Phoenix11 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 ...but enjoy the time we spend together. I've been seeing this guy for the past 6 months. We don't see each other that often or talk on the phone that much either...well hardly ever. When we get together it's all lovey dovey. Well this week we see each other...all he wants to do is cuddle...no conversation. OK...figured he's tired, but given the fact that we rarely chat on the phone I thought it would be a good time to catch up. Anyway after a cuddling and napping for 2 hours we decided to go out to lunch. Great...we will have to talk then...right? I'll make this short...he says things like I make his house smell girly because I shower with a jasmine fragant body wash. At this he smiles. He says he finds girly notes I leave for him on his frig...I confess, I do...and at this he smiles. He says after I leave he usually finds a few strands of my hair and he collects, saves, and smells them to remind himself of me....OK... at this I frown....a bit creepy...but he gets points for being honest and telling me about it. There are indications that he's into me...right? Then why can't we communicate on a regular basis? Anyway we go to lunch. We eat. He looks at his watch. Says he really has to get going to get to work. OK...I knew this, but he had another 1/2 hour before he had to leave. Me trying not to be too needy says...get going...I'll just stay here for a bit more and finish my meal and have a cup of coffee. He jumps up and says OK...gotta run. Walks over...kisses me tenderly on my head and leaves. Stunned...I just sat there alone for the next half hour trying to figure out what just happened. I finally leave and there's a note on my car windshield. He writes..."Thanks for visiting....I miss you already" Miss me already...really....that was 5 days ago and I have not heard from him. I don't know what to make of this guy...baffled.
tinktronik Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 This suggests someone who is not willing or perhaps not capable of anything other than surface cuteness. I dated a guy like this for about a year and it became so cloying and frothy and sugary fake sweet . I could not RUN fast enough in the other direction.
Gawdess Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 If you are in a relationship and you are going for 5 days without hearing from him, he is not that into you and he isn't exclusive with you. You would at the very least get a phone call from him every day if he was into you if you've been seeing each other for 6 months.
dreamergrl Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I wonder if he doesn't want a real commitment of a relationship, but at times he wants to fill an empty void.
DunnoWhat Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Maybe just maybe he is nervous around you and afraid of losing you but hides it well and wants to leave early. Just a wild theory of mine...
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 Maybe just maybe he is nervous around you and afraid of losing you but hides it well and wants to leave early. Just a wild theory of mine... Maybe not such a wild theory...I do sense he is nervous around me...as I am around him....but this is just because we don't see each other much. When we do get together I feel we have to re-acquaint ourselves. I don't know...I do think he does those goofy things...like sniffing the stands of hair I leave behind. That's something he could have kept to himself.
2sunny Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 it may be possible that he's actually married. sounds a bit like how MM act when they want to keep you hanging around but don't have the availability or freedom to make the effort without getting caught by the wife. have you done a background check on him? if not - then spend the money and fill in the missing pieces to the puzzle. it seems he is hiding something(s) by withholding info to you. just my gut...
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 it may be possible that he's actually married. sounds a bit like how MM act when they want to keep you hanging around but don't have the availability or freedom to make the effort without getting caught by the wife. have you done a background check on him? if not - then spend the money and fill in the missing pieces to the puzzle. it seems he is hiding something(s) by withholding info to you. just my gut... definately not married...been to his home many times...no signs of wifey poo. plus theres no way he would leave my "girly notes" on his frig it there was a wife or another gf. Don't know what to make to this character. Ummm well...maybe I do...you see he has never been to my home. I think this is a sticking point with him...it's a long story...but I have explained it to him and he is OK with it...but deep down I think it bothers him. Maybe it's the reverse...maybe he feels I have a spouse.
2sunny Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 definately not married...been to his home many times...no signs of wifey poo. plus theres no way he would leave my "girly notes" on his frig it there was a wife or another gf. Don't know what to make to this character. Ummm well...maybe I do...you see he has never been to my home. I think this is a sticking point with him...it's a long story...but I have explained it to him and he is OK with it...but deep down I think it bothers him. Maybe it's the reverse...maybe he feels I have a spouse. ha ha ha ha - you are assuming too much! i have friends that are males (i'm a gal) that are married and their job requires travel etc. so they set up a second home. a home that is completely all for the man. wife never goes there - no indication of another female anywhere etc. makes it easier to get settled in the job without staying in a hotel room and the added expense. the double life they lead is impeccably set for the wife and ow to never cross paths and never know of the other. this may explain why you feel a bit short changed with his time and emotions in the past six months. he is required to give that energy to someone else. i'd do a background check immediately.
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 ha ha ha ha - you are assuming too much! i have friends that are males (i'm a gal) that are married and their job requires travel etc. so they set up a second home. a home that is completely all for the man. wife never goes there - no indication of another female anywhere etc. makes it easier to get settled in the job without staying in a hotel room and the added expense. the double life they lead is impeccably set for the wife and ow to never cross paths and never know of the other. this may explain why you feel a bit short changed with his time and emotions in the past six months. he is required to give that energy to someone else. i'd do a background check immediately. I see. Since you put it that way...I guess there could be a wife. He spends alot of time going home...a state that neither one of us resides, but borders each of our resident states. He says he goes home to see his mother and best friend...someone he grew up with. Most of his friends are at "home". I am still leaning that there is no "OW" per se. You see...he a bit of a freak...lol. Likes to be bitten. How could he explain bite marks on his neck and shoulder to a wife or GF...hehehehe.
dreamergrl Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I see. Since you put it that way...I guess there could be a wife. He spends alot of time going home...a state that neither one of us resides, but borders each of our resident states. He says he goes home to see his mother and best friend...someone he grew up with. Most of his friends are at "home". I am still leaning that there is no "OW" per se. You see...he a bit of a freak...lol. Likes to be bitten. How could he explain bite marks on his neck and shoulder to a wife or GF...hehehehe. Well it could be there's no sex life between him and his "wife" ... but I still think that he's just the type who doesn't want a relationship but a "sometimes companion". He doesn't want the full commitment that comes with a regular relationship, but at times he craves the fulfilling parts of a relationship.
2sunny Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I see. Since you put it that way...I guess there could be a wife. He spends alot of time going home...a state that neither one of us resides, but borders each of our resident states. He says he goes home to see his mother and best friend...someone he grew up with. Most of his friends are at "home". I am still leaning that there is no "OW" per se. You see...he a bit of a freak...lol. Likes to be bitten. How could he explain bite marks on his neck and shoulder to a wife or GF...hehehehe. see now it is starting to add up and make more sense. these men hand pick women who aren't demanding of their time, space and energy because they don't have time for this many "demands." the very reason why you feel you don't know him well after six months and don't hear from him very often and don't get very much of his time and attention... get it? he has a lot of balls in the air he is juggling. for this type of man - it is so easy to cover bite marks - hickeys - scratches - anything when they are used to the need to cover up. i've not been the OW but i sure as heck have read and heard enough about the situations to know what great lengths are taken to be sure that everything goes smoothly. why don't you call him now? it is the weekend and he should pick up if he's a single guy... even if he works... or better yet - tell him that you are really horny and you have the need to come to him for a visit NOW! see what he responds with.
Art_Critic Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 it may be possible that he's actually married. There is the answer.. he is either married or in a committed relationship... He collects hairs.. he removes notes and dislikes the smell.. ummmmm... married.. or taken
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 see now it is starting to add up and make more sense. these men hand pick women who aren't demanding of their time, space and energy because they don't have time for this many "demands." the very reason why you feel you don't know him well after six months and don't hear from him very often and don't get very much of his time and attention... get it? he has a lot of balls in the air he is juggling. for this type of man - it is so easy to cover bite marks - hickeys - scratches - anything when they are used to the need to cover up. i've not been the OW but i sure as heck have read and heard enough about the situations to know what great lengths are taken to be sure that everything goes smoothly. why don't you call him now? it is the weekend and he should pick up if he's a single guy... even if he works... or better yet - tell him that you are really horny and you have the need to come to him for a visit NOW! see what he responds with. OK...I just called...no answer...machine picked up twice.
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 Well it could be there's no sex life between him and his "wife" ... but I still think that he's just the type who doesn't want a relationship but a "sometimes companion". He doesn't want the full commitment that comes with a regular relationship, but at times he craves the fulfilling parts of a relationship. Could it be that he is so put off by not being able to visit me at home that has him this way???
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 There is the answer.. he is either married or in a committed relationship... He collects hairs.. he removes notes and dislikes the smell.. ummmmm... married.. or taken You mis-understood...he collects hair and saves them, he leaves the notes on his fridge...and likes the smell very much...just not use to being around girly stuff.
dreamergrl Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Could it be that he is so put off by not being able to visit me at home that has him this way??? I don't think it's you. I think it's him. I dated a guy (and I use the word dated very loosely), we didn't see each other often, but when we did it was awesome. I'd stay over, I was even allowed to stick around the next day while he was at work till I was ready to go. We weren't bf/gf or anything, and it wasn't really a fwb because it wasn't sex based (although we did have sex). He didn't want a relationship, but sometimes he wanted someone to "be with" here and there. It was a bit strange, but after a while it wasn't enough for me and I moved on.
2sunny Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 OK...I just called...no answer...machine picked up twice. spend the money and do a check on him... it will show you all the places he has lived (the place where you have been may not show if he's renting) - ALL family members and most likely more than you would have ever imagined. no man i have ever known goes to another state on a regular basis (usually once or twice a year at the most) to see "his mom and friends" casting aside quality time with a love interest - unless he has a "real" life there. did you leave a message? and was this a number to his "fake" home or his cell phone? also - i know men who have a secondary cell that they hide from the wife so they can correspond at their convenience with the OW.
StartingOver07 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Could it be that he is so put off by not being able to visit me at home that has him this way??? He's been like this since Day 1, so it's nothing to do with not being able to visit you at home. I don't think it matters if he has someone else or not because the bottom line is the same: He is not available to you in any significant way.
2sunny Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 is this the same guy that said he will prove to you what kind of priority you are in his life by the time he spends with you? i think you have your answer....
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Unavailable. Unavailable. Unavailable. Run, run, run! The fact is he is not there for you in any significant way. It this the kind of relationship you want in your life? He sounds weird... I say out on a little black dress, some red shoes, doll yourself up and go out with the girls. Maybe you can meet a cool guy who doesn't smell your hair and run away to meet his mom.
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 He's been like this since Day 1, so it's nothing to do with not being able to visit you at home. I don't think it matters if he has someone else or not because the bottom line is the same: He is not available to you in any significant way. Dang-it. Posters on LS have good memories. You really remember this saga from day 1?
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 is this the same guy that said he will prove to you what kind of priority you are in his life by the time he spends with you? i think you have your answer.... yes...same guy. I'm just begining to think he does not know how to close the deal. Not talking about marriage, but moving the relationship to the next level. I think he has struggled with LTR in the past. We he refers to previous relationships they were like 2, 5, 10, or 20 years ago. He has never been married and does not have any children...so I am lead to believe.
Jilly Bean Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Phoenix - after all the good advice you received on this guy and this relationship months ago, I am rather surprised you are still trying to forge this. Doesn't seem like a thing has changed...
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 I don't think it's you. I think it's him. I dated a guy (and I use the word dated very loosely), we didn't see each other often, but when we did it was awesome. I'd stay over, I was even allowed to stick around the next day while he was at work till I was ready to go. We weren't bf/gf or anything, and it wasn't really a fwb because it wasn't sex based (although we did have sex). He didn't want a relationship, but sometimes he wanted someone to "be with" here and there. It was a bit strange, but after a while it wasn't enough for me and I moved on. What you have described sounds exactly like what we have. During lunch he offer for me to stay at his house while he went to work since I had two margaritas and my drive would be too far. We spoke of FWB, and he flat out stated it's something he's not interested in. However he has never stated that he didn't want a relationship. On the contrary, he has stated that he is looking for a wife, has stop all of his online dating activity as far as I can tell, has told me without prompting that he has and is promising me a "ring", and we can plan on starting a family. Trust me...I'm not buying into any of this, and don't know from where it comes. I just want to know truthfully what I'm dealing with. It's so odd that sometimes I can't help but think it's me.
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