Explorer Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Hi Guys, First time poster. I'm hurting. Badly. About a year ago, my last ex and I broke it off. I got to the point where I was finally over it and ended up meeting some new. Someone with the opposite personality of my ex and was amazing and energetic to be around. I fell in love, but she didn't know that. Problem is that she's leaving soon to live somewhere else, so I decided to break off what we had last night and lose contact with her in order to protect myself from becoming too involved. I feel this was the best solution, but it hurts so damn bad. I am so tired of hurting emotionally. I think I feel the pain so deep it's hard to explain. Sometimes I wish I could feel nothing. She wanted to continue what we had without getting emotionally involved. It was basically friends with benefits. I could not do this. I feel too deep for her so I had to cut the cord with us. How can someone be friends with benefits without getting emotionally involved? Is this even possible? I'm starting to believe trying to find a mate is not worth the emotional pain that I've endured. Becoming a self indulged narcisist sounds pretty safe and secure to me. I cannot take the loneliness and pain anymore. I wake up with the thoughts of blowing my brains out all the time. Doubt I would ever follow through with it, but that's how much I hurt. I lack the coping tools for this kind of pain so by default my mind tells me the best solution is death. Thanks for reading this.
Nevermind Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Hello Explorer, I feel your pain. Know that you're not alone and that, while this pain may seem unbearable now, you will see the light again. We all do, in the end. Are you sure that your friend does not reciprocate your feelings? Where is she going to live? Would you feel better if you told her the truth, or do you want to keep it a secret forever? Some people are haunted by the "what if" for a long time, while others fare better in keeping their dignity. Being alone is safe and secure in some ways, but you're giving up too much for this. Would you give up your ability to see because you were blended by the sun? When you broke up with your penultimate ex, didn't you feel pain and hurt? And didn't you feel so much better when this girl came into your life? You will find somebody again, and it will be amazing and wonderful and unique. Just keep your eyes open. (((hugs)))
Author Explorer Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 Hello Explorer, I feel your pain. Know that you're not alone and that, while this pain may seem unbearable now, you will see the light again. We all do, in the end. Are you sure that your friend does not reciprocate your feelings? Where is she going to live? Would you feel better if you told her the truth, or do you want to keep it a secret forever? Some people are haunted by the "what if" for a long time, while others fare better in keeping their dignity. Being alone is safe and secure in some ways, but you're giving up too much for this. Would you give up your ability to see because you were blended by the sun? When you broke up with your penultimate ex, didn't you feel pain and hurt? And didn't you feel so much better when this girl came into your life? You will find somebody again, and it will be amazing and wonderful and unique. Just keep your eyes open. (((hugs))) Hi Nevermind, Thanks for the kind words and hug. My friend has feelings for me but she doesn't want them to develop since she's leaving, which I understand. I told her I had deep and strong feelings for her, but never told her that I love her. She's going to live 900 miles away from where we are now. I did feel pain and hurt with my penultimate ex. It took me a long time to get over it. This is the outcome of all my past realtionships. Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. It's really taking a toll on me. I'm at a breaking point.
kizik Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I know exactly what you're going through. I've had two serious girlfriends, both of whom moved away on me with the intention of staying together. Each time we tried, but the distance was too awful. Now I sit and think, why do I keep getting left? And I think the answer has nothing to do with me. People just have their own paths, and they're going to go on them whether we want them to or not. The solution for you is to be single, for at least a long while. At some point you'll find happiness in being by yourself, and you won't agonize over the lost relationships. Death is a temptation that I've thought about before. But the fact is that life is a great gift, that has some terrible days, weeks, months. You need to get together with friends at this point and just try to have FUN.
fran82 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 you've been really strong in admitting what you need, you just need to keep strong, the pain will fade, like it did before. like kizik said, we each have our own paths, yours does not travel alongside these 2 ex's. yours is yet to be revealed to you, so go out and relish in trying to find it, have some fun along the way. r/ships are hard, because we like to dwell on the bad things, its easier! try to focus on the nice things, the memories you made together, memories are the only thing we can take we us when we die, so why not try to clock up as many nice ones as you can and choose to leave the negative bad memories behind hugs
Ronni_W Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I cannot take the loneliness and pain anymore. I wake up with the thoughts of blowing my brains out all the time. Doubt I would ever follow through with it, but that's how much I hurt. I lack the coping tools for this kind of pain so by default my mind tells me the best solution is death. Explorer, Thoughts of suicide are not unusual but only you can possibly know when you need to seek professional or emergency care. I've found the huge majority of members of LoveShack to be super-caring and supportive, and wanting only the best for their fellow members...and we count on you to take proper measures to ensure your own safety. Becoming a self indulged narcisist sounds pretty safe and secure to me.<LOL> Well, there is an alternative to that...enhance your life skills (communications, assertiveness, self-confidence, self-reliance, etc.), so that you can fully participate in the give-and-take of mutually rewarding relationships and also have the inner resources to weather life's inevitable storms and challenges. When you know who you are, what you value and what you stand for in Life, it really is the safest and most secure way of 'Being'. Hugs and best wishes.
stlnsmile Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I understand how you feel, I think we all do, but there is soooo much out there to expirience even if it is on your own. Is your life only valuable if you are with someone? Are there not a whole world of things that are out there that you could expirience on your own. I mean a trip to Alaska sounds a whole lot more fun than blowing your brains out. Learning to rock climb, or fly a plane or hell, pretty much anything sounds better than that. Do you need a partner for any of it....NOOOOOO. Your life is valuable because it is yours. Use it for your own benefit for a while. Learn something you have always wanted to learn, do something you have always wanted to do. Dream big, and then try to do some of those things. When you do you will have soooo much to share with someone later. You will have all these expiriences and things to share. And who knows, maybe to teach someone who will appreciate them. There is nothing wrong with being alone. There is nothing wrong with being happy in your own life with your own things that make you happy. And people notice that. People notice when you are happy with yourself. There is nothing wrong with being self indulgent for a while and learning about yourself. Are there things you have always wanted to do? I would love to hear about them.
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