what2donowIII Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Ok so My wife and I are going through a divorce after being together for 7 years. We have been seperated for a year and a half and it is all her choice. She is about 5 months deep into a new relationship and I am still struggling with the fact that it is over and she has moved on. The divorce wont be final for another month or 2 yet. But when will I move on and how? How will i make the pain go away and when will i stop missing her. I mean I would take her back in a heart beat and I dont know why. And how can she just move on to a new relationship and forget about the family we have build together? Why do things like this happen? THis is the worst pain i have ever felt in mylife. I havent been happy in over a year now and I just so want my family and life to go back to the way it was. Please I could use some advise and people to talk to..
Confused9 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I think it just takes time. You need to come to grips that it is over and once you do...I think you begin to move on. My x fiance (we broke up in October) got married yesterday. He has known this woman for 9 months (cheated on my with her for about 3 weeks then broke up with me). I still wish for him to come back, etc etc. But, I know it would never be the same. I think when we are broken up with we want justice. We want them to be sad, hurt, miserable and unhappy like we are. But, life isn't fair...so that generally doesn't happen. I was completely shocked by the breakup of my engagement, but I know I need to move on... and as hard as it is...let him go. Try and come to terms with the end of your relationship and realize this is you life and you need to start living it. You aren't going to get these moments back. Who knows what's in store for us in terms of love in the future, but for right now...we need to let go of our pasts - as hard as that may be...and move on. Move toward a happy future.
Confused9 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 PS I was also with my x for 7 years...so I understand your pain!
wizer Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 As painful and impossible as life seems right now, the human mind and body has an amazing capacity to heal. How do you do it? Time...and as soon as you can, get out there and start doing things. Reactivate old friendships, maybe even date casually but beware the "rebound relationship"..you'll get there, sooner or later most of us do, and you are no different.
Author what2donowIII Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 Thanks Confused and yea I read your post about your ex so i feel your pain too...It just flat out sux. But what can you do you know. I just keep hoping for brighter days..
Confused9 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 They'll come. We also need to be willing to have good days. You know? We need to be willing to laugh, have fun, notice the good. I know some days it's hard...but we won't get these days back. Eff em' if they don't want to be with us! We're on to bigger and better things!!!
husbndinthemaking Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Time... yes. This is the answer. If you want to speed it up, go out a date others, meet new people, etc. Have comfort in knowing she will regret her decision once you have moved on. Believe me. It happens ALL the time. If my wife left me for another man, I would be hurt, yes. But I would go out the VERY next day and find another girl. I think I would try that eharmony.com website and see if I could find a more compatable girl next time around. One that likes all the things that I do. Best of luck to you.
Author what2donowIII Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 Yea confused I have my days where I think I have moved on and dont care about it no more then the next day I will be at rock bottom again. But hey i guess it comes with it just gotta learn to take it day by day.How old are you and where from mayb we should hook up and make our ex"s eat they hearts out!!!! Ha Ha:laugh:
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 First thing first, you need to get really busy and stay busy from the time you get up in the morning until you go to bed. You need to be moving, and that includes scheduling your day, making out your daily to-do list. Your days pretty much need to be filled from the time you get up until the time you go to bed. And that inlcudes a good hour of rigourious exercise five time a week. When you get home in the evenings you want to be pretty tired, to where your bedroom becomes your best friend. Limit just sitting around, especially at home, that includes surfing the net, watching tv and listening to music. If you listen to music, make sure its up-beat. If you haven't done so, get rid of any and everything that you can that may trigger memories of the STBXW, even if it means buying it over if it triggers an emotional response or memory. If you're still living in the same place as you did with the STBXW ~ consider moving if you can afford to do so. You need to re-invent your daily routines. Shop and go to different places than you did with the STBXW. Take differnt routes, do new things that you've never tried before, make new friends. Sit down and set yourself some new life goals, give some serious thought about where you want to be one, two, three, four ~ ten ~ twenty years from now. Now is the time to take up new hobbies, develope new interests, take up a new sport. When thinking about your STBXW allow yourself no more than thrity minutes a day, and then decrease it with each passing day. Don't dwell on her nor the impending divorce. Don't sit around digging up bones of what once was ~ and all the more importantly what might have been. If you find yourself falling into a low, that means get up and get moving. Force yourself to laugh, smile, and have a positive attitude. That's your job! And you can control your emotional state of mind with persistence, mental self-discipline, and practice. You're as happy as you make your mind up be. You've not only have to re-invent your life? You have to re-dfine it.
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