confuse2000 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 He cheated on her twice and got caught both time and she's willing to work things out. Anyone out there have a or some answer as to any why she would stay with a person whom you have chetaed on her with the same person twice in the last two years??? Got caught one year ago and again this year. Been married since 2004 no kind/s. but family has serious health problem.
2sunny Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 people stay for all kinds of reasons. the truth of the main reason is really only known between the two involved - anything else is just hearsay... or gossip as we refer to it...
porter218 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 There are about a million different reasons someone would stay. He could have lied his way out of it(telling her it didn't go as far as she thought) and it was a huge mistake, he could have even backtracked his way completely out of it making her think it never happened at all, he could have protested his love for her gave her a bs reason for doing it and promised this last time would be the last time. Or he could have even given her a free pass to do it back to him so they could move on and put it behind them. No telling unless you were a fly on the wall when he convinced her to stay. Men will do crazy stuff to keep their girl. What is your relationship to them?
Author confuse2000 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 There are about a million different reasons someone would stay. He could have lied his way out of it(telling her it didn't go as far as she thought) and it was a huge mistake, he could have even backtracked his way completely out of it making her think it never happened at all, he could have protested his love for her gave her a bs reason for doing it and promised this last time would be the last time. Or he could have even given her a free pass to do it back to him so they could move on and put it behind them. No telling unless you were a fly on the wall when he convinced her to stay. Men will do crazy stuff to keep their girl. What is your relationship to them? a friend of the ow.
2sunny Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 or it could be like kobe bryant where you just buy really expensive jewelry for her to stay... what is the position of the OW? is she still involved with the MM?
Author confuse2000 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 or it could be like kobe bryant where you just buy really expensive jewelry for her to stay... what is the position of the OW? is she still involved with the MM? No don't think so. MM is unemployed. She is hurting but she had NC with him since april.
porter218 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 How did the BW find out? And does she know it was the same OW both times?
NewSunrise Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 a friend of the ow. If you are a friend of the OW, why is she's wasting her time with cheater? Is she suffering from low self-esteem that in her mind, he's the only man in town?
Author confuse2000 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 If you are a friend of the OW, why is she's wasting her time with cheater? Is she suffering from low self-esteem that in her mind, he's the only man in town? just bad luck with man's.
NewSunrise Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 just bad luck with man's. No such thing as bad luck when it comes to choices. Bad luck is being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Using "bad luck" is another justification of not looking into oneself as to why your friend have chosen to be the OW. To choose to become the OP has nothing to do with bad luck. It has to do with low self-esteem, usually attributed from how we were brought up, essentially the dynamics of your friend's interpersonal relationship with her parents and family. It's in the family dynamics where you can find reasons why we are the way we are as adults. Does your friend come from an abusive family? Father controlling? Mother submissive? Either her parents cheated? Type of friends your friend surrounded herserf with? all these factors play a role. Despite background, was she able to overcome family upbringing obstacles? If not, it can be a difficult process that sometimes require some IC. Some people with similar backgound will take negative upbringing positively, turn their lives completely around and have done well regardles of socio-economic or unfortunate family background. Again, it comes down to choices.
Author confuse2000 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 How did the BW find out? And does she know it was the same OW both times? Yes.. She know's. BTW I am that friend. My friend felt this will help me to understand and let go. He (MM) n I worked together at the time. She gave him a black eye and came to my work and tried to get my bosses to fire me. Saying he held important job and that I would be easy to replace. Of cause none of that happen. He did end up quitting 8 months later (again for her.) We did continue to see each other even after he quit. Making a long story short she know's both times and still want to give him a chance.
Author confuse2000 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 No such thing as bad luck when it comes to choices. Bad luck is being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Using "bad luck" is another justification of not looking into oneself as to why your friend have chosen to be the OW. To choose to become the OP has nothing to do with bad luck. It has to do with low self-esteem, usually attributed from how we were brought up, essentially the dynamics of your friend's interpersonal relationship with her parents and family. It's in the family dynamics where you can find reasons why we are the way we are as adults. Does your friend come from an abusive family? Father controlling? Mother submissive? Either her parents cheated? Type of friends your friend surrounded herserf with? all these factors play a role. Despite background, was she able to overcome family upbringing obstacles? If not, it can be a difficult process that sometimes require some IC. Some people with similar backgound will take negative upbringing positively, turn their lives completely around and have done well regardles of socio-economic or unfortunate family background. Again, it comes down to choices. I have no excuse as to y. We all say that or this would never happen to me but when it does it does.
2sunny Posted June 11, 2008 Posted June 11, 2008 confuse you seem to be just tossing yourself into the current and letting the water take you where it chooses... you could take a stand and stick with a decision that would allow you to have some power and self respect. your post shows you at his mercy and that is concerning to me.
Author confuse2000 Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 confuse you seem to be just tossing yourself into the current and letting the water take you where it chooses... you could take a stand and stick with a decision that would allow you to have some power and self respect. your post shows you at his mercy and that is concerning to me. You're right. I am letting the current takes me.. Not at his mercy but at the same time understands his reasons...
porter218 Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Well, I am sure he has most likely told her that he had sex with you only a few times and it was a huge mistake. I can almost guarantee she really is still in the dark and doesn't know the whole story. I am guessing from her response to the affair..he has managed to shift the blame towards you in his Ws eyes. He probably led her to beleive you pursued him aggressively and eventually he gave in, this is why she wanted you fired. If I were you I would call her and enlighten her about the situation, and you will probably be shocked at how he has disrespected you to her. This is your only way of understanding why she stayed. If there is such a thing as a "healthy" A, this isn't it.
Author confuse2000 Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 Are you hoping his W will throw him out so you can have him? Why would you want a liar and cheat? Just let me say whatever her reasons are for taking him back, he hasn't chosen to leave her. Therefore you need to walk away, it their relationship has nothing to do with you. And you need to leave them alone and find yourself. yes I am hoping she would, but i don't want him back. I want him to feel the pain if she throws him out but at the same time he still be in pain staying with her...
porter218 Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 yes I am hoping she would, but i don't want him back. I want him to feel the pain if she throws him out but at the same time he still be in pain staying with her... If this is what you want. Then call the wife, spill it all every bit of the A. If she hangs up on you then write a letter, she will eventually calm down and get curious enough to read it. I am glad you don't want him back, he isn't worth wasting time in a R with.
Author confuse2000 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 Well, I am sure he has most likely told her that he had sex with you only a few times and it was a huge mistake. I can almost guarantee she really is still in the dark and doesn't know the whole story. I am guessing from her response to the affair..he has managed to shift the blame towards you in his Ws eyes. He probably led her to beleive you pursued him aggressively and eventually he gave in, this is why she wanted you fired. If I were you I would call her and enlighten her about the situation, and you will probably be shocked at how he has disrespected you to her. This is your only way of understanding why she stayed. If there is such a thing as a "healthy" A, this isn't it. Funny you say that. Actually she does know everything. I like to post what he has to say which he cc: his wife but that's a bit much for me to share on the net. When she found out one year ago she actually came to my (at the time he n I worked at the same company) work and met me. At this point he digged his hole now he's in it. She was already controlling and now shoot he cant peeee without her next to him. lol Among others things that marrige had before me... Come on Married in June 2004 cheats on her starting june 2006 till april 2008. no way that will work or last no matter what.
child_of_isis Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Geesh...and you want this guy???? You should stop wondering about her & focus more on why YOU would want him. Come on Married in June 2004 cheats on her starting june 2006 till april 2008. no way that will work or last no matter what.
porter218 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Funny you say that. Actually she does know everything. I like to post what he has to say which he cc: his wife but that's a bit much for me to share on the net. When she found out one year ago she actually came to my (at the time he n I worked at the same company) work and met me. At this point he digged his hole now he's in it. She was already controlling and now shoot he cant peeee without her next to him. lol Among others things that marrige had before me... Come on Married in June 2004 cheats on her starting june 2006 till april 2008. no way that will work or last no matter what. Are you saying that you yourself told her everything or that he "told her everything"? What transpired between you and his W when she came to see you at work? Did you tell her EVERYTHING? or did you just tell a few details that you know would hurt her? I still almost guarantee she is still a little in the dark about the truth.
Author confuse2000 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 Are you saying that you yourself told her everything or that he "told her everything"? What transpired between you and his W when she came to see you at work? Did you tell her EVERYTHING? or did you just tell a few details that you know would hurt her? I still almost guarantee she is still a little in the dark about the truth. She met me and said she will see me more at work. She's so not in the dark. She know's EVERYTHING. She's never going to let him go. No man in US would put up with her.
porter218 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 She met me and said she will see me more at work. She's so not in the dark. She know's EVERYTHING. She's never going to let him go. No man in US would put up with her. You have still not answered my question. How did she find everything out? did you tell her everything? A lot of OW are somehow in the belief the BW knows everything when actually it is not the case.
theobserver Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 No man in US would put up with her. Clearly he does.. over your friend. Plus he had 2 chances to leave this.. annoying,nagging,rude,or not I think that says alot about her over you. Seems your friend was just cheap easy p*ssy you sure gave it up a lot atleast to him plus she'd never leave him so I guess the real winner here is him even if he has to get some mouth from her now and then. Stop worrying about them and move on, change job change city do something why do you care so much? You did your part now just get over it. Unless you want this guy? In which case hell Open your legs Im sure he's up for some alternative hole.
nadiaj2727 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Geesh...and you want this guy???? This is a good point. confused, why DO you want this guy? He has denied you to his wife and has only been with you in secret. He has disrespected both you and her. He has lied to her and obviously he has lied to you. So really why do you want him? I used to be an OW, I am not here to judge you but to help you out of this. Tell me why you want him. I'm betting it's things like, he is so sweet to you, he makes you feel like a princess, he makes you feel things you've never felt before. If so, let me assure you that there are better men out there, more honorable that won't CONTINUALLY cheat and lie like this even after they are caught! They will be good to you and only you. He is NOT one of those men, his actions show that he is a continual liar and a cheat. Let her have him, why do you want him?? I read how you say you don't want him any more. Well, good. Why are you so focused on him and wrapped up in whether he gets his and why she's still staying with him, etc? Be the real winner and walk away, knowing you deserve better. Don't worry about their "whys", worry about your own "whys". I will give you a chance to answer why you are spending so much time focusing on him, instead of assuming based on my own reasons that I used to want and focus on xMM too much... I feel for you, and I wish you strength.
Author confuse2000 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 You have still not answered my question. How did she find everything out? did you tell her everything? A lot of OW are somehow in the belief the BW knows everything when actually it is not the case. My friend had a chat with her on IM. The next thing my friend got was an email from him cc: the W. Admiting to everything........
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