tgammage Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Hello everyone, I need some help,advice I was married to a man for 18 1/2 yrs who I loved. we really had a hard time with money always struggled,he use to play golf leave me a home all day working or playing golf which is very expensive and would not buy bread or food he played golf first. I became very bored of that life style so I ended up sleeping with a man once I told him I then divorced him. I regret that in my life and have lived with that mistake never to make it again. 2 years later I marry a man who was really good to me and did everything for me and my kids but he turned out to be a bad alcoholic, keep in mind I stilled had sex with my ex every once in a while because in my mind I felt its was my duty for doing that to him,because my husband at the time was also drunk all the time,cant have sex with a drunk.he died two years later, I took very good care of him and did everything for him but did have sex with my ex now its been 2 1/2 years and I have been having sex with my ex the whole time. he doesn't show up the whole week and then I found out by phone call I made to him he is dating someone. I'm out of my mind with heartbreak, its been 4 weeks since I talked to him and he shows up yesterday and tells me that him and his girlfriend are not working out she has a bad attitude and he loves me and cant quit thinking about me and wants sex! thank god I didn't do it for some reason.I called him today, I asked him did he tell the other woman that he was in love with me and didn't want to be with her, he told me he never said that what he said was he wanted to talk to her about her attitude and see what she said? this is where y'all come in is it that he really loves me? or I'm I just his whore? or do I deserve this for what I have done? I'm so lost I don't know how I could love a person like this? do I not want him but don't want no one to have him? I feel like Im going crazy sometimes. Thanks, Lonley, sad, stupid
2sunny Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 first of all - if you use correct punctuation, complete sentences, etc. you may have more folks here that will read your post and respond. now- it seems wise to view your exH as just that... you are now married to someone new. who cares how he views you and what he thinks? he's not your husband! why would you have married your current H just to set him up for hurt and pain. in continuing with your exH you are shortchanging your current H of a complete relationship. this seems so unfair to him. i sense a lot of selfish attitude in your post. it may be a good idea to simplify your life in order to keep things less complicated.
Lizzie60 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Sunny I think she lost her husband a few years ago.. or maybe I didn't read it right... to the OP.. you were the BS.. now you're the OW.. who wants to become the W again... (I think) .. but then you will probably become the BS again.. and the vicious circle will start again... Nothing wrong with having sex with your ex as long as their is no plans for the future IMO. He is your ex for a reason.. You might get hurt eventually..
2sunny Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 ooopsie! thanks Lizzie for the clarification... was hard to follow with all the distractions i listed...
Nevermind Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 You were married, it didn't work, you divorced him. You married again and had an affair with your ex-husband the entire time. Your husband dies. You continue with your ex, but not as a relationship, just as an easy option for sex. He has a new girlfriend, and he still wants to have sex with you. Karma has a way of getting back at you. To put it this way: if he is cheating with you, he will cheat on you. You have been his sex toy the entire time, you cheated on your husband - your ex has no respect for you and frankly it's easy to see why. You have a chance to get your life in order. Stop contacting him and make a therapy to see why you felt it was "your duty" to cheat.
porter218 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Your exH is no good point blank PERIOD! Leave him alone, The mistake you made was a long time ago, you have already paid your dues. Don't allow your ex to play you that way he wasn't good to you when you were together, and now he is even worse to this new gf of his. Say goodbye.
tinktronik Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 So , you cheated on your first H, then D him. Them remarried and cheated on your second H with you first H, then your second H died . Why is it that you think you have cheated on both of your husbands? You gave pretty invalid reasons here, one spent money you did not have and the other drank too much, but you did not say you left either of them for that reason. I think you perhaps are just a cheater. You get a thrill out of it. i think if you reconciled with your first H, you would just cheat in your third marriage.
Trialbyfire Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Okay, hang on, I think we may have all missed a twist: Husband 1 ("H1"): You cheated on him, since you were bored because he loved to play golf and then divorced him. Husband 2 ("H2"): You cheated on H2 because he's an alcoholic, with H1.Now you're upset because H1 has a g/f with no thought of how this entire affair affects H2, the man you should be concerned about.You justify your cheating due to the actions of your respective Hs but in reality, the issue lies with your inability to really love anyone beyond yourself and your personal needs. In both situations, weren't your justifying factors something known, previous to marriage or did you marry in such a hurry? If you married in a rush without getting to know the person, why so?
tinktronik Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Okay, hang on, I think we may have all missed a twist: Husband 1 ("H1"): You cheated on him, since you were bored because he loved to play golf and then divorced him. Husband 2 ("H2"): You cheated on H2 because he's an alcoholic, with H1.Now you're upset because H1 has a g/f with no thought of how this entire affair affects H2, the man you should be concerned about.You justify your cheating due to the actions of your respective Hs but in reality, the issue lies with your inability to really love anyone beyond yourself and your personal needs. In both situations, weren't your justifying factors something known, previous to marriage or did you marry in such a hurry? If you married in a rush without getting to know the person, why so? That is exactly what I was getting at . She sounds like a serial cheater. I believe the 2nd H is dead now though. for lizzie , i don't think she was ever the BS .But the MW instead.
Trialbyfire Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 That is exactly what I was getting at . She sounds like a serial cheater. I believe the 2nd H is dead now though. I agree that she's a serial cheater since everything is focused on her wants. Thanks. I missed that twist.
porter218 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I still think she needs to leave H2 alone for 2 reasons at least. Reason 1 - She is involved in something that could hurt his current gf. Reason 2- I think based on H2s neglect towards her in the past and the way he is betraying his current gf, he is a lot worse than even she knows.
J2FT1 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 This is just plain simple: get a therapy. Help is certainly needed.
Javelin Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 To you, sex has no meaning, why on earth would you care at this point? You might as well give him what he wants, isn't that what you've been doing all along? Letting him use you for it?
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I regret that in my life and have lived with that mistake never to make it again. Then why make that same mistake with your 2nd husband? I'm out of my mind with heartbreak, its been 4 weeks since I talked to him ??? Why did you divorce him again? Or did he divorce you? this is where y'all come in is it that he really loves me? or I'm I just his whore? or do I deserve this for what I have done? I'm so lost I don't know how I could love a person like this? do I not want him but don't want no one to have him? I feel like Im going crazy sometimes. So, you don't want him... but you don't want anyone else to have him? That's because you don't have anything better! However, I hesitate to recommend you go find a better guy due to your chronic problem with adultery. As a guy, I can tell you that more than likely, your just a booty call to him.
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