WTF? He's not that into me?

[spikeydude]

you're a nut job

Yeah, men like me like to do the chasin' of wimmins. Ah don't know why ma woman says oterwise.

[kendallawaits]

Yeah, men like me like to do the chasin' of wimmins. Ah don't know why ma woman says oterwise.

 

anyway.....

[refurb]

I've asked 2 guys out in my life. Both guys seemed to have crushes on me so I thought it was fair game. Somehow, me asking them out changed the entire tone of things and I was rejected. Not good. Men are pursuers. I don't care what the guys say on this forum, I don't think I've ever seen it work out when the female pursued.

 

You're going to miss out on a lot of opportunities with an attitude like that.

 

First off, guys suck a reading signals. You might think your making it obvious, but to a lot of guys, it's nothing more than a girl being friendly. Sometimes it takes something bold like asking a guy out to get through to him.

 

You can't come to the conclusion that just because you asked two guys out and it didn't work, that's it a bad idea in general.

 

RF

[J2FT1]

Spike's ma' bitch! She gets all worked up and emotional over nuthin'.

 

Let this dudette chase ya'. Take my man word for that!

 

WTF, there's a guy version?:lmao:

[daphne]

You're going to miss out on a lot of opportunities with an attitude like that.

 

I particularly enjoy the threat of spinsterhood if I don't follow a man's misguided advice on how to deal with men. I assure you, I don't lack for opportunities. I do know how to show interest. I just don't start off with gaga eyes and i love you's from the start. It's not all or nothing. There's in between.

[spikeydude]

WTF, there's a guy version?:lmao:

Ah feared ma baby wus cheatin' on me, so ah come to see what she be sayin'. She be sayin' sumthin' diffe'ent ta me, than wha' she dun sayin' here.

[J2FT1]

I find it interesting that a certain demographic doesn't realize that spikey is a guy, and a fairly immature one at that despite whatever his age. Kendall, don't take his advice to heart. He has some sort of weird agenda that includes trying to educate women to act in perversely submissive ways for his own amusement. No wonder jct thinks he was a man in a former life.

 

That being said, you made a faux pas. I've done the same. I'm glad you didn't bring it up again because that just puts it out there and makes things uncomfortable. You didn't screw up, you just lost your grace there. Sounds like your'e doing well in just getting some normalcy back. If I were you I'd simply keep in mind not to get too sensitive and expect rejection because you'll overreact and create unnecessary drama. And drama tends to make one look unstable. When possible, just keep your cool and think about it later.

 

I've asked 2 guys out in my life. Both guys seemed to have crushes on me so I thought it was fair game. Somehow, me asking them out changed the entire tone of things and I was rejected. Not good. Men are pursuers. I don't care what the guys say on this forum, I don't think I've ever seen it work out when the female pursued. We can analyze equality all we want, but nature isn't changing any time soon. I prefer shy guys myself, but I won't date a shy guy that doesn't have the cojones to ask me out. If you haven't noticed the natural order of things: a) you sweat whether the one you're interested in will call you and b) the guy you don't want you to call won't stop. It's because they like challenges more than they like capture.

 

See, I always thought something was wierd about Spikeychick. She/he knew too much about guys. Even if Spikey is a guy, many if his/her posts are still very imformative and they explain a lot of things. He is still very correct on a lot of things. Including things about women.

[daphne]

j2, I'm going to assume you're a young man. Spice's advice is from someone who doesn't have respect for women and probably not for himself either. He's a dingbat who created a male version of himself because the cat's out of the bag.

 

Follow his advice, and you'll find yourself more confused because you won't understand why qualifying and discarding doesn't work with many women. If you want to play games, sure it'll work. If you want someone of quality, you're going to have to take a humbler and more mature approach.

[J2FT1]

j2, I'm going to assume you're a young man. Spice's advice is from someone who doesn't have respect for women and probably not for himself either. He's a dingbat who created a male version of himself because the cat's out of the bag.

 

Follow his advice, and you'll find yourself more confused because you won't understand why qualifying and discarding doesn't work with many women. If you want to play games, sure it'll work. If you want someone of quality, you're going to have to take a humbler and more mature approach.

 

Lol, how did the cat get out of the bag?!? This is confusing.

[45Reverse]

LADIES-

 

You are mind-screwing yourselves here.

 

If you people truely do prefer the stereotype of how relationships "are supposed" to develope (man chases girl - girl plays hard to get) then why participate in this discussion?

 

In 90% of the dating I've done in my entire life I've done all the "chasing". Most of the time it was fun...other times it sucked really bad. (Yes, even when I "scored" the girl it still sucked sometimes) It often feels like nothing but a big ass game when both parties are playing to some trumped up stereotype.

 

I've known 4 girls in my whole life who actually had the panache' to walk up to me and make the first move. I ended up dating every one of them. Not all of them were hotties either so it's not like dating them was a given. They were all the coolest people though. In hindsight those girls are some of the most memorable women I've ever dated.

 

I guess I can understand if you ladies really can't bring yourselvs to contemplate doing the "chasing" since societal stereotypes can be very difficult to overcome sometimes...But please take it from a guy whose been there and done that. The guys *worth having* (like me for instance ) will not look negatively on you for doing so. If you look negatively on yourselvs for doing so, well that's a completely different problem.

 

Think about this for a second...There may be a guy out there that could be your ideal soul-mate save for some odd circumstance that makes him completely unaware of you. Would you really blow the opportunity to meet that guy for no other reason than "you just don't make the first move...ever"?

 

Seems like nothing but an opportunity to blow some opportunities.

[J2FT1]

LADIES-

 

You are mind-screwing yourselves here.

 

If you people truely do prefer the stereotype of how relationships "are supposed" to develope (man chases girl - girl plays hard to get) then why participate in this discussion?

 

In 90% of the dating I've done in my entire life I've done all the "chasing". Most of the time it was fun...other times it sucked really bad. (Yes, even when I "scored" the girl it still sucked sometimes) It often feels like nothing but a big ass game when both parties are playing to some trumped up stereotype.

 

I've known 4 girls in my whole life who actually had the panache' to walk up to me and make the first move. I ended up dating every one of them. Not all of them were hotties either so it's not like dating them was a given. They were all the coolest people though. In hindsight those girls are some of the most memorable women I've ever dated.

 

I guess I can understand if you ladies really can't bring yourselvs to contemplate doing the "chasing" since societal stereotypes can be very difficult to overcome sometimes...But please take it from a guy whose been there and done that. The guys *worth having* (like me for instance ) will not look negatively on you for doing so. If you look negatively on yourselvs for doing so, well that's a completely different problem.

 

Think about this for a second...There may be a guy out there that could be your ideal soul-mate save for some odd circumstance that makes him completely unaware of you. Would you really blow the opportunity to meet that guy for no other reason than "you just don't make the first move...ever"?

 

Seems like nothing but an opportunity to blow some opportunities.

 

This must be a woman-hater, too.

[daphne]

This must be a woman-hater, too.

 

He's certainly angry about something...

[45Reverse]

This must be a woman-hater, too.

 

Wow...now there's a really insightful thought:rolleyes:

[J2FT1]

He's certainly angry about something...

 

Wait, so if I think that what 45Reverse wrote made a lot of sense (which I do) it will not help me find quality women? You sound like a feminist. Anything that sounds like critisizing women and it's the man's fault.

[J2FT1]

Wow...now there's a really insightful thought:rolleyes:

 

I was being sarcastic.

[45Reverse]

He's certainly angry about something...

 

Just trying to offer you all some insights that you may not have considered. Looks like you ladies would prefer to not consider other perspectives so...on that note I'm outta here.

 

OP- Best of luck with the shy guy.

[daphne]

Wait, so if I think that what 45Reverse wrote made a lot of sense (which I do) it will not help me find quality women? You sound like a feminist. Anything that sounds like critisizing women and it's the man's fault.

 

J2,

 

Oh brother. Firstly, I'm not sure why you would consider feminism a bad word. That is not the equivalent to hating men. Secondly, the poster used inflammatory language like mind screwing. How seriously can one take a person who talks like this as giving intelligent, considerate and mature advice?

 

I criticize women as well. I don't think men are always in the wrong. Granted, I think they are more often but that's another story. I'm a lot more balanced on the issue than spice dude or probably 45 because he's a little too easily provoked for no reason. That implies agenda.

 

And I'm not sure what you meant by 45 helping you out since his post was targeting women who don't pursue men....

[kendallawaits]

Just trying to offer you all some insights that you may not have considered. Looks like you ladies would prefer to not consider other perspectives so...on that note I'm outta here.

 

OP- Best of luck with the shy guy.

 

 

Reverse,

 

I think you have some very valid points. To be honest with you, I don't know what is "right" or "wrong" when it comes to pursuing or not pursuing men. I do think that there are different ways for different people and if that works for them, great! I just have to find what works for me and what I'm comfortable with.

[Gawdess]

Hey guys..she already did ask him out. He basically turned her down when he said he couldn't go to the time she picked to go to the movie. So what else is she supposed to do? She made other plans. She went about her business at work.

So now you're telling her to kiss his a** and go crawling to him and ask him out AGAIN? She already did it once.

Now the ball's in his court.

The way it would play out with your plan is she would continue to push the issue of going out to him, when HE ALREADY KNOWS SHE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH HIM.

You are advocating that she continue to pursue and make a fool out of herself while he "pulls out of his shell."

If he was interested, he'd ask her out. Point blank. It's not rocket science.

I do believe that she has done all she can do. He has to pursue interest in her and follow through with it.

[Trialbyfire]

kendall, there's no right or wrong, it's what your style is and how comfortable you feel in doing it. You know my style, which works well for me. You've heard daphne, d-lish, cherry blossom, norajane's opinions, all slightly differing but definitely women.

 

We've recently had an influx from a players' site that created some interesting characters and attitudes. The prevalent male attitude is that women should do the chasing because men are the ones with value and women should be beholden to men. This has been reinforced over and over again by assorted different screen names.

[Mary3]

Here write him this poem :

 

I am a dummy

I made a mistake

I wanted a movie

I blew it like cake !

 

I think you are cool

I want another chance

To not too look prissy

And not be a pain in the a**

 

So lets still friends

And maybe I will get lucky

And act like a lady next time

Instead of mean Chucky

 

Thats my take on this. He is shy. Deal with that. I think you blew it on the date . You only get a few rare chances to make it right with Shy GUy.

[kendallawaits]

Here write him this poem :

 

I am a dummy

I made a mistake

I wanted a movie

I blew it like cake !

 

I think you are cool

I want another chance

To not too look prissy

And not be a pain in the a**

 

So lets still friends

And maybe I will get lucky

And act like a lady next time

Instead of mean Chucky

 

Thats my take on this. He is shy. Deal with that. I think you blew it on the date . You only get a few rare chances to make it right with Shy GUy.

 

 

wtf? whatever lady.

[kendallawaits]

Hey guys..she already did ask him out. He basically turned her down when he said he couldn't go to the time she picked to go to the movie. So what else is she supposed to do? She made other plans. She went about her business at work.

So now you're telling her to kiss his a** and go crawling to him and ask him out AGAIN? She already did it once.

Now the ball's in his court.

The way it would play out with your plan is she would continue to push the issue of going out to him, when HE ALREADY KNOWS SHE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH HIM.

You are advocating that she continue to pursue and make a fool out of herself while he "pulls out of his shell."

If he was interested, he'd ask her out. Point blank. It's not rocket science.

I do believe that she has done all she can do. He has to pursue interest in her and follow through with it.

 

 

pretty much.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Hey guys..she already did ask him out. He basically turned her down when he said he couldn't go to the time she picked to go to the movie. So what else is she supposed to do? She made other plans. She went about her business at work.

So now you're telling her to kiss his a** and go crawling to him and ask him out AGAIN? She already did it once.

Now the ball's in his court.

The way it would play out with your plan is she would continue to push the issue of going out to him, when HE ALREADY KNOWS SHE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH HIM.

You are advocating that she continue to pursue and make a fool out of herself while he "pulls out of his shell."

If he was interested, he'd ask her out. Point blank. It's not rocket science.

I do believe that she has done all she can do. He has to pursue interest in her and follow through with it.

 

Yes, agreed. And why does his have to kiss his ass? Really? What did she do that was so bad? Nothing. So she was a little short. Bid deal. Is he so sensitive that he can't recover from this?

[kendallawaits]

Hey guys..she already did ask him out. He basically turned her down when he said he couldn't go to the time she picked to go to the movie. So what else is she supposed to do? She made other plans. She went about her business at work.

So now you're telling her to kiss his a** and go crawling to him and ask him out AGAIN? She already did it once.

Now the ball's in his court.

The way it would play out with your plan is she would continue to push the issue of going out to him, when HE ALREADY KNOWS SHE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH HIM.

You are advocating that she continue to pursue and make a fool out of herself while he "pulls out of his shell."

If he was interested, he'd ask her out. Point blank. It's not rocket science.

I do believe that she has done all she can do. He has to pursue interest in her and follow through with it.

 

I don't plan on asking him out again. I don't plan on kissing his bum-bum and I don't plan on apologizing. What I do plan to do is be nice, friendly and professional. Anything beyond that, depends on his next move.