Hopeless?????

[donkee]

Hello all!

 

Let me start by saying that the advice I have been seeing here is usually straight and to the point. A lot I don't agree with, a lot I do.

 

My problem is, I believe, the first woman I ever loved. We had a relationship where we both gave, talked frequently, had passionate encounters, etc. The problem is, that she is alcoholic/chemical dependent. She was clean for 6 months when I met her and had her head on straight. Due to interference by her mother, she started doing things that were leading her to the road back to her old ways. I tried to support her at first, but then the time came to say goodbye (3 yrs approx). She had changed that much. I was doing more enabling than helping at that point.

 

That leads me to the problem. I am 42 years old now, this relationship ended about 15 years ago. I think I am spoiled to the point that I really only want that kind of relationship. I enjoyed taking care of her (foot rubs, massages, multiple sexual encounters every day, some romantic others just a throw you down and have my way with you kind of thing) and she did the same to me. I rarely find any women who click with me, and they usually hang around from anywhere from a couple months to 3-4 years. I do have huge number of married women who seem to be attracted to me. I guess I am looked at as a possible break from the badboys they are married to. No thanks!

 

I am a nice guy, but I don't take crap if it's being dished out. I wouldn't have any problem in the world putting the hurt on anyone who would mess with anyone I care about. I don't see myself as a sissy type nice guy, but I am a nice guy. I have been told I have the greatest sense of humor, I am laid back, and have been a great dad to my two sons.

 

The problem is, I think that with all the foot rubs, massages, telling them what I think, and how I feel about them tends to drive women I have cared about away.

 

Here's an email I got from a friend/co-worker that I hooked up with just after the first of the year. She was kind enough to dump me on my birthday, which seems kind of cold, but what the heck. I did fall for this woman before we started even dating. The good part is, I am going to be working from home and won't be in the office but a couple days each year. This has messed me up pretty bad I will admit to that now.

 

 

I am so glad you wrote back to me and what you said is so wonderful, thank you. I knew that you were speaking earlier out of hurt and I completely understand, I just wanted to keep in touch until that went away. I didn't want to say anything about what we had because at that point you wouldn't have believed me anyway. Now that you are getting past the hurt let me tell you more.

You are an amazing person. I was very surprised how in touch you are with your feelings and so sensitive. What an amazing quality! I really truly hope after some time you will allow yourself to get back to that and find someone to be yourself around. Just please know that I NEVER meant to hurt you.

I was surprised when I found myself falling in love with you, the night we were talking and I was reading the t-shirts to you and laughing I almost ended the call with I love you but was afraid to say it. Even though you have been there for me and shown me so much affection and support I thought it might have weirded you out, don't ask why I am not sure.

Another great quality is we were great friends before falling in love and man it was a blast! I love that you can make me laugh and you are so intuitive, you know me so well damned near better than I know myself. I hate the thought I might have ruined that for someone else, please don't turn this into a negative? Something so fun and wonderful shouldn't end this way. I know that you are hurt but please give it some thought.

I am so sorry, I cannot say it enough. I am sorry for the laughing part and no it was not directed toward you. It was nervous weird laughter, like I had stated you said something I had thought just a week earlier, must that be intuitive part. I wasn't sure how to come to you with it and I was still trying to figure that out, then you approached me first. I knew it was going to hurt you. I wasn't sure how to figure in more time to spend with you, at work wasn't good all those people in your cubicle. Everytime I had time after work you were stuck. It just seemed that something was always interferring and it became frustrating on top of everything else.

I know I will regret this decision, but I only want to be fair to you, myself and my girls.

I do love you and when you are not around I miss you terribly. Is that still okay to say? I want to tell you that I want to see you in the office because just knowing you are there is... comforting to me. I know, that it is hard for you to be there with me I do understand. Just know that I will and do miss you.

Someday I hope that you will have forgiveness for me.

Always,

Her name here

 

So, I suspect I am defective and should just concentrate on spending all my time with my boys and just quit thinking there's anything that will even come close to what I'm hoping for?

 

Is it stupid for hoping to find something like I had with the first woman I ever really loved? I don't want a clone of her, that's ancient history. But does any woman out there want a relationship like that?

 

I have seen my share of one night stands, mostly in my college years and only a couple times since. And really don't get into that anymore. The last time I did, I had a wonderful case of straph (SP?) to pay for it.

 

Allright everyone, slap the hell out of me for this one cause I need the help. Otherwise I do give up........

[confused39]

First of all, obviously, you're just finding the wrong women. You sound like the kind of man most of us long for.

 

Secondly....what the heck is "straph" ??

[donkee]

Sorry, I was hurrying before I had to head to the airport, should have double checked!

 

Strep (Streptococcal pharyngitisis) is what it was. Talk about feeling nasty! I was in Massachusettes in the dead of winter. Had the window open at night and still woke up in a pool of sweat. Swallowing felt like drinking burning gasoline!

 

Thanks for the boost! It can be hard to meet someone when you spend most of your time on the road. At least the travel will stop soon. Maybe I'll just keep waiting to run into the one that would appreciate it.

 

Thanks Confused!

[orangesean]

I'm a guy, I can't help you with any of this or what women like, but I will say I like how well spoken you are and how intelligent you seem. I think you deserve someone who will give you what you want after so long.

 

Also as a side note, I can't believe that woman wrote you such a long, well thought out letter even if it was saying what you didn't want to hear. Most guys don't get that much and if they do it has tons of bad grammar and punctuation with an inherent lack of vocabulary.

 

But anyways, my two cents...