WTF? He's not that into me?

[zicke]

I dunno, all of my co-workers in the past have sounded like yours....male (married and single) as well as women - including dealing with going to a movie. I never assumed just because they mentioned going to a movie together or spend time chatting at my desk that they were romantically interested in me (i.e., "flirting").

 

Thing is, you've waffled quite a bit about his feelings for you and his intentions: "He likes me, who knows if he likes me, he doesn't like me, he's flirting with me..." It's clear that you have no idea what he thinks, what he feels, or what his intentions are. You say things like that he's been flirting with you only when you're engaged in a cat fight with a member here when that member questions your judgment. But let's be honest: To say he's flirting - which implies a certain intent - is presumptuous and arrogant at this point, isn't it?

 

I have a male married coworker who everyday mentions my outfit and how pretty I look. It does not mean he is interested in leaving his wife for me. In fact, we joke about how he is my work husband. There is nothing other than getting through the work day and having some fun in the meantime. I do not believe he is flirting with me in the sense "flirting"...I want to be with you. More flirting as in...God, hey, nice shoes....

[Star Gazer]

Ok, you are right. thanks.

 

If you're just going to post sarcastic responses like that to people who are actually putting effort into posting here, why don't you just leave your own thread and let it die?

[MrsHellnoFire]

usually the guy makes the first move.. and women DONT. i dont think the guy is a master manipulator or anything, just a shy geek from work you are giving too much credit

[zicke]

I have to say bye to you Zicke. I'm putting you on IGNORE. Have a good night!

 

just sayin!

[kendallawaits]

If you're just going to post sarcastic responses like that to people who are actually putting effort into posting here, why don't you just leave your own thread and let it die?

 

I get that the dude isn't interested. I GET IT. O.K.? I was just questioning the behavior. God forbid.

[MrsHellnoFire]

I see. And these people, the ones that "learn" and thus play no "games"...where are they? What clubs do they go to? What forums do they hang out on?

 

And who says that the "nice guy" approach doesn't require being "on" or that men don't find it "tiring" or that it isn't just as much or more of a "game" than any other approach?

 

Truth be told, the main difference between the "nice guy" approach and the "indifference" approach is that the latter comes much closer to honestly representing how most guys really feel and is at the same time infinitely more effective in getting guys what they really want.

 

yes, that works for both genders though.

when i hear this stuff, it just insinuates that women want to be treated like shi# and it's the only way they accept dates.

[kendallawaits]

Whether he is truly indifferent or just pretending to be indifferent is utterly irrelevant to my point, which is that indifference works.

 

 

Indifference doesn't work. I was alot happier when things seemed to be "clearing up". Indifference makes women go to forums and post threads about pathetic situations.

[MrsHellnoFire]

Whether he is truly indifferent or just pretending to be indifferent is utterly irrelevant to my point, which is that indifference works.

 

maybe you should also be examining why a woman would be interested in a shy geek from work when usually it's the stereotypical outgoing "bad boys" they are after like you also seem to impy.

[MrsHellnoFire]

Indifference doesn't work. I was alot happier when things seemed to be "clearing up". Indifference makes women go to forums and post threads about pathetic situations.

 

and then just GIVE UP! LOL

[kendallawaits]

and then just GIVE UP! LOL

 

I have given up on the geek.

[MrsHellnoFire]

i Have Given Up On The Geek.

 

Lolllllllllll

[kendallawaits]

Lolllllllllll

 

 

My dignity is as low as it can be at this point.

[MrsHellnoFire]

well hopefully unless he starts flashing movie tickets around again

[kendallawaits]

You hear that, guys? Indifference doesn't work.

 

A 20 page thread in a dating forum and she'd jump at the chance to date him if he'd only ask, but indifference doesn't work, not at all.

 

Think very carefully, gentlemen, about where you seek dating advice.

 

Why are you so angry? And no I wouldn't "jump" for a chance. What is wrong with me posting about my frustration? wtf is the big deal? If you don't like it than move on!

[kendallawaits]

well hopefully unless he starts flashing movie tickets around again

 

 

I've had enough negativity for one night. Later.

[Trialbyfire]

Whether he is truly indifferent or just pretending to be indifferent is utterly irrelevant to my point, which is that indifference works.

No, not on everyone. Indifference makes me...indifferent.

[zicke]

I see. And these people, the ones that "learn" and thus play no "games"...where are they? What clubs do they go to? What forums do they hang out on?

 

And who says that the "nice guy" approach doesn't require being "on" or that men don't find it "tiring" or that it isn't just as much or more of a "game" than any other approach?

 

Truth be told, the main difference between the "nice guy" approach and the "indifference" approach is that the latter comes much closer to honestly representing how most guys really feel and is at the same time infinitely more effective in getting guys what they really want.

 

I know, how about just being yourself? Seems like you might be hanging out in clubs too much. Real attractive people exist outside of clubs and forums as well.

 

How about all women read: "the rules" and make it their dating bible? It's the same thing you are suggesting. Just because one woman is not getting that her behavior precipitated her dating dilemma doesn't mean that all women are that obtuse.

 

Men and women are meant to get along, this is not hard work. It shouldn't be difficult like this.

[Star Gazer]

No, not on everyone. Indifference makes me...indifferent.

 

Me too. But unfortunately for me, that "periodic/random reinforcement" technique thing usually works.

[MrsHellnoFire]

You are making my point for me.

 

And that point, again, is this: A very large part of the reason she is so interested in this guy has to do with his ability--intentional or not--to balance flirtatiousness with indifference. This is also a big part of the allure of the "bad-boy"...but situations like this one teach us that even "kind of dorky" guys can harness the power of indifference to have women so interested in them that they are asking them out on dates and posting about them in forums.

 

we dont know if he always acted "indifferent"... only after the date was arranged was that behavior spotted.

but what was achieved but a lost date?

too much miscommunication is why she's posting here for 18 pages instead of being with him or at his apartment for weeks. looks like a failure to me.

he might be a dork, but she said he was good-looking as well i think.

[MrsHellnoFire]

I've had enough negativity for one night. Later.

 

sorry, i didnt know that would be taken as negative. he holds a lot of power in those 5 dollar tickets though. look the other way next time he pulls them out.

[zicke]

Yes, of course. A great many women say that very same thing. And yet somehow statements like that from women run directly contrary to the experience of a great many men.

 

Hmm...interesting.

 

You mean like the myriads of men posting about their indifferent girlfriends as well..right?

[zicke]

sorry, i didnt know that would be taken as negative. he holds a lot of power in those 5 dollar tickets though. look the other way next time he pulls them out.

 

THAT was funny, and I don't mean to be rude by stating that....I like your sense of humor.

 

Sorry. It was funny.

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, of course. A great many women say that very same thing. And yet somehow statements like that from women run directly contrary to the experience of a great many men.

 

Hmm...interesting.

You're only going to hook a certain type and only for a short period of time.

 

Same goes with the fake nice guy.

 

Both are pretence and any emotionally healthy person will see through it, learn and run.

 

Most women have had every game thrown at them, sometime in their lives. We live and learn.

[MrsHellnoFire]

You sure are a nasty troll. There are alot of trolls out tonight. Tell me. Why would you go to a forum just to harass this woman? She is here looking for advice and you mock and joke about her situation. Thats pretty low.

 

boy you are one heck of a bitter uptight bag, huh? are you kidding me with your nonsense? good grief, get laid or something!

 

you're the troll MRS 2 POSTS! LOL!

[MrsHellnoFire]

I see. So it's acceptable for women to be physically abusive to men who are indifferent to them?

 

is that really considered physically abusive to men these days? wow, have men become feminized!

i was being facetious by the way with that remark.