kaykin1975 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Hi all. I am new here and could really use some help. My husband served me with divorce papers about a year ago and it was final in December. When he filed, he told me he didn't want to and it was the hardest thing he has ever done, but felt he had to so I wouldn't move away with our son. Fast forward...he is away at basic training. We talk or text almost every single day. He calls and talks to our son for about 3 minutes then talks to me the rest of the time...about how things are going, etc.. While he is gone I am taking care of all his stuff back home. Getting his mail, watching his car, sending him important stuff, watching his apartment. I tell him often that I still love him and miss him. He never responds to it, but he has never ONCE told me to stop. Neither of us has ever dated anyone else since this happened. I have prayed endlessly about this....even called on Angels to help. What are his feelings? Should I hang on a little longer? Does he still have feelings for me? HELP!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!
Melovator Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Hi all. I am new here and could really use some help. My husband served me with divorce papers about a year ago and it was final in December. When he filed, he told me he didn't want to and it was the hardest thing he has ever done, but felt he had to so I wouldn't move away with our son. Fast forward...he is away at basic training. We talk or text almost every single day. He calls and talks to our son for about 3 minutes then talks to me the rest of the time...about how things are going, etc.. While he is gone I am taking care of all his stuff back home. Getting his mail, watching his car, sending him important stuff, watching his apartment. I tell him often that I still love him and miss him. He never responds to it, but he has never ONCE told me to stop. Neither of us has ever dated anyone else since this happened. I have prayed endlessly about this....even called on Angels to help. What are his feelings? Should I hang on a little longer? Does he still have feelings for me? HELP!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!! Why are you still doing everything for him if you are divorced? Why should he get you at his beck and call when he won't reciprocate with the rest of what a relationship entails? And I'm sorry but he divorced you so you wouldn't move away with your son? huh? does not make sense to me, and sounds actually very bloody controlling. Of course he doesn't tell you stop saying 'I love you', its probably a nice little ego boost and satisfies him that you are exactly where he wants you to be. And just because you love someone doesn't mean that you should be with them or even that they're a nice person. Stop thinking about him- start thinking about you and what you want- you clearly don't want what you've got because its distressing you... and why do you think you are worth so little that you're settling for crumbs from his table? Start thinking about yourself! Not him! He's clearly not thinking about you in the same way. Live your life for yourself not him! Work out your priorities and dreams and work towards their achievement yourself. To me it sounds like he has no reason to change the staus quo because it suits him, he gets what he wants from you and doesn't have to give anything in return. He'll keep doing this as long as you let him. Don't let him do it anymore!
Gunny376 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Army, Air Force, Marines, Navy ~ sounds like Army, if he was in the Marine Corps he wouldn't have time to spit, let alone piss! If he's in basic, he's a pretty busy guy. I'm thinking he's not Marines because they don't allow phone calls during basic. Give it some time! Breath! Learn how to exhale!
Author kaykin1975 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 LOL Gunny....he is in the Army!! Actually it is the Army National Guard. He finished basic and now is in the AIT?? part. So one last question...do I totally ignore him until he contacts me, or do I act soooo nice and sweet that it borders on sickening??
Author kaykin1975 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 Melovator.....i noticed your location.....are you from Australia? That is where my ex is from.
Gunny376 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 If it were me I'd go NC ~ DEEP! I'd quit telling him that you love him, and all that jazz. In the light of a new day, and having read your original post again ~ I would say he's using and abusing you for what you can and are doing for him. I'd be giving his @ss the gift of missing me. Become cold and in-different.
Melovator Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Melovator.....i noticed your location.....are you from Australia? That is where my ex is from. Yep I'm an Aussie! Poor you dealing with a bloody aussie bloke and not being an aussie woman! Its hard enough for those of us who were bought up with them to cope! Agree with Gunny- keep all conversation about impersonal topics, let him miss you. But don't you 'miss yourself', make yourself and your son your priorities, its your life to live the way you want to, not his- divorce papers ended any right he has to dictate or influence. Take care.
Author kaykin1975 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 One more question. My BF says I should write him a letter and tell him how I feel and that he needs to tell me once and for all how he feels. Any thoughts? Thanks for all the input!!
Melovator Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Why do you need to write the first letter? Why doesn't he write first about he feels? Otherwise its like he's hedging his bets, waiting to see where you are before he responds. Doesn't seem fair in the circumstances... just my opinion.
Author kaykin1975 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Thanks for all the help guys. I am just sooo totally lost with this whole thing and I don't like it. I was always the one in control, the strong one...now I am a complete wreck. This sux the BIG one!!
Gunny376 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 One more question. My BF says I should write him a letter and tell him how I feel and that he needs to tell me once and for all how he feels. Any thoughts? Thanks for all the input!! BS! He's got the "boot-camp" blues! an As soon as they let him go, he'll be out on the town a whorring with the first thing he can get with! You're @ss ain't chopped liver, your Prime Rib, baby! His @sss wants to play? His @ss has got to pay!
Recommended Posts