e.clipse Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 i help create for PP (exbf). seriously. lately i've been thinking about the relationship we've created, and have realized that wow, what more can he ask for? he has all of the perks and benefits of having a GF and being in a relationship, minus the negatives. i'm his friend. he knows i'd be there for him, if he needed someone, in a heartbeat. he knows i care about him very much. he knows i know him in and out, and understand him. we hang out every now and then. we will go out to have some drinks or stay at his place to watch some movies. we'll talk about whatever and have a good time. it is comfortable, except when we try. like good friends, i guess. even though he insists on always paying for the outings, which is a bit odd. and then, for some reason, we always end up being affectionate and sleeping together, despite we both know and have voiced that is it not right. i'm his friend, his good friend. i give him good company, support, and understanding. there are inside jokes and fondness. care and feelings in general are always present. so are the kisses, the hugs, and the sex. i'm also the girl who assists his aunt; a job he got for me. i don't even know what we are anymore. it's so complicated. and confusing. i'd like to say we are just FWB or something, just to shed some light, but there is much more to us than just sex. even though we try to pretend there isn't, it is. i'm there for all of that. but i am not his GF. we are not a couple. there is no fighting, arguing, or anything bad because we are "just friends." what am i doing?
tinktronik Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I don't know what is so wrong with this. Is he being a good friend to you as well?
Nightsky Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 What are the negatives he doesn’t have to deal with when with you as opposed to being with a gf. Is it that being with other women is something he does?
johan Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 You're doing the right thing, that's what you're doing. Not that I think it's a good relationship or that he's a good guy. But the end result of all of this will be pain and regret and hard learned lessons that are probably the only thing you truly ever learn from. No advice from anyone here or from the little voice you must have shouting in your head is going to make a difference. What will get you on track in the end will be whatever knocks you on track with sufficient force to wake you up.
burning 4 revenge Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 You guys are a few months from marriage, trust me
Storyrider Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Well, on the plus side, at least you guys can't keep breaking up if you aren't together.
tinktronik Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 You're doing the right thing, that's what you're doing. Not that I think it's a good relationship or that he's a good guy. But the end result of all of this will be pain and regret and hard learned lessons that are probably the only thing you truly ever learn from. No advice from anyone here or from the little voice you must have shouting in your head is going to make a difference. What will get you on track in the end will be whatever knocks you on track with sufficient force to wake you up. I must have missed quite a bit of the backstory.
Author e.clipse Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 I don't know what is so wrong with this. Is he being a good friend to you as well? everything is wrong with this. i think. i don't know. he was my on-off boyfriend for 4 years, and i knew him since a few years prior. so, we have a long history. it drives me crazy. we have broken up countless times only to "try again," but it never has worked out. and now we are this. whatever this is. i don't want to be his backburner friend, but i feel as though that is what i am. and all the feelings that are there make it more difficult. but yes, he has been a good friend. mostly. he got me a good job with his aunt, so there is that. plus i know that i can count on him. well. i mean, if something bad happened, he'd be there, i'm sure. yea... but this is frustrating! we are not "normal friends" because normal friends don't love each other and sleep together. then again, i think our love has warped into addiction. i don't know. i just know i'm not his GF. that i'm something in between, it seems. and it's making me feel really cheap. What are the negatives he doesn’t have to deal with when with you as opposed to being with a gf. Is it that being with other women is something he does? i don't know. he has been fishing around, yes, but i don't think he has really ever seen anyone with any consistency. actually, i don't think he has met or dated anyone, really. at one point, i thought he was seeing another girl, and it was devastating, but that turned out to be a fabrication. so, no he's not with others, i don't think. i'm pretty sure he's not. the negatives are the fighting, the arguing, and the suffocation we are prone to doing and feeling. as a couple, we'd talk every day and hang out thursday-sunday, usually. now i talk to him about every other day, mostly on messenger, and have seen him on thursdays and sundays (probably because those are lazy days, when there is much else to do. ). but because we are not a couple, we don't fight about whatever we fought about. the pressure is not there. he is getting all of the good, without any of the heavy emotional stuff, i guess. You're doing the right thing, that's what you're doing. Not that I think it's a good relationship or that he's a good guy. But the end result of all of this will be pain and regret and hard learned lessons that are probably the only thing you truly ever learn from. No advice from anyone here or from the little voice you must have shouting in your head is going to make a difference. What will get you on track in the end will be whatever knocks you on track with sufficient force to wake you up. :( oh gosh, i know you're right. i know oh, so well that this is not what i should be doing, that it is no good. but i love him. and i can't help but think that maybe someday we will be okay. i'm so ****ing ridiculous. You guys are a few months from marriage, trust me oh you. yea right. sigh. ah, you guys. i don't know. a few days ago we had a conversation that went something like this: PP: um, i'm kinda sad. me: how come? PP: because of you and me. me: what about you and me? PP: the fact that we are hanging out. it's nice and all, but i can't be what you want me to be. me: what have i asked you for? PP: nothing, but i just can't be your boyfriend, is what i'm saying. me: who's asking you to be? PP: ... PP: plus, i don't want to be the guy on the side, either. it grosses me out. me: you're not. PP: me: eh. you're right. we should stop. besides, i don't want to be your girl on the side, either. PP: haha, i don't have any other girls. not even one, for that matter. PP: but yea, it's weird... PP: i don't want to lead you on, though. i don't want to hurt you or something. me: i didn't think we were going anywhere. PP: ... me: well, let's just be normal friends, then. after all, i do care about you. PP: and i care about you too. and then we hang out Thursday, drink a bit too much, and wind up in his room. i want to rip my face off out of frustration, i swear.
Storyrider Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Eh, he misses the drama. He's a drama queen, for sure. You're not on your way to marriage because if the drama ever stopped, he wouldn't know what to do.
0hpenelope Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 everything is wrong with this. i think. i don't know. he was my on-off boyfriend for 4 years, and i knew him since a few years prior. so, we have a long history. it drives me crazy. we have broken up countless times only to "try again," but it never has worked out. and now we are this. whatever this is. i don't want to be his backburner friend, but i feel as though that is what i am. and all the feelings that are there make it more difficult. but yes, he has been a good friend. mostly. he got me a good job with his aunt, so there is that. plus i know that i can count on him. well. i mean, if something bad happened, he'd be there, i'm sure. yea... but this is frustrating! we are not "normal friends" because normal friends don't love each other and sleep together. then again, i think our love has warped into addiction. i don't know. i just know i'm not his GF. that i'm something in between, it seems. and it's making me feel really cheap. i don't know. he has been fishing around, yes, but i don't think he has really ever seen anyone with any consistency. actually, i don't think he has met or dated anyone, really. at one point, i thought he was seeing another girl, and it was devastating, but that turned out to be a fabrication. so, no he's not with others, i don't think. i'm pretty sure he's not. the negatives are the fighting, the arguing, and the suffocation we are prone to doing and feeling. as a couple, we'd talk every day and hang out thursday-sunday, usually. now i talk to him about every other day, mostly on messenger, and have seen him on thursdays and sundays (probably because those are lazy days, when there is much else to do. ). but because we are not a couple, we don't fight about whatever we fought about. the pressure is not there. he is getting all of the good, without any of the heavy emotional stuff, i guess. :( oh gosh, i know you're right. i know oh, so well that this is not what i should be doing, that it is no good. but i love him. and i can't help but think that maybe someday we will be okay. i'm so ****ing ridiculous. oh you. yea right. sigh. ah, you guys. i don't know. a few days ago we had a conversation that went something like this: PP: um, i'm kinda sad. me: how come? PP: because of you and me. me: what about you and me? PP: the fact that we are hanging out. it's nice and all, but i can't be what you want me to be. me: what have i asked you for? PP: nothing, but i just can't be your boyfriend, is what i'm saying. me: who's asking you to be? PP: ... PP: plus, i don't want to be the guy on the side, either. it grosses me out. me: you're not. PP: me: eh. you're right. we should stop. besides, i don't want to be your girl on the side, either. PP: haha, i don't have any other girls. not even one, for that matter. PP: but yea, it's weird... PP: i don't want to lead you on, though. i don't want to hurt you or something. me: i didn't think we were going anywhere. PP: ... me: well, let's just be normal friends, then. after all, i do care about you. PP: and i care about you too. and then we hang out Thursday, drink a bit too much, and wind up in his room. i want to rip my face off out of frustration, i swear. :eek: It's like seeing my story - except I'm played by you and Lawrence is played by PP! AND... through a prolonged period of time! No way. I remember that feeling of cheapness. Honestly. That's what Lawrence could've told me, too, for all I know: "We can be this, but I just can't be your boyfriend." He'd get jealous of the guy friends I spend time with and I'd feel the same way. I got tired of it. My love got tired. Is that even possible, a tired love? That's a rhetorical question but if anyone has an opinion on it, have at it. That's all I wanted... to be his girl and his main girl again. We were broken up, sure. But we never stopped seeing each other. I had a problem with that and my feelings about this problem cost me so much. Something's got to give in your situation, is what I'm saying. You both know this, too. I hope that you'll make a decision that will be good for you whether that involves a reconciliation or not.
Touche Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Yep. Have to agree with Johan on this one. He got it right. There's not even one thing I can add to what he said. He's dead on. Love him all you want...but you know you shouldn't be with him. It's only delaying your healing. There is nowhere to go with him but down. He practically spelled it out for you for crying out loud.
Author e.clipse Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 Eh, he misses the drama. He's a drama queen, for sure. You're not on your way to marriage because if the drama ever stopped, he wouldn't know what to do. but i'm not being dramatic? i even tried to be aloof when we had that talk. i mean, i can't possibly be any more laid back about the whole thing. i don't think i understand what you mean. sorry, i'm dumb. Something's got to give in your situation, is what I'm saying. You both know this, too. I hope that you'll make a decision that will be good for you whether that involves a reconciliation or not. really?! i understand the jealousy. he told me he didn't want to be the guy i saw for extras. maybe i'm misunderstanding him, but i took this to mean that he doesn't want to be sleeping with me, if i'm seeing/sleeping with other guys at the same time. and i understand that, completely. i feel the same. but he "can't" be my BF. so WTF am i?! if we were strictly FWB (), then he shouldn't care if i'm dating others, right? it's like.....AHHH!!!!! Yep. Have to agree with Johan on this one. He got it right. There's not even one thing I can add to what he said. He's dead on. Love him all you want...but you know you shouldn't be with him. It's only delaying your healing. There is nowhere to go with him but down. He practically spelled it out for you for crying out loud. what did he spell out? and yea, i know. i know it's probably not the right thing. i know. and i *have* tried to stay away, really. honest. i have. but in the end, i can't. :( i don't know what to do. part of me wants to tell him that too bad, i'm not going to "hang out" with him anymore. that is doesn't work, anyway. that sure, maybe we will see each other once or twice and not get physical, but we will eventually. and that is not a friendship. so, it won't work. it's warped. and it's distorting me and everything near. but i don't want to lose him. he's too important. he's a huge part of my life and i can't part with it. though i should. maybe. but i can't. can i? ahhh!!!!!! i bet he's happy with this arrangement. but how can *he* move on? how can he see other girls and start any meaningful relationships while i'm still in the background? how can i be out of his story when he seems incapable of killing off my character? i feel all over the place.
burning 4 revenge Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 whatever hell never fully understand rocdio jurado
Storyrider Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 i don't think i understand what you mean. sorry, i'm dumb. i'm kinda sad. it grosses me out. i can't be what you want me to be. i just can't be your boyfriend, is what i'm saying i don't have any other girls. i don't want to lead you on i don't want to hurt you i care about you too. I, I, I, I, me, me, me.
Nemo Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 , i can't possibly be any more laid That's what I call a job well done.
Touche Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 First of all, trust me and I don't mean to be mean or harsh, but the second he meets someone else, and he will, you will be pushed into the background for good. Isn't it better if you do it first? Are you asking seriously what he spelled out? How about this: nothing, but i just can't be your boyfriend, is what i'm saying. and this: I don't want to lead you on, though. i don't want to hurt you or something. How much more plain can the guy be? If he was truly interested in getting back together and trying again he wouldn't be making those kind of statements. He's pretty much telling you that you're a fruck buddy and it's your own fault if you get hurt because he's being honest with you. Wow, he's slick. It's sad to see that you haven't moved on from him yet.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 First of all, trust me and I don't mean to be mean or harsh, but the second he meets someone else, and he will, you will be pushed into the background for good. Isn't it better if you do it first? Are you asking seriously what he spelled out? How about this: nothing, but i just can't be your boyfriend, is what i'm saying. and this: I don't want to lead you on, though. i don't want to hurt you or something. How much more plain can the guy be? If he was truly interested in getting back together and trying again he wouldn't be making those kind of statements. I couldn't agree with you more. He's laid it all out what he's willing to give and it isn't much.
Storyrider Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 the second he meets someone else In his dreams. He wouldn't know what to do. I wish e.clipse would meet someone else.
Touche Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I couldn't agree with you more. He's laid it all out what he's willing to give and it isn't much. Yes and what's so sad is that eclipse asked me what he spelled out! Please open your eyes muneca. Please. I really don't want to see you hurt again. Take the reigns on this one. YOU be in control this time and you will finally be able to break free of him. Because it's not going to end well anyway.
Storyrider Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 YOU be in control this time I completely agree with this. You've given complete control to someone who does not have your best interests in mind.
Touche Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 In his dreams. He wouldn't know what to do. I wish e.clipse would meet someone else. Yeah, I know. And if she could let go of this clown she would. She's smart and pretty and young.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I know e.clipse has the strength inside of her to break free. It's a matter of wanting to.
Lizzie60 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 FWB is the best relationship of all.. there is no pressure, no commitment, no promises.. only great friendship with sex.. what more can someone need or want.. or ask for... It is the best.. and much better when you can count on many FWB.. at least there is 'variety' The only danger I see, in your case, is emotional attachement, more than what a 'normal' FWB usually consist of... he seems fine with it.. but not you so much... Be careful.. I think you're playing with fire.
Storyrider Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 PP is a little boy. In some ways, e.clipse, I think you're holding onto your childhood. He is part of that. You are still young, and you were pushed out of the nest, so it is understandable. But think about what a relief it would be to move beyond your dependency on him and count on yourself, trust yourself to look out for your own best interests, because who is doing that now? I say, no one is.
Nemo Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 This thread is getting out of control! PP is just going through a difficult phase in his life right now, and e.clipse will be waiting with open arms when he comes out the other side. Give it 6-9 years or so, and then he will be wanting to settle down and make babies. Don't give up hope when this relationship is just beginning to bud with almost limitless promise. Keep heaping on the fertiliser, and things will be beyond awesome.
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