debbiew1984 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I was with my ex for 2.5 years. I am 24 and he is 26 Everything has been perfect we was engaged, but no date set yet. Very out the blue 3.5 months ago he dumps me becuase he wanted space. this came from no where, on the morning of the break up he paid of all our holidays we had booked for the rest of the year and booked us a holiday to go away at xmas. He went of to a family lunch and text me to say its over, i told him to come and say it to my face as after 2.5 years i deserve it. He came over 20mins after our conversation crying loads saying he was sorry didnt love me any more hadnt loved me the last 2 weeks and wants space. i was shocked and said ok then bye, 2 b honest i didnt think he was serious. but from that moment i didnt chase, call or text i just vanished. He didnt contact me and blocked me on facebook Fast forward 10 weeks of no contact i bump into him outside his work, i think he had seen me coming cos he was standing there looking red. as soon as i started talking to him he starts crying again, asking me if i was ok, where had i been am i still working at the same place and my car had been seen in differenct places u sure im ok. i said yes im fine. he was crying more than ever by this point. he said he didnt mean what he said that night we finished he takes it all back and just wanted space, which he got and he repsects me for it. he also said he had thought about me everyday since and still has feelings and wants to try again slowly seeing each other a few nights a week, i agreed but said we had to meet up to talk proprly. 2 days after he texts me saying he cant get into a relationship his head not clear and doesnt want to hurt me again like he has done already. So im back to the No contact! 2 weeks later he bumps into my sister he starts crying again to her saying he doesnt no whats wrong with him he still loves me and that his head isnt clear and still wants space. Do i have much chance in him coming back if i keep giving him his space? He has lost lots of weight and has let himself go. i love him so much but dont want to start contacting him after being silent for so long. For a man to cry in public something is not right. Last night he saw my brother in the pub and spoke to my sister on the phone saying he was sorry for whats happened and was asking about me Im all confussed, i have gone 16 weeks no contact and he has only contacted me the once to say he cant get into a relationship.
CaliGuy Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Sounds like he is really confused. Hats off to you for doing the right thing and maintaining no contact. I can't say exactly what his problem is but do continue with the NC. He has to get over whatever his problem is before he'll be ready for you. In the meantime do not put your life on hold. If someone new comes along, go out on a date. Your life should not stop because some wishy-washy guy can't make up his mind. Also, all the crying...I'm not sure how to gauge that. It just doesn't seem like a very confident thing to do on his part.
carhill Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Second continuation of no contact. I'm a pretty emotional guy and do cry a fair amount but I've never cried (in pain) in front of a woman, ever. Tears of joy, sure My bet is this chap has some emotional problems. "not love you the last two weeks"??? so breaking engagement via phone text? WTF?... that's just nuts (respectfully IMO). Do not expect to have a healthy relationship with this man at any time in the near future, or even distant future. One door closes, another opens. Heal yourself and see what's on the other side
Author debbiew1984 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 Thank you for your advice! I will continue this NC however hard it is for me. The crying bit i dont understand, especially outside work, especially for a 26 yr old man. I cry like all women we get emotional over everything and nothing, but i would never dream of crying outside work its something i would hold in until i could. Who knows if he will come back and talk, all i know he repects me for leaving him alone and thinks of me everyday. And i thought when u dumped someone it would be easy to walk away how wrong was i he is the living proof of it!
Trialbyfire Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 debbie, how well do you know your ex? I ask this because I'm getting zero sense of what kind of person he is, only your perspective with emphasis on the crying.
Author debbiew1984 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 i know him very well, we told each other everything and trusted each other. He was a kind gernous man who would do anything for me if i needed him to. Its hard to explain what he is like, whats in my head and whats typed comes out all wrong. He in no way nasty, just a geniune down to earth nice bloke who wouldnt hurt a fly. The only issue i will say he has is a very old fashioned controlling mother, who didnt agree with the stuff he did. and when she moaned she moaned alot and would only shut up until he gave in.
Trialbyfire Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 What was your relationship like, with his mother?
Author debbiew1984 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 It was ok, we got on but she just didnt like the way i had been bought up . My family are quite open and let him stay over, fed him he was part of the family, where as she wouldnt let me stay even sleep down stairs, let me stay for dinner. whenever we went over she used to follow us around the house. she didnt trust us. I was his first ever gf, so i guess she just felt i was taking her boy away
Trialbyfire Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Has he ever expressed what his reasons were for wanting a break? I guess I'm trying to understand what might have caused his sudden "falling out of love", breakup, retraction of such, then rubber-banding backwards. There's a reason for his indecision.
Author debbiew1984 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 none @ all, everything was perfect. He booked holidays for us that morning and went of to his family lunch then decides its over. When i did see him the once 10 weeks on he did say he realised his life had changed so much in them 2.5 years and he did just want space but not this much space. He said what he said the night he dumped me he didnt mean. Its just all confussion. But as much as i want to know i cant break the NC.
Trialbyfire Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Do yourself a favour and use NC like a coping tool to move on. It's been long enough for him to miss you and more. If you want him back, I'm not certain it's the way to maintain some form of connection. If I wanted someone back, I would maintain a low form of contact, maybe some form of message, once every couple of weeks. NC works both ways. The time you give yourself to move on, is the same time the other person can also move on. Out-of-sight, out-of-mind.
Author debbiew1984 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 I will continue the NC, i think he is expecting me to get in touch. But he did the dumping he has to fix it. Im still respecting his space! I would love to contact him, but if I do now and he rejects me or ignores me i would be back to day 1 and i cant be back there! I know he isnt over me he looks a mess and has lost loads of weight. all his friends have moved in with there GFS and they havent been together that long. Only time will tell. Thank you for listening to me, im glad i came across this site! xx
GPFan Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 My sense is whatever is going on is something he is afraid to divulge to you or your family. I am sorry you have to endure this. Keep with NC as it is the healthiest response.
Recommended Posts