Krytie TV Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 I see the overwhelming urge to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. No harm done I suppose, as long as you truly keep your feelings safe. I don't think it's a reach to say that many people pursue a situation in which they need to "protect themselves" and "look for the signs" only to end up falling for someone that is, in fact, an embodiment of all of the warning signs that were emitted at the beginning. Then it becomes messy on a grander scale. If that's the risk you want to take here, sobeit. I do have to agree with some of the most recent male responders that guys just do not throw out the "slow down" statements unless they are not really invested in the situation. What slow down really means is that we need to spend less time together so that I have the available time to pursue other people. If we're together all the time I can't do that. Of course, there are men that truly do need to slow down and take time in a relationship, but this is more likely done through deliberate acts meant to create a bit of a cushion, not through verbalizations. We're not really that dumb, we know when we actually say "slow down" that it should be interpreted as a lack of interest. So therefore, if we are interested, we wouldn't say something like that. We've heard the statement enough to know what it really means.
Balthazar Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 Gotta agree with the other posters on this DeGirl. "slow down" is not good. at all. It is never good, but at the beginning of a relationship, it is especially ominous.
Author dreamergrl Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Because of the nature of our last few conversations, and how they have went, I think "slow down" was a reaction to my insecurity issue from the previous Sunday. We've got plans set for the weekend, we've talked several times this week already (with him making contact). I know it's a long thread, but some of the recent posters missed that the IM message wasn't about the friend. While yes "slow down" isn't always a good sign, some people do things as a reaction to others. I know I have before, and I've seen it a lot here on LS. People say they want to walk or leave when things get tough or they get scared or hurt.
gfto Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 there are times when we really like you but (being men) are afraid of getting too close too fast (not ready to commit). Giving us space will give us the time needed to figure out what we really want. Could you elaborate on this? I honestly don't understand. If you've been dating some super-attractive intelligent woman with a great attitude who hasn't given you any red flags, and she starts asking questions about the status of things, you "need time to figure out what you really want"?!
vivrantflo Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 However, there are times when we really like you but (being men) are afraid of getting too close too fast (not ready to commit). Giving us space will give us the time needed to figure out what we really want. No offense to anyone.. but whenever I hear of this scenerio, it's usually coming from a woman, not from a man. Am I wrong on that??
carhill Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 IMO, depends on the definition of "too close". Sexually too close, likely not a typical male perspective; emotionally too close is likely a more typical scenario for a man. I've also noted men tend to "slow down" when combining assets and finances is put on the table, but of course that is far down the relationship path. It'll be interesting to see if they can get on the same page....
Star Gazer Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I see the overwhelming urge to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. No harm done I suppose, as long as you truly keep your feelings safe. I don't think it's a reach to say that many people pursue a situation in which they need to "protect themselves" and "look for the signs" only to end up falling for someone that is, in fact, an embodiment of all of the warning signs that were emitted at the beginning. Then it becomes messy on a grander scale. If that's the risk you want to take here, sobeit. I do have to agree with some of the most recent male responders that guys just do not throw out the "slow down" statements unless they are not really invested in the situation. What slow down really means is that we need to spend less time together so that I have the available time to pursue other people. If we're together all the time I can't do that. Of course, there are men that truly do need to slow down and take time in a relationship, but this is more likely done through deliberate acts meant to create a bit of a cushion, not through verbalizations. We're not really that dumb, we know when we actually say "slow down" that it should be interpreted as a lack of interest. So therefore, if we are interested, we wouldn't say something like that. We've heard the statement enough to know what it really means. Totally agree with you, K (it's been a while since you've heard me say that...). I reiterate... if a man really wants a woman, there's no way in hell "lets slow things down" is going to come out of his mouth. Especially if he claimed he "loves" her after a fairly short time of dating. Right again.
t_veron Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 No offense to anyone.. but whenever I hear of this scenerio, it's usually coming from a woman, not from a man. Am I wrong on that?? I can only relate to my experiences. Most of the women I've dated have brought up marriage and kids and committment within the first 1-2 months of dating. I'm not that comfortable with jumping into things that soon especially when I have a lot to lose financially. It's flattering to be pursued but I don't want to get that serious that soon. When you have a lot to lose and you've been played enough times by golddiggers it's scary since I don't know what her true motives are that soon. Plus I can admit I'm not the most comfortable with committment and prefer it to be my choice rather than forced into it. So no I'm not a woman just don't use my head downstairs to make decisions that will effect me for the rest of my life. Of course when I was 18 the guy downstairs lead the way too many times. Maybe I'm being unrealistic but a committment for me isn't just a bunch of words so I get laid while I hear from buddies it's just something they throw out to get some. Everyone has a different set of morals and values.
Author dreamergrl Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 If anyone's wondering... We've had a good amount of contact this week, are getting along fine, and have definite plans for the weekend. We are back where we were prior to the bad week.
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