shipwrecked Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for 2 1/2 months. We've been in the relationship for 4 years. This is our third time apart but the prior 2 break ups didn't last very long. I initiated all three break ups because I've been miserable and depressed because of the present circumstances in my life. The prior 2 times we broke she came back to me, the third time i ended it because we were having problems with our intimacy. Now I'm trying to get her back and all she says is that we were not meant for each other. Nothing I do seems to work. I now know that she is the one I want to be with, but she felt I never appreciated her. She says she's happy without me. How could someone who loved me so much, just leave me in the dust and tell me to move on? I'm devastated. Last week I sent her an apology note and roses and here is what she emailed me: " I want to thank you for your letter and the flowers. It was a beautiful gesture, and I appreciate it. But I don't see a future with us anymore, and I hate to cause you any more pain over this decision. Nothing will change my mind, so I would appreciate that there be no more grand gestures, since it's actually quite painful for me. I am very happy that you have seeked help, and I hope everything works out for you. I am satisfied with my decision, and I hope you can both respect and appreciate that, since every person deserves control over their future and decisions." What should I do? What is she thinking? Why so cold? I made some mistakes and I'm willing to change. How can I get through to her? Please can anyone give me advice? I'd appreciate that. Thanks.
borelandkaren Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for 2 1/2 months. We've been in the relationship for 4 years. This is our third time apart but the prior 2 break ups didn't last very long. I initiated all three break ups because I've been miserable and depressed because of the present circumstances in my life. The prior 2 times we broke she came back to me, the third time i ended it because we were having problems with our intimacy. Now I'm trying to get her back and all she says is that we were not meant for each other. Nothing I do seems to work. I now know that she is the one I want to be with, but she felt I never appreciated her. She says she's happy without me. How could someone who loved me so much, just leave me in the dust and tell me to move on? I'm devastated. Last week I sent her an apology note and roses and here is what she emailed me: " I want to thank you for your letter and the flowers. It was a beautiful gesture, and I appreciate it. But I don't see a future with us anymore, and I hate to cause you any more pain over this decision. Nothing will change my mind, so I would appreciate that there be no more grand gestures, since it's actually quite painful for me. I am very happy that you have seeked help, and I hope everything works out for you. I am satisfied with my decision, and I hope you can both respect and appreciate that, since every person deserves control over their future and decisions." What should I do? What is she thinking? Why so cold? I made some mistakes and I'm willing to change. How can I get through to her? Please can anyone give me advice? I'd appreciate that. Thanks. You need to read back through that letter SW. There was nothing cold about it, just a very mature reaction to a painful situation, for both of you. She has made a decision that you need to abide by. Maybe time apart will be a good thing for you both. You have to respect her choice.
ColeTrickle Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Sounds like you played with her heart and now she wants to save herself the pain and move on for good before it happens again. Your lucky to have her tell you straight up like she did.
vivrantflo Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Bro, you had three chances with her.. most of us here would kill just for a second chance!! Her reaction appears cold to you, cause she's very firm on her decision. She honesly sounds like she's done. At least for now. Back away, give her space, and just live your life. Don't have any expectations when it comes to her.
kingoftheworld Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Your totally me, and she's totally my ****ing EX-Girlfriend. Cold-hearted, no feeling *******. I've changed for her and she pushed me to the curb. You know what bro, dont be the nice guy anymore Cut all contact with her, ELIMINATE her out of your life. She eliminated me out of her life, so i did it right back.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 thanks guys. The pain really hurts. Know I've made mistakes. Just want to get a chance to prove my worth.
kingoftheworld Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 np man, most of us guys are in the same boat as you
justaman99 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I think she replied very calmly and rather respectfully. You can't do anything more about it. You just have to let her go and respect what she said.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I want to thank you for your letter and the flowers. It was a beautiful gesture, and I appreciate it. But I don't see a future with us anymore, and I hate to cause you any more pain over this decision. Nothing will change my mind, so I would appreciate that there be no more grand gestures, since it's actually quite painful for me. I am very happy that you have seeked help, and I hope everything works out for you. I am satisfied with my decision, and I hope you can both respect and appreciate that, since every person deserves control over their future and decisions. Read the bold only; she has told you what she wants. I don't think this letter is cold at all. She is being honest fair and truthful here. You are lucky to have this sort of clarity and explaination. It's going to hurt so cry, scream and start the process. LS is here... use it. I'm sorry that you are hurting. There is nothing you can do and doing anything but trying to heal will only make things worse.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 Thanks for the advice guys. But is there anyway I can get her back? I now see what it takes to make a relationship work. It's been 2 1/2 months and she doesn't call, or e mail me or my friends to see how I'm doing. This really hurts and I feel betrayed since she would have done anything for me when we were together.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 She doesn't have many friends and she is only close with her mom. I don't understand how she could be so strong and have so much conviction to not even contact me. We were so close. It really hurts.
serendip Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I feel betrayed since she would have done anything for me when we were together. How do you feel betrayed in anyway? You broke up with her 3 times and she took you back twice. Her letter was very respectful and mature. If you had appreciated her more during your relationship and had not broken up with her 3 times...then maybe things with her would be different. If you care for her and love her...leave her alone and respect her wishes of no more contact. Move on with your life and learn from your mistakes
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I think in many relationships, there is a point where one thinks "Enough is enough". After breaking up with her three times, regardless of your circumstances, she must have reached that point and simply wants to move on now. I don't think there is anything you can do to change her mind. I am also feeling like I want to move on from my EX and there isn't anything he could do to prevent me from doing so.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 maybe I'm being selfish and a bit irrational, but thats what love does. I just had problems which caused me to make some mistakes. No one is perfect. I can live with regret for the things that I've done, but it's the things i did not do that will affect me forever. Is there such a thing as unconditional love anymore? Or can a person push their partner to the point of no return? Sorry but I'm in the deepest pain. She was by far the closest person to me. I do appreciate your responses.
serendip Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 maybe I'm being selfish and a bit irrational, but thats what love does. I just had problems which caused me to make some mistakes. No one is perfect. I can live with regret for the things that I've done, but it's the things i did not do that will affect me forever. Is there such a thing as unconditional love anymore? Or can a person push their partner to the point of no return? Sorry but I'm in the deepest pain. She was by far the closest person to me. I do appreciate your responses. Now if you want to push her further away and have her lose more respect for you...then keep contacting her. Look you tried already with the flowers and note....and she's asked you to respect her wishes of no contact. She knows how you feel...it's out of your control now. Take the pain and learn from it.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 Thanks Seren. Any other advice please?
sid3 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 The best thing you can do for yourself is accept that it is over. If you want to show her you really do love her than respect her wishes. There isn't anyway to get an ex to come back. They have to want to on their own. The only thing you can do is make matters worse. Having broken up with her three times, I would say there is very little chance she will change her mind. I'm sure this it not what you want to hear, but maybe it's what you need to hear so that you may see that what matters now is your future and your happiness. It's true, life teaches us some pretty hard lessons.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Anyone with more advice? I can't do anything. She is constantly on my mind. I'm living with regret for the things i did not do. Keep trying to find more closure. It goes on and on. Feel sick to my stomach.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Hey x. Strict NO Contact has been exactly 5 weeks today. However last Tuesday I sent her an apology note with some flowers. She only emailed me shortly after with the response I posted on top. But i didn't respond.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Y, do you agree that it feels like the walls are closing in? You can't do anything. Pounding headaches and impotent dreams, knowing there's nothing you can do. What makes the other person so strong with conviction? Is it that they found someone else? It's hard to believe, but there's always some desperate jerk prowling around playing devil's advocate.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 How do you know she left you for someone else?
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