Author kizik Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 Thanks sid. I can see that tunnel light... I'm not going to contact. That's not in the cards. She owes me a few bucks, and I'm guessing she will use that as an excuse to initiate contact. I don't know what will hurt more; if she does, or doesn't. In the meantime, I'm trying to meet girls (just casually, no expectations) and I'm rediscovering my sarcastic, ironic, as*hole personality.
sid3 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Good news, cause I don't feel like sending the ex a text........lol You have the right ideas. Git rid of the password so there is no temptation. Yeah you'll probably get a contact down the road when you've moved on and met someone nicer..it's the way it is, sometimes anyhow. My ex is thinking I'll break n/c any day now. Nope, as discussed in (a very good) older thread, it has become a battle of will power. Whatever works
Author kizik Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 Battle of wills is right. My ex is such a stubborn bee-otch, we both know she aint calling. Thing is, she didn't know how stubborn I was till now. Take care Sid, we're gonna be OK. You rock! And thanks for your wise words.
sunshinegirl Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 oh kizik, you are great, doing just great!! I am so impressed with you. I am thanking the gods above that I don't have any of his passwords. I don't know what I would do, except I do know that I would only find out hurtful things.
Author kizik Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 I looove you sunshine girl! If you had his password, you'd post on here asking people to tell you not to do it. Then, because we love you, you wouldn't do it.
v33 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 What if she doesn't miss you? You don't wanna know that. You have been doing amazing with your NC. I really think this is the best way for you. Really man, I got way too much info on my ex's life when we split and I am still forced to deal with new knowledge occasionally. You don't want to know anything about her. I mean, you might want to know, but it won't be good for you. We need to start an MSN messenger call list for guys like us in a crisis. Does PM'ing work now? LS is a great place for support but sometimes I wish I could reach out to someone right away when I am tempted to do something stupid. Like having a sponsor in an AA program, haha! I just wanted to add something.... My ex moved about a 3 minute walk away from me. It is so hard for me not to walk by her place at night to see if her BF's truck is parked outside her place. I did once, and it killed me. I know when I see that he is there that they are having a great night holding each other, talking, having sex. I haven't put myself through that in a while, and frankly I don't want to. I would like to think I would be ok with it, but on nights like these when I am alone it's something I just don't want to have to think about. The less you know, the better.
sunshinegirl Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I looove you sunshine girl! If you had his password, you'd post on here asking people to tell you not to do it. Then, because we love you, you wouldn't do it. I love your optimism. I'm not as convinced. Just the other day I was pumping the best friend for info on the hooch. He resisted and I later realized nothing good would have come from hearing anything about her, or them. But hey, there are setbacks everywhere. I got back a box of my stuff from the ex's house, via the best friend. Several books, my pizza stone, the body butter we used to slather all over each other. (Why did he feel the need to send that back??) It set me back just to receive my own belongings! My guess is that hacking into her email account would be far, far worse for you emotionally.
Nevermind Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I did it. Boy was that a mistake. Started the whole thing. You don't want to know, plus it can't tell you if she misses you or not. She might not write somebody about you, but that wouldn't mean she doesn't. BUT if there is somebody else you will find the evidence. You can only find negative things in there, nothing positive. Seriously. There is NOTHING positive for you to find. You will feel bad about breaking into her account and violating her privacy. And it will stand between you should she call again. Nothing to gain, but a lot to lose.
v33 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I did it. Boy was that a mistake. Started the whole thing. You don't want to know, plus it can't tell you if she misses you or not. She might not write somebody about you, but that wouldn't mean she doesn't. BUT if there is somebody else you will find the evidence. You can only find negative things in there, nothing positive. Seriously. There is NOTHING positive for you to find. You will feel bad about breaking into her account and violating her privacy. And it will stand between you should she call again. Nothing to gain, but a lot to lose. Much better than I put it. Nevermind's post bears repeating. Nothing good can come of this.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 It's worth it if you need evidence to sever the relationship, especially if it requires legal action such as a divorce. Beyond that, it's just...plain...self-torture.
Author kizik Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 I'm not going to do it. It was a panicky, insane moment of temptation. Are you saying that you hacked into your ex's account, NM? You're right that there's nothing good that could come from it.
GuttedEnglishBloke Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Believe me, there's nothing in there but pain. I knew my ex's password, but didn't hack into her email until last night. It had been 6 weeks and I've only texted her once during that time. I was drunk as hell if that's any excuse. I know it's on a par with cheating, but then she'd already cheated... If any good is to come out of this, then please please please anyone who has been tempted to do this, DON'T. It'll set you back 3 weeks and will make you get drunk on a Sunday morning. You won't find anything good in there. I don't know what I'd do without this site.
Nevermind Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 It was 2 weeks after we broke up. We had been in more contact than before, and he was saying he wanted us to work and be together again. We talked..I always had his password, from the very beginning and he had mine. I never used it, and when I did it was to check if an e-mail reached him. We had technical issues. It was weird, and I got blocked off his skype in the middle of a conversation. Which indeed was a technical problem. So, when he didn't reply to an e-mail (as he had sometimes before) I thought it was an issue as well. (Which would have helped the reconciliation). I logged off when I saw it was there. Went away. And half an hour later I realized that there had been lots of e-mails from another girl, with the word boyfriend in Spanish. I logged back in..the rest is history. Check out my "things he did, things I did" thread in here, if you want to know more. To my defense: we were working to reconcile. I had never checked his e-mails before in 2 years. I am feeling guilty about it, and I will feel this guilt for a long time. I didn't do well, and I need to work on this should I ever have a relationship again. Before that I was completely against breaking somebody's privacy. I still am, but I know that I failed to meet my own standarts. So, believe me when I say: there is really nothing to gain.
Mollyanna Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 OK, somewhere in all my posts there are moments of my hell after I checked my ex's emails - and then became obsessively addicted to it. I spent every free moment I had checking them again and again because I wanted to know who it was he was talking to. Eventually I found out - it was this girl I hated who he started sleeping with while he was with me. So then I even read all his sent items to me around the same time and tried to understand his state of mind. But all I got was more confusion. All I got was more and more upset. And conniving. I would write him emails at the same time he was talking to her, trying to set him off in some way - to make up his mind. In a drunken moment, I told a friend I was reading his email. Well sure enough, eventually it got around our crowd and everyone changed their attitude toward me. And eventually he changed his password. 3 years later and I still wish I could read what he writes to her. (they are married now). It became so addicting and ridiculous and I wasted entirely too much of my life on it. Yes, I found out he was cheating on me and with who - but if I had waited it out, eventually I could have been let down a little easier, and not have their words in my memory forever, especially the ones where they are talking about me. Don't do it. It's stupid and dangerous.
justaman99 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I don't understand why people would want to hack either current or ex's email accounts. It's not just about wanting to find out what he/she's doing but it will only torture you. You only hope he/she is saying something to someone about oh I still love him, I wish he/she would do this or do that blah blah blah. The bottom line though is it's a despicable act. It's dishonest and says a lot about who YOU are. Are you that insecure? Are you that, sorry to say, pathetic to violate someone like that? If they cheated on you do you want to stoop to their level and be just as dishonest? I don't understand it. Keep your character in check and your honesty.
Nevermind Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Well, I can honestly say that I really just wanted to see if it was just another technical issue. I had his password the entire time, it was a long distance relationship for nearly one year after one year of living together. I could have checked any time, and I didn't. That I checked was my moral mistake. I should have walked, I did not. However, I was honest about it to him. I know where you are coming from, and I agree. It's says a lot about me as a person, and I am struggling with that. Pathetic, insecure? Yes, I am. I don't need you to tell me this. Two wrongs don't make one right, I know. I will always have to live with the fact that I cannot be trusted. I AM pathetic, insecure, and not trustworthy. That comes on top of all the other pain. Which is why I advice against it.
Author kizik Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 I don't understand why people would want to hack either current or ex's email accounts. It's not just about wanting to find out what he/she's doing but it will only torture you. You only hope he/she is saying something to someone about oh I still love him, I wish he/she would do this or do that blah blah blah. The bottom line though is it's a despicable act. It's dishonest and says a lot about who YOU are. Are you that insecure? Are you that, sorry to say, pathetic to violate someone like that? If they cheated on you do you want to stoop to their level and be just as dishonest? I don't understand it. Keep your character in check and your honesty. Just, yeah it was a temptation that I'm glad I didn't follow through with. Mollers and NM have told their stories, as well as the GuttedBloke guy on another coincidental thread. I didn't do it, but I realized I would be able to. Pathetic, sure. You ever been tempted to do something immoral? That's all I'm saying.
justine4 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Did you find out anything that hurt you when you logged into her email? Thats Kiziks problem here. Its a HUGE chance to take. You could find out that the other person is missing you etc, but theres always the chance that something will show up that floors you completely. I have to say if I had the password for my ex's email, I'd be SORELY tempted to log in, but you never know what you'll find... rather like reading someones diary
Mollyanna Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Damn right I was pathetic AND insecure. Yes, I did invade his privacy. I am not proud of it. But I am not despicable. Because I know I am a very good person, I do not let this lapse of judgment define me. I was a crazy mess at that time. I was desperate to find out what was going on because I knew people were lying to me at every corner and trying to tell me all my thoughts were in my head, that nothing was wrong. But you see, never underestimate the power of a woman's intuition... Sorry, not trying to hijack your thread, but wanted to point out that people do crazy things sometimes when they feel pushed up against a wall.
borelandkaren Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I know where you are coming from, and I agree. It's says a lot about me as a person, and I am struggling with that. Pathetic, insecure? Yes, I am. I don't need you to tell me this. Two wrongs don't make one right, I know. I will always have to live with the fact that I cannot be trusted. I AM pathetic, insecure, and not trustworthy. That comes on top of all the other pain. Which is why I advice against it. Oi!!!!! Cut that self defeating **** out! You made a bloody mistake, full stop! We all do. I look at some of the advice you've given to me and how good I've felt afterwards and do not in any way look down my nose at you for having looked at his ****. No. Two wrongs don't make a right but knowing how we have behaved (all of us in some situations), while it doesn't make us particularly proud of ourselves, we learn and that's all we have to do in life. You're a gorgeous girl. Don't beat yourself up, darl.
borelandkaren Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 . You ever been tempted to do something immoral? That's all I'm saying. It would depend on what we all think is immoral wouldn't it? Everyone has differing ideas. I don't believe he'd be all lily-white........ Boys will be boys!
Recommended Posts