closetromantic Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Gotta love the cliches but: I've been married for 4 months now to an absolutely wonderful man. ( I get flowers every week, he cleans voluntarily! etc...) however, he not only keeps pictures of his ex ( more of her than me) but also speaks with her 3-4 times a week on the phone. She lives in Texas, we in Nevada, so in person is not an option. They were together for 3 years and have maintained a very strong relationship since their break-up 4 years ago. She has been married for 1 year. We were invited to her wedding and she to ours, but both she and my husband made excuses not to attend the respective weddings. It really bothers me that he keeps all those pictures of her (nothing explicit.) A few momentos of past relationships are ok, but why so many? Yes, they are tucked away in a shoebox with other things, but when I told him they bother me he said " I'll get rid of them right now. I'll throw the whole thing away and all the stuff from my sister too." His sister is 14 years younger & he keeps all the stuff she gave him, which is absolutely adorable. Why am I so concerned about this? I hate this feeling of insecurity brought on by someone I've never met.
Curmudgeon Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Gotta love the cliches but: I've been married for 4 months now to an absolutely wonderful man. ( I get flowers every week, he cleans voluntarily! etc...) however, he not only keeps pictures of his ex ( more of her than me) but also speaks with her 3-4 times a week on the phone. She lives in Texas, we in Nevada, so in person is not an option. They were together for 3 years and have maintained a very strong relationship since their break-up 4 years ago. She has been married for 1 year. We were invited to her wedding and she to ours, but both she and my husband made excuses not to attend the respective weddings. It really bothers me that he keeps all those pictures of her (nothing explicit.) A few momentos of past relationships are ok, but why so many? Yes, they are tucked away in a shoebox with other things, but when I told him they bother me he said " I'll get rid of them right now. I'll throw the whole thing away and all the stuff from my sister too." His sister is 14 years younger & he keeps all the stuff she gave him, which is absolutely adorable. Why am I so concerned about this? I hate this feeling of insecurity brought on by someone I've never met. I'd be concerned also. If they had a child together then there is every good reason to keep in touch about matters pertaining to the child. However, other than that, it doesn't make a lot of sense unless you're looking for a great example of arrested emotional development and co-dependency! Quite frankly, I'm surprised you married someone who speaks with his ex long distance three or four times a week. Clearly neither has let go of the other. Therefore, you're only married to a part of him. The rest of him still belongs to her.
Lookingforward Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Gotta love the cliches but: I've been married for 4 months now to an absolutely wonderful man. ( I get flowers every week, he cleans voluntarily! etc...) however, he not only keeps pictures of his ex ( more of her than me) but also speaks with her 3-4 times a week on the phone. She lives in Texas, we in Nevada, so in person is not an option. They were together for 3 years and have maintained a very strong relationship since their break-up 4 years ago. She has been married for 1 year. We were invited to her wedding and she to ours, but both she and my husband made excuses not to attend the respective weddings. It really bothers me that he keeps all those pictures of her (nothing explicit.) A few momentos of past relationships are ok, but why so many? Yes, they are tucked away in a shoebox with other things, but when I told him they bother me he said " I'll get rid of them right now. I'll throw the whole thing away and all the stuff from my sister too." His sister is 14 years younger & he keeps all the stuff she gave him, which is absolutely adorable. Why am I so concerned about this? I hate this feeling of insecurity brought on by someone I've never met. Can't you see the HUGE red flags here ? Keeping pics is one thing, after all they were a part of each other's lives, BUT they are both now married to other people and this CONSTANT communication is wrong, wrong, wrong..........for both parties. I don't understand why he equates 'her stuff' with that of his baby sister's though. As Curm said, if they had a child there would be a reason for the communication, but in this case I think you have two people who are being EXTREMELY selfish and disrespectful to their current partners.
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