't think there's anything crying, but may I posit that perhaps you are not doing enough to advance your recovery. I was way down in the dumps last week, but hung out with people, flirted, drank, talked, for three nights in a row. And that human contact helped me to see that I am great WITHOUT the ex. I suggested that open mic to you. Try to get out more. Call your friends. Do fun sh*t. You'll find yourself crying less, I guarantee it. You rock, my friend. Don't feel bad about constantly crying, but at the same time, if you get more social, you'll find those tears come less. Thanks Kiz, you're right, I have to get out more. I play golf almost everyday but I don't go out as much as I did when I was with the ex. We spent so much of our time together that I lost touch with alot of close friends. They have come back to me and helped me alot the last few months, but I hate to bug them too much to hang out as they all have their own things going on. The worst times for me are late at night and early in the morning. I can fill most of the day but sometimes when I have time to think, it hits me. You rock too man, thanks alot. Your advice and help has been great along with everyone else.
JustPassingThru Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 As much as I hate to cry, I usually feel better afterwords. It's just your bodys way of letting out the emotion. Hell, it's better than keeping it pent up inside. I think if you couldn't cry, that would be more of a problem. Let the tears flow my friend. I cry multiple times a day without control, it just happens. Don't tell anyone though.
northstar1 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Thanks Kiz, you're right, I have to get out more. I play golf almost everyday but I don't go out as much as I did when I was with the ex. We spent so much of our time together that I lost touch with alot of close friends. They have come back to me and helped me alot the last few months, but I hate to bug them too much to hang out as they all have their own things going on. The worst times for me are late at night and early in the morning. I can fill most of the day but sometimes when I have time to think, it hits me. You rock too man, thanks alot. Your advice and help has been great along with everyone else. I completely hear you Fox. I don't like going home after work and not having something planned - I end up just feeling lonely. I'm trying to get out with friends as much as possible (beers or movies etc), but as you said, people have their own lives too - so sometimes i am just stuck being alone with my thoughts.
groundzero Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Just wanted to say I've been where you are about a year ago. Not as severe but for my age (22 then) and the way it was done left a permanent mark on me, lived with a girl for three years and was dumped on a day before my birthday for a dj in a club, which btw she was already sleeping. Was treated like dirt for 5 months prior. Keep in mind I payed the rent and the car etc, she was studying. And ... your left with? A finger up your $$$. Took one year to pull myself together. Everyone kept asking me why its taking so long? I didn't have an answer. I still can't sleep at night sometimes. Vowed to myself that never ever again will I put my feelings on the line for anyone - its not worth it. I'd rather be alone then go through something like that again. Didn't mean to hijack your thread. Just like caliguy I had my parents die when I was in my teens and since have been making my own way, I have to say this was tougher then what I went through earlier. Also the fact I didn't have a shoulder to cry on didn't help, and my friends wouldn't hear it (not that I wanted to show how messed up I was). Make sure to stay busy, I found that exercise was my best friend. I worked out a lot before the breakup, and I found swimming gave me solitude. Those laps at the pool for some reason cleared my head and gave me a good nights sleep afterwards for the next days work. Theres nothing worst then having a white night and having to go to work afterwards and not showing to anyone whats going on. Plan your days out and make sure you know, and taht I can promise you its going to get better eventually. Just dont set a deadline. You don't have to and don't feel guilty about it. You'll be ok. We're men after all.
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