ShyShoe Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I am a college freshman, soon to be sophomore at Ohio University. I am very dedicated to the Ultimate Frisbee team, so I have been to a bunch of parties with my Frisbee friends. That isn't really my kind of thing. I'm not really interested in "Party Girls." There is this girl that I see in the dining hall that I would really like to get to know. I wake up at 7:00 and go to breakfast, but I have sat in the corner all year, by the TV, and just recently have begun to say hello, while we are in the dining hall line. She also has been coming to where I study after breakfast for the last month or so. Sometimes she opens the blinds so we can see each other, but I am still too shy to break the ice. One time I asked if I could sit at another couch that was near her, and she agreed, but other than a simple "hello" I don't know what to do. I have never had a girlfriend before, so I don't really have any experience. I am just polite and cordial when I am around girls. I always observe things from afar before I act, and have trouble moving outside of my comfort zone, but I am getting better at it. Thanks for trying to help me.
carhill Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Nothing wrong with polite and cordial What classes is she taking? Oh, you don't know? Ask
Suiyobi Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Hey there ShyShoe, First thing you want to do is overcome your shyness and gain confidence. I know it's hard, hell, I'm still going through the process myself. But one day, you're going to have to wake up and realize that if you don't get past your shyness now, you're going to have a hard time getting anywhere with this girl. And frankly, although it's great if a girl takes the initiative, you can only rely on her for so long. At some point, she'll be expecting you to make the first moves. So, better to gain the confidence that you need now rather than later. You don't want un-funny awkward moments. Now you might be wondering how you can overcome this shyness? Assuming you're alone and not busy, you may want to start off by telling yourself that you are "good and confident". Say it as many times as you need to, and take deep breaths in between to calm your nerves. Next, what I personally like to do is roleplay scenes in my head, preparing myself for what to say incase there are certain things that the girl says. Eventually, this will all be natural to you and you won't even have to think. Words will just come out. Also, another way (and perhaps even more effective) is to actually go out there and talk to people - men, women, children, elderly, you name it. Get used to being able to converse and not feeling shy about it. For me, I'm glad that my job requires me to talk to customers as that helps me become more confident in approaching strangers. Once you're past all that, you can finally approach the girl. Keep your cool, act natural (i.e., don't look like you're drooling over her, nor should you look so distant as if you don't want to be with her). Just let things flow. Ask her questions. The questions don't even have to be anything major or philosophical. They can be about small things, like the bracelet that she might be wearing or what classes she's taking and such. Small talk, man, it helps. Once that's all done, after about twenty minutes or so, one of you is going to have to close the conversation. And in this case, you better be the one to do it. Don't be afraid man, ask her for her number. Tell her that you think she's cool and that you'd like to talk to her some more, but that you have to go somewhere right away, so ask her if she could give you her number. Something along those lines. And then you should be good to go. Goodluck man.
Pedigree Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I'd start by cutting down the time between thinking "I want to talk to her" and actually doing it. The more time you spend thinking, the less likely you are to actually do it.
JerseyShortie Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Well, you are probably better off with advice from other guy's but as a girl, all I can say is that we get just as nervous and shy sometimes as you do. And we don't know how to start the conversation any better then you unless we are said "party girls". The only way you are going to bridge the gap is if you do step out of your comfort zone. I know girls can be intimidating but you guys can be too. Next time you sit down near her..just go in with an openner..something about commenting on the whether. It's cliche but it's just an openner. Take note if she is reading something, ask what she is reading, what classes she is taking..heck, comment on how crappy the meat loaf is and make a joke of it. Ask her if she is a Buckeye fan..once you get some common ground, it will make it easier. Also, a friend of mine says that you should always do two new things a week. Whether that has to do with members of the opposite sex or not, either way it has the possiblity to build your confidence. Personally I have learned that once I start doing things, whether they come out well or not, I'm always glad I did them. Sometimes you got to be humoursly self depricating about yourself. And these new things you do, it doesn't have to be in regards to this girl. Next time you see a cute girl passing you on her way to class, smile and say hello. Or try to start casual conversations with girls you aren't as interested in just to get the practice..simple and easy and maybe it will make you see that us girls aren't so different from you sometimes.
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