casey001 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Hello everyone. I am going through a rough patch at the moment and would like some adbice/encouragement! Im am recently out of one of the worlds most painfull break ups It was a 2.5 year relationship with someone I loved more than the world. He smashed my heart, lied, cheated then left me for someone else despite my begging and pleading to make it work. He couldn't care less about me and and since the day we broke up he moved on and never once spoke to me again despite my best efforts. I somehow got on with life, just. I lost alot of weight and never really managed to be happy again but I survived. Its been 5 months and I have met another guy who I managed to fall for. However I jst don't know what to do with him. One moment he likes me and will take me out on a date everything being wonderful, then the next moment he will txt me saying he just wants to be friends. I will always turn up when he invites me out however he doesn't when I ask him places. He txtd me and told me recently that he didn't really like me enough to go out with me but then the next night invited me to a party and wouldn't let go of me! He has invited me out a few times since then and has been all over me. Somedays he will bombard me with lovely txts and other days he would be really rude and ignore me for days on end. I have tried everything possible to make him happy and to get his attention but I never get anything back in return! I dont know what to do Now I understand he is playing games and propably just using me, but the problem is I have fallen for him HUGELY! And im to scared to let him go just incase he changes his mind. If I let him go I know all the pain from the 1st breakup will come rushing back and im so scared of it and being alone and hurt again. Its more than I can handle right now Its always in the back of my mind that two people have just recently rejected me and my heart really cant take it anymore. I remember every painfull thing they have said to me off by heart (eg 'Ive fallen out of love with you') and ('I dont like you enough to go out with you') and its really tearing my heart up! Im scared, lonely and really hurt. Where do I go from here?! Please can I have some advice or encouragement as im am seriously down right now and have lost alot of will to live. Ive been so unhappy for so long that I cant even remember what it feels like to smile and laugh and just feel happy!
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Hello everyone. I am going through a rough patch at the moment and would like some adbice/encouragement! Im am recently out of one of the worlds most painfull break ups It was a 2.5 year relationship with someone I loved more than the world. He smashed my heart, lied, cheated then left me for someone else despite my begging and pleading to make it work. He couldn't care less about me and and since the day we broke up he moved on and never once spoke to me again despite my best efforts. I somehow got on with life, just. I lost alot of weight and never really managed to be happy again but I survived. Its been 5 months and I have met another guy who I managed to fall for. However I jst don't know what to do with him. One moment he likes me and will take me out on a date everything being wonderful, then the next moment he will txt me saying he just wants to be friends. I will always turn up when he invites me out however he doesn't when I ask him places. He txtd me and told me recently that he didn't really like me enough to go out with me but then the next night invited me to a party and wouldn't let go of me! He has invited me out a few times since then and has been all over me. Somedays he will bombard me with lovely txts and other days he would be really rude and ignore me for days on end. I have tried everything possible to make him happy and to get his attention but I never get anything back in return! I dont know what to do Now I understand he is playing games and propably just using me, but the problem is I have fallen for him HUGELY! And im to scared to let him go just incase he changes his mind. If I let him go I know all the pain from the 1st breakup will come rushing back and im so scared of it and being alone and hurt again. Its more than I can handle right now Its always in the back of my mind that two people have just recently rejected me and my heart really cant take it anymore. I remember every painfull thing they have said to me off by heart (eg 'Ive fallen out of love with you') and ('I dont like you enough to go out with you') and its really tearing my heart up! Im scared, lonely and really hurt. Where do I go from here?! Please can I have some advice or encouragement as im am seriously down right now and have lost alot of will to live. Ive been so unhappy for so long that I cant even remember what it feels like to smile and laugh and just feel happy! My suggestion is that before you do anything else, go and talk to someone. A good therapist will be able to give you a bit of guidance and advice but also start to help you understand why you feel the way about yourself that you do. My fear for you is that you have such low self-esteem. You do sound to be a little bit clingy with the wrong types of guys. People do fall out of love with us and while it does hurt, nothing should make us lose our will to live. You maybe need to find in you the things that you like about yourself. I'm sure you have a lot of talents that you're not even aware of and because you're devoting so much energy and time to these men, you haven't either to find out what you're all about. Start off by finding out who you are, go and pamper yourself and feel good in yourself, have a massage, go for walks, anything other than devoting too much time to someone who isn't the right person for you and then when the time is right, you'll attract the right sort of person to you. Learn to love yourself. It always makes us much more attractive and lovable to others. Take care, darl:)
Author casey001 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 Thanks for your reply. I have tried talking to someone after my first break up but I feel almost stupid going back again after another one. Like im so weak I cant cope with siimple break ups! I do have very low self esteem right now but I just don't know how to get it back with everything that gone on. I feel like im walking round with a knife in my heart and all I can hear is the same rejection words over and over again. I know its bad but I constantly think of what my ex might be up to and it just hurts all over again. I guess I dont know how to be happy on my own And i have no idea how to get my self esteem back with everything on my mind. I feel like its all my fault I have been rejected twice. Like there must be something wrong with me for no one to like me. Maybe its my appearance or something about my personallity? I worked so hard to change all the negative things about me since my first breakup and now it seems like a waste of time as no one appreciates me! Sorry about the depressive post, im just feeling really unhappy at the moment and don't know what to do!
sid3 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 There isn't much worse than falling for a game player. I think the hot and cold behavior is one of the worst things someone can do to another person in a relationship. This guy is using you for his own convience, but you already know that. You also know that this relationship is not going to last. Given that it IS going to end, think about how you would rather it happen. Are you seriously going to wait around and see if he changes his mind and starts treating you with the respect you deserve, or are you going to take control of your life and choices and kick this one to the curb. While it's not easy to un fall for someone, consider where you are at now as opposed to a year from now. Why invest anymore more emotionally in a guy that treats you like that. If the relationship is going to end, wouldn't it be better for your self esteem that you made a choice in what is best for your wellbeing rather than this guy. While I also know it sucks to go through breakup, and being alone is not all it's cracked up to be, staying with someone who has such little regard for your feelings is really, really unhealthy for you. The longer you delay making a positive change in your life,the longer you'll stay unhappy. You survived the first breakup and met someone else, it just so happened that he wasn't a keeper, but the next one could very well be, but you won't know until you stop allowing yourself to be treated like crap. Hopefully you will find happiness soon, but it is unlikey to come if you don't make some changes.IMO
bob-o 1 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Thanks for your reply. Like im so weak I cant cope with siimple break ups! Your not weak, and no break up is simple, especially since you seemed to have loved him so much. I am going through a very arduous break up myself, and the only thing that is getting me through the days is constantly telling myself its not me, its not my fault, i can't blame myself. Now unless you can think of something that seriously was your fault for the failed relationship, there is nothing that you are denying yourself of in telling yourself that it was not your fault. You said HE lied and cheated on you...there is no way YOU can be responsible for his lack of respect, and irresponsible actions. It sounds to me like you just need to find the right guy. If you want to be in a real loving relationship, which seems like you do, then if in any way you feel like the guy your trying to be with is ignoring you, acting weirdly toward you, or playing games....don't tag along. borelandkaren's advice is great too....do what makes you feel happy again. I'm sure you have a hobby, or something that makes you feel good about yourself that can pre-occupy you for a while. Go hang out with friends, and have some fun. Posting on this forum is a great start to getting back on your feet....the more you talk about it and the more advice you get, the better you will feel. I know talking about it hurts, but the advice you get will outweigh the pain.
Author casey001 Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 Thanks so much for your replies and sorry it took me so long to reply back. I have been trying my best to put my head down and get on with things. It was going ok untill today when I found out my ex has a new gf. Less than a week before he ended it with me. Naturally im devastated Whats pulling my apart the most is this is exactally what happened last time. My ex bf of 2.5 years had a new gf the day after he broke up with me. This time the 'new' ex waited 4 days and now he has a new gf also. Its absolutly tearing my heart apart. I don't understand what it is about me that makes me so forgettable and easy to move on from. Both men have been nasty and unfair to me and tossed me out like trash. I could understand if I was a bad person but Im not. I would never ever hurt someone, i would never cheat, I go out of my way to do everything I can to make them happy yet no 1 cares I also feel like I should treat them like crap and be horrible then they might stick around! It hurts so bad that im so forgettable. The fact that it has now happened twice is tearing me apart. My 'new' ex strung me along for months, was all over the place with me, one minute he liked me then next he didn't, then he annoucnes he has a new gf and its all over. I did SO much for this guy and did everything I could to make him happy etc yet he walked all over me I dont know what to do now My heart aches VERY much, I just dont want to get out of bed and face the days. I dont want to move on myself as why bother? There must be something about me that makes me so forgettable and easy to hurt. There must be something wrong with me if I can be replaced so dam easily and then forgotten all about. My heart cant take anymore of the pain
JackhammerGemma Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 I have feelings of rejection and low self esteem similar to yours but just know that's it's HIM, not you. And please leave this joker #2 in the dust before he damages you beyond repair. Take it from someone who knows. Run for the hills before he messes you up and you end up in intensive therapy and on meds.
blackberry23 Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 It's so easy to blame yourself, but it isn't YOUR fault. The first guy obviously was NO good if he lied and cheated. Why would you want someone like that in your life? If he did it once, most likely he'd do it again. Why torture yourself? You don't deserve it. No one does! And that girl he left you for.. she's going to be lied to and cheated on as well. As for the second guy, if he's sending you all of these mixed singles, then obviously he's playing games, and or is confused, and that's just a waste of time. Don't let anybody play with your emotions...you may think you've fallen for him but I don't think you or anyone else can truly fall for someone who treats you like that. I say you do yourself a favor and don't even bother with him! If you start thinking about him, just think to yourself how he's hurting you rather than making you happy!! My advice would be to work on yourself and your self-esteem. In order to be happy with someone else, you need to be happy with yourself, and there's no reason you can't do that! Focus on what makes you happy. Whenever I feel down, I tend to go to the gym and work on my fitness...find something that makes you feel good about yourself!
sedgwick Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 It sounds like the problem is not with you but with the type of guy you go after. Trust me on this, the minute they start treating you like you are anything less than VERY special to them, you have to find the courage to walk away. It's hard but staying is only going to wreck your self-esteem more. I've been rejected more times than I can count. The man I love more than I've ever loved anyone can't love me back because we don't have the exact same career. It's ludicrous, and it hurt tremendously (still does.) But through this experience with him, I've learned that there are things I won't put up with, and when he called the other night I stood up for myself. That felt really great. I've been single for almost a year now. I miss having a partner, but I don't miss the way he treated me. I've spent the past year really focusing on who I am and what I want. I've decided I'd rather be single than put up with his bullsh*t. I've decided that the person I am is okay. You have to decide that too, and, as cliche as it sounds, put yourself first. Nobody else can respect you if you don't respect yourself.
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