HeartOnSleeve Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Well after a month of not really talking we met up and I was so nervous I could have puked all over my bagel. I couldn't even eat it. We had a great conversation and things went well. All I could think was.....how much I wanted him to reach across and grab my hand or lean and give me a little kiss like we used to. Then we went to leave an hour and half later and I hugged him and said "well am I ever going to see you again" and he said "yeah it's your call"...what the hell does that mean, but the hug lasted like what seemed was forever and it felt so good. Thank god he didn't park near me becuase as I walked away I lost it. How could we be so perfect yet just walk away from one another. I guess we should have talked about "us" but we just didn't. I wish I had a reason to hate him or think less of him, but I don't. He is perfect and kind and such a gentleman. Now I don't know what to do...do I call him next week and see if he wants to get together or do I just keep trying to move on. It's so hard to lose his kind of love. HOS
Nevermind Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 What's your backstory? What's hindering you to see him again?
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 I wrote this about a week after we broke up or should I say stoppped talking. His freinds don't help our situation. I didn't send this to him..just wish I did. But sometimes thing are better left unsaid...right. Dear Ex, I know you told me how you react, but men always make a hard situation look easy by nature. You have always thought diffrenlty to me..LOL. I think that at some point in everyones life there are hard times and great times. I would like to think that the good times will outway the bad. But when you love someone you have to accept that at some point they will go through a rough time and that's when you need to communicate and be there for one another. I can remember our first fight and it was when I decided to move and I was exhausted from working all week really early and just wanted to be with you and you had planned a night out with all your friends, a Friday if I recall. I snapped out of stress and being tired and sick. The stress of the move brought me to my boiling point and therefore I pushed you away and you in return did the same to me. Please consider that around this time your friends, Jon especially did not make things any easier. In fact it just made me insecure and feel akward when we went out with them. I know you tried to handle it but it was still a hard situation for both of us and one that I will never understand. Looking back I wish I had done things diffrently overall, especially the last Sunday night. I should have let it go and I should have gone with you to get frozen yogart and watched the movie and just been more understanding to the fact that you were stressed. I wasn't helping your situation, but only hurting you more. I do not agree with us not talking at this time, I do not beleive it will help "us" or either of us indivduallly. I have never been more heart broken and unhappy then I am at this point and it hurts more to not know if you got the job, or if you rented your place, or even if Lauren made CI etc, but most of all not hearing your voice or having you to talk to in the beggining and end of each day. I am trying to give you space and time to figure out your stuff, but all I feel myself doing is growing more distant from you and feeling like we will never move past this. I tend to get my hopes up...when I see a silver mustang pull up the street, I think to myself if it's you or little things like that. Then I also, wonder if you and your friends are releived that our relationship might actually be over and they have you back to be the ultimate wingman to go get girls etc. and if you are actually taking the oppurtunity to be with those girls. Again, this is not how I pictured things going in my head, but it is reality. It hurts to think you don't want to contact me and if I did try to contact you it would most likely be ignored and pushed aside. I guess I should take a hint and swallow my hope, and relaize that since you havn't been in touch that means you are done working on us and I need to move on. (I wrote this a month ago)....
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