Capt. Picard Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Hello, I am a shy, single 24 year old male. I work with a female who is 21 and married. Recently, we have started to talk more and more. A lot of the subjects are about personal things. In the past couple of weeks, I've developed a crush on her. She is always telling me about her marital problems and she thinks her marriage is just about over. I really want to be with her, but I also want her marriage to work out for her. She has told me a couple times that I am good looking. She is always telling me that I make her laugh. When I am sitting on a bench, she sits right next to me rather than leaving some space. I always see her looking at me, and she sees me looking at her. Am I reading it right, or does she just like me as "just friends"? She could just be friendly. Also, there is another man, who is also married, at work who is always talking to her and has told her he likes her on a couple occasions. When he comes around when I am talking to her, she starts talking to him. I get really jealous. After I leave work at night and on the weekend, I miss her and I can't wait to see her the next day. She is always on my mind. I get nervous and get butterflies in my stomach before I see her for the day. Then I see him talking to her and I get annoyed, and like I already said, jealous. It makes me depressed having a crush on someone I and 99% sure nothing will happen. I guess I sort of see him as competition. I also get jealous since the two of them are always talking at work, AND hanging out a lot outside of work. She tells me that she has no real interest in him, but who knows if that if true or not, not that it reall matters, but it would just be another way to make me jealous. My heart, for some reason, really wants to tell her how I feel, but my brain tells me that it is a stupid idea. Should I say anything to her? I don't want to add to her already large emotional load due to her husband and their marital issues, and this other coworker. I have absolutely no intention of having an affair with her. If I told her, I worry that it could ruin our friendship, but, being somewhat selfish, might help me feel better. I suspect she has already figured it out, anyway, since lately I have been hanging around her more. Any ideas on how to stop feeling this way? Sorry about the length of my post. Thank you for the help.
JustInKase Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 You don't have to tell her that you have a crush on her. She already knows you do. She also knows that you get jealous when the other guy comes around. Women pick up on stuff like this. You might not think that you are obvious about your feelings, but you probably are. I doubt you can have a crush this big and not give clues. I also think she is crushing on you as well. Yeh, some women are just friendly. I think she likes you though because she seems to be going along smoothly with you even though she knows what is in your mind. If she wasn't feeling it too, she'd be more uncomfortable around you. Plus, she is giving you the line about not being happy with her husband. That is code for "I'm available to you even though I'm married". We are all going to tell you not to hook up with a married women for many different reasons. You will not listen to one of them, so I won't waste my time getting into them. All I can do is wish you luck. I hope you can handle whatever you are about to get yourself into. You came to this board hoping someone here will point out to you that this women has the hots for you. Well, I just did. You say that you don't want an affair, but you do. Of course you do. You're head over heals for her. Good luck.
Author Capt. Picard Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 We are all going to tell you not to hook up with a married women for many different reasons. You will not listen to one of them, so I won't waste my time getting into them. You say that you don't want an affair, but you do. Of course you do. You're head over heals for her. Good luck. Even though you don't believe it, I truly don't want to get her that way. Also, she always talks to me about personal stuff, but she also talks to this other man about the same things. As for coming on the board to for people to confirm that she has the hots for me, not really. I'm basically looking for advice on how to get over this.
SpikeyChick Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Even though you don't believe it, I truly don't want to get her that way. Also, she always talks to me about personal stuff, but she also talks to this other man about the same things. As for coming on the board to for people to confirm that she has the hots for me, not really. I'm basically looking for advice on how to get over this. Here are the nuts and bolts of it - 1. You are infatuated with someone who is unhappy(so she says) with a man whom she fell in love with VERY recently. That means that she has no clue about selecting a man for a lifelong partner OR she is manipulating you to give her attention by playing "poor me" . Women do this stiuff sometimes. At the moment you are her "male girlfriend". 2.The other guy is feeding her need for attention too and he is as clueless as you . HE and you are merely sources of attention and ego inflation for her. Her whining to you about her husband is totally inappropriate, disrespectful and disloyal to him as her NEW husband.. THat is what hair stylists are for - whining and baitching. 3. Do this - Tell her that you do not want your "relationship" with her to go any further because she is married. IF she gets divorced then say .."give me a call", 4. Best option of all - quit and find another job. Your situation with this women has future pain written all over it. She is the center of all the action here -and you merely an extra in her little dramatic soap opera. Whatever happens, she wins and you will lose one way or another. Never get in a triangle - NEVER EVER !
Trialbyfire Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I'm basically looking for advice on how to get over this. The best way to get over this, is not to play her game. Slam down the cold front and let her freeze.
dreamergrl Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I think what she is doing is getting attention from any man who will give it to her. She's unhappy with her at home life, so she's trying to get positive attention else where. I'd keep my distance. You can't just make your crush on her disappear like nothing, but the more you distance yourself, and focus on other things, the less she'll be swimming in your head.
shanny Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I agree that she is just attention seeking. When I went through a divorce several years ago I soaked up male attention like you would not believe. I was just trying to see if I still "had it". As much as I'm not proud of it It think it's fairly common and maybe somewhat natural. I defintitly wouldn't put all your eggs in one basket for her. I know you said you are shy, but get yourself out there and meet someone else. Plus if you do end up with her you are going to have to go through the whole ugly divorce process along with her... not fun. I would stay away. Good luck.
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