maynicholas Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Background... I work in a store that sells confections (cookies, chocolate, candy). Most of the folks that come in are couples, kids, or single women (as in, they come in alone). There is this guy that comes in from time to time who I think is cute. I would like to ask him out, but I want to figure out if he is available first. Over xmas he would come in rather frequently, and always ask the same questions, as if trying to make conversation, but unfortunately we are swamped at that time of year. He continues to come in once and a while. I used to wear my diamond ring on my left hand to ward off a certain stalker. He saw it once when he came in. He said congratulations. I managed to mumble off 'Oh, um no, I just wear it' he said 'oh'. Once he accidently pulled dog bones out of his pocket while trying to pay, so I asked him about his dog. Next time he came in, I remembered his dog and asked about it. He only ever buys 2 cookies and never comes in with anyone. He was MIA for a while but returned last week. I noticed (well made a point to notice) that he wasn't wearing a ring (not a tell tale sign, I know). I was on the outside of the counter when I noticed he was back, so I made a point to stay there so I would be available to chat on his way out. He saw me and waved while he was getting his usual cookies. I casually said hi, how are you as he was leaving. I wanted to say more so I looked back, and he kind of looked back and stalled too. I took the opening and said that I hadn't seen him in a while and he stopped and we chatted (you know- how's business, he's been busy, trying to lay off the sweets) but we were swamped (people kept walking in between us). How can I tell if he is single, straight, and if would he be interested? I don't want to make him uncomfortable, but if you have any thoughts on how to approach this I would love to hear them...
carhill Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Ask him if he bakes at home (you know, cookies, confections, etc.)....listen to his response. Just so you know, I'm straight and love to cook and bake. With your friend, it's not what he says, but how he says it and how he looks in your eyes when he talks to you. If I were a customer and you started me talking about an interest of mine, and I was interested in you, I'd focus right in on you and there'd be a lot of unspoken things going on like facial expressions, eye movements, body language and such. Do I need to draw you a road map?
Author maynicholas Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 honestly, yes. I was in a relationship for 11 years up until a year ago. I missed all the subtle lessons that come with dating as an adult.
carhill Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 It's just basic human interaction and, frankly, I'm lousy at it. If I can do it, it'll be a breeze for you. Remember, it's not what, rather how. IMO, if a man is interested in you for a LTR, he'll engage your mind and look in your eyes. If he's just horny, he'll talk to your chest; perhaps that's one way of telling whether he's straight or gay. "The girls" never worked on me, but I'm weird If things are right, a few conversations at work may turn into coffee or a drink after hours...... I'm married, but I often have similar conversations with women when out shopping/doing business. It comes from years of having female friends before getting married. I'm naturally comfortable with women and don't see them strictly as romantic prospects. Just some food for thought. There's no rush
Author maynicholas Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 Thanks for your thoughts so far. That is the thing. He is obviously in his mid 30s- my guess- so no horn dog behavior. Which is why I can't tell his situation. It is easy with the young ones- I can read them without a problem. He looks at me as he speaks- but I assume that is just polite behavior. I have half considered just fireing off- Are you single, are you straight, would you like to get drinks sometime? But something tells me that wouldn't be the best approach.
carhill Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Just so you know....there are guys my age (almost 50) who are just as "horn dog" as a 20 year old. I think there's a different name for them though The next time you have occasion to talk to him, note how he looks at you when he talks to you. There's a whole story in the details. Also, watch for little screw ups, like his concentration is distracted..... by you Others will likely opine the direct approach is the best one, but I relish the little details of human interaction and romance. Makes life interesting
Author maynicholas Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 Skeevy is the term... I have noticed how he looks at me. It's direct, non-confrontational, and genuinely interested in what I'm saying. It's basically ambiguous.
refurb Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 There is a sure-fire, never-fail way to tell if a guy is into you..... ask him out. If he says yes, than he's into you. R
Author maynicholas Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 I thought I would bump this since it was at the bottom of the page. I liked the suggestion of asking him about something he was into... Any more suggestions about lines to get more info from him?
king_midas Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 um, it's a little bit of an affront to ask his sexual orientation. would you like to be asked that? he may take it in stride, but a part of his ego will be wounded. if he's a hater, he'll be offended and may feel the need to overcompensate for your perceived view of him. i wouldn't be horrified, but i would be a little like "oh, please" for your stereotyping. are all men expected to like only stripper's titties, beer'n'whiskey and monster trucks? can't we like dogs, cookies and the cute women who sell them to us? trust me, if he's gay or otherwise unavailable, he'll find a way to tell you without you having to ask. to ask someone out and find out they have a boy/girlfriend isn't the worst thing in the world. Anyhow, based on your described interactions and his question about your ring, I'm guessing he IS interested. He may have disappeared because your signals weren't strong enough, or he thought you were just being a friendly server and weren't interested in him. He's come back after a while and it says something, and we're gonna interpret that as being good for you (at least for your business)! remember, you're the target for him, and it's a little difficult to ask you out or openly flirt with customers coming and going. Why don't you tell him you finish at 5 or whatever and would he want to come back then?... if nothing else, you can find out more about your mysterious regular customer and put your mind to rest. Now, if I were you and wanted to be especially forward, next time he comes in for his usual cookies, I'd slip him a specially made one with my phone number or a heart or a winking smiley face or something cute and clever. Good luck and let us know how it goes. This sounds like a romantic comedy.
Author maynicholas Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 Now, if I were you and wanted to be especially forward, next time he comes in for his usual cookies, I'd slip him a specially made one with my phone number or a heart or a winking smiley face or something cute and clever. That is a bit too cheesy for me... But I get your comment about the whole sexuality thing. I guess I think that because I have no clue how to read signals. I can't tell if he is being polite customer, not interested, or interested but not sure what to do. Hell, I can't even really tell how old he is. And chances are he may not be able to tell how old I am. Most people assume I am in my early 20's- but I'm 31. I can tell that he is at least over 30 (like I said I'm guessing mid 30's but he could be older)
refurb Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 That is a bit too cheesy for me... But I get your comment about the whole sexuality thing. I guess I think that because I have no clue how to read signals. I can't tell if he is being polite customer, not interested, or interested but not sure what to do. You can't read his signals because everyone has different signals. It's usually too much effort to try. You said he had dog bones with him right? Do you like dogs? If so, ask him about his dog then tell him how much you love dogs and you'd love to meet him or her. Then suggest that he brings his dog next time (near the end of your shift) and you two can go for a quick walk or something. RF
SpikeyChick Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 You can't read his signals because everyone has different signals. It's usually too much effort to try. You said he had dog bones with him right? Do you like dogs? If so, ask him about his dog then tell him how much you love dogs and you'd love to meet him or her. Then suggest that he brings his dog next time (near the end of your shift) and you two can go for a quick walk or something. RF Yeah -the dog thing is the way to go . Say this with a wry smile smile, " Do you walk your dog morning or night? I am looking for a walking buddy, would you be interested ? He will say something like ," Ok, do you have a dog ?" You ( bigger smile ) , " No but I could get one ."
Author maynicholas Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 You ( bigger smile ) , " No but I could get one ." Too funny!
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