Gazman Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Hi I am new to LS but have been lurking for a couple of weeks now. I just need to get this down so forgive me if I ramble a bit. I am 36 my wife is 33, been married for close to 5 years and things were going good up til recently. I finally managed to get my wife to start using the internet after her saying it was too difficult. I then got her sorted with an account on a popular social networking site. Recently my wife decided to do some flirting on said popular social networking site. I had no problem with this as I though it was just harmless fun. A female friend of my wife's also uses the networking site, but she just uses it for hooking up with men for sex due to her going through a messy divorce. After a while I noticed my wife's general attitude changing (she would get very nervous when she received a text message on her mobile or she would ensure she used the computer without anyone seeing it). So I became a little suspicious and was wondering what she was up to. I set her MSN so it saved logs of all conversations (I had about 2 weeks worth). This is where it all goes a bit awry. When I looked through the logs I found that she was asking men she did not know to our house but she was telling them they could only come when I was in work (usually when I was scheduled for my night shifts). I read through 5 of approx. 20 logs and she was basically offering sex to these men and the offer of coming to my house when I was in work. I decided to confront wife about the messages which at first she totally denied had happened. Then my wife decided that it was her friend's doing as she had apparently typed the messages to these men (even though most of the logs showed I was actually in the house, in the same room as my wife when they were typed, no sign of her friend being there with us unless she is a ghost). My wife then sort of admitted that she had typed the messages but even though she had told these men times I was in work and what dates they could come to my house she said that she didn't mean it and have given them an incorrect address anyway. So, I looked through the logs further and found that she was offering *hugs* (think thats the secret word for something else) to all kinds of people. She had offered her mobile number to I don't know how many and had confided in her friedn that she was in love with at least 2 of these men. Not long after this she would receive text messages in the early hours of the morning which she would say "I wish my friend would stop sending me jokes" (Problem is she would get so nervous when she said it she was visibly shaking). A short while after the confrontation my wife then decided that it was my fault because I had gotten her onto the popular networking site and the reason she had done it was that she had seen one of my friends pics which my wife deemed inappropriate so thought i was cheating (Just because of a pic I had no control over). I said to my wife I couldn't help what pic they used. During this time I got some messages off friends on the networking site asking why my wife was telling them to F**K off and stay away from me. I was shocked as I had no idea my wife had sent these emails so I had to apologize a LOT to my friends. My wife then told me (even though I only had 2 weeks worth of logs) that she had been sending the messages for at least 4 weeks prior to me finding out. My wife now keeps saying she loves me, doesn't want me to leave and will do anything to keep me (she said she would have no contact with the men again and would even tell her friend that she didn't want to see her again) however she is even more friendly than ever with so called friend. So I installed a keylogger onto wife's pc and have since found that she is still in contact with the men she said she wouldn't. Wife says she doen't use the computer so that I will think that she is not doing anything but I know she uses it when I am not there. I have not confronted her with this yet as I don't have a lot of evidence (logger only logs the things she is typing due to her using a chat feature on said networking site, but I do have some more MSN logs to look at). Her friend also shows her how to delete the MSN logs from the computer (Surely if she has nothing to hide these would not need to be deleted). So thats my situation, I am considering packing up and leaving, problem is both me and my wife are in severe financial difficulties and I rarely even see any of my money so getting out is a no-no at the minute. My wife has lied to me in the past about debts and other things which I decided to forgive her for at the time. Oh yeah, before I go, I am finding it difficult to sleep due to the above problems so I have been saying to her (when she is falling asleep on the couch) "Why don't you go to bed seeing as you are so tired" she says she will but usually will not move until I say I am going up to bed. If I say I am going out she wants to know every detail before I go. If I don't tell her she wants to know every detail when I get home. Well, there you go. Thanks for reading.
porter218 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Your wife is trash! She should get tested for AIDS, that is just really scary behavior. I am really sorry you have to go through that. Even though you are having financial difficulties you need to get out of there. Legal separation costs next to nothing if you just order the papers online and do them yourself. That will at least start the process and then get a divorce once you can afford it. Sell what ever joint property you have to simplify things and move on. She will not change, she is trouble. Best of luck to you!
Lookingforward Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Your wife is trash! She should get tested for AIDS, that is just really scary behavior. I am really sorry you have to go through that. Even though you are having financial difficulties you need to get out of there. Legal separation costs next to nothing if you just order the papers online and do them yourself. That will at least start the process and then get a divorce once you can afford it. Sell what ever joint property you have to simplify things and move on. She will not change, she is trouble. Best of luck to you! woahh...that was quite a jump, from what the OP says this is all online (so far at least). OP, you were the one that 'set her up' on this networking site and installed keyloggers, loggged her msn - what exactly were you hoping to achieve anyway ? You BOTH sound very immature for 36 and 33 respectively. I have to agree with porter though - best you split up now before you have kids involved, and do some growing up befire you get involved in another relationship.
porter218 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I know that seems like a jump, but I would put lots of money on the fact that this woman has had sex with at least one of them, I am a PI on the side and know the signs. You don't need to see her having sex with someone else to know she has done it.
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I finally managed to get my wife to start using the internet after her saying it was too difficult. I then got her sorted with an account on a popular social networking site. I don't understand why you would set your wife up with an account on a social networking site to begin with. This seemed to have opened up a whole other world for her and she's run with it in a bad way.
Author Gazman Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 OP, you were the one that 'set her up' on this networking site and installed keyloggers, loggged her msn - what exactly were you hoping to achieve anyway ? I set her up in good faith on the social networking site so she could find some of her old school friends. The loggers etc were installed after I got suspicious. Why do we sound immature ?? I don't understand why you would set your wife up with an account on a social networking site to begin with. This seemed to have opened up a whole other world for her and she's run with it in a bad way. As mentioned above, she wanted to find some of her old school friends and she was not very computer savvy, just thought I was doing a kind gesture but yeah she seems to have gone with it in a bad way. I have to agree with porter though - best you split up now before you have kids involved, and do some growing up befire you get involved in another relationship. There are 2 kids (Both from my wife's previous marriage)
porter218 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 LF was meaning while there are no kids between you 2. The ones from her previous marriage would not be involved in a divorce
mark982 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 wheather you stay or go is something only you can decide. but she has no respect for you.Loving wives don't do stuff like this. I'd make sure she can't become pregnant. as far as the house, it's only a house. If that's the sole reason you're staying.
jmargel Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Personally I have a feeling this was going on way before she started chatting. If she could do this, good chance she was hitting it up with some men when she would go out with this one particular gf. This isn't your fault for setting up the computer for her. She has a responsibility and a boundary she shouldn't have crossed. She continues to lie to you about this and past situations. You can't trust her. I think you need to take a step back and look at the big picture. What are you getting out of this marriage? Don't stay in a marriage just because of fiancial reasons, fiancially things will only get worse with her lying. Get the book 'Love must be tough', you must start taking control of your life. You need to start living a confidence that you will not tolerate this anymore. Wives don't do this to their husbands, marriages like this do not last unless major reconstruction on her attitude and maturity happens. If your insurance supports it, let her know that you will be gone unless counseling is done. If you have to play a detective in your own marriage then you already know what it's going to lead up to.
Darth Vader Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 She's telling other men to come over while you're at work, then has the gall to blame you for helping her to use the computer, Divorce this woman fast! Chances are she has been up to no good before this computer incident happened. When she blameshifts you call her on it! You tell her that it's her fault that she's trying to have extramaritial sex and blame you for it to asswage her guilt! Because that's exactly what she's doing! I would get a better keylogger that captures screenshots and everything, I would also make sure that the keylogger can't be removed or disabled by Spyware/Adaware removers, if you do have these programs, make sure that they ignor the keylogger. Oh, and I would make sure that you delete cookies of this site and make sure that you don't use the auto log in feature for this site. I say this, because if she knows that you're on to her like this, she'll take it underground, heck, she'll do that anyway, now that she knows that you've been checking up on her. Is there anyway you can get a PI to check on her at your home, and where she goes while you're at work?
Darth Vader Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Oh, one thing I forgot to mention, if she's wanting to know where you're going and asking for details, she's basically accusing you of cheating, expect her to accuse you outright of it, because that also is a red flag. People who cheat often accuse the BS of cheating when the WS IS cheating!
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 So thats my situation, I am considering packing up and leaving, problem is both me and my wife are in severe financial difficulties and I rarely even see any of my money so getting out is a no-no at the minute. My wife has lied to me in the past about debts and other things which I decided to forgive her for at the time. Your wife seems really, really crazy! If you wait until your out of debt... you may be waiting forever, which would be completely stupid. My suggestion is to make a plan for ending the marriage and then execute it!
Author Gazman Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Thanks everyone for your replies. I have since found out that she is still in contact with the OM and she wonders why I am so fed up. I have not confronted her with it yet though but I feel the time is getting close. Thanks again Gary
Lookingforward Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 She's telling other men to come over while you're at work, then has the gall to blame you for helping her to use the computer, Divorce this woman fast! Yeah, that would have been a dealbreaker for me right there........
In Like Flynn Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Don't wait to confront...do it know. Every time i hear I know but I am waiting for the right time to confront I scream!!!! It always ends bad. Kill it now thru exposure if she won't stop!!!!
Abused&Confused Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 HI, sorry to say this, but I can guarantee she cheated or is cheating. Coming from a cheating wife, beleive me the signs are all there. I am married for 14 years, never hid nothing from my husband... from video games to sexual thoughts, but I never cheated on him till 4 months ago. I met a guy, gave him my number, my email... after that I kept my phone on vibrate when H was home (he also worked nights), always made sure I had my phone with me.... when he wanted to use my phone real quick, I hesitated and kept hurrying him up. My husband also had an idea but I told him the truth.... and the only difference is that I completed stopped my manner. I am doing everything to show my husband I love him and I want to be with him.... I changed my cell #, my house #, closed my socail account... I no longer use the internet at home only if he is there with meand if it is for him. I tell him everything I am doing and going... and when he calls, I have to make sure to answer that phone. If she caresand loves you, she would understand if u make these demands on her. Get her off the social internet... it will destroy your marriage. I learned my lesson.
twice_shy Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I set her MSN so it saved logs of all conversations (I had about 2 weeks worth). This is where it all goes a bit awry. When I looked through the logs I found that she was asking men she did not know to our house but she was telling them they could only come when I was in work (usually when I was scheduled for my night shifts). I read through 5 of approx. 20 logs and she was basically offering sex to these men and the offer of coming to my house when I was in work. OMG!! Not only is she wanting to have sex with other men, she is going to do it in your own home! I'd file for divorce from this tramp if I were you. I decided to confront wife about the messages which at first she totally denied had happened. Why do cheating dunderheads always deny what is in plain text?? She must think you are stupid. Then my wife decided that it was her friend's doing as she had apparently typed the messages to these men Ya right. She is lying her arse off. My wife then sort of admitted that she had typed the messages but even though she had told these men times I was in work and what dates they could come to my house she said that she didn't mean it and have given them an incorrect address anyway. So, I looked through the logs further and found that she was offering *hugs* (think thats the secret word for something else) to all kinds of people. She had offered her mobile number to I don't know how many and had confided in her friedn that she was in love with at least 2 of these men. I'll say it again, divorce her. There is no way you can trust her now. And thats because she isn't worthy of trust. A short while after the confrontation my wife then decided that it was my fault because I had gotten her onto the popular networking site Ah, here we go. She blames her trampy behavior on you. Just another reason to get yourself a good attorney. During this time I got some messages off friends on the networking site asking why my wife was telling them to F**K off and stay away from me. Let me get this straight, she is offering up your home as a brothel offering up sex to other men, giving out her cell #, yet she is saying this to other people?? You got one psychotic tramp for a wife there pal. You don't need this. Trust me, I KNOW. Get rid of her. Or you will regret it. Mark my words. My wife now keeps saying she loves me, doesn't want me to leave and will do anything to keep me (she said she would have no contact with the men again and would even tell her friend that she didn't want to see her again) however she is even more friendly than ever with so called friend. So I installed a keylogger onto wife's pc and have since found that she is still in contact with the men she said she wouldn't. So her words were empty BS. Divorce her. Keep the log of what she has done. Make print outs. And even though it won't make a difference in court with regards to marital assets, you can file for divorce on the grounds of adultery, whether she actually got the opportunity to meet these men or not. And it might, if you want, help get you custody of any children you have. But thats a might, but it sure won't hurt. Especially if it involves bringing strange men into the home. Wife says she doen't use the computer so that I will think that she is not doing anything but I know she uses it when I am not there. I have not confronted her with this yet as I don't have a lot of evidence You keep collecting the evidence. Let her dig a hole for herself. Then once you have all the evidence. Then I wouldn't even worry about confronting her yet. Consult an attorney without her knowing and get his/her opinion. Her friend also shows her how to delete the MSN logs from the computer (Surely if she has nothing to hide these would not need to be deleted). Ya, and you'd want to stay with this "woman" knowing she has a friend like this to help her cheat? Does she go out with this friend? Next time said friend comes over, you ought to confront her too. So thats my situation, I am considering packing up and leaving You'd be well justified in doing so. However, YOU shouldn't be the one that has to leave. And an attorney will advise you to not leave the marital home if there may be a chance you want to keep it. You stay there. And if you decide you want to divorce her, and you'd be wise to do so, consult an attorney first. A bulldog of an attorney may even get a judge to see inviting strange men into the home as a reason to have an order of protection slapped on her and she might have to leave the home. Might be a longshot, but inviting strange men into your home is inviting danger. problem is both me and my wife are in severe financial difficulties and I rarely even see any of my money so getting out is a no-no at the minute. My wife has lied to me in the past about debts and other things which I decided to forgive her for at the time. So you go through a divorce and file for bankruptcy. Start all over again, and she can go off and start piling up debt in her name only after that. Don't be afraid of bankruptcy, even though I never have done it, if I couldn't meet bills and had no money, and was going through a divorce, it wouldn't faze me to do it. You shouldn't have to stay married to a tramp because of lack of money. Oh yeah, before I go, I am finding it difficult to sleep due to the above problems so I have been saying to her (when she is falling asleep on the couch) "Why don't you go to bed seeing as you are so tired" she says she will but usually will not move until I say I am going up to bed. Ya, so that way after you zonk out, she can get on the computer with her clients that she is inviting over. If I say I am going out she wants to know every detail before I go. If she wants to know because she doesn't trust you...well then thats a hoot. But she may want to know so she can gauge how late you are going to be gone so she can squeeze in a quicky with one of these other guys. If I don't tell her she wants to know every detail when I get home. Ask her what she cares since she is inviting men back to your house and giving out her cell #. Seriously, just keep collecting evidence...print it out. Then before deciding to pack it up and getting out of the house, consult an attorney first. Also ask the attorney if there is something about inviting strange men back to your house that might be used against her in getting HER out of the house. Either way, consult an attorney before you do anything rash.
twice_shy Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 woahh...that was quite a jump, from what the OP says this is all online (so far at least). Maybe saying she needs to be tested for AIDS is a jump, but not by calling her trash, because that is exactly what she is. OP, you were the one that 'set her up' on this networking site and installed keyloggers, loggged her msn - what exactly were you hoping to achieve anyway ? Oh here we go...so its his fault now? Why does this not surprise me? You BOTH sound very immature for 36 and 33 respectively. ???? Huh? What about him sounds immature? the fact that he wanted to show her how much fun a computer can be? How was he to know that his wife would use it to get laid? Oh, but again, his fault right? I have to agree with porter though - best you split up now before you have kids involved, and do some growing up befire you get involved in another relationship. there is nothing he has done that indicates he needs to grow up. you just can't seem to get away from slamming someone who is being betrayed.
twice_shy Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I don't understand why you would set your wife up with an account on a social networking site to begin with. This seemed to have opened up a whole other world for her and she's run with it in a bad way. Well I guess one positive thing came from it. It showed him who she truly is. Better he finds out now she is a worthless tramp than later.
twice_shy Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I set her up in good faith on the social networking site so she could find some of her old school friends. The loggers etc were installed after I got suspicious. Why do we sound immature ?? You aren't(although your wife is). Don't listen to the nonsense that you are immature. You have done nothing to indicate such. There are 2 kids (Both from my wife's previous marriage) And I'm sure you care for them. But this is why she doesn't want you to leave. She is using you all the while trying to get laid by other men. And if you do care for her kids, you can't let that affect any decision to better your situation. You shouldn't have to be married to someone like that.
twice_shy Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Get her off the social internet... it will destroy your marriage. I learned my lesson. getting her off the social internet is a good idea, but that isn't what is going to kill this marriage. It will be her lousy character that will do that.
Lookingforward Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Maybe saying she needs to be tested for AIDS is a jump, but not by calling her trash, because that is exactly what she is. you just can't seem to get away from slamming someone who is being betrayed. I was not slamming him fgs (I really wish you'd learn to read what people post instead of what you THINK they're thinking) I also never said she wasn't trash because she IS.......... and fwiw if you read my other post on this thread I also said that her inviting men over to MY house would be a dealbreaker for me right there......... but whatever...nothing I can say will convince you that you're not right about me LOL
Lookingforward Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I set her up in good faith on the social networking site so she could find some of her old school friends. The loggers etc were installed after I got suspicious. Okay, that's a fair enough reason - you weren't to know you were married to a whore Why do we sound immature ?? Because she is acting like some trashy little teen with no responsibilities and you're running around installing keyloggers and such when you already HAD enough evidence firsthand of what was going on (ie - immature, not taking adult action) I'm sorry if I come off as harsh - I usually just type a few words per post - I'm not one of the "write a novel each post" set......but I honestly don't understand people who don't trust the evidence of their own eyes, ears, feelings and let these cheaters sandbag you.
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