zoe1983 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Hey guys, I am not sure if this is the best place to post this because my boyfriend and i arent married yet, but i just need to vent about my future brother in law and his wife. They are the type of people that only call when they want something. We have watched their dog and their children numerous times for free. Their dog peed all over our apartment and the last time we watched their kids they came home so wasted that i was nervous about leaving them alone with their children. We have helped them move at least 3-4 times in the last 4 years. If for some reason we are busy or try to say no they guilt trip us untill my boyfriend caves. This wouldnt even bother me though if they helped us in return. I mean I understand they are family and family helps each other out but they never help us with anything! They won't watch our dog for us (our dog was actually originally owned by them but then he got sick and they didn't want to deal with him so they gave him to us). Because he is sick no kennels will take him and we only have one friend willing to take care of him so we can't really travel much at all. They also have two pick up trucks but will never let us borrow one to move large pieces of furniture or anything like that. Whenever we have plans with them they expect us to come to their place. Even when we are doing them a favor it is still us that has to go to their place. We only live about a half hour apart and in two years they have only been to our apartment twice! When i first met my boyfriend he was actually living with his brother and sister in law and they managed to swindle him out of like six months of his pay. He moved in with them because he was having problems back home and so they act like they saved his life. Yet when he graduated from college two weeks ago they didn't even come to his graduation. They are always asking my boyfriends parents for large amounts of money and feel justified because the parents were helping to support my boyfriend while he was going to school. The thing is though they make almost 100 grand between the two of them and just need money because they waste so much of it. They treat everyone like this, not just us. When his parents came to visit they only invited them over at night so that they could watch the kids so they could go out and drink. She is in the navy and both times that she got deployed they shipped their kids out to her parents house for the whole time because his brother couldn't take care of his own kids on his own for six months. They just use people all the time and then make us feel guilty when we say no. His parents kind of see how selfish they are but even they sometimes yell at us for not "helping out family". The thing is, in my family we help each other out but its a two way street. I mean i really dont think it would bother me so much if they returned all the favors you know? What put me over the edge was today my boyfriend is helping them move YET AGAIN and his sister-in-law was telling him how she thinks we are too young to get married and haven't been together long enough. First of all we have been together for over three years and it will be more like 5 by the time we get married, and second of all I am 24 and my bf is 23 so by the time we get married we ill be like 25 and 26 years old. I mean thats not insanely young and anyways his brother was only 25 when he got married and they had only known each other for 2 years! Anyways I am just so frustrated with the situation and I hate disliking people but they just drive me nuts! I thought it would get better now that they are moving over an hour away but now they will still expect us to do the same stuff, just drive an extra two hours to do it! I just don't know how to deal with this whole thing without becoming negative. Any ideas?
Karyyk Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I'm not sure there's a way to deal with it besides being negative, or at least, without being perceived that way, especially considering their past behavior. At some point, your boyfriend has to stand up for himself (and you). This might take an amount of cutting himself off from his family, because frankly, if he hasn't got the backbone to "man up" through those baseless guilt trips, this will become a repeated pattern throughout your lives and it will only cause tension to build between the two of you. I'm a family-oriented person, and I'd do just about anything for my family and true friends, but that being said, sometimes people will repeatedly drag you down and never have anything for you when you need them. That sounds like the case here, and frankly, you're better off without people like that in your life. It's more difficult when they're family, but sometimes it needs to be done, at least for a time.
GPFan Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 You will be marrying them too so begin now deciding on how to deal with this long-term. Develop a few viable strategies that will make both of you less available. Maybe get into a hobby that you have been putting off or pursue educational opportunities.
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