JohnnyBlaze Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 no. i asked him to come over so we can talk, if we can't settle anything then we'll end our relationship that night. I hate to say it, but your mere being here asking about all of this shows that matters have not been resolved. He has said that he wants to be with you, but his actions (and lack thereof) certainly spoke louder than his words. Whether he's a cheater or just power-hungry doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're already recognizing this as an unhealthy relation (even if you're trying not to admit it). Once you can say it out loud to yourself, you know what you have to do next. Walk away.
dreamergrl Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 This guy is a relationship bomb waiting to go off. It's his way or no way and your completely falling for it. He'll tell you some of what you want to hear to keep you around, but he has no intentions of following through. It wouldn't surprise me if he had another girl as well. How hard is it to answer the phone?
stillafool Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Well I don't know. If you were at his house and someone rang the door bell early in the a.m. and he didn't want to answer the door what would you think? Why didn't you answer the door yourself? How old are you guys? I hope you don't want to continue to see this guy because he is a lawyer and you think he is a good catch? (Not) He's just warming up to his narcissistic self. He sounds like it is either going to be his way or the highway. He probably thinks he's a good catch also and will make a girl jump through hoops to have him. Don't call, text, email or anything else to him. Make him chase you if he wants you; that's the only way to gain respect from this guy.
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 the thing that bothers me though is we just had the talk last night, and i asked him if he likes me enough to wanna continue dating me exclusively and he answered yes. If he wasnt really into me, why would he say yes. That could have been an easy way for him to get himself out. It's really confusing. He's a new lawyer who has quite a dysfunctional personal/family background. He's sarcastic, cynical and arrogant OK, you know this much about him so he's probably one of those guys who has a certain way of looking at women, old fashioned and abit sexist too. He more than likely thinks of himself FIRST and then everything else comes second. I say if you want to date this guy, grow a tough skin because he isn't going to cater to your needs. He is who he is, if you don't like the way he treats you, break it off with him. He is NOT going to change his ways so don't expect him to either.
Author lostgirl77 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 its been 7 hours since my last text message. I sent "i do not want to be treated this way. if this is the way you wanna treat me, then I do not want to be in this relationship anymore. i deserve something better than this." He has not replied yet. I wanna text him and say "i want a break up" or something like that. But decided not to send it. I figured he might still be making up his mind. I dont know. Men think differently from girls. He pointed that out to me last night in one of our conversations. He said men are rational and logical. Women are emotional. Sometimes they cry because they feel sad. But a lot of times they fake their tears because they want to get sympathy or they use the tears to manipulate men. I know this is off topic but oh well.
dreamergrl Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 its been 7 hours since my last text message. I sent "i do not wanted to be treated this way. if this is the way you wanna treat me, then I do not want to be in this relationship anymore. i deserve something better than this." He has not replied yet. I wanna text him and say "i want a break up" or something like that. But decided not to send it. I figured he might still be making up his mind. I dont know. Men think differently from girls. He pointed that out to me last night in one of our conversations. He said men are rational and logical. Women are emotional. Sometimes they cry because they feel sad. But a lot of times they fake their tears because they want to get sympathy or they use the tears to manipulate men. I know this is off topic but oh well. He sounds angry at the female gender. How long are you willing to put up with this, and why??????? You said you want to send him a text saying you want to break up, but you think maybe he hasn't made up his mind. So are you using "breaking up" as a tactic to get him to stick around? Frankly, I don't think these games are a good idea, and even worse with this guy. He already thinks women use things to manipulate men, do you think threatening to break up is going to get you anywhere?
Author lostgirl77 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 well im just thinking i want him to know that he crossed the line there and that i am not tolerating it. im thinking if i send that text message, he would either accept the breakup at worse, or do something (i.e. recognize that he is wrong - if he hasnt realized it yet). But I think my last msg was pretty straight forward so ill leave it at that.
dreamergrl Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 well im just thinking i want him to know that he crossed the line there and that i am not tolerating it. im thinking if i send that text message, he would either accept the breakup at worse, or do something (i.e. recognize that he is wrong - if he hasnt realized it yet). But I think my last msg was pretty straight forward so ill leave it at that. I don't think you understand that there is no chance in h3ll that he's going to recognize his wrongs. Why do you want this guy?
Author lostgirl77 Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 i dont know if i really really like this guy or i just want to be in a relationship so badly. maybe the latter. this is the first guy i am attracted to since my breakup with last bf in 2006. thats why im trying to make it work. but i guess it is hopeless.
dreamergrl Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 i dont know if i really really like this guy or i just want to be in a relationship so badly. maybe the latter. this is the first guy i am attracted to since my breakup with last bf in 2006. thats why im trying to make it work. but i guess it is hopeless. I think it's time to look else where. I've made the mistake of sticking around crappy relationships, and if you are around men like this long enough, it can be damaging.
Jilly Bean Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 This reminds me of when Miranda was dating that asshat attorney. Anyone remember that episode (we all know that most of dating can be traced to a SATC show - lol). Anyhoo, the guy was really dynamic, totally in control of everything and a real mover. Miranda was attracted to his strength and how he commanded people. HOWEVER, he was also a HUGE tool. He was nasty to everyone, and eventually she grew tired of his attitude. OP - if I were you, I would wonder why you were with him from the get-go. Your opening line doesn't paint this guy as being a keeper. Were you thinking you could change him?
Mary3 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Do you know how to spell : I N S E C U R E ? Run ! He's already not trusting you...You have no relationship without trust...
whichwayisup Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 well im just thinking i want him to know that he crossed the line there and that i am not tolerating it. im thinking if i send that text message, he would either accept the breakup at worse, or do something (i.e. recognize that he is wrong - if he hasnt realized it yet). But I think my last msg was pretty straight forward so ill leave it at that. HE WON'T care that he has crossed the line with you. With this guy it's either deal with it, accept him as he is or leave. Don't call, text or IM him again. Let him contact you and when he does, don't get back to him right away. Let him wait and wonder. THAT is how you get a point across to someone like him.
Mary3 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 it Is Admirable That You Would Try To Be Understanding. It Sounds Like He Has Had A Rough Time Of It And You Are Trying To Be Empathetic. So Here Is A Question....since It Is His Life And His Dysfunctional Family History That Is Clearly Affecting His Present Life, Is He Trying To Understand Himself? Does He Go To Therapy, Or Examine His Own Motivations And Actions In Life? The Guy Has Issues, And If He Isn't Willing To Work On That Stuff, Then There Is No Way You Can Have Any Kind Of Healthy Relationship With Him. Sounds Like Too Much Baggage. bingo !!!!!!!!!!
Author lostgirl77 Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 how can he not think he's wrong?! when he walked out the door, he saw a note that was left by whoever was knocking. It was addressed to someone else, maybe an old tenant. He read the note without even passing it to me first. When I got it, and then I told him "see, you are upset at me. It wasn't even for me in the first place". He said "i guess i was wrong but still someone knocking and you dont open the door, thats suspicious". I'm thinking, one time he dropped by my place without notice. My car was parked but I was at the gym which was two blocks down so I walked. He knocked and no one answered of course. Since I was working out I had no phone too. I dont know I'm thinking maybe he's equating that to that scenario, thinking at the time that he was knocking I was at home with somone else. I dont know. It's really frustrating to not hear anything from him.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I smell controlling, abusive jerk all over this guy. He can't be bothered to pick up the phone when you call him, then goes to accuse you of cheating on him. It's absurd. It is WAY too early in this R for him to be treating you like this. WTH. I say that at least you are seeing his true colors early and can run like hell. I sure would.
Author lostgirl77 Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 day 2 - he hasnt replied to my message yet. what could he be possibly thinking. my thoughts... 1) he's probably getting tired of the constant arguments too and would want to call it off 2) he's probably still deciding. thinking if he wants to be in this relationship or not. the wait is killing me!
stillafool Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 He sounds angry at the female gender. How long are you willing to put up with this, and why??????? You said you want to send him a text saying you want to break up, but you think maybe he hasn't made up his mind. So are you using "breaking up" as a tactic to get him to stick around? Frankly, I don't think these games are a good idea, and even worse with this guy. He already thinks women use things to manipulate men, do you think threatening to break up is going to get you anywhere? This is what it sounds like you are doing and he probably is thinking the same thing. You are letting him play you like a fiddle. Don't contact him anymore or he will think you are silly. Besides if you threatened to break up with him and he didn't get right back to you with a response what does that tell you? It's been 2 days and he hasn't responded says to me he has accepted your threat and he's moving on. If I were you I would do the same.
whichwayisup Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 2) he's probably still deciding. thinking if he wants to be in this relationship or not. He's already decided and his silence tells you that. Whatever you do, do NOT contact him. If wants to talk, he can call you or email you. Forget him right now, don't sit and wait for him - GO out and live your life. Trust me, this guy isn't sitting around pining and wondering what's going through your head, so don't waste your time and energy on him.
Unxpctd1014 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 day 2 - he hasnt replied to my message yet. what could he be possibly thinking. my thoughts... 1) he's probably getting tired of the constant arguments too and would want to call it off 2) he's probably still deciding. thinking if he wants to be in this relationship or not. the wait is killing me! stop looking for excuses to try and make yourself feel more at ease.... take the truth...for what it is
Mary3 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 He is a LOSER . The fact that you are pining over his every thought and action hour by hour is SAD . Let this rotten fish go back into the water.
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