ZenSilk Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I found this picture that really shows the way I feel about so many issues in my life: http://images.digicamfotos.de/media/216/haaand.jpg Why isn't it easier to let go? I'm so relaxed in other aspects of my life. I wish to apply that way of being relaxed to the aspects where I hold on to ideas and perceptions of how things should be... just need a structured way to do that, I guess.
ioncebelieved Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Maybe letting go feels like you have failed!!! For me that is true. If you gave so much and got so little in return you are always feeling that there was something else you could have done. There was really nothing else that can be done. Once you realize you are giving into an empty well, you will let go....You might be like me and have someone giving just enough hope to keep you being dragged behind. That is no fun either. LETTING GO means finally putting your past to a rest.
Author ZenSilk Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 I think it's so hard for me to let go because I like the images I've projected in my head too much. If I'm on my way to something I thought would develop into that picture or dream becoming true, and then I realize I can't keep on that path because of external influences... then yes, I guess it feels like a failure. It feels like I did something wrong. But what I did wrong was having those pictures in my mind on the first place. Letting go of expectations... how hard is that! And letting go of dreams... crushing those dreams...
ioncebelieved Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 But what I did wrong was having those pictures in my mind on the first place. Letting go of expectations... how hard is that! And letting go of dreams... crushing those dreams... OH HOW TRUE!!!! Look, two years ago I had those same things in my head!!! I had it all laid out and for once it seemed that everything was going right for me. But you just said it....." I was wrong having those pictures in my mind on the first place. " That alone makes me feel better because you in return have helped me. I will never lose myself again over someone else. How things really are as compared to how you wish they were.......
stlnsmile Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 OH HOW TRUE!!!! Look, two years ago I had those same things in my head!!! I had it all laid out and for once it seemed that everything was going right for me. But you just said it....." I was wrong having those pictures in my mind on the first place. " That alone makes me feel better because you in return have helped me. I will never lose myself again over someone else. How things really are as compared to how you wish they were....... This is so true for me as well. You project your future, you make all these plans, you live every day with someone else striving for that dream, and then....? But you realize you were not living in the moment, you were not living with what actually was, you were living for a dream. You both helped me, the whole thing about throwing things in a well helped me visualize what I had been doing. I was wrong too having those pictures in my mind, and I think in the future, I will try to live with what is....not something I've conjured up in my head. Also too though, I think our exs helped conjure up those images, those dreams. Its not like we did it alone. Ahhh...well....letting go....thats what I have done. I know I will be much slower in the future making those sorts of plans with anyone or believing them. I will think in the back of my mind...actions speak louder than words, and yeah...we'll see. Sucks, but its probably more realistic? I also don't think I will be jaded either...I guess a balance of reality sprinkled with a few dreams?
Author ZenSilk Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 I'm glad I could help a bit! The annoying thing about this is that it gets hard to let go of those dreams... it's easier to hold on to those thoughts because it feels like you can control your future, but truth is, you can't. You might have an idea of where you're headed but it could change any second. Of course the other people involved in these dreams help create them, it's not just us... but it's also just how we project what they say. And yes, actions are way more important. I've started to take a closer look at those and listen less to what is said. I'll share with you one of the things that's helping me at least get on the path of letting go... I figured that I didn't want to be a person clinging on to ideas and castles in the air. I thought of who I want to be, or who I would be if I completely believed in myself. This means just having faith in who you are and that whatever happens, you'll be alright cause you'll have yourself. I thought about all that, what I would believe, what I would say, how I would react to things, if only I had that confidence and trust in myself. Then I decided to anchor this in a personal item, so that every time I look at it, I'm reminded to some extent of that person. To my surprise, I found out that now I manage to, at least at times, believe I'm that person. Not that I could be like that in ten or twenty years, but that I already am that person. It's an empowering feeling... I believe it takes practice for that to happen more often, and not just every once in a while...
stlnsmile Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 My ex and I were young, but that almost makes the dreams bigger. When you've never said those things before, when you've never dreamed before with someone about a future together, it makes it all that much more believable to you. He of course told me he wanted to marry me over and over again. He told me he wanted 8 children if you can believe that. We had our whole lives mapped out. He was always the one chasing me, if I got mad at him for something, he was always the one showing the most physical affection in the relationship. But....he was never really there. When the big stuff came, the big decisions in life, I always lost out to friends, family, his life, whatever it was that was important to him. Part of me feels, maybe thats the way it should be? Maybe you are always supposed to think about yourself first. I didn't want to ever believe that, it just wasn't who I was made to be. To do things in spite of how the person you love feels? No I'm not talking about giving up life dreams or anything, but compromise. Now there is a part of me that is starting to believe that you have to put yourself first...and I never wanted to be that person. I always was happy making sacrifices for people I cared about. I guess in letting go, I've learned that I won't sacrifice as much ever again. Not that much of myself. I think I am scared right now because I am approaching a new relationship and I wonder, will I get lost again, will I make the wrong choices again, will I do stupid things again. I have lost the trust in myself, that freedom, the unabandoned ability to love. I am much more reserved. I've made this guy wait 6 months already to date me. I think I was right in that because I wasn't over my ex and didn't want to jump into something before I was ready. Now I am over my ex, but I don't trust myself. I am scared to jump. I am going to, because seriously this guy is......well, wonderful. And I trust him in a way I never trusted my ex. We've been friends for a while. But I am seriously scared. You guys need to help me not be so darned afraid of myself. I really care about this guy and I know he cares deeply for me. I'm not scared of him, I'm scared of me. Hope that makes sense.
HeartOnSleeve Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I found this picture that really shows the way I feel about so many issues in my life: http://images.digicamfotos.de/media/216/haaand.jpg Why isn't it easier to let go? I'm so relaxed in other aspects of my life. I wish to apply that way of being relaxed to the aspects where I hold on to ideas and perceptions of how things should be... just need a structured way to do that, I guess. I complelty relate to this picture as well. I think for me I keep grasping on to something that I hope is still there adn I don't want to let go yet. My mind says move on and my heart says he might come back. Hang in there! Be strong and stay active and busy. For me it's the only way to move past the lonliness and saddness.
fran82 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 wow! thats an amazing pic! such a strong image, kinda scary, fierce, and unforgiving. not at all like this cute bunny -> look! sorry it keeps distracting me, all jumping about! i hear ya HOS, the hope is the worst thing, its cruel sometimes. just think of the bunny, stay positive! lol! if not, maybe you can join me in my madness! (sorry it getting late here, need sleep!)
Author ZenSilk Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Exactly. The clue here is to replace that picture by a positive one. Instead of hanging on to the picture that doesn't let go... substitute by --> http://thespiritofhope.net/images/dove_hands.jpg
foxh1234 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Exactly. The clue here is to replace that picture by a positive one. Instead of hanging on to the picture that doesn't let go... substitute by --> http://thespiritofhope.net/images/dove_hands.jpg I love that picture. Letting go has been the hardest part of this whole break up mess. How can we be expected to let go of someone that we love so deeply and would do almost anything for. Well, for me it comes down to one thing. I love her more than anyone I have ever met and I want her to be happy in her life. She has decided that she doesn't want to spend her life with me and I have no choice but to accept that. I love her enough to let her go and find happiness, even if that means with someone else. In the process of letting her go, I had to get rid of my selfish feelings of wanting her to stay with me even though I know she didn't want to. Letting go was the hardest thing I have had to do, but what choice did I have ? She is free to decide who she wants and it wasn't me anymore. Accept it, wish her the best, tell her I love her and set her free. If she comes back, I will cross that bridge then. Wasting my life chasing a dream and making the one I love miserable in the process is not helpful and I won't do it anymore.
motive2002 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Letting go is hard. A friend suggested that I missed having a partner. That I miss intimacy in general. Truth is, I miss her. As mean as she was the last day we talked, and as flaky as she was... Is till miss her goddammit! I want so badly to reach out to her and see how she's doing, but I know it will be a pointless endeavor. She's just fine without me
critter909 Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I don't think there is anything wrong with ACTUALLY missing someone. I still love mine, unquestionably, even though I know he treated me horribly. What makes it worse is that I'm not sure that even if he wanted to come back I could really truly forgive him, so I guess secretly I want it to be over even though I don't. Does that make sense? I think we all torture ourselves, we somewhere deep down know that it could probably never be the same but we keep on hoping.
inulg Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I don't think there is anything wrong with ACTUALLY missing someone. I still love mine, unquestionably, even though I know he treated me horribly. What makes it worse is that I'm not sure that even if he wanted to come back I could really truly forgive him, so I guess secretly I want it to be over even though I don't. Does that make sense? I think we all torture ourselves, we somewhere deep down know that it could probably never be the same but we keep on hoping. haha. i'm TOTALLY in the same situation as you! I love love LOVE the guy, but... there has been so much ...bad things that i see in him (like OBVIOUS things like anger problems and physical violence), but for some reason, i still put him on a pedestal in my mind, subconsiously knowing that he doesnt deserve to be there. If he did want me back, there would be no way in hell that i'd take him back, but at the same time.. i'd love to have him wanting me again .... sigh.... why do we love the things that we really dont want, but sorta want anyway??? lol
Template Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Wow, as a thread (and picture), this has to be one of the most "powerful" meaning threads I've seen on this board. I think it's natural to have hope, especially when we think of the good times. The majority (not all), clearly wants to be happy, and view a nice long lasting relationship as one of those things that may bring us there. Therefore, we put in the time and effort, sweat and tears, and the emotional investment to give it our best. We give it our best and our all, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. We didn't fail. We should have nothing to regret. It just wasn't meant to be. Now look at those that didn't give it their all. They are the ones that move on quickly and never look back. They FAILED. They are/should be the ones looking back after each and every failure saying "If I only did.... or, what if...." Life is too short to spend time looking back in fantasizing what you could change. Instead live in the day, and live life. Give life and love your best effort each and every time, because only now can you actually have a chance to make a difference.
Author ZenSilk Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Ok, so after I posted that pretty negative picture, I want to go back to seeing the positive side. Because after all, the way you feel just depends on how you view life. It all depends on the expectations you have, on the ideas and beliefs you hold on to. But holding on to anything is standing in our own way! In my case, this issue doesn't just have to do with a person, it is a pattern that I see in my life. I hold on to thoughts, emotions, expectations of how things should be, in many different aspects. That's the perfect set up for disappointment... And I resist change, which is really something I can't control! I'll start obsessing if something changes in a way I don't like, why it isn't the way it used to be... So here: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/63/222507448_cdbbb53a79_b.jpg I really like this picture. It shows the beauty of letting go, of releasing. Just like you wouldn't hold on to a child, not allowing to let him/her grow, even though it might be hard to watch at times... And I also really like what Template said: "Life is too short to spend time looking back in fantasizing what you could change. Instead live in the day, and live life. Give life and love your best effort each and every time, because only now can you actually have a chance to make a difference."
fran82 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 hey, i came across this image, it reminded me of this thread. a beautiful new butterfly being released from its former prison/owner. sounds a bit dramatic, but its a sweet image http://cache2.asset-cache.net/xt/200572773-001.jpg?v=1&g=PCR&s=1 (hope this works!) if not, heres another bunny! -> tehe
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